Search Results for "childhood emotional neglect"
Breaking Free From Childhood Trauma
Posted by: | CommentsDid you experience trauma as a child?
I did, but honestly, for decades I thought I’d put it all behind me. In fact, it took me decades to even realize that I had experienced childhood trauma. I didn’t understand that the trauma I experienced in the first weeks of life, when I was operated on for some kind of intestinal issue, would affect me decades later–physically and emotionally.
And I didn’t know the extent of the emotional neglect for decades.
I had adjusted so well–I thought. Made a great life for myself.
My body told a different story. The body keeps the score.
Examples of childhood trauma are:
-
Physical abuse
-
Sexual abuse
-
Emotional abuse
-
Physical neglect
-
Emotional neglect
-
A parent who’s an alcoholic or addict
-
A parent who’s a victim of domestic violence
-
A family member in jail
-
A family member with a mental illness
-
Narcissistic abuse
-
Traumatic grief after losing a parent through divorce, death or abandonment
-
Bullying
-
Natural disasters
-
Medical trauma
If you’ve experienced childhood trauma, and the after-effects are still plaguing you (even if until now you haven’t linked it to childhood events), I highly recommend you tune into this FREE, AVAIYA University online event: Breaking Free From Childhood Trauma.
Here is the lineup of teachers speaking during the online event:
Dr. Aimie Apigian, Dr. James Gordon, Heather Monroe, Sharon Martin, Michael Unbroken, Kerry Tepedino, Simon Borg-Olivier, Adam Young, Amber Hollingsworth, Marie Diamond, Misa Hopkins, Dr. Joe Rubino, Gail Brenner, Ashanna Solaris, Dana Dharma Devi, Dr. Ameet Aggarwal, Ken Page, Candace Plattor, Mark Andreas, Jeanie Cisco-Meth, Dr. Steve G. Jones, Evelyn Hale, Dr. Ian Macnauton, Megan Smith, Dr. David Hanscome, Ann Weiser Cornell, Dr. Friedemann Schaub, Machiel Klerk, Michelle Masters, Dr. Kate Truitt, Dr. Elizabeth A. Stanley, Mandy Flanders, Aki Omori, Lelia Schott, Rafaella Smith-Fiallo, Dr. Carrie Lam & Dr. Monique Andrews.
Here’s just some of what you’ll learn from these trauma experts, respected psychologists, best-selling authors & more:
-
Anxiety, Panic Attacks & Flashbacks Freedom: Learn how to free yourself from the grip these symptoms have had on your life, and/or the lives of those you love
-
Toxic Stress Release: Learn techniques to release the painful stress from your childhood trauma
-
Creating Your Trauma Healing Toolkit: Explore modalities like Meditation, Breathwork, Homeopathy, Neuroscience & more on your healing journey
-
Biggest mistakes to avoid when it comes to inner child trauma healing
-
How to use revise the trauma stored in your brain and body & decrease PTSD symptoms like anxiety, shame, guilt & more
-
Techniques and strategies to help you heal and complete your past & reparent yourself
-
How to rebuild your sense of self after attachment trauma
-
The healing power of engaging your story to overcome childhood trauma
-
How to “bully-proof” yourself and quiet your inner critic
-
How to raise your resilience, calm your nervous system, and decrease overwhelm
-
How to find relief from the toll adverse childhood experiences take on your body
-
And so much more
It’s your turn to heal … get started now by registering right here for the Breaking Free From Childhood Trauma online event.
Tending, Mending, Clutter and Trauma
Posted by: | CommentsHave you heard of the phrase “tend and befriend” to describe a way to deal with stress and get your nervous system back on track?
The term was coined in 2000 by Shelley Taylor, a psychology professor at the University of California.
The “tend and befriend” theory says that when faced with a perceived threat, humans will tend to their young and rely on others for connection and support. This, she and her group of researchers observed, was especially true of humans, and human females in particular. Laboratory animals, when shocked, would attack each other. Humans, when threatened or stressed, typically affiliate with one another instead of attacking each other.
“Tending and befriending” can be an alternative response to the “fight and flight” activation when you recognize that you’re stressed. I’ve noticed I automatically want to call a friend when I’m feeling stressed or overstimulated, but I’ve found that could be a problem in some ways. Maybe the person isn’t available, and I feel momentarily abandoned. Maybe the person I turn to isn’t receptive to me at that moment. Again, that can trigger abandonment, and make me feel worse.
And for me as a Highly Sensitive introvert, sometimes reaching out is not what I need. The interaction may be more stimulating than I need, even if it’s a good interaction. I’ve noticed that when I’ve talked too long on the phone with a friend at night, I don’t sleep as well–even if the interaction was a positive one.
