Search Results for "grief"

Mar
19

Grief and Isolation, Gloves and Mittens

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I have been writing about grief off and on over the past two years.

As you know, these last couple of years have brought not only a lot of loss and grief, but also isolation. Even though mask mandates have eased a lot, many places still require it. Having to wear a mask is somewhat isolating. When you can’t see a person’s full face, you can’t connect with them as you would otherwise. Numerous studies have shown that mask-wearing is socially and psychologically harmful—especially for children.

Isolation can also result from the social polarization rampant in our society.

How do we heal these things? Yes, we use The Healing Codes and prayer. But there’s another important component to healing.

Community.

We really can’t heal as well in isolation as we can in community. As we seek to heal the damaging effects of the past two years—not to mention our own personal heart issues—I want to give you a fun little visual.

I live in the Midwest, and winters can be, well, brutal. Last month, and even last week, we experienced several cold snaps. One morning when I went for my daily walk, it was -9 degrees Fahrenheit. That’s -17.8 degrees Celcius.

You walked in -9 degrees?!” you may say.

Yep, I did. The only thing that keeps me from my morning walks is ice.

The secret is to dress appropriately for the cold. I know exactly how to dress for each temperature range.

So whenever it’s below, say, 10 degrees, I wear thermal underwear, a warm hoodie, heavy jeans, wool socks, my osteoporosis vest, a very warm scarf underneath my long down coat, a scarf around my face, and my very warm hat.

And—most importantly—mittens.

Gloves don’t cut it in this weather, no matter how heavy the gloves are.

You need mittens. With mittens, your fingers provide heat for each other.

With gloves, your fingers are separated.

With all this regalia, the only thing that was cold were my thumbs.

The thumbs that were on their own, apart from the other fingers.

You get the analogy?

Together, like my fingers in a mitten, we can “keep each other warm.” Isolated, like my poor thumbs in the mitten, or my fingers in a glove, we “get cold.”

Special Invitation to Heal Together

I want to invite you to a special way to heal together: my Healing Hearts Circle.

The Healing Hearts Circle is a great way to “heal together,” because of this phenomenon of group synergy and what is called the morphogenetic effect. (If you’re into science, here is a fascinating explanation of the morphogenetic field by Dr. Rupert Sheldrake, with amazing videos of how it works.)

Basically, when we get connected to each other through the group and the coach-guided Healing Code I give, every time one person does the Code for him/herself, everyone else benefits as well. In that way the healing effects are amplified.

(And don’t worry about “taking on their energy”; the way I set it up, the connection is through the shared morphogenetic field generated by the custom Code, not each other’s energy.)

People in the group who attend the live call have also said they benefit from hearing me coach the other members. They can relate to other members’ issues and gain insights into their own.

Find out more at http://healingheartscircle.com. I have a special going on: the first month is only $50, so you can try it out at a 60% discount.

Mar
06

The Different “Flavors” of Grief

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I have been writing about grief a lot lately, partly because we are all going through it in one way or another. If it’s not the grief of someone actually dying from COVID or other reasons, it’s the grief of a loss of a way of life that was suddenly ripped away a year ago. And many kinds of losses in between.

Plus, I’m walking through the valley of grief myself, as well as alongside many of my clients.

It strikes me that there are several distinct “flavors” of grief, at least two of which few people even talk about.

The Grief of Losing What You Had

This is the first and most obvious grief. You had something precious–a relationship, a business, a dream, a home—and it was somehow lost.

The “flavor” of this grief is bittersweet.

Sweet, because at one time you did experience something good. The lack of that now is what’s bitter.

The steps of Grief Recovery, along with The Healing Codes, heal this grief over time. Read More→

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Nov
21

Grief, Grace, Gratitude, and Grit

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My mother left this earth on November 19, 2020. Marie Boos Filakovsky was 88.

There is grief. It’s showing up as lethargy, insomnia, fatigue, and sadness. I am always amazed at how strong the mother-daughter bond is.

Mom and I had a complicated relationship. The product of Childhood Emotional Neglect herself, she passed that on. She married a good man, my father, and lived out the 1950s script of a good Catholic girl, wife, and mother.

Mom and me, Aug. 2017

I never knew who she really was.

Until she was 78.

That’s when I started giving her custom Healing Codes. And I watched her change.

The changes in my mother solidified for me the power of The Healing Codes.

I can still remember the day she asked me how I was doing—and meant it. Before that, our weekly calls were mostly about her. It didn’t feel like she really was interested in me. Until that day.

From then on, she opened her heart more and more. I discovered to my astonishment that she had a tender, sensitive heart. For most of her life, she had hidden it under layers of socialization. Once she said to me, “You are giving me what I should have given you,” i.e. emotional support.

Then she had a stroke. And a second one, in 2017. After that, communication was very difficult. In a way, I lost the mother I’d just found.

A few weeks ago she was put on palliative care, and it was really difficult not to go out there. But with COVID-19, I just couldn’t risk flying out, for her sake and mine. I was told that it was too taxing for her to talk on the phone.

It was so hard, being cut off from her in her last days. Read More→

Links shared on this video:

Sign up for the video event recording, written prayer and more:

HealingHeartIssues.com/pushbackdarkness

More about the Healing Codes (and to get started):

HealingHeartIssues.com/gettingstarted

I will be playing Elio’s Truth music in the background, but the selection is longer than the prayer. So here is where you can get the whole album if you like (with the Grief music included as well):

HealingHeartIssues.com/eliotruthmusic

I don’t know about you, but the events of the past few weeks–no, months–have given me quite a case of “emotional inflammation.”

I’ve been writing about “emotional inflammation” and how these troubling times can literally affect us physically. The negative energy is all around us, and we can’t escape it.

