Archive for Align with Your Divine Design

Mar
16

Learning to See-Part Two

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In “Learning to See-Part 1” I talked about physical seeing, and how we might be able to improve vision through the Bates Method by correcting the sources of poor vision: mental and physical strain (i.e. stress), poor vision habits, and wearing glasses.

Now I’d like to address another aspect of “seeing”–perhaps the most crucial.

Besides seeing with our eyes, we also “see” with the non-physical aspects of our being, whether you want to call it the mind, heart, or spirit. (Maybe it’s all three?)

This kind of seeing is all about perspective.

gray and brown stones on gray ground

Photo by Ana Municio

Often it starts with asking questions. Curiosity tends to open the mind to new perspectives.

Getting back to the Dr. Bates Method, as an ophthalmologist he noticed some of his patients improved, and he wanted to know why. He reasoned, “If a remedy (in this case, glasses) works, the dose should be weakened as the patient gets stronger.”

That’s not what happens with glasses, however. Usually the eyes weaken, and stronger and stronger lenses are prescribed. He concluded from his research that body and mind tension produces eyestrain and creates vision problems. Vision problems were a result of three things: mental strain; poor vision habits, and eyeglasses, which he saw as crutches that impede the eye from “working out,” as it were.

Bates started weaning his patients off of glasses, and their vision improved as they did his other practices. He taught other doctors to do the same, and their patients’ vision improved.

However, this was not what the mainstream believed at the time. Their perspective was pretty much what the current modern perspective is: we can’t know the root cause of poor vision, and we just need to treat the symptom (by prescribing glasses, of course). End of story.

Dr. Bates was expelled from his organization in 1891 for his unorthodox views.

He went on to open free vision clinics, and apparently cured a lot of people, including children, of their vision problems. I wonder if his methods would still be in use today, more than 100 years later, if they didn’t help at least somewhat.

Vision problems marked my life since I was born really (eye surgery to correct strabysmus, then lazy eye, poor vision overall, and now dry eye and cataracts). I’ve worn glasses since I had the eye surgery at age 4. Notably, my glasses prescription has not gotten much worse since I’ve been doing The Healing Codes, which would lend some strength to Dr. Bates’s theory, since The Healing Codes deal with stress.

I’ve written about the two ways of viewing the body before. It seems to me it’s hugely important how you see your body if you want to improve your health.

doctors doing surgery inside emergency room

Photo by Natanael Melchor

One view, the prevailing view, has you dependent on the medical industry. If there’s something wrong, you need something outside yourself to fix it (medication, surgery, eyeglasses, etc.).

If you get a diagnosis, for example that you have cancer, the doctors will bombard you with all sorts of options for treatments. Do they believe the body has an innate intelligence, that maybe the body is trying to communicate something, and that possibly you can use those resources to overcome the cancer?

Do they try to find the root cause and create change on that level, and support the body’s natural drive to survive?

Not usually.

I tell my clients, when they get a diagnosis, to remind themselves of the truth: that doctors have found a condition they label as X, but it is actually simply a description of what they think they know based on a lot of other people’s experience (which is what research essentially is).

I’m not knocking that. We need research. We need doctors and hospitals. Surgery, medication, or other treatments can be life-saving and the best options.

But if you want to get to the root cause, so that the condition actually heals and does not recur, remember that you are an individual, and the cause of your condition might be completely different from the root of someone else’s similar condition. Doesn’t it make sense to at least attempt to find the root cause, along with addressing the symptoms?

Which brings me to another way of “seeing” that’s all too common: black and white, either/or thinking.

What if vision problems are caused by stress, poor vision habits, and wearing glasses? What if you can improve, if not totally correct, the vision issues by addressing stress and poor vision habits, and at least stop the assumed “inevitable” eye deterioration by improving the functioning of the eye and the brain?

Wouldn’t that be worth considering?

man in white long sleeve shirt looking at Apple laptop computer

Photo by Varun Gaba

My optometrist told me that one reason I was having trouble seeing well was “dry eye.” “Are you on the computer a lot?” she inquired.

Yes, I admitted.