If you’re someone who chronically puts other people’s needs before your own, reaching out to others when you’re stressed or anxious might actually not be so healthy after all.
As I noticed this tendency to want to call someone, often at the end of the day when stress or overstimulation has piled up, I thought I might try something else.
What if I tended to myself, or my home, instead of to someone else? I too often neglect myself when I’ve had “too much.”
And then these words came to me: “Tending is mending.”
Hmmm . . . tending is mending. One way to deal with stress, one way to heal, is by tending?
Tending to what? I asked.
“Tending to whatever you’ve been neglecting,” came the answer.
Ah, that clicked. One of the results of Childhood Emotional Neglect is self-neglect.
I see this popping up in my life in numerous ways. Like doing “one more thing” at night, even when I’m tired. Or cutting short the downtime I need.
One way I hadn’t thought of, until I read a blog post by Anna Runkle, a.k.a. “The Crappy Childhood Fairy” (Youtube channel), is that “Clutter is a Trauma Symptom.”
Wow! What have I been focusing 
on this whole year? Decluttering and “subtracting”! Anna says that accumulating things and being unable to let them go can be a sign of childhood trauma. Perhaps instinctively, my heart has led me to this decluttering/subtracting phase as a next right step in my healing. The home is an extension of the self. Neglecting my home is neglecting myself; taking care of my home is one way to take care of myself (and the others I live with).
Tending is mending.
So, today, after my shower, instead of telling myself, “I don’t have time to clean the shower stall because I have to write this blog post,” I cleaned the shower anyway. It felt like tending.
Then I came to my desk, cleared some papers, and started writing.
I finished in good time.
Tending is mending.
What might you have been neglecting, that could use some tending?
Is it your body, a relationship, your home, a hobby, your dream?
Tending is mending. . . .
[FAQ] Healing Many Symptoms at Once
Posted by: | CommentsHere is a question that came from someone who has several debilitating long COVID symptoms and is wondering how best to use The Healing Codes for healing. My answer would apply to any chronic symptoms.
Q: . . . Because of my debilitating symptoms from the long COVID, I can’t do any physical activity (not even cooking or cleaning), or I risk getting worse.
My question is: Should I work on these symptoms one by one until it gets better and then move on to the next symptom?
Or can I work on them all at the same time? But in that case, there are probably many emotional causes, which would make the prayer very long. And my mind could get confused by all that.
I don’t know what to do. Could you help me?
What’s more, there are symptoms where I’m not sure or I don’t know the emotional cause. So if I don’t know the cause, I can’t include it in the prayer. So I don’t know how to formulate the prayer. Could you explain?
A: Good questions! I’m sorry you have long COVID and so many symptoms, but rest assured, the Healing Codes approach is not that complicated.
Start with how you feel about the symptoms. For instance, it sounds like maybe fear is there, perhaps feeling trapped and frustrated. Or just the belief, “I can’t” (you say you can’t do any physical activity; was there ever a time when you felt like “I can’t” about anything at all?).
And then trace those feelings back, if you can, to other times when you felt that same way. When I say “feel,” it could be an emotion, but also pay attention to the sensation in your body as you open up to memories popping up.
If no memory/memories come up, no worries. It could mean that it’s too early a memory for you to drum up consciously, or that it’s a generational memory or other kind of “hidden memory.” Just put in the prayer of intention, when specifying the memory (see below for an example), “from the source memory.” Your heart and body know what it is.
Also see if there’s anything else associated with the feeling/sensation. I like to look for thoughts/beliefs that fuel the feeling, and see if there are any negative coping patterns you’ve developed to deal with the issue (isolation, numbing with some activity or substance, overdoing something like work or shopping, etc.).
If a memory does pop up, you can use that as the presumed source memory of your issue.
You don’t need to be concerned about “finding all the memories” or dealing with all the symptoms. If you can find the key feelings or beliefs or negative behaviors or memories, there is much attached to those that are subconscious but will be healed. That’s one of the best things about The Healing Codes!
Let’s say your main feeling is fear, and there’s the belief “I can’t,” and a memory comes up of when you were 4 years old and you wanted to do something but were afraid. Maybe your parent or other adult scolded you for wanting to do it, and said “you can’t,” and your little brain believed that.
Now you want to live a normal life and you have this long COVID thing going on. Perhaps that whole fear/”I can’t” got triggered when your symptoms first appeared. Now the symptoms are “attached” to that early memory. If you can heal that early memory, the symptoms won’t have anything to “attach” to, and perhaps they will resolve.
Of course, they may also be “attached” to other memories, so you look for other times when you felt fearful and like “I can’t.” When that age 4 memory seems to be resolved, you can move on to those other memories (or just add them to the prayer when they come up).
