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In a recent post, I mentioned how on my walk one day, a thought dropped into my mind: “You create a lot of your own stress, you know.”

The voice was not judgmental; it was just an observation. A message from my deeper self (or God) that came in the context of a wake-up call that I needed to deal with the stress in my life.

If I did not, I sensed, it was quite possible some health crisis could happen to me, like the heart attack that Dr. Mark Virkler had, despite his “doing everything right.”

I’m finding that, if we keep on a path of healing, we will heal at ever deeper levels. This message from my heart was an invitation to observe the ways I might be creating my own stress. To examine the beliefs and ways of thinking that, when indulged, disturb my peace and create the ripple effects of stress on spirit, soul and body.

The biggest way I create my own stress came down to this: trying to create the ideal.

Have you ever noticed that often your greatest strength can become your biggest liability? One of my great strengths is the ability to see possibilities–for myself and others.

I automatically see potential in everything, as well as the exact steps needed to achieve that potential.

Of course, this is helpful for my clients. I can see the possibilities they can’t when they’re mired in “heart issues.”

For me personally, though, it can be a liability. If I let the possibility I see become an expectation, I set myself up for stress.

Because I can see what could be, I can slip into feeling less content with what is. I set myself up for unhealthy control–trying to make that ideal outcome happen. Read More→

Recently, in my attempt to “become minimalist” (or at least less cluttered), I came across my EmWave2, a device that helps you monitor stress levels and get back into “coherence.”
It is a very useful personal Heart Rate Variability monitor.
I am using it to test various healing and healing prayer methods, and what it’s revealing is quite interesting. I recommend it for helping you to find ways to get out of stress mode.
The Emwave2 is put out by HeartMath, and their site has a wealth of fascinating information and some cool products, including the EmWave2, for getting your body back in balance.
Something they teach you is a stress release technique that shifts your feelings, not just your thoughts. We know from Dr. Bruce Lipton (The Biology of Belief) and The Healing Codes that it’s our feelings that really govern us, more than our thoughts (though thoughts are important).
You might want to add the following breathing technique to your practices. I think it will help especially with any physical issues you may have. When the body is in coherence, it can heal faster and it ages slower. It’s that simple!
So here’s the technique:
Step 1: Heart Focus. Focus your attention in the area of your heart, the area in the center of your chest.
Step 2: Heart Breathing. As you focus on your heart area, imagine your breath flowing in and out through that area. (If you have an EmWave2, you would use the Breath Pacer to guide you and find a comfortable rhythm.)
Step 3: Heart Feeling.  Continue to breathe through the area of your heart. As you do, recall a positive feeling–a time you felt good inside–and try to re-experience it. (If you do this already in your Healing Code work, it should come pretty naturally.) This could be a feeling of appreciation or care you have towards a special person, a pet, a place you enjoy, or an activity that was fun. If you can’t find a memory, just try to get into an attitude of appreciation or care.
Once you’ve found that positive feeling, sustain it by continuing your Heart Focus Heart Breathing, and Heart feeling.
You can practice this any time you are stressed, and of course, as you’re doing Healing Codes.
By the way, I got my EmWave in 2007. It is still working just fine, even after all this time and some years when I “lost” it. It’s proven to be a very good investment!


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I just lost my dear friend and spiritual brother, Dr. Ron Arko, as he went back to heaven.

I’ve known Ron and Dori Arko for almost 7 years. My husband and I spent a delightful day with them in 2014 in their home in Newport Beach, California. We’ve talked nearly every two weeks for those past 7 years–heart to heart talks.

Dr. Ron and I shared a love for people. a passion for seeing them healed, a delight in God and his ways, a fascination with quantum physics and true science, and so much more. We agreed we were more than friends; we were truly spiritual brother and sister, our hearts knit together by God himself.

Ron was a very wise and gifted therapist, and a great encourager. He always knew how to build up a person. He made you feel like you were his favorite. He cherished his wife, Dori, in such a tender way, it made you want to weep and do whatever it takes to have that, too. He counseled a lot of couples and people in ministry, too.

I confessed to Ron a few weeks ago, as he was wasting away with cancer, that I was not afraid to die. I was afraid of the process of dying.