She explained that normally we blink our eyes 15-20 times per minute, but when at the computer, or reading, we blink far less often. Blinking lubricates the eyeball. When you blink less often, you don’t lubricate the eyeball.

What was the remedy? Warm compresses (and she recommended a microwavable eye mask, which of course she sells), eye drops (I got a sample and coupons for buying more). Though “blinking less often” was the cause of the dry eye, she only mentioned “blinking more” in passing.

“Blink more often” is part of the Bates Method. Palming is also recommended, which my vision teacher tells me is better than eye masks because you have the energy of your own hands going into the eyes. Also, breathing to relax yourself while palming helps a lot.

Since I believe in energy as a healing force, I am trying the palming and breathing and blinking, along with other practices. Already my eyesight is improving somewhat, and I have not even been super diligent about the Bates Method suggestions. It will be interesting when I see the ophthalmologist in April, to find out if there are any objective changes. I’m open, but not convinced—as I was when I started doing The Healing Codes, by the way. What convinced me was seeing remarkable results.

I’m also exploring any “heart issues” that might be connected to vision. I believe that “heart issues” are often mirrored metaphorically in the body. For instance: was there something in my family growing up that I didn’t want to “see” clearly? Hmmm, we might be onto something. . . .

Could the “dry eye” be connected to the memory from fifth grade, when I witnessed two teachers bullying a boy for crying, and I vowed nobody would ever do that to me again? I didn’t cry much after that; I consciously suppressed my sensitivity. Is the “dry eye” about tears unshed, that need to be shed?

These are possibilities seem worth considering.

What do you ever lose by being open to possibilities? More importantly, what might you gain?

If you got a cancer diagnosis, wouldn’t it make sense to explore conventional treatments and also look for and heal any root emotional causes?

More and more experts, such as M.D. Gabor Maté and Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, author of The Body Keeps the Score, as well as the famous ACEs study, attest how often emotional issues lead to physical manifestations of disease. Many of my clients who have taken this approach of healing the heart issues have enjoyed good, and sometimes remarkable, outcomes.

a man with a blindfold over his eyes

Photo by Manuel bonadeo

Whenever I hear that “no one knows what causes X,” I immediately get curious and wonder if the root cause could be something no one is “seeing,” largely because no one is looking for it. (This “blindfolding” can happen for a number of reasons, but often personal gain is the motivator. Eyeglasses were enjoying a big boom when Dr. Bates was testing his theories, and optometrists today probably make most of their money on the glasses they sell. An anthropologist admitted this to my friend.)

These days, I like to make it almost a game to discern where someone is coming from when I read news stories, or opinions of “experts,” or media people, or social media, or medical people. There are so many different “ways of seeing,” and usually there’s a kernel of truth in almost everything. You often have to dig to get at the deepest truth.

More on that next time, in Part Three, where I’ll suggest a fun game to expand your (spiritual) vision, which will improve your relationships big time, and sharpen your discernment.

If you would like more, ongoing help in healing and transforming your perspective (a.k.a. your whole life), check out my Align with Your Divine DesignTM program.

Sep
21

Aligned Decision Making

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I recently faced a big decision.

It was one that would affect me, my family, and many other people—for years to come. I felt I had to get it right.

Of course I prayed for wisdom and guidance.

I started working through a grid called the OOVL Decision-Making Guide, which guides you in thinking through options, desired outcomes, how much you value each outcome, and the likelihood that each option would achieve your desired outcome.

It was helpful.

But . . .

The problem was, I didn’t know how likely it was that the desired outcome would happen, in most of the cases.

Or, it came down to a trade-off: more likely in the short term, but not the long term. Or vice versa.

And then came this question to my spirit: Which option requires the most faith? Read More→

Last week, I attended three days of an online business retreat that I thought, at the time, was fantastic.

I experienced transformation. I got ideas. I connected with people.

And it threw me into a massive 4-day healing response.

It was, apparently, too much, too fast.

The next day after the retreat, I was the usual Sunday tired.

On Monday, however, I was in pain. More stress hit when I had to drive my husband to a dental appointment in the teeming rain, where I couldn’t see in front of me and I was flanked by trucks also navigating construction barrels on the two highways I traversed.

