Search Results for "highly sensitive"
Getting to Know Your Highly Sensitive Soul
Posted by: | CommentsA very high majority of my clients possess the inborn trait of Sensory Processing Sensitivity, making them what’s commonly known as Highly Sensitive People (HSP).
HSPs make up 20-30% of any population (it shows up in 100 species and is equally distributed among male and female), so we are automatically in the minority. (I say “we” because I am one; so is my husband and son.) Since there is a huge difference in how HSPs and non-HSPs experience the world, it’s extremely helpful to know whether you have this trait or not.
Yet, just because you may have this trait, that doesn’t mean you’re like all other HSPs. I love what Dr. Elaine Aron, who put this trait on the psychological map with her ground-breaking book, The Highly Sensitive Person, says on her blog: “All living beings are [different from one another], but even within the group of HSPs, or maybe more in this group, we are so different. After all, if our trait is about being more sensitive than others to our environment, that should mean that we vary more than others coming from similar environments.”
When clients discover they are Highly Sensitive, it’s often one of the biggest ahas of their life. “So that’s why I had so much trouble with . . .” or “So that’s why I seem to absolutely need . . .”
It reframes their experiences in a whole new way. It opens the door to begin to accept themselves for who they are, and to craft an environment that fits them.
But I’m not just interested in people understanding the trait. As Dr. Elaine Aron pointed out, even among HSPs, there are many differences.
I think it’s most helpful to know how this trait, if you have it, shows up for YOU.
So I created the Sensitivity Fingerprint(TM), and I’d love for you to have it. It’s a way to get to know your Highly Sensitive Soul—how the trait expresses in your life.
The first step is to take the Getting to Know Your Highly Sensitive Soul survey. This will prime the pump for you, and it will help me know how to serve you better.
After you submit the survey, you will get the Sensitivity Fingerprint(TM) for your own records. There will be an opportunity for you to further explore how to not only get to know, but to heal the wounds of your Highly Sensitive soul.
After all, healing and transformation is my calling. And I’m super excited about the plans God is unfolding for me—and, perhaps, for you.
So please take the Getting to Know Your Highly Sensitive Soul survey, and stay tuned!
New Opportunity for Highly Sensitive People to Learn & Connect
Posted by: | CommentsI wrote already about a course I took with Julie Bjelland, about how to embody the gifts of High Sensitivity, otherwise known as Sensory Processing Sensitivity.
I am thrilled to announce that Julie has started a very reasonably-priced membership site, Sensitive Empowerment.
This global community will not only give you a way to continue to get some of Julie’s best teachings, but also to learn from experts she will interview. For instance, a naturopathic doctor will be talking about “How to Care for Your Highly Sensitive Body.” Replays of interviews, QA with Julie will also be available.
Perhaps one of the most valuable aspects of membership, however, is the community you will connect to. Validation of our trait is one of our main needs as Highly Sensitive People. Read More→
Why Highly Sensitive People Can’t “Just Get Over It” Easily
Posted by: | Comments
Have you ever had anyone say to you, “Why can’t you just get over it?” about something that upsets you?
You try to “just get over it” but … you find yourself mulling over it and over it, working it through from all angles. Other people may get exasperated with you. Now, on top of the original issue, the old “what’s wrong with me, that I just can’t move on like other people?” kicks in.
You can quit beating yourself up right now. (Please!) The answer lies in one of the key traits of High Sensitivity: depth of processing.
Highly Sensitive People process pain deeply.
That’s how we’re wired. Hence, we also must process
the healing deeply.
I believe that everyone must process the pain as deeply as they experienced it, if they’re to truly heal.
Those people who can quickly “move on” are those for whom the pain was not that deep in the first place, or they are what Milan and Kay Yerkovich in their How We Love book term Avoiders–people who developed a style of avoiding pain and emotions as a result of how they grew up.
It could well be the Avoiders who are telling you to “just get over it.”
Of course, one can truly fall into the trap of ruminating over a hurt and never getting anywhere toward healing from it. The difference is whether you are moving through the healing process.