Yet, seeing how Ron handled his impending departure from this world, with an unwavering faith in God’s goodness, with love and peace and even joy, and absolutely no bitterness, patiently enduring the pain–it changed me.

When he got his diagnosis of terminal cancer, one of the first things Ron did was write his biography. He asked me to edit it. It was a wonderful exercise for him to review his life and tell what he thought was important. Knowing the subtext was especially poignant for me. It made me think about what I would say about my own life.

Something else changed me: what he shared about what happened when he died for 10 minutes at age 15 and went to heaven.

He told me about this heavenly vision just a few weeks ago, as he was getting weaker and weaker from the cancer. He had never told anyone but Dori until recently. Now he has shared it publicly.

You can watch him talk about his trip to heaven and get a sense of his beautiful life, at

“Once you have experienced the glory of God,” he said, “you never see life the same again. You don’t have any fear, and you don’t hang onto things of this world.”

I had always wondered how Ron handled the many traumas of his life so well. How he could be so loving, kind and generous, and have such a loving relationship with his wife, when nothing in his background equipped him for that.

Now I knew.

Ron helped me overcome my fear of dying. He died of a particularly gruesome form of cancer. In his last days of life, Ron told me that because he had already had God’s glory and love shoot through him when he was in heaven the first time, he believed it changed him on a cellular level and that’s why he always had such a high tolerance for pain. He told me God would prepare me for whatever I would face, just as he had prepared Ron. I could trust in God’s goodness for the means of my death. And now i finally believe it.

“God is good, all the time,” Ron always said. He never wavered in that.

I believe it now, Ron. I believe it. . . . Thank you. Thank you for showing me how to live life as though everything is a miracle. I know this is, as you said, only a temporary separation. I look forward to our reunion, and I can feel you cheering me on from heaven, just as you did from earth.



Connect to Your Inner Guidance

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Clients are often curious about how I “test” for their issue. “Is it muscle testing?” they ask.

My answer is always, “Not really. It’s a form of advanced bio-energetic testing that tests the subtle energy field. Since it’s proprietary to Dr. Alex Loyd, who trained us Healing Codes Practitioners, I can’t say anything more about it.”

The way I test, however, is based on the same principle as muscle testing. I recommend everyone find some kind of bio-energetic testing technique that yields accurate results, because it simplifies and enhances your life is so many ways.

What is Muscle Testing?

Muscle testing, when done correctly, can be amazingly accurate. It connects you with the part of yourself that I believe God built into us, but most of us have lost: the inner wisdom that knows what is good for you and not good for you, what is true and what is not.

When you are in the presence of something that is good for you, your body knows it. If Einstein was correct, everything is energy and frequency. Everything has a vibration. You have other senses besides your five senses, and muscle testing is the way you can connect what your subconscious knows is good or true for you, with your body’s response.

At any rate, that’s what Muscle Testing is. There are many ways to muscle test. One excellent method is The Truth Technique from Dr. Alex Loyd. It is one of his best products, in my opinion.

Here’s why:

  • First, it’s more than a muscle test. It’s actually an advanced form of applied kinesiology. (Just a notch below the one we certified Healing Codes coaches are trained to do.)

  • The Truth Technique gives you several options to try. Some of them worked for me, some didn’t. What worked best for me was “thumbs up or down.” We had a joke in our house: “What does the thumb say?” With the Truth Technique, you get to explore several options. One is bound to work well for you.

  • The very detailed instructions show you how to test for accuracy and correct for energy reversals. He tells you a way to test which of the two approaches are best for you. His methods will give you confidence, as you practice, that your testing is accurate. I have found it to be amazingly accurate.

  • It’s easy to learn, and comes with videos and a detailed Manual. And there’s a year-long guarantee.

Muscle testing of any kind needs to be used wisely. Don’t try to use it to predict the future, or to find out information about other people that is none of your business. That’s the wrong use. The right use of The Truth Technique or any other muscle testing technique is to test your environment to find out what’s best for you.