Tuesday the pain got worse. It seemed to move all around my body. (I learned from a trauma expert that this can be a sign of trauma—trapped energy stored in the body.) I slept poorly that night.

Wednesday I could barely move, I was so tired and in pain. I rescheduled a client appointment–something I think I’ve only done two or three times in the past 13 years of coaching. (I’m nothing if not dependable!)

Read More→

Aug
05

Embracing Your Season

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A client of mine, Carolyn Schmit, has found a new outlet for her creativity: writing haiku.

One poem in particular struck me. With great simplicity (which I crave these days), it speaks profoundly of what is needed for so many seasons of life.

Teacher

Bough weighed down with snow

Nodding with each passing breeze

Teaches resilience

–Carolyn Schmit

The context of the poem is a particular season: winter. Perhaps the poem came to me again now, though it is summer, as I was reminded in my prayer time that I am in a new season, one that requires great resilience.

Thinking of life as being lived in seasons can help us weather them better. Our “life seasons” may always not be as predictable as the earth’s seasons, but they are alike in that neither lasts forever. One season inevitably gives way to another season.

The key is to discern what kind of season you’re in now, understand what is required, and most of all–most difficult of all–to not resist the current season’s demands.

That is where I’m concentrating most of my healing/transformational work right now: transforming resistance to acceptance, in the face of uncertainty. Learning to let go of what I knew, to let in what is possible. Expecting good things, instead of fearing the worst.

What about you? What “season” are you in? What is required of you in this particular season? What familiar things might you need to let go of, to let in new possibilities? What fears do you have at that thought? Where do they come from? What else might be true now?

And if you are in a season in which you desire more clarity on your purpose in life, visit my Align with Your Divine Design page and fill out a Clarity Questionnaire. I can help you navigate your current season so it bears fruit of love, joy, peace, and purpose.

Whenever I come across the same idea two or three times within a couple of days, I figure it’s something to pay attention to.

Especially if it’s from Scripture.

This week, the idea that healing can come through unexpected means came up twice on the same day. So I thought I’d pay close attention, and share it with you.

The first time was through a devotional app I really enjoy. It’s called Lectio 365, and each day there is a morning and evening audio (and printed words), using the simple outline of P-R-A-Y: Pause, Rejoice & Reflect, Ask, and Yield.

The Scripture selection for reflection on July 26 was from John 5:5-9a, about the man who spent years by the pool of Bethesda, waiting for a miracle. Jesus sees him, knows that he has been sick for a long time, and asks him a pointed question: “Do you want to be healed?”

The man explains why he can’t be healed: “I have no one to put me into the pool when the water is stirred up, and while I am going, another steps down before me.” His chance at being healed was slim to none—or so he thought.

The devotional points out that at this point, the sick man knew only one way to be healed: to get into the pool first when the water is stirred up. “But Jesus expands his limited imagination with an invitation to action; ‘Get up, pick up your bed, and start walking.’”

And the man did!

That very same day, I was reading through my two-year Bible reading plan, and came to the story of Naaman in 2 Kings 5, who had some kind of serious skin disease. He was general of the army under the king of Aram, and very valuable to the king. A girl from Israel who had been captured and ended up being the servant of Naaman’s wife told her that there was a prophet in Israel who could tell Naaman how to be healed.

Naaman first went to the king of Israel for help, but that king recognized his grave limitations in being able to heal, and referred Naaman to Elisha the prophet.

Naaman came to Elisha, all decked out with gifts. Elisha didn’t even bother to meet him in person; he sent his servant with a message to Naaman: “Go to the River Jordan and immerse yourself seven times. Your skin will be healed and you’ll be as good as new.”

This totally offended Naaman. He lost his temper, and fumed, “I thought he’d personally come out and meet me, call on the name of the LORD, wave his hand over the diseased spot, and get rid of the disease. Aren’t the Damascus rivers cleaner by far than the rivers in Israel? Why not bathe there; at least I’ll get clean.” He stomped off in a rage.

[Here’s another example of someone believing he could only be healed in a certain way. In this case, he vociferously resisted the new (and simpler) approach given by Elisha.]

