12 Words that Changed Everything
By
Have you ever seen a loved one headed for a train wreck, and you tried to warn them but they wouldn’t listen?
Agonized over just such a situation with several family members, I prayed about what to do. Every instinct in me wanted to rescue them.
As I prayed, these words came to me: “You must allow others the dignity of living with their own choices.”
Wow! I would not have thought of it that way. I believe they were God’s words impressed upon my heart.
I believe that because those twelve words set me free and gave me great peace–which is what God’s true messages always do for me. Also, the tone was gentle, almost sorrowful. As if God knew that living by these words could cause pain, as well as freedom.
I shared these words with a friend, and she remarked, “How kind of God.”
Yes. It was not God saying punitively, “People have to live with the consequences of their choices.”
No. It was all about allowing them the dignity of living with their own choices.
Which, as I thought about it, is what God does with us. That is what love must do; it will not force itself on another person.
I shared this with a client, and it led to a breakthrough for him.
He had been struggling with negative feelings toward several relatives about the choices they’d made in their lives. All he felt was “yuck” when he thought of family members who seemed to have settled for so little in life.
As he thought about allowing them the dignity of their choices, however, suddenly something shifted for him. He began to consider their choices from their perspectives, rather than his.
His aunt who had never learned to drive got exactly what she wanted in life: security and to be taken care of by others. From her perspective, she’d lived a blessed life.
My client went down the list of his other relatives and their choices, considering things from their perspectives. “The ‘yuck’ went away,” he reported. “I realized I was judging them by my standards, but from their perspectives, their choices led to feeling blessed.”
Gone was the “yuck,” the judgment. My client also was set free.
In my situation, when I let my family members truly feel free to make their own choices, amazingly enough, they seem more inclined to listen to me. I’m still not sure things will work out well, but I no longer feel responsible. I set some choices before them as I saw them, according to the responsibility I truly possess, and it is up to them to make their choices.
Even if they choose the train wreck, I will feel sad but not responsible. I will allow them the dignity of living with their own choices.
Each person’s journey is his or her own, defined by the choices that are made. To interfere is to tread where even God doesn’t seem to go.
Freedom from false responsibility for others is a wonderful thing. . . .
Your insights are very encouraging and I do beieve this is a WORD from the gentle Holy Spirit. It takes away the judgemental attitude that all humans are capable of and subject to. Playing God is a normal and very destructive habit of all humans. Sadly, when we become Christians, this very destructive habit becomes even more evident and more expressive.
Allow me a momant to share my heart that is so broken right now.
Early this week a dear friend died of an overdose of drugs. I met him 12 years ago. At the time he was a heavy drinker and live a very loose life style. Thrugh many hours and days, he eventually stopped drinking and a few months later prayed with me to invite Jesus Christ into his life. Later I baptized him in front of our congregation. The people loved him and many prayed for him.
He then moved to another area but we kept in contact through our cell phones. My influence was very limited so I tried to get Christians in his new area to contact him. I knew he was no longer drinking but I realized that drugs were now his focus.
He is dead now and I realize it was his choice. Yet the reality haunts me that if I had put more effort into his spiritual growth, he would be alive today. No fancy doctrine that says God is in control brings me any comfort. Nice try to make God responsible and to let me off the hock.
Hope you don’t mind me sharing a very personal story with you. We became very close friends and enjoyed each other so very much. I am not looking for comfort nor am I interested in nice Christian words that gloss over the reality I feel. Thank you!
Dear Hartley,
Thanks for sharing your perspectives and your pain. I know there are no mere words that can take away your pain. All that can do that is the actual presence of Immanuel, and I pray that He will draw close at this time of grief.
I will share a vision God gave me in an Immanuel Prayer session, after a dear friend, who was like a mother to me, whom I knew for more than 20 years, was murdered along with her husband in her home, just down the street from me. All I can say is Immanuel came to me, and showed me who He was.
In my heart’s spiritual eyes, I “saw” King Jesus, quite large, facing a wall of utter darkness. Then the darkness fell away and became the abyss. Then I heard wailing and howling, and it became the Howling Abyss.
Jesus was standing in front of that Abyss, and he was facing it down, eyes steely, as you would face down an enemy. He stood strong, implacable, as he faced down evil.
He had on a kingly robe, with a very long train. That train became some strange white fluffy stuff (still don’t know what to make of this), and playing in the white fluffy stuff were God’s children, including me. I felt only peace and joy. We “kids” were able to play in the “white fluffy stuff” because King Jesus was actively facing down evil. I had a distinct sense that this was something he was actively doing, for each one of us, every single moment. Yes, it was based on what He did on the cross, but it was also for NOW.
Later, the person who facilitated my Immanuel Prayer experience wrote this to me: “I was just listening to Pastor Greear on YouTube and came across an astonishing translation of John 34:33&38 which is usually ‘deeply moved.’ But the actual Greek is ‘snort’ as when an animal is ready to go to battle and paws the ground!
It is described at about 34 ff. in the link. I think because of your vision of Jesus at the brink of evil, this will particularly resonate with you! https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=0L0B5kVW8uA”
This vision of King Jesus facing down evil has brought me comfort. The only reason I can have any measure of peace and joy in the face of so much evil is because Jesus has done, and is doing, something about it. This world with all its pain and evil is not the end of the story. We can read the real end of the story in the last book of the Bible, Revelation 20-21. Jesus is making everything new, and that will culminate in a final separation of good and evil. In that I put my hope.
LOVE- WHAT A GREAT ARTICLE! I shared this on FB and also made it my screen saver on every computer, work and home, (3) This is soooo freeing to me! We have 4 children, seven grandchildren and when I think I need to give them advice – I will look at these 12 words and just pray!
Thank you for sharing, Diane. Great to know you too found these words freeing.
Thank you for sharing.
I used to feel sad about these things also, and I used to worry about people. But I no longer see the value in such things. People need to walk their path, on their journey. What looks like a disaster to me, could in fact be exactly what that person needs in their life, to learn from and project them in the direction that is best for them. And when I used to worry, or feel concern, was me saying that I didn’t trust God to handle the situation.
Christina
Christina, very good points! Also, I find that when I leave things to God, he often works miracles in situations I thought were hopeless.