For instance, instead of blindly deciding that certain supplements are good for me because some expert (who is usually selling me something) says so, I just test whether it would be good for my body. In the health food store, I test which brand of supplement would be better for my particular body. Every day I also test which supplements (if any) or food my body needs at that time. Since our bodies are ever-changing anyway, I may test I need something one day and not another.

I test which issue would be best to work on with my Healing Codes. I test which Halo vial I need on any given day. I test whether I need to see a doctor about a certain symptom. (By the way, I always pray before I test. I pray that God would guide my testing and I would only test the truth.)

Bio-energetic testing has greatly simplified my life. It has helped me listen to my own heart, rather than what other people say or believe. I believe it will help you, too.

For more information on The Truth Technique, go here.





Sobering Wake-Up Call

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His admission rocked me—and served as a personal warning.

HomeSomeone I respect a lot for his spiritual and practical insights, Dr. Mark Virkler, revealed last week that he had had a heart attack. He thought it would never happen to him because he taught and lived out (so he thought) how to be emotionally, spiritually and physically healthy.

Yet he had a heart attack and ended up with bypass surgery.

I admired that he publicly admitted it. It took great humility and love to put aside his own reputation in order to help other people learn what might be causing problems down the road, unbeknownst to them—just as it did for him. He is writing about what he discovered about the contributing factors to heart attacks. It’s a wealth of information!

Even though Dr. Virkler did more good things for his health than I do (and I do a lot), he still had a major heart attack. He wrote, “Clinical studies have found that from 40 to 50 percent of the time, the first recognized symptom of heart disease is a fatal heart attack. It is the number one killer of people between the ages of thirty-five and sixty.


Dr. Virkler’s research led him to the conclusion that stress was the trigger for his heart attack.

He wrote, “I believe the cause of my heart attack was stress, emotional and spiritual. I loved what I was doing and was going overboard with it. Plus God had given me some directions about curtailing some of these activities, and I was bargaining with Him about stretching those rules. Then, heart attack.”

That really hit me. I too love what I’m doing. I love working with clients, helping them heal their heart issues. I love writing these blogs and emails. But I think I too go overboard. (Part of being Highly Sensitive is this “depth of processing” thing. I sometimes don’t know when to stop, especially if I’m enjoying what I’m doing.)

I have felt God has been telling me for years to get more sleep—specifically, to go to bed earlier. I too have been bargaining with him about stretching the rules. “God, I don’t know what to cut out.”

Well, God was not bothered by that. He has been showing me in any number of ways, through books, articles, podcasts, warnings like this from other people who have not taken time to rest—you name it. I can’t fault him for not trying to get through to me! It’s actually become quite comical. “God, what are you going to show me today?” Seems he never tires of trying to get me to see what he wants me to see.

I feel he’s boiling it down to two things.

One: Get to bed earlier (I have noticed that I feel quite a bit better if I’m asleep by 11pm—which has rarely happened in the past few years).

And two: Quit creating my own stress.

That last thing was a revelation. One day on my walk, a thought intruded that I did not expect.

“You create a lot of your own stress,

you know.”


The inner voice held no judgment. It was merely an observation.

I tend to believe it was God’s Spirit speaking to my spirit, because after reading about Mark Virkler’s heart attack, I had been praying about what unconscious stress might be causing certain physical symptoms to come back—symptoms I thought I had conquered. I believe it’s because I am healing at a deeper level as new insights have been uncovered about growing up with Childhood Emotional Neglect, and being Highly Sensitive. In that process, physical symptoms have come up—symptoms my testing indicates have everything to do with stress. (More on testing here.)

Just as that voice was nonjudgmental, so my own approach to seeing how I create my own stress can be led by curiosity, without any self-condemnation. It will be an experiment: see if I can catch myself creating stress. I may ask a few close friends for feedback. I will certainly continue to pray about it. I’m approaching it with curiosity and eagerness, and a willingness to change. (I have a great tool to change harmful actions and wrong beliefs. Can you guess what it is?)

Are there ways that you, too, create your own stress? Or is there something that still, small voice has been whispering for you to change, but you’ve been ignoring it or bargaining with it?

I don’t mean to be overly dramatic, but listening to that voice could possibly be a life or death matter. It was in Mark Virkler’s case.