Naaman’s servants tried to change his mind. “If the prophet had asked you to do something hard and heroic, wouldn’t you have done it? So why not this simple ‘wash and be clean’?”

Naaman gave in, followed Elisha’s orders—and was completely healed. AND he was convinced that the only true God was Elisha’s God, the LORD.

These stories remind me of the people I’ve tried to share The Healing Codes with. They are resistant to such a strange way of healing. If you don’t understand that everything is energy, and that if you shift the energy from negative to positive, things can change, things can be healed—you won’t be open to The Healing Codes.

Or a number of other healing modalities, for that matter. I don’t believe The Healing Codes are God’s only tool in his toolbox. He can use any tool he wants.

The question, for all of us, is: Are we open to God using a tool that we’ve never heard of, or don’t understand?

Can we, like the man at the pool of Bethesda, or like Naaman, take the step of faith and follow what God may be showing us to do—even if we don’t understand it or if it seems too “simple”?

What “miracle” might be possible if we did step out in faith?

[Note: you might want to share this link with someone who is skeptical about The Healing Codes or whatever else you know will help them, that he or she has resisted.)

I believe God has given me some new tools, besides The Healing Codes, that have worked to not only heal, but transform my own life and that of others. If you are interested in exploring what more God might have for you, please visit my web page and fill out a Clarity Questionnaire for the Align with Your Divine Design program. No obligation.

Mar
25

Two ways to speed your healing

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Have you been trying to heal some issue, emotional or physical, and feel like you’re stuck, not getting anywhere?

I want to suggest two ways you can get unstuck and speed your healing.

First, though, let’s explore why you might feel stuck.

1. There may be some sort of hidden memory that is blocking you, often a generational memory. I remember when I healed a particular generational memory from my mother (which she also was working on healing for herself), suddenly a success block was removed and things I’d been working on for years came to fruition in one week!

I can find those hidden memories if you sign up for my Healing Hearts Circle; every call I test the members for hidden memories.

2. Your body may be prioritizing healing something else that you’re not even aware of. You may be intent on healing your skin or digestive issues, for instance, but your body knows you have cancer forming. It is allocating the healing energy toward the more serious issue that you don’t even know about.

3. You have trauma. If you have trauma, defined as your nervous system’s reaction to an event that was, at the time, overwhelming to your nervous system, it can be stored in your body and causing symptoms.

While I have found that The Healing Codes do a lot to pave the way to trauma healing, I’m beginning to think that you also need some kind of somatic (body-based) intervention. It’s not either-or; energy healing makes trauma healing approaches work better and faster, and trauma healing approaches make The Healing Codes work better. I’ve found in myself and many of my clients, that The Healing Code paves the way for your body, soul and mind to even begin to deal with the trauma of which you might not have been aware.

4. You’re focusing too much on the physical and not seeing the subtle shifts that are taking place. We can be so fixated on our particular goal, that we don’t see the ways we’re improving.

My mother comes to mind. I was giving her custom Healing Codes every week, and she didn’t see any changes. But I sure did. I’ll never forget the day when she started talking about all the fun she and her siblings had as a child, when they went to her uncle’s farm. I said, “Mom! Do you realize this is the first time you’re ever shared any happy memory from your childhood?”

“Oh really?” she said, then blithely went on to talk more about the happy memories.

We coaches call it “Healing Code amnesia.” We forget how far we’ve come when we’re so fixated on the final goal.

(As a side note, my mom had always said she didn’t have any childhood memories. As she healed with The Healing Codes, more and more memories came up. We healed the sad ones, and then the happy ones emerged. But she didn’t even notice! The happy memories came up so naturally after a while.)

The keys to getting unstuck arise out of the above sources of our stuckness.

First, trust that your body wants to heal. And that it knows how to heal. Built into the fabric of creation is this innate ability to heal, to rejuvenate. We see it in the seasons. We see it in our bodies: when you get a cut, you don’t have to do anything except clean it and give it a little more protection. Your body already knows how to heal it.

Not everyone believes in the body’s ability to heal. I wrote about the two views of the body: the mechanical view that body is a machine that falls apart after a while, versus the organic view, that the body is a living organism with intelligence, that always seeks life and health.