Alternatively, perhaps you can’t find any specific memories. Then look for an age range when you felt that way. Or, as I’ve said, just use “from the source memory” and know that’s good enough.
If you’ve been subjected to trauma (of the Type B-overt abuse–or the Type A–Childhood Emotional Neglect, the Absence of nurturing), you may not have many specific memories. (Do a search on this blog for “childhood emotional neglect” or “trauma”; I have several articles on each.) Understanding my Type A trauma has enabled a whole new layer of healing for me.
Here’s a way to pray the Prayer of Intention with my hypothetical situation. (This differs from the Healing Code book; it’s how I like to pray, but you can adapt it to what you’re comfortable with.) The underlined words are the variables that will change depending on what you’re focusing on to heal.
“Dear God, please find, open and heal the source of any disease or dysfunction in spirit, soul, mind or body, especially the long COVID symptoms, with any connection to fear and the belief that “I can’t,” from the age 4 memory. Please displace all negatives by filling me with your love, life, light, power and truth. Please also magnify the effectiveness of this healing to the maximum level for my highest good at an optimal pace, and restore everything to Your original, intended design. Thank You for Your willingness and ability to do all this and more for me.”
Then you point to The Healing Code positions, while focusing on something positive (very important, as the key element to THC is replacing the negative energy of your issue with the more positive truth). On my website I have sample Truth Focus Statements and Love Pictures you can use, but it’s fine to use any positive memory or something positive you already believe, to counteract the negative.
Consistency of practice is the key here. Don’t overthink it. Just keep bringing your awareness of the feelings, beliefs, coping mechanisms and memories as they come up, and trust that God and your heart are guiding you, and The Healing Code is a tool that will shift the energy around your issue faster and easier than most anything else.
If you’d like tools not only to heal, but to transform your whole life so that you Align with Your Divine Design, check out what’s available here.
Hidden Stressors-Part Four-toxins
Posted by: | CommentsIn this series on hidden stressors, I’ve mostly focused on the emotional aspects.
For many of us, this is the kind of stress that’s easiest to hide, especially if we’ve grown up with Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN), or are high on the sensitivity spectrum.
Another reason I’ve focused on the emotional, is emotional issues can predispose us to being more vulnerable to yet another hidden source of stress: toxins.
All of us are subject to this hidden physical stress.
Toxins lurk in our food, water, air, cosmetics, household cleaners, even fabrics.
They also lurk in the energy around us, in the form of electromagnetic frequencies (EMF) and dirty electricity.
I don’t think I have to go into detail about all this. No doubt you’re aware of it, and may feel a little helpless about what to do about it all.
However, we are not helpless at all. There is one main thing we can do to keep healthy, and that is to focus on the immune and nervous systems. Read More→
Hidden Stressors-Part Two
Posted by: | CommentsIn a previous post I wrote about how my symptoms were beginning to flare, and how I prayed and got some insights into why.
The first was that I wasn’t honoring my sensitive nature enough, i.e. that I have the inborn trait of Sensory Processing Sensitivity: a nervous system that’s more finely tuned than 80% of the population. That makes me a Highly Sensitive Person.
The second insight was related to the first, but with more of an emphasis on recovery: Your nervous system needs to recover from the traumas you’ve been through.
I have known for a while now that Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN) characterized my past, ever since I came across Dr. Jonice Webb’s excellent books, Running on Empty: Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect and Running on Empty No More: Transform Your Relationships with Your Partner, Your Parents and Your Children. (You can take the CEN questionnaire on my Free Tools page.)
I believed that I had overcome it all by now, between The Healing Codes and some therapy.
However, when my mother died and I had to deal with settling her estate with a co-executor (sister-in-law), I saw just what my family of origin really was like. A plethora of traumas revealed themselves—though a few years ago, I wouldn’t have thought of them as traumas.
That’s the thing—what our nervous system interprets as trauma might not be what our adult minds interpret as trauma. Read More→
Breaking Negative Generational Patterns
Posted by: | CommentsOne of the most amazing thing about The Healing Codes to me is that you can pass on your healing to other people. This is the beauty of energy healing: you can heal others as well as yourself.
How? Because we are energetically connected to those close to us (whether we like it or not), our issues are in part their issues. As we heal our own issues, and intentionally pass on the healing to those we’re close to, they can heal as well.
That’s why I always suggest, at the end of your own Healing Code session, you say, “I release the healing to _____ [name the people], in love, insofar as this issue affects them or this code can help them.”
You can also, of course, do a Healing Code specifically for other people. On my website, you can see several testimonials of clients who have done custom codes for loved ones, with sometimes miraculous results.