Mark is making changes in his life. He writes, “I must learn to live more relaxed, taking more time to express the different kinds of energy available to me–not just mental energy, but energy from my heart (love) toward my wife and those I touch, and spiritual energizing as I play my autoharp and sing in worship unto the Lord.

My change will be to NOT go back to the computer after supper, no matter how urgent the matter seems, and take the evening to relax, do my evening ritual of stretching exercises, Halo, talking to my husband and reading.

And to notice the ways I’m creating my own stress.

What will your change be?

If you would like some outside help with managing your stress, I’m available for coaching at

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So here I was, dealing with an issue that seemed chronic, with no happy end in sight.

What to do?

First step is what I usually do: Pray.

“God, what do I do here? I don’t know if I can change the situation at all. It seems pretty bleak….”

One word came to me: Appreciation.

This was not a new concept for me. Appreciation is what turned around my post-partem depression some 23 years ago. I started looking for what felt like gifts from God, be they big or little. I recorded them. Eventually, those “appreciation stories” became the book of my heart, Abundant Gifts.

Sometimes we just need reminders, though.

When I’m stressed out about something, what inevitably

brings me back to Joy the quickest is appreciation.

After I got that word, I slowed down enough to see what I could appreciate in the moment.

Lots of things came to me.

It was first thing in the morning, and I relished the fact that I had no one to answer to until my first client. I made my tea, and sat down with my Halo and Bible to see what insights and treasures I might get from God’s word.

I savored the sunshine coming in the window (a rarity this spring it seemed). When a text message notification dinged, instead of feeling interrupted and annoyed, I felt glad that I had a friend who wanted to text me.

And so it went. All day I tried to turn my frustrations into moments of appreciation. When yet another technological issue came up, I thought with a chuckle how this must be God’s way of keeping my brain healthy. They say your brain stays healthy when you give it challenges. Boy, does my brain get a workout every day, just on technological issues!

When my husband came home from work, I looked for things to appreciate, and made sure I expressed them. Since his love language is “words of affirmation,” this really fills up his love tank.

(My love language is “acts of service.” Right now he is mowing the lawn. I am appreciating the things he takes care of around the house, and must make sure to tell him! I’ll overlook the dirty dishes in the sink that I have to work around to make dinner. . . . See how it works?)

I’ve often been struck that the key to healing is releasing and replacing. In healing work, we identify the negative, release it, and then replace it with the positive. That is crucial to completing the healing cycle. With The Healing Codes we use Love Pictures (which are really appreciation moments) to replace the negative memories.

As I practiced looking for things to appreciate throughout the day, I noticed my chronic issue that seemed hopeless didn’t feel as big as it did before I consciously returned to appreciation. What had shifted was not the situation, but my perspective.

Appreciation may be the biggest perspective-shifter there is. We don’t have to limit appreciation to our healing work. Appreciation is for every moment. Right now I’m releasing the frustration over the dirty dishes, and replacing it with appreciation that my husband is mowing the lawn.

These are little things. Everyday things.

But it’s the little things that bring happiness. It’s the little things that make up a life. The small decisions–to appreciate, or stay stuck in frustration–are what build the internal climate and lay the groundwork for positive or negative relationships. And it’s relationships that color the biggest part of the picture of our lives, isn’t it?

I’m finding that nothing turns things around for me like simple appreciation! At the end of the day, I like to take a few moments and think through what was good about the day. Ending on a note of appreciation, according to brain experts, actually counteracts our innate negative bias and helps us create a better reality.

I’m all in! How about you?

Challenge: Find at least 3 things to appreciate every day. Savor them. You might even want to write them down in a journal. You can use the Abundant Gifts Journal here, if you like.

And if you want some help in healing negative pictures and replacing them with positive appreciation moments, check out my Healing Codes Coaching site. Much help there of all kinds, from free to intensive coaching!





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Big Aha–How Some Issues Hide

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In my group coaching program, I had a client who was working with a very stubborn money issue.  Her story gave both of us a big aha about how some issues can hide, and she gave me permission to share her story.