Polarization on so many levels, uncertainty on so many levels, job loss, the pandemic and everything that goes with it these  days, social media nastiness (which I avoid totally), natural disasters, the fall of Afghanistan, the loss of freedom on so many levels in so many ways. Even if you limit your news intake, as I do, you still can’t avoid the negative energy all around.

For some of us, especially if we have the trait of High Sensitivity, the energy is palpable: we feel it in our bodies.

One client said recently she sensed a “dark energy cloud” around her. Yep, that’s a good way to describe Emotional Inflammation.

Authors Dr. Lise Van Susteren and Stacey Colino say in their book, Emotional Inflammation, that it’s a state “not unlike post-traumatic stress disorder, but one that stems from simply living in today’s tumultuous world.”

That book was published in March 2020–right before “all this” became worse. It’s even more relevant now. Read More→

Feb
13

The Final(?) Chapter in the Cat Saga

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I thought this would be another story of grace in my ongoing cat saga. Perhaps it is. Just not in the way I expected.

If you followed my cat stories, several months ago we lost Joey, our beloved black cat (the best cat ever), and also became petless for the first time in decades.

After months of not having a cat, and a couple of negative attempts to bring another pet into our lives, a few weeks ago I was really, really missing having a cat. Yet, I didn’t know if I was ready for a full commitment to a pet at this time (vet bills, food bills, and dealing with possible destruction of furniture as we had with the last brief cat visitation). I just entrusted the longing to God.

Not two hours later, I was checking my Nextdoor chat group, and someone posted that they needed someone to take care of her 14-year-old cat for 6 weeks. The cat loved to sit on a lap (and wasn’t picky about whose), she was front declawed, and used her litter box religiously. Bingo!
Read More→

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So, 2020 was at best a challenging year for every person on the planet.

And at worst . . . it was the worst year of their lives.

And yet . . . for some of us, there was a “yeah but” from God that offset some of the negative. I’ve been writing about some of mine all year on this blog.

There is a promise from God’s Word that I claim every morning, and I think it’s a good one to claim for 2021:

image by Louise Ferrebee

Remember, God himself goes before you into 2021. He knows exactly what you will face each day. He has exactly what you will need to get through with grace and grit. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.

If you weren’t dealing with grief before the global pandemic, I suspect you’re dealing with it now, in one way or another. Who hasn’t lost something in the pandemic, even if it’s only the familiar way of being able to “do life”?

Many are dealing with loss of so much more. Loss of health. Loss of a loved one (including a pet). Loss of connections. Loss of work, of income. Loss of a sense of stability. Loss of a dream. Loss of faith. Loss of a marriage.

If you have unhealed grief issues from the past, likely any of the more recent losses just make the grief feel even worse. Grief is cumulative, and time does not automatically heal it. That is a myth.

Dr. Bernard McGrane, Professor of Sociology at Chapman University, says that “unresolved grief is the major underlying issue in most people’s lives.” Incomplete recovery from grief can have lifelong negative effects on your capacity for happiness—not to mention your health.

If you’ve felt that your healing has not progressed as you would like, it could well be that unhealed grief is the block.

If you were to tally all the losses of your life, how many would you say feel resolved? Read More→

Dec
23

God’s “Yeah Buts”

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As you know, one of the things we address with The Healing Codes are lies we have come to believe–what many call Limiting Beliefs.

Limiting beliefs rear their head, we are told, in the “yeah buts” that spring to mind when we want to move toward expansion. Some call it the Ego Mind that seeks to protect you from any kind of change, which is deemed dangerous by that part of our brain.

Say your intention is to finally heal an addiction. Ego Mind immediately bombards you with thoughts like, “How many times have you tried to quit and you didn’t? Why bother? You’re a failure. You can’t do this, and in fact, you can’t do anything right.”

The Limiting Belief gives way to the Harmful Action of beating yourself up. And then you feel you’re not good enough, you don’t deserve good things, etc. etc.

Lots of fodder for Healing Code work.

But what if we turned ‘yeah but” on its head?

Recently I asked how you would fill in the blank: “2020: A year of _____.

I resonated especially with one person’s answer, István from Hungary: “The year of chaos in the world, BUT DEEP (SPIRITUAL) CHANGES FOR ME AND MY FAMILY.”

István captures my experience as well. It’s been a year of contrasts . . . of God’s graces saying “yeah but” to the negatives.

We have all had to deal with changes and losses of all kinds. On top of the collective losses, which I fervently hope will bring us together and help us all grow spiritually, I’m sure everyone has personal challenges to deal with as well. Read More→

Dec
11

Leaning into the Gray Places

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Today, I felt as gray inside as the day was outside.

I decided I would allow myself to feel as bad as I feel, and look as bad as I feel. No makeup, no trying to get this last bad haircut to look better.

The grief was leaking out of the cracks of what I have to do today, and out of my eyes. It felt like it was all too much.

I called to mind the verse I wake up praying every day now. The verse: “The Lord himself goes before you, and is with you. He will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be discouraged; do not be afraid” (Deuteronomy 31:8).

The prayer: “Lord, thank you for going before me this day, preparing the way. Help me just to follow. Thank you that you will be with me, and that I can get curious about what you’ll do, rather than afraid or discouraged.”

I still felt gray.

I did my healing work, without which I’m convinced I’d sink into the depths of despair.

I still felt gray.

I put on my orthopedic boot and walking shoe, jacket and gloves and hobbled out into this gray day.

It helped. I was getting back to my 25-year habit of walking every morning, rain or shine, broken foot or no. (I think it’s healed, but will find out next week for sure. I figure, though, that if I can walk inside, why can’t I walk outside and get some fresh air?)

I still felt gray.

And you know what? Read More→

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