Search Results for "childhood emotional neglect"

Apr
01

Breaking Free From Childhood Trauma

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Did you experience trauma as a child?

I did, but honestly, for decades I thought I’d put it all behind me. In fact, it took me decades to even realize that I had experienced childhood trauma. I didn’t understand that the trauma I experienced in the first weeks of life, when I was operated on for some kind of intestinal issue, would affect me decades later–physically and emotionally.

And I didn’t know the extent of the emotional neglect for decades.

I had adjusted so well–I thought. Made a great life for myself.

 

My body told a different story. The body keeps the score.

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May
18

Mitigate a Key Factor of Disease

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One thing that happens when your focus is living Aligned with your Divine Design is you often get “messages” that seem tailored to you. It’s just what you needed to hear, and often, for emphasis, you may hear the same type of message or information several times within a few days.

One message that has come up for me again and again in the last few days is: the importance of not suppressing emotions.

One source was the book, When the Body Says No by Gabor Maté, M.D. He shows how many diseases have their roots in suppressed emotions. One study that struck me was about lung cancer. Smoking in itself wasn’t as much of a risk factor as smoking along with habitual suppression of emotions, especially anger.

“Heart issues” + lifestyle are the two co-factors that determine your health.

man wearing black shir t

Photo by Antonino Visalli

You’ve heard plenty about lifestyle, and it’s certainly important for staying healthy. But as Gabor Maté has found, it is not the only key factor.

Heart issues must be dealt with, if you want to heal. That is my unequivocal opinion. Difficult feelings need to be felt and processed.

A recent study, published in the journal NeuroImage: Clinical, co-authored by Farb and Segal, along with Ph.D. student Philip Desormeau, found that “suppressing or blocking out physical sensations related to emotions such as sadness can hinder recovery from depression symptoms and may cause a relapse into depression.”

And, the study found, we have to feel the emotions in the body: “blocking out sensation is related to a greater risk of depressive relapse. . . . Our research explains why working to keep feeling is so important. It lays the groundwork for seeing that emotional stress actually robs us of sensation—and to undo stress, one must counter this inhibitory effect.”

I find it fascinating that in the Bible, more than one-third of the book of Psalms are “Psalms of lament”–more than any other category of psalms. Clearly, Aligned Living includes examples of how to express a full range of feelings, including such “negative” feelings as anger, despair, sorrow, revenge and hatred. (The Maker knows how we are made and what we need to stay healthy!)

If you grew up with Childhood Emotional Neglect, or had any other kind of Adverse Childhood Events such as death, divorce, neglect or other traumas, you are much more likely to suffer from a variety of chronic diseases and behavioral challenges, including obesity, autoimmune disease, depression and alcoholism. The greater the number of ACEs, the greater the risk for negative outcomes, according to the famous ACEs study.

However, the very good news is that you can heal these things. The traumas live in your body as cellular memories, and these have a negative frequency, and The Healing Codes address all that and neutralize or even change them to positive.

a woman sits alone against a wall holding her head

Photo by Tammy Gann

The first step is to allow yourself to identify and feel the negative emotions. You might want to turn to some of the Psalms of Lament as examples of how emotions can be expressed in the presence of God.

I have also written several articles on how to process your emotions. If this is something you struggle with, check out any of these articles to get started–especially the first three.

Another benefit of processing negative emotions is that you increase your capacity to feel all emotions, including the positive ones!

I vividly remember the day I was talking to my mother on our weekly calls in which I’d give her a custom Healing Code. She had always told me she “couldn’t remember” her childhood, and that she had no positive memories from childhood.

After she’d been doing my custom Healing Codes for maybe a couple of years by then, and that one day she started telling me all about how, when she was a child, the family used to go to her uncle’s farm and have the greatest time.

I stopped her and said, “MOM! Do you realize this is the first happy childhood memory you’ve ever told me?’’

She said in a surprised voice, “Really?” and then nonchalantly went on to recount more happy childhood memories.

That’s the power of healing heart issues.

And if you want to heal your heart issues and align with YOUR Divine Design, check out my program and fill out a Clarity Questionnaire.

Nov
09

FOMO, FOMSI and POMO

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You’ve probably heard the term FOMO-the Fear Of Missing Out.