Laura had been “seriously in the muck and mire for years about finances,” as she put it.  We had been clearing all kinds of things, especially generational memories from her mother’s side.

Still, the money issues persisted. One day she realized that she got anxious not when money was going out, but when money was coming in. This made no sense to her!

A book on Laura’s bookshelf caught her eye: The Intersection of Joy and Money. In working through the workbook questions, she came up with an insight that floored her. “My answers to the questions revealed that my father made it very clear to me from a very young age that my job was to work hard in school, get a good education both at school and in music. He also made it very clear to me that he would provide for me and that I would have the money I needed when I asked for it. So at a young age I developed my beliefs about money and they looked like this: Laura, it is not your job to provide. It is your dad’s job to provide. Someone else will give you money when you need it or ask for it.”

Here’s the kicker:  This belief was rooted in an incredibly loving and generous and protective place. Laura knew that her father, who was himself dyslexic and graduated high school barely literate,  was  so proud of this smart little girl in his life that he wanted to support her in having every opportunity available.

“The feeling of love and adoration that I remember is absolutely beautiful,” Laura says.

The problem came later, in her adult years. This belief, nurtured in the soil of love, bloomed into a subconscious blueprint about whose job it is to provide for her, and crippled her ability to earn money as an adult. And the feeling she had now, connected with the memory, was panic. Panic when money came in.

A new picture also popped up on her heart screen: “I am in a labyrinth heading to the middle where my ability to provide for my family is located and I keep sabotaging my ability to get to the middle,” she says. “I keep getting distracted and caught up and dragged off course because of the subconscious belief that it isn’t my job to provide. If I just sit down long enough someone else will bring me the money I need.”

This belief remained hidden so long because it wasn’t grounded in trauma or pain, but in love. It’s easy to assume that negative beliefs are always connected to some negative memory, but as we can see from Laura’s story, that’s not always the case.

In fact, I’m wondering if some of the most stubborn issues of our lives, the ones that we can’t seem to get any healing traction on, may be rooted in positive rather than negative memories. A belief anchored to a positive memory might be the most difficult to identify and heal.

If you have had a stubborn issue that has been difficult to heal, do a little digging, as Laura did. Once she realized that the actual problem was when money came in, and prayed about what that might be attached to, she got her big aha and the wrong belief that needed to be healed.

In her case, there was no negative memory to be healed. There was only the positive memory of her father’s love and provision. Yet the belief that worked when she was a child morphed into panic and a negative image on her heart screen as she grew up. Remember, with The Healing Codes or healing prayer, what we look for are negative images, wrong beliefs, and negative emotions.

What stubborn issue have you been unable to heal so far? What beliefs were true when you were a child, but morphed into something negative that doesn’t serve you at all as an adult?

Heal the underlying negative beliefs, pictures, emotions, but don’t always assume there’s a negative memory attached. It just might be that a positive memory is what anchored a belief that no longer serves you.

If you need help in finding the core negative images, beliefs, or memories, consider getting some coaching and custom codes.


Many readers and clients have told me that “The 12 Words that Changed Everything” article has made a great impact on their lives.

I want to give you an update on that situation. To me, what happened is nearly miraculous.

The situation and relationship that I was praying about when God gave me those 12 words, “You must allow other people the dignity of living with their choices,” seemed at the time pretty impossible to resolve. My friends suggested I just bail out completely, that the situation was hopeless.

But I did not feel like I should bail out completely. I prayed about it, God gave me those 12 words, and I continued to pray about how to apply them.

Peace came into my heart as I let go of all outcomes and just did what I felt I should do. I proposed a plan of action to the people involved, and . . . somehow, miraculously, they turned around! 

First, some key people accepted my plan of action. (Which, if you knew the situation, you’d also think was semi-miraculous.)

Then, one of the people involved did 180-degree turn around. Not only did the person quit the nasty, accusatory emails–they also started cooperating.

I have tried to analyze the miracle. I think it comes down to first of all, my letting go of the outcome, as mentioned. More than simply letting go, I entrusted to God the outcome. I figured if he can grant others the dignity of living with their choices, so can I. I can pray for the people, and leave the best outcome in God’s hands. I truly felt OK about “allowing them the dignity of living with their choices”–come what may. I didn’t have to play God in the situation.