That means being able to name your feelings, preferably in the presence of another person who has the capacity to listen and empathize, and not try to fix you. What you want to get to is the place where you can have compassion on yourself for having suffered this, but also perspective on how you have become wiser because of this incident/relationship/problem.
Take as long as you need in this process. If you can find another HSP who is able to listen and perhaps provide perspective, that’s ideal. But often even journaling by yourself can yield that enlarged perspective that you seek.
Then you won’t have to “just get over it.” You will be over it.
And if you need a little extra help along the way, check out my coaching options.I’m always available for a check out my coaching options. For notices when more articles on High Sensitivity are published, click here.
Help for the Highly Sensitive Business Person
Posted by: | Comments- what to do when you feel overwhelmed so it doesn’t stop you in your tracks.
- what you need to prioritize during your business day (so it feels good, gets done and generates income).
- who you need to speak to in order to attract your ideal clients (and how it doesn’t need to feel at all intimidating).
What Does It Mean to be Highly Sensitive?
Posted by: | Comments
Have you felt misunderstood much if not all all of your life, and/or like you didn’t fit in?
Do you feel you have a more finely -tuned nervous system than most people?
If so, you might be part of the 15-20% of the population with the trait of being Highly Sensitive.
Understanding what this means may well provide the missing piece to understanding yourself that can make all the difference–in your health, your relationships, your own sense of self.
So what does it mean to be “Highly Sensitive”? Read More→
Documentary about Being a Highly Sensitive Person
Posted by: | CommentsI have written before about being a Highly Sensitive Person, because so many people who come to The Healing Codes are HSPs. HSPs feel and process things more deeply than other people, and are usually rather tuned to spiritual things as well. Thus, a spiritual-based modality like The Healing Codes would attract–and benefit–a high percentage of HSPs.
Many people have written to thank me for making them aware of resources such as The Highly Sensitive Person book by Dr. Elaine Aron, and the self-test for figuring out if you are one. You see, HSPs often don't get a lot of validation from the larger culture for being the way we are. Resources that help us understand this trait and work with it, rather than against it, go a long way toward healing for HSPs.
That's why I want to make sure you know that a film is being produced (if they raise the needed capital) for a PBS special on Highly Sensitive People. You can view the "sizzle" here, which in itself is a good introduction to the topic. If you feel so led to contribute toward the making of this film, you will feel like you've donated to a very worthy cause, I think. I donated to the creation of the sizzle, and am thrilled to see what they did with it. You can donate as little as $1 and still be part of it.
Understanding what it means to be a Highly Sensitive Person has been one of the greatest leaps in self-understanding and healing for me. If you are an HSP, I think you will know what I mean. So many of my clients are HSP, and using The Healing Codes to heal the wounds from it has also set them on the road to experiencing all the blessings of this wonderful trait shared by 20% or so of the population.
UPDATE, 9/10/15: Sensitive: The Untold Story premiered on Sept, 10, 2015 and will be available to watch via Livestream until 9:30pm Pacific Time on Sunday, September 13. After that, you will have to wait until they get distribution for it, and there's no date for that at this point.
Are You a “Highly Sensitive Person”?
Posted by: | Comments
Although only 20 percent of people have this trait in the general population, a much larger percentage of my clients–perhaps even 80%–seem to have this trait. I think this is for three main reasons: Read More→
Hidden Stressors-Part Three
Posted by: | CommentsIn Part Two in this series on Hidden Stressors, I talked about trauma.
How there are no “little t” traumas. Traumas have to do with how the nervous system responded to an event that was overwhelming at the time. Some people, especially highly sensitive people, may have more finely-tuned nervous systems that take in more information—hence, may be more susceptible to trauma.
I just finished watching hours of the Trauma Superconference 3 that aired the replays recently. It made me realize that a lot of us are carrying around unhealed, even unknown trauma in our nervous systems.
These traumas may be triggered by the recent (and current) collective trauma of the COVID-19 pandemic.
Especially the trauma of unmet needs. Read More→
Hidden Stressors-Part Two
Posted by: | CommentsIn a previous post I wrote about how my symptoms were beginning to flare, and how I prayed and got some insights into why.