This seems to be a fundamental human fear. We don’t want to miss an opportunity. We don’t want to miss having fun.

I have struggled with FOMO. As I’ve worked with it, however, I discovered a perhaps deeper fear: the Fear Of Missing Something Important (FOMSI).

With so many moving parts to my life, with so many details to handle, FOMSI is something I often find myself doing Healing Codes for.

A traumatic background doesn’t help. Growing up with Childhood Emotional Neglect meant that I had to deal with life on my own. If I missed something important, I’d suffer for it. Trauma can lead to the negative coping style of hypervigilance, which is very stressful. It keeps your nervous system in fight/flight mode.

man in black jacket and pants sitting on stairs

Some of the thoughts/beliefs (often unconscious) that fuel FOMSI are:

  • I have to get it right, or else!

  • If I miss an important detail, something disastrous will happen.

  • Nobody has my back; it’s all on me.

  • There’s too much to deal with; I can’t handle it.

  • I might need [to do, now, have] that.

The feelings of FOMSI are anxiety, fear, and overwhelm. Maybe helplessness, maybe anger too. Read More→

Sep
09

Tending, Mending, Clutter and Trauma

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Have you heard of the phrase “tend and befriend” to describe a way to deal with stress and get your nervous system back on track?

The term was coined in 2000 by Shelley Taylor, a psychology professor at the University of California.

The “tend and befriend” theory says that when faced with a perceived threat, humans will tend to their young and rely on others for connection and support. This, she and her group of researchers observed, was especially true of humans, and human females in particular. Laboratory animals, when shocked, would attack each other. Humans, when threatened or stressed, typically affiliate with one another instead of attacking each other. Read More→

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Jul
14

[FAQ] Healing Many Symptoms at Once

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Here is a question that came from someone who has several debilitating long COVID symptoms and is wondering how best to use The Healing Codes for healing. My answer would apply to any chronic symptoms.

Q: . . . Because of my debilitating symptoms from the long COVID, I can’t do any physical activity (not even cooking or cleaning), or I risk getting worse.

My question is: Should I work on these symptoms one by one until it gets better and then move on to the next symptom?

Or can I work on them all at the same time? But in that case, there are probably many emotional causes, which would make the prayer very long. And my mind could get confused by all that.

I don’t know what to do. Could you help me?

What’s more, there are symptoms where I’m not sure or I don’t know the emotional cause. So if I don’t know the cause, I can’t include it in the prayer. So I don’t know how to formulate the prayer. Could you explain?

A: Good questions! I’m sorry you have long COVID and so many symptoms, but rest assured, the Healing Codes approach is not that complicated.

Start with how you feel about the symptoms. For instance, it sounds like maybe fear is there, perhaps feeling trapped and frustrated. Or just the belief, “I can’t” (you say you can’t do any physical activity; was there ever a time when you felt like “I can’t” about anything at all?).

And then trace those feelings back, if you can, to other times when you felt that same way. When I say “feel,” it could be an emotion, but also pay attention to the sensation in your body as you open up to memories popping up.

If no memory/memories come up, no worries. It could mean that it’s too early a memory for you to drum up consciously, or that it’s a generational memory or other kind of “hidden memory.” Just put in the prayer of intention, when specifying the memory (see below for an example), “from the source memory.” Your heart and body know what it is.

Also see if there’s anything else associated with the feeling/sensation. I like to look for thoughts/beliefs that fuel the feeling, and see if there are any negative coping patterns you’ve developed to deal with the issue (isolation, numbing with some activity or substance, overdoing something like work or shopping, etc.).

If a memory does pop up, you can use that as the presumed source memory of your issue.

You don’t need to be concerned about “finding all the memories” or dealing with all the symptoms. If you can find the key feelings or beliefs or negative behaviors or memories, there is much attached to those that are subconscious but will be healed. That’s one of the best things about The Healing Codes!

Let’s say your main feeling is fear, and there’s the belief “I can’t,” and a memory comes up of when you were 4 years old and you wanted to do something but were afraid. Maybe your parent or other adult scolded you for wanting to do it, and said “you can’t,” and your little brain believed that.