I always release my energy healing to my loved ones (and even my “enemies”), and I’m convinced this is one of the reasons why my children are doing so well. My daughter especially has responded well to the Healing Codes. (Though she would never do them herself.) I recall when she was younger, I’d do a Healing Code for something that had her all in a bother in the morning, and then when I picked her up from school and asked about the matter, she’d say, “Oh that—it went fine.” Now she’s all grown up, and in May 2022 she earned her doctorate in physical therapy and is now practicing in a great job, and dating a wonderful premed student.
I grew up with Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN), and unwittingly passed it on to my children. It’s been gratifying to see, however, that they have managed largely to learn how to deal with their emotions anyway, and I’m doing what I can to help them. I believe releasing my Codes to them, as I’ve been working on healing my own CEN, is making a difference.
Along with lots of prayer, of course!
Here’s to breaking negative energetic patterns!
And if you want some help with breaking generational patterns, and/or getting a Healing Code for someone else (perhaps as a gift?), check out my HealingHeartsCoaching.com page.
Turkey or Brisket? (Why It Matters)
Posted by: | CommentsMy client, M.H., told me a rather funny story about her family’s Thanksgiving (and gave me permission to share it). Yet it had a point that can apply to many of us, in one way or another.
All her life, M.’s mother made a turkey for Thanksgiving. Her mom loved turkey, and it’s the thing to do on Thanksgiving, right?
When mom entered assisted living and could no longer cook and host, M’s sister took over. She made the usual turkey, but also brisket, because they all loved brisket.
That year, no one ate the turkey. They realized mom was the only one that had ever liked turkey! M’s sister was furious, declaring, “I’m never cooking a turkey again!”
And so this family now happily celebrates Thanksgiving with brisket and other favorite foods. No more turkey!
What strikes me is that the mom never asked the others if they like turkey, and no one thought of speaking up. Isn’t this so typical of the way many of us do things? We go along with some tradition, never even taking a moment to tune in to our own desires and making our wishes known. We “eat the turkey” even though we hate it.
That’s OK for one day a year, but what if we’re living our whole lives that way? Those who grew up with Childhood Emotional Neglect, in which their emotions were ignored or even denigrated, often grew up “going along,” doing all the right things but feeling empty inside. Growing up with any kind of outright abuse can have the same effect.
If this is you, I’m here to tell you there’s more. And that you can have more, be more. If that nagging emptiness dogs you, that can be healed.
First you have to realize you’ve been living “eating the turkey rather than the brisket” you desire. Then, I invite you to check out my new program, Align with Your Divine DesignTM and fill out a Clarity Questionnaire. We’ll hop on a call to see how you can make sure every year you can happily “eat brisket not turkey” with others who feel the same way.
“That Doesn’t Work for Me . . .”
Posted by: | CommentsHave you ever read (or heard) something that sounded like great wisdom, great advice . . .
and you try it and it doesn’t work for you?
Photo by charlesdeluvio on Unsplash
Then you think, There must be something wrong with me.
I just read some advice about how to feel better when you’re feeling down. The writer called her sponsor and said she was upset about something. The sponsor told her, ‘Get over yourself and go find someone to help.”
The person took the advice, and felt better, she said.
Maybe this works for some people, like her. But for me, as a Highly Sensitive Person who also grew up with Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN), it’s all wrong. (If you’re not sure if these apply to you, take the free assessments here.)
How (and Why) to Process Your Feelings
Posted by: | CommentsThis past week dealt me several shocks, so this weekend I’ll be taking time to process the many emotions that came up.
When my therapist asked me what I was feeling about all that had happened, I mentioned a whole range of emotions, from outrage and shock to relief and gratitude, and more in between.
“That’s a lot of different emotions for your body to process,” she observed. “Each of them is producing different chemicals in your body. You need to make sure you take time over the next few days to intentionally process each of them.” She warned that if I don’t, it could affect my health in a big way.
This of course I knew, from personal experience and working with hundreds of clients on their “heart issues.” Emotions must be processed, because emotions are “energy in motion.” If that energy isn’t processed and healed, it will go into the body and cause havoc.
Still, I needed the reminder to actually take time to process it all.
Years ago, in prayer, these words came to me: “You have to heal it so we (God and I) can heal it.”
However, if you’ve grown up with Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN), you may have no idea how to process an emotion. I’ve learned that while The Healing Codes are great at healing negative emotions, the processing work must come before you actually can heal any negative effects of uncomfortable feelings.
Providentially, this week in a class I was taking, I got a great refresher on how to process an emotion. So I thought I’d pass it on, in case you too can use a little help in this area. Read More→