It matters which view you take. Believing the latter in my opinion sets you up to work with your body’s intention to heal. Believing you’re just a machine that is now falling apart may lead you away from what you really need, and even cause you to engage in practices that will actually harm you.

In my view, our human spirit is meant to be aligned with God’s holy Spirit, so that God’s life flows through our spirit (heart/central intelligence/connection to our unique Divine Design), to our body and soul. God’s flow of energy is always about life and healing.

The second thing you can do to speed your healing is to notice every small “win,” every slight improvement.

Sometimes other people will notice and comment before we see it in ourselves, as was the case with my mother. I have many clients who will tell me that their spouse remarks on the changes in them, changes they haven’t noticed themselves. So you might want to ask the people close to you what changes they have notices.

Then, celebrate the changes!

This taps into the principle of gratitude. Give thanks for even the smallest improvement. That will keep you focused in the direction of improvement, which will speed that improvement. Even if you want your skin issue to heal but what’s happening is you’re feeling less anxious most of the time—that could well be what was needed to actually heal the skin issue.

Focusing on the positives will also lessen the perception of the negative. They are opposite poles. If you’re stuck, you may be trying to go two feet in one direction (feeling the frustration of “no change,”), then two feet in the opposite direction (noticing some positive changes but then discounting it—two steps back in the other direction).

Isn’t that the very picture of “stuck”?

So to summarize: Trust your body, and look for and celebrate the wins, however small they may seem.

And be patient. Yes, we want to speed our healing, but ironically, the slow, patient, steady path is the fastest track. Another thing your wise body and spirit knows is the perfect pace for your healing. That’s why I say in my Healing Code prayer of intention, “Please magnify the effectiveness of this healing to the maximum level for my highest good, at an optimal pace.” We want all these things: magnified effectiveness, our highest good, and an optimal pace—not too fast, not too slow.

The spirit guiding the body knows how to optimize. Let’s work with it!

Mar
11

Hidden Stressors-Part Four-toxins

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In this series on hidden stressors, I’ve mostly focused on the emotional aspects.

For many of us, this is the kind of stress that’s easiest to hide, especially if we’ve grown up with Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN), or are high on the sensitivity spectrum.

Another reason I’ve focused on the emotional, is emotional issues can predispose us to being more vulnerable to yet another hidden source of stress: toxins.

All of us are subject to this hidden physical stress.

Toxins lurk in our food, water, air, cosmetics, household cleaners, even fabrics.

They also lurk in the energy around us, in the form of electromagnetic frequencies (EMF) and dirty electricity.

I don’t think I have to go into detail about all this. No doubt you’re aware of it, and may feel a little helpless about what to do about it all.

However, we are not helpless at all. There is one main thing we can do to keep healthy, and that is to focus on the immune and nervous systems. Read More→

Mar
04

Hidden Stressors-Part Three

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In Part Two in this series on Hidden Stressors, I talked about trauma.

How there are no “little t” traumas. Traumas have to do with how the nervous system responded to an event that was overwhelming at the time. Some people, especially highly sensitive people, may have more finely-tuned nervous systems that take in more information—hence, may be more susceptible to trauma.

I just finished watching hours of the Trauma Superconference 3 that aired the replays recently. It made me realize that a lot of us are carrying around unhealed, even unknown trauma in our nervous systems.

These traumas may be triggered by the recent (and current) collective trauma of the COVID-19 pandemic.

Especially the trauma of unmet needs. Read More→

Feb
18

Hidden Stressors-Part One

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All your physical issues are from stress,” my doctor told me. They were the last words I would ever hear from her; she passed away shortly after.

But haven’t I been working on reducing stress for all these years with The Healing Codes?

The answer is yes. And they have helped tremendously. I honestly don’t think I’d even be alive now if I hadn’t been doing all I’ve done since I got my various diagnoses before The Healing Codes (osteoporosis, IBS, GERD, Hashimoto’s thyroiditis, PTSD).

The Healing Codes, Halo, the c.Balance (now upgraded to the HOLOS) have all helped me not be hampered much in my daily life by these diagnosed conditions.

Now, however, the symptoms started popping up again, worsening. Why?

As always, I prayed for insight into this. Were there hidden stressors of which I wasn’t aware?