Now you want to live a normal life and you have this long COVID thing going on. Perhaps that whole fear/”I can’t” got triggered when your symptoms first appeared. Now the symptoms are “attached” to that early memory. If you can heal that early memory, the symptoms won’t have anything to “attach” to, and perhaps they will resolve.

Of course, they may also be “attached” to other memories, so you look for other times when you felt fearful and like “I can’t.” When that age 4 memory seems to be resolved, you can move on to those other memories (or just add them to the prayer when they come up).

Alternatively, perhaps you can’t find any specific memories. Then look for an age range when you felt that way. Or, as I’ve said,   just use “from the source memory” and know that’s good enough.

If you’ve been subjected to trauma (of the Type B-overt abuse–or the Type A–Childhood Emotional Neglect, the Absence of nurturing), you may not have many specific memories. (Do a search on this blog for “childhood emotional neglect” or “trauma”; I have several articles on each.) Understanding my Type A trauma has enabled a whole new layer of healing for me.

Here’s a way to pray the Prayer of Intention with my hypothetical situation. (This differs from the Healing Code book; it’s how I like to pray, but you can adapt it to what you’re comfortable with.) The underlined words are the variables that will change depending on what you’re focusing on to heal.

“Dear God, please find, open and heal the source of any disease or dysfunction in spirit, soul, mind or body, especially the long COVID symptoms, with any connection to fear and the belief that “I can’t,” from the age 4 memory. Please displace all negatives by filling me with your love, life, light, power and truth. Please also magnify the effectiveness of this healing to the maximum level for my highest good at an optimal pace, and restore everything to Your original, intended design. Thank You for Your willingness and ability to do all this and more for me.”

Then you point to The Healing Code positions, while focusing on something positive (very important, as the key element to THC is replacing the negative energy of your issue with the more positive truth). On my website I have sample Truth Focus Statements and Love Pictures you can use, but it’s fine to use any positive memory or something positive you already believe, to counteract the negative.

Consistency of practice is the key here. Don’t overthink it. Just keep bringing your awareness of the feelings, beliefs, coping mechanisms and memories as they come up, and trust that God and your heart are guiding you, and The Healing Code is a tool that will shift the energy around your issue faster and easier than most anything else.

If you’d like tools not only to heal, but to transform your whole life so that you Align with Your Divine Design, check out what’s available here.

Mar
11

Hidden Stressors-Part Four-toxins

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In this series on hidden stressors, I’ve mostly focused on the emotional aspects.

For many of us, this is the kind of stress that’s easiest to hide, especially if we’ve grown up with Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN), or are high on the sensitivity spectrum.

Another reason I’ve focused on the emotional, is emotional issues can predispose us to being more vulnerable to yet another hidden source of stress: toxins.

All of us are subject to this hidden physical stress.

Toxins lurk in our food, water, air, cosmetics, household cleaners, even fabrics.

They also lurk in the energy around us, in the form of electromagnetic frequencies (EMF) and dirty electricity.

I don’t think I have to go into detail about all this. No doubt you’re aware of it, and may feel a little helpless about what to do about it all.

However, we are not helpless at all. There is one main thing we can do to keep healthy, and that is to focus on the immune and nervous systems. Read More→

Feb
24

Hidden Stressors-Part Two

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In a previous post I wrote about how my symptoms were beginning to flare, and how I prayed and got some insights into why.

The first was that I wasn’t honoring my sensitive nature enough, i.e. that I have the inborn trait of Sensory Processing Sensitivity: a nervous system that’s more finely tuned than 80% of the population. That makes me a Highly Sensitive Person.

The second insight was related to the first, but with more of an emphasis on recovery: Your nervous system needs to recover from the traumas you’ve been through.

I have known for a while now that Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN) characterized my past, ever since I came across Dr. Jonice Webb’s excellent books, Running on Empty: Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect and Running on Empty No More: Transform Your Relationships with Your Partner, Your Parents and Your Children. (You can take the CEN questionnaire on my Free Tools page.)

I believed that I had overcome it all by now, between The Healing Codes and some therapy.

However, when my mother died and I had to deal with settling her estate with a co-executor (sister-in-law), I saw just what my family of origin really was like. A plethora of traumas revealed themselves—though a few years ago, I wouldn’t have thought of them as traumas.