I set a boundary as well. I prayed about what I would and would not accept. I prayed about what I’d do if my plan was rejected. I was ready for any outcome (and expected, frankly, the worst).

I also chose to ignore the nasty letters and emails that came my way. God gave me the grace to simply not engage, to not even be bothered by them.

Then came the email that said that “you didn’t know that X happened to me, did you?” I said no, I did not know that happened, but I could imagine how painful it must be. And I meant it. I had only love and compassion in my heart toward this hurting person.

Perhaps that’s what did it. The Bible says that Jesus, feeling compassion, healed (Mark 14:14). The person who sent me the email must have realized I truly did feel compassion, I wasn’t out to get anyone or take control or even reveal damaging information I had.

Some kind of healing ensued, as evidenced by the cooperation and entirely different tone in emails and texts. Perhaps reconciliation is even around the corner.

Another piece of the miracle: I still have peace, even if the situation turns bad again. I am still able to stick to my boundaries.

So the lesson for me, which perhaps will speak to you as well, is that when we completely let go of the outcome, entrusting it to God, miracles can happen. I suppose it’s because I’m not meddling in affairs that are not mine!

Allowing others the dignity of their choices frees us from feeling responsible for their suffering, should they make foolish choices. It is a boundary of sorts that protects our own heart from being unnecessarily bruised and battered.

Perhaps somehow, in a way I don’t understand, allowing others the dignity of their own choices affords them that dignity, and allows them to make better choices. I don’t know . . .  just a thought.

All I know is, this experience was a major turning point for me, a healing perhaps of control issues I didn’t know I had.

If you’re struggling with a relationship where you can see a train wreck coming if certain bad choices are made, remember the words that can set you free: You have permission to allow them the dignity of living with their own choices.

Feel free to comment below. And if I can be of further help with an issue you struggle with, check out for more on The Healing Codes–what it is, what it can do for you.

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Pivotal Memories

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People often ask me what kinds of memories to start with to get the fastest, deepest healing. 

I always look for the “fractal memories”–those memories in which the core beliefs/feelings will repeat themselves and branch out to affect your life in all kinds of ways afterward. Heal these, and the ripple effects of healing begin effortlessly  to penetrate into all the areas of life affected by that memory.

In another post I talked about foundational memories. They are one kind of important fractal memory.

Another kind of fractal memory is what I call a pivotal memory. This would be a memory, usually conscious, that changed the course of your life. Something happened and you came to believe something about yourself that forever after influenced your life. Such memories can form your identity–for better or worse.

On the “better side,” pivotal memories can be quite positive. One important pivotal memory that shaped my entire future happened in college, when I fell in love with publishing. I was always a bibliophile and a writer, and the field fascinated me, so I decided I would major in English, but not teach. I would make a career in publishing.

Everyone told me, “It’s practically impossible to break into publishing.” Especially since I didn’t know anyone, even by the time I was a senior in college. Also, this was at a time when people with PhDs in English were driving taxi cabs. 

No matter. Publishing was my passion and I would find a way. When my pastor suggested I go out to Illinois to study in the C.S. Lewis Wade Collection for my Honors thesis on Lewis, he added, “There are a lot of Christian publishing houses out there, too.”

I spent my mid-semester break in Wheaton, Illinois, and interviewed at three Christian publishing houses. One of them hired me, for a job they created for me. I still thrill to the fact that I had a job lined up in my chosen field before graduation, and before any of my friends with more sure degrees (like nursing) even had a job offer. That first job, in which I interviewed authors and created radio spots, remains one of my favorite jobs I’ve ever held, and led to other opportunities.

Positive pivotal experiences can lead the way to success in many areas. Use these memories as a focus point when you’re doing a Healing Code for a success issue; it will increase your confidence and shift your energy and focus in a big way.

Negative Pivotal Experiences obviously need to be healed. The lies and perhaps even vows that result from such memories must be changed to truth, or you will remain stuck.

To find a negative pivotal memory, look for an area in

your life where you feel blocked.

I’ll give an example from my own life.