What came up surprised me.

  • You haven’t been honoring your Highly Sensitive nature enough.

  • Your nervous system needs to recover from the traumas you’ve been through.

  • You are finally ready.

Part One: The High Sensitivity Piece

I’ve known for a while that I have this trait around 20% of all species share, in which the nervous system is wired differently. Dr. Elaine Aron explains in her ground-breaking book, The Highly Sensitive Person, which put this trait on the psychological map, that HSPs are like a different breed. Great Danes and border collies are both clearly dogs, but they are quite different. So, too, HSPs and non-HSPs are human, but they are actually quite different in many ways.

(Find out more about whether you’re a Highly Sensitive Person here.)

Maybe for you, sensitivity isn’t the issue. Maybe it’s some other kind of “diversity” that is part of your nature that you’ve not been honoring.

Maybe it’s that you’re an introvert who gets energy from reflection and alone time, and you’ve always been pushed to be more outgoing. Or vice versa. Maybe it’s that you have ADD/ADHD and your brain works differently than others.

Whatever it is that may set you apart a little, so that you tend to push it away rather than honor it, could be a hidden stressor for you.

I’ve known about being Highly Sensitive, but I haven’t been living it.

I hadn’t been honoring my need to process things deeply and thoroughly, for one. The last few years have been particularly stressful for me. On top of all the stress of the pandemic (and HSPs, by the way, are more susceptible to Emotional Inflammation), there were several personal traumas: dealing with a mold issue in the home; settling my sister-in-law’s estate out of state and fending off a crook; breaking my foot; 16 months of hell settling my mother’s estate (with all the family of origin issues that brought up); and a devastating diagnosis of a close family member.

If you’re Highly Sensitive, you need to realize that such stresses affect you more deeply than other people. You take in more information than most people. You are more sensitive to subtle stimuli than most people. And then you absolutely need to process all that you are taking in!

I’ve written about my current focus on subtraction. As a HSP, I need to be aware of (and limit as much as possible) the amount of information that’s coming to me. More information = more needed processing time. When life piles up, and I don’t get that processing time, my symptoms seem to flare.

So ways I’m trying to honor my HS nature more is to limit the amount of information I take in, and then making time to process it completely.

This often means saying no to social engagements, no matter how enticing they seem. I have to stand strong when someone tells me why it would be so good to attend X. (Ever notice how many people think they know what’s right for you? Often, what’s right for “most people” isn’t right for an HSP.)

I’m also the kind of HSP who seeks a lot of mental stimulation and loves to learn. I need to resist the temptation to sign up for yet one more masterclass or telesummit. I have to revisit my own goals often and tell myself, “My commitment to (my goal) is more important than this (distraction) right now.”

Honoring my HS nervous system also means changing my environment. I’m finding that clutter really gets to me these days. I subtract as much from my environment as I can. Someone said every object in your home has a “to-do list” or a message attached to it. So true!

  • The pile of papers cries out, “Pay me, file me, check me for sales!”
  • The unused clothes in your closet castigate you: “When will you lose weight so that beautiful outfit will fit you again?”
  • The old computer monitor in the spare room? You might need it someday, if you current monitor goes out.
  • And what about the files and photos on your phone or computer? Shouldn’t those be organized so you can find them more easily?

Guilt, anxiety, feeling like you’re “not enough” or not doing enough creep in with these messages. If you’re HS, not only do you feel those things—you also feel them more intensely!

Perhaps these things don’t overwhelm you like they do me. But if they do, know that doing even a little clutter control every day will help you feel calmer and more organized.

I need the downtime to process. I need more sleep than I’m getting. I need to allow myself to feel. I need to be aware that I take in a lot of information and to do what I can to both limit it and manage it.

I need to honor my sensitive nature. Without, I might add, feeling guilty or “less than” because of these needs.

If you have seen a flare up of symptoms you thought you had healed, know you’re not alone. Many of my clients and friends are also experiencing this. Whether you’re Highly Sensitive or not, there are likely hidden stressors that are chipping away at your resilience.

Do what you can to identify those stressors, and heal what you can.