The first was that I wasn’t honoring my sensitive nature enough, i.e. that I have the inborn trait of Sensory Processing Sensitivity: a nervous system that’s more finely tuned than 80% of the population. That makes me a Highly Sensitive Person.
The second insight was related to the first, but with more of an emphasis on recovery: Your nervous system needs to recover from the traumas you’ve been through.
I have known for a while now that Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN) characterized my past, ever since I came across Dr. Jonice Webb’s excellent books, Running on Empty: Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect and Running on Empty No More: Transform Your Relationships with Your Partner, Your Parents and Your Children. (You can take the CEN questionnaire on my Free Tools page.)
I believed that I had overcome it all by now, between The Healing Codes and some therapy.
However, when my mother died and I had to deal with settling her estate with a co-executor (sister-in-law), I saw just what my family of origin really was like. A plethora of traumas revealed themselves—though a few years ago, I wouldn’t have thought of them as traumas.
That’s the thing—what our nervous system interprets as trauma might not be what our adult minds interpret as trauma.
And what one person’s nervous system interprets as trauma might be different from another person’s. Two people can go through the same event and for one, it’s a trauma, and for the other, it’s not.
It’s a physiological thing. The nervous system becomes dysregulated. It needs to be resolved by some sort of somatic therapy, or it can lead to autoimmune and other chronic illnesses.
Here’s a good video that describes how this works. Irene Lyon explains why there’s no difference, physiologically, between Trauma (the obvious “bad stuff”) and “little-t” trauma. She gives a case study of how this works with fibromyalgia, so if you have this, be sure to watch the video.
Note that CEN is trauma. CEN happens when you don’t get enough of the nurturing you needed. It’s also been called Type A trauma—the Absence of nurturing.
And it probably happens more often than not with Highly Sensitive People. Not only do HSPs need emotional attunement more than less sensitive people, not getting it also affects them more deeply.
There’s a term for this: differential susceptibility. It means the “bad” things affect you more deeply.
It also means, happily, that interventions such as The Healing Codes, somatic experiencing, and probably most any kind of natural therapies and remedies help HSPs more.
(There was even a study of teenage girls for a program helping them ward off depression. Only the HS girls were helped, to the extent that the study suggested they screen people for the HS trait and only work with them!)
Do The Healing Codes help with trauma? I’m sure they do. I’m convinced that without doing THC for so many years, I would not now be at the point where I can really get at the root of my traumas and heal them.
That’s the third part of the insight I was given: You are finally ready. If I hadn’t been doing The Healing Codes and Immanuel Prayer for all these years, I would not have gotten to the point where I can heal my deepest traumas. (The earliest of which happened when I was hospitalized for the first 7 weeks of my life, underwent major surgery, and got pneumonia.)
I had to grow my capacity to even face that I had all these traumas in my life. My body is telling me they’re not healed yet—but they are finally ready to be healed.
If you have unexplained, chronic physical symptoms, I encourage you to take the CEN and the Highly Sensitive assessments on my web page. Unhealed traumas are a huge hidden stress to your nervous system.
Awareness is always the first step in healing. If you’re afraid to become aware (I was; I was a master at avoidance of my feelings), use The Healing Codes to heal that first. Be gentle with yourself. Healing is a process, but remember this: We are wired to heal.
And: Feelings Buried Alive Never Die. They need to be acknowledged, welcomed, felt . . . and then they will heal.
Hidden Stressors-Part One
Posted by: | Comments“All your physical issues are from stress,” my doctor told me. They were the last words I would ever hear from her; she passed away shortly after.
But haven’t I been working on reducing stress for all these years with The Healing Codes?
The answer is yes. And they have helped tremendously. I honestly don’t think I’d even be alive now if I hadn’t been doing all I’ve done since I got my various diagnoses before The Healing Codes (osteoporosis, IBS, GERD, Hashimoto’s thyroiditis, PTSD).
The Healing Codes, Halo, the c.Balance (now upgraded to the HOLOS) have all helped me not be hampered much in my daily life by these diagnosed conditions.
Now, however, the symptoms started popping up again, worsening. Why?
As always, I prayed for insight into this. Were there hidden stressors of which I wasn’t aware?
What came up surprised me.
-
You haven’t been honoring your Highly Sensitive nature enough.