That’s the thing—what our nervous system interprets as trauma might not be what our adult minds interpret as trauma. Read More→

Dec
09

Breaking Negative Generational Patterns

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One of the most amazing thing about The Healing Codes to me is that you can pass on your healing to other people. This is the beauty of energy healing: you can heal others as well as yourself.

How? Because we are energetically connected to those close to us (whether we like it or not), our issues are in part their issues. As we heal our own issues, and intentionally pass on the healing to those we’re close to, they can heal as well.

That’s why I always suggest, at the end of your own Healing Code session, you say, “I release the healing to _____ [name the people], in love, insofar as this issue affects them or this code can help them.”

You can also, of course, do a Healing Code specifically for other people. On my website, you can see several testimonials of clients who have done custom codes for loved ones, with sometimes miraculous results.

I always release my energy healing to my loved ones (and even my “enemies”), and I’m convinced this is one of the reasons why my children are doing so well. My daughter especially has responded well to the Healing Codes. (Though she would never do them herself.) I recall when she was younger, I’d do a Healing Code for something that had her all in a bother in the morning, and then when I picked her up from school and asked about the matter, she’d say, “Oh that—it went fine.” Now she’s all grown up, and in May 2022 she earned her doctorate in physical therapy and is now practicing in a great job, and dating a wonderful premed student.

I grew up with Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN), and unwittingly passed it on to my children. It’s been gratifying to see, however, that they have managed largely to learn how to deal with their emotions anyway, and I’m doing what I can to help them. I believe releasing my Codes to them, as I’ve been working on healing my own CEN, is making a difference.

Along with lots of prayer, of course!

Here’s to breaking negative energetic patterns!

And if you want some help with breaking generational patterns, and/or getting a Healing Code for someone else (perhaps as a gift?), check out my HealingHeartsCoaching.com page.

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Nov
19

Turkey or Brisket? (Why It Matters)

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My client, M.H., told me a rather funny story about her family’s Thanksgiving (and gave me permission to share it). Yet it had a point that can apply to many of us, in one way or another.

All her life, M.’s mother made a turkey for Thanksgiving. Her mom loved turkey, and it’s the thing to do on Thanksgiving, right?

When mom entered assisted living and could no longer cook and host, M’s sister took over. She made the usual turkey, but also brisket, because they all loved brisket.

That year, no one ate the turkey. They realized mom was the only one that had ever liked turkey! M’s sister was furious, declaring, “I’m never cooking a turkey again!”

And so this family now happily celebrates Thanksgiving with brisket and other favorite foods. No more turkey!

What strikes me is that the mom never asked the others if they like turkey, and no one thought of speaking up. Isn’t this so typical of the way many of us do things? We go along with some tradition, never even taking a moment to tune in to our own desires and making our wishes known. We “eat the turkey” even though we hate it.

That’s OK for one day a year, but what if we’re living our whole lives that way? Those who grew up with Childhood Emotional Neglect, in which their emotions were ignored or even denigrated, often grew up “going along,” doing all the right things but feeling empty inside. Growing up with any kind of outright abuse can have the same effect.

If this is you, I’m here to tell you there’s more. And that you can have more, be more. If that nagging emptiness dogs you, that can be healed.

First you have to realize you’ve been living “eating the turkey rather than the brisket” you desire. Then, I invite you to check out my new program, Align with Your Divine DesignTM and fill out a Clarity Questionnaire. We’ll hop on a call to see how you can make sure every year you can happily “eat brisket not turkey” with others who feel the same way.

Oct
22

“That Doesn’t Work for Me . . .”

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Have you ever read (or heard) something that sounded like great wisdom, great advice . . .

and you try it and it doesn’t work for you?

Then you think, There must be something wrong with me.

I just read some advice about how to feel better when you’re feeling down. The writer called her sponsor and said she was upset about something. The sponsor told her, ‘Get over yourself and go find someone to help.”

The person took the advice, and felt better, she said.

Maybe this works for some people, like her. But for me, as a Highly Sensitive Person who also grew up with Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN), it’s all wrong. (If you’re not sure if these apply to you, take the free assessments here.)

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