In fifth grade, I had two teachers who seemed to love to pick on students. I was one of them. But my worst memory of these teachers came not from them bullying me, but another student.

One day I witnessed them verbally attacking  a male student in the hallway. (Not sure why I was there, but I was the only other witness, and the teachers seemed oblivious to my presence, so intent were they on their tearing apart that boy’s self-esteem.)

As the teachers lit into this boy, who I now realize was a Highly Sensitive Person, Richard cried. That just made the teachers belittle him more. I saw him stand there, helplessly crying more and more, while the teachers mercilessly ridiculed him.

Up to that point, I, too, was a person who felt deeply and cried easily. In fact, I desperately wanted to cry about what I just saw. I almost burst into tears on the spot, but somehow I stopped myself.

I stopped myself by making a vow, right then and there. I vowed that nobody would ever do something like that to me. If this is what happens when you show your emotions, I would never show my emotions again.

That day, I learned how not to cry. I learned how to turn off my high sensitivity. (Or so I thought.)

The problem was, I turned off all emotions. For a long, long time, I went through life feeling very little. I was what the Yerkoviches (How We Love, Expanded Edition: Discover Your Love Style, Enhance Your Marriage) identify as a classic Avoider in their Love Styles quiz. Having grown up in a home where emotions were pretty much absent, and I’d been ridiculed for being “too sensitive,” it felt right and comfortable to go through life not feeling.

Except . . .

Except that turning off the negative emotions also turned off the positive ones, like joy and tenderness and letting myself be moved by art or music.

Except . . . I am a Highly Sensitive Person, and one of the inborn traits is that we can’t help but feel and be emotionally reactive. 

As it does for most people who are Avoiders, the negative energy went into my body. The energy of emotion must go somewhere (e-motion = energy in motion). If you allow yourself to feel it, it will be processed. It won’t get stuck in brain and/or body.

If you don’t . . . you set yourself up for all kinds of problems. Dr. Gabor Mate says, “When you shut down emotion, you’re also affecting your immune system, your nervous system. So the repression of emotions, which is a survival strategy, then becomes a source of physiological illness later on.

That’s what happened to me. I developed an autoimmune disease.

Oddly, even though I went through therapy for a while, no one ever really helped me to understand and process my emotions. Maybe I just wasn’t getting it. It was The Healing Codes that started me on the path to actually healing the heart issues at the source (and also, quelling the physical issues).

It wasn’t easy to heal that Pivotal Memory. I had to identify the lies and the vow. My heart was fearful of being hurt, or humiliated like poor Richard was. (He was never the same after that incident. I noticed.) By understanding both High Sensitivity and Childhood Emotional Neglect, and by identifying the lies and replacing them with truth and images of how to handle emotions in a healthy way, I have found healing and a new way of being.

What Pivotal Memories do you need to heal?

You will greatly speed and deepen your healing when you identify and heal both foundational and pivotal memories. You will also remove many blocks that have held you back in many areas of life. Start today!

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I had visited this memory many times.

I thought I’d healed it, but it keeps popping up.

Each time, I realize there’s some new aspect of it that’s being healed.

There are several memories like this that pop up again and again to heal.

When such a memory is a very early childhood memory, I tend to think of it as foundational. These memories lay the foundation upon which so much of the rest of our life is built.

A foundational memory is like the initial fractal pattern that gets iterated in different ways as we progress through life. (Fractals are patterns that are programmed to “repeat themselves similarly.”

The difficult thing is such foundational or fractal memories can be very hard to access. They are often buried in the subconscious mind. Sometimes they’re the results of what you didn’t get–the lack of nurturing that’s thought of as Type A Trauma or Childhood Emotional Neglect, which is every bit as damaging as more obvious abuse.

Foundational/fractal memories can also be generational. We now know, from numerous studies, that traumas in one generation can be passed down to the next. For instance,  the babies of mice who were exposed to the scent of cherry blossoms and then given a shock, will show a stress response in the presence of cherry blossom scent–even though the babies themselves were never shocked.

How can this be? No one knows for sure yet. My theory is that the memory gets encoded in some kind of “informational energy pattern” in the cells itself, and is passed down through the DNA.
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