-
Your nervous system needs to recover from the traumas you’ve been through.
-
You are finally ready.
Part One: The High Sensitivity Piece
I’ve known for a while that I have this trait around 20% of all species share, in which the nervous system is wired differently. Dr. Elaine Aron explains in her ground-breaking book, The Highly Sensitive Person, which put this trait on the psychological map, that HSPs are like a different breed. Great Danes and border collies are both clearly dogs, but they are quite different. So, too, HSPs and non-HSPs are human, but they are actually quite different in many ways.
(Find out more about whether you’re a Highly Sensitive Person here.)
Maybe for you, sensitivity isn’t the issue. Maybe it’s some other kind of “diversity” that is part of your nature that you’ve not been honoring.
Maybe it’s that you’re an introvert who gets energy from reflection and alone time, and you’ve always been pushed to be more outgoing. Or vice versa. Maybe it’s that you have ADD/ADHD and your brain works differently than others.
Whatever it is that may set you apart a little, so that you tend to push it away rather than honor it, could be a hidden stressor for you.
I’ve known about being Highly Sensitive, but I haven’t been living it.
I hadn’t been honoring my need to process things deeply and thoroughly, for one. The last few years have been particularly stressful for me. On top of all the stress of the pandemic (and HSPs, by the way, are more susceptible to Emotional Inflammation), there were several personal traumas: dealing with a mold issue in the home; settling my sister-in-law’s estate out of state and fending off a crook; breaking my foot; 16 months of hell settling my mother’s estate (with all the family of origin issues that brought up); and a devastating diagnosis of a close family member.
If you’re Highly Sensitive, you need to realize that such stresses affect you more deeply than other people. You take in more information than most people. You are more sensitive to subtle stimuli than most people. And then you absolutely need to process all that you are taking in!
I’ve written about my current focus on subtraction. As a HSP, I need to be aware of (and limit as much as possible) the amount of information that’s coming to me. More information = more needed processing time. When life piles up, and I don’t get that processing time, my symptoms seem to flare.
So ways I’m trying to honor my HS nature more is to limit the amount of information I take in, and then making time to process it completely.
This often means saying no to social engagements, no matter how enticing they seem. I have to stand strong when someone tells me why it would be so good to attend X. (Ever notice how many people think they know what’s right for you? Often, what’s right for “most people” isn’t right for an HSP.)
I’m also the kind of HSP who seeks a lot of mental stimulation and loves to learn. I need to resist the temptation to sign up for yet one more masterclass or telesummit. I have to revisit my own goals often and tell myself, “My commitment to (my goal) is more important than this (distraction) right now.”
Honoring my HS nervous system also means changing my environment. I’m finding that clutter really gets to me these days. I subtract as much from my environment as I can. Someone said every object in your home has a “to-do list” or a message attached to it. So true!
- The pile of papers cries out, “Pay me, file me, check me for sales!”
- The unused clothes in your closet castigate you: “When will you lose weight so that beautiful outfit will fit you again?”
- The old computer monitor in the spare room? You might need it someday, if you current monitor goes out.
- And what about the files and photos on your phone or computer? Shouldn’t those be organized so you can find them more easily?
Guilt, anxiety, feeling like you’re “not enough” or not doing enough creep in with these messages. If you’re HS, not only do you feel those things—you also feel them more intensely!
Perhaps these things don’t overwhelm you like they do me. But if they do, know that doing even a little clutter control every day will help you feel calmer and more organized.
I need the downtime to process. I need more sleep than I’m getting. I need to allow myself to feel. I need to be aware that I take in a lot of information and to do what I can to both limit it and manage it.
I need to honor my sensitive nature. Without, I might add, feeling guilty or “less than” because of these needs.
If you have seen a flare up of symptoms you thought you had healed, know you’re not alone. Many of my clients and friends are also experiencing this. Whether you’re Highly Sensitive or not, there are likely hidden stressors that are chipping away at your resilience.
Do what you can to identify those stressors, and heal what you can.
In future posts I will explore more about hidden stressors: how to identify them, what to do about them. Including hidden traumas—the second piece of the insight that was given me.
Stay tuned!