In future posts I will explore more about hidden stressors: how to identify them, what to do about them. Including hidden traumas—the second piece of the insight that was given me.

Stay tuned!

 

Feb
04

Try This (Different) Kind of “Diet”

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I‘ve written about how, when you want to change something, the focus needs to be on staying in the new energy of what you desire, through doing some small daily task to keep you in that energy.

I have set this, my sixty-sixth year, as “the year to fix and nix” and 2023 as “the year to be free of all that’s not me. 

One of the things I’m “fixing and nixing” is my thought life.

Many people at this time of year go on a diet. Or they resolve to work out, “get in shape.”

I propose a different kind of “diet,” a different way to “get in shape.”

It’s a “thought diet,” an idea inspired by Dr. Natali, Edmonds, who coaches what she calls Careblazers—people who are taking care of a loved one with dementia. (If you’re in this situation, check out her Youtube videos.)

Imagine your thoughts are like items on a giant buffet. Everything you believe, the habitual thought patterns, are spread out before you.

As you go through the buffet line, you get to choose what thoughts you want to “put on your plate” to “take in.”

I think a lot of us don’t realize that we get to choose how we feel, by choosing our thoughts.

The formula, which every child should be taught but few have parents who know this themselves, is that our thoughts determine our feelings, and our feelings determine our behaviors. Behaviors then tend to reinforce the thoughts, which get cemented into beliefs, and then the feelings are hard-wired into our bodies, until we find ourselves caught up in patterns we don’t feel we can control.

But we can. We do it by becoming aware of our thoughts, and, like going through the buffet line, we choose which thoughts we desire to think that will lead to the feelings we want to feel.

Here’s the kicker, for me at least: Just because a thought is true, doesn’t mean you have to hang onto it.

You can still look for a different thought, which can be just as true, but will lead to feeling better.

Here’s an example.

Let’s say you asked your spouse to take out the trash. It’s now 10pm the night before trash pickup day. He still hasn’t taken out the trash. In fact, he’s gone to bed already!

Thoughts: He never does what I ask him to. He just ignores me. Now I have to do it, on top of everything else I’ve done today. I’m just as tired as he is. But I always end up picking up his slack. I’ve had it.

What do these thoughts make you feel? Irritated, resentful, perhaps even unloved. Unheard, uncared for. Angry!

The incident may have triggered earlier feelings from unhealed memories of being ignored, unappreciated, not heard. (Those are the memories you would want to address with a Healing Code, so that you can more easily do the next step.)

Can you stop in that moment of fatigue and irritation, and notice your thoughts and feelings? And then ask yourself, “What would I like to feel now instead?”

Perhaps you want to feel compassion—for yourself and your spouse. Compassion is so healing, and is one of my go-to feelings. You might choose thoughts like, “I’ve had a hard day, and he has too. We’re both exhausted. When I’m tired, I forget things, too. I’ll just take out the trash and be done with it, and tell him tomorrow that I would really appreciate it if he would take out the trash earlier in the evening next week.”

Do you see how much energy you can save by choosing different thoughts and therefore creating different feelings for yourself?

The first step is to tune in and notice. Notice how you’re feeling, and what thoughts are fueling those feelings.

Then, picture yourself at that thought buffet. The current thoughts are spread out. You don’t have to put them on your plate! Think about how you want to feel, and look for the thoughts that would lead to those feelings.

Don’t beat yourself up for the negative thoughts and feelings. You are human. Those thoughts and feelings are real. But again, just because they’re real, and perhaps even true, doesn’t mean you have to keep them. You don’t have to put everything on that buffet table onto your plate. (Imagine if you tried!)

Remember always: You get to choose.

If you haven’t yet chosen your “new energy intention” yet, perhaps it can be “I get to choose.” Or simply, “Notice!” Like my “calm focus” reminder, it could help you make the changes you desire, with less friction and effort.

And if you want to learn techniques for healing and transformation that make this kind of suggestion easier to do, send me email (diane at healingcodescoaching.com). I’ll send you information on my new Align with Your Divine Design(TM) program to guide your discovery of your unique purpose, with brand-new, science-backed tools to rewire your nervous system and heal the blocks that keep you from expressing that purpose.

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