Archive for Case Studies of Healing

Last time I wrote about my “long siege” trying to settle a very messy estate situation, and how I got through it (mostly) intact.

Now I’d like to share what to do when your “long siege” is over.

Again, your “long siege” might be an illness (your own or a loved one’s, in which you were the caretaker), a divorce, a difficult family situation, or any number of other trials.

For many people, the pandemic and all it entails has been a “long siege” which may or may not be over.

It may feel like any long siege will never end, but it usually does, one way or another.

The time of closure when it does end can be a very rich time of receiving all the gifts from the experience.

It can also be a time of vulnerability.

It’s not uncommon for people to get sick after an especially stressful period, a phenomenon called “the let-down effect.” I was aware of this, and wanted to make sure I don’t get sick now.

(Although I have to say, perhaps God is already helping me in that regard. The very day I knew for sure how things would end with the estate, we took our car into the repair shop. Verdict: we need a new car. So this week was spent on getting that together. But, as a friend put it, “maybe I need new wheels for new adventures.” I like that! And maybe I needed another shorter-term, minor stressor to help me “wind down.”)

So here are some steps I’m taking to provide closure on the “long siege” so I can heal and reclaim my life.

1. Take time to ponder—and celebrate—the lessons. Dr. Mark Virkler says that you know you are healed when you can see the gift in the experience. Looking for the gifts, the lessons, the ways you have grown, can greatly accelerate your recovery.

Photo by Emma Frances Logan on Unsplash

2. Process any unhealed emotions and provide closure. Thankfully, I have been “processing” all along—feeling the feelings, asking for prayer, journaling about my experience, and learning the lessons. But now it’s time to consolidate and provide full closure.

This can take the form of some physical act. I’ve decided that I will go through all the estate files and throw away anything that clearly is no longer pertinent, and remove the other files to the basement in case they need to be accessed. I don’t want them in my office. Stephanie Bennett Vogt calls clutter “stuck energy.” I don’t want to have that energy of what I went through in any space that is about moving forward.

You might do something else to process and provide closure. Writing a letter to someone and burning it might be one ritual, if your “long siege” involved a painful relationship that’s ended. Doing something physical and symbolic works wonders. I had to block certain people from calling me. This did not feel good. However, it felt necessary; all they want to do is continue the abuse.

Intentionally seeking closure will allow you to be transition smoothly, and open you up to new beginnings. I’m so ready for that, as I’ve had some great ideas brewing for so long!

3. Listen to and take care of your body. As I mentioned, after a stressful period is often when people get sick. Your immune and nervous systems have been revved up to deal with the siege.

Photo by bruce mars on Unsplash

Now your body needs some extra TLC, especially if you’ve been ignoring its signals.

Go to bed earlier, take more time to rest. Lover your body by providing it good nutrition. Exercising in short, intense bursts is best, with rest in between. The bursts get the stress out of the body that may be stuck, and the rest allows you to assimilate.

Drink plenty of water. As you focus on healing, your body will be releasing toxins built up from the emotions of your stressful period. Flush them away. Taking baths with essential oils and Epsom salts will also help.

If you do experience a flare-up of old symptoms, ask your body what it’s trying to say. Heed the message.

4. Slow down. Literally. You need to re-calibrate your nervous system and immune system, which have been used to being revved up all the time. It’s imperative to change that now.

This involves listening to your body, yes. It also helps to intentionally do as many things as possible more slowly and deliberately.

Walk more slowly. Chew more slowly. Breathe more slowly and deeply.

Speak more slowly.

This slowing down has, frankly, been one of the hardest changes for me to make. But I feel it’s the step that came from God. When I announced to my husband that I would be doing things more slowly, he almost broke out in applause. Throughout the siege, he kept complaining that I talked too fast. Yes, that’s what I do when stressed.

Now, post-siege, I am consciously taking time to speak more slowly, look at him, and listen better. When stressed, I tend to be half listening, half engaged with the “next thing” I have to be doing. Slowing down everything is the way to break this bad habit.

5. Make your healing work priority. If you’ve been doing this during the stressful period, don’t let up now! In fact, you might want to double down, especially in the first three days, which is the window of most vulnerability to the let-down effect. If you’re doing Healing Codes twice a day, for instance, add a little more time to the sessions, or add another brief HC session.

As you have been processing in order to bring closure, and listening to the messages from your body, use The Healing Codes and prayer to address the issues that have come up, especially if you haven’t been able to do that during your siege.

Photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash

6. Reconnect with joy, and your values. You may have jettisoned a lot of pleasures and even compromised your own values to get through your siege. Refocusing on what gives you joy, and recommitting to your own values will center you again in who you are.

If you’ve become distant from God during your trial, ask Him to open your eyes to the graces that I know he gives. (My book, Abundant Gifts, and the practice of keeping a “gifts journal” can really help here.)

7. Reconnect also with healthy relationships. During a long siege, you might have lost touch with people who were important to you. Now is the time to rekindle those relationships. We’re never meant to go it alone.

8. Take time to catch up on all the things you’ve neglected. Clear some clutter. (I cleaned off my desk top and found an uncashed check for $227 from 5 months ago! Shows how long I’ve been neglecting my office, but also that when you do clear the clutter, something good can happen!)

I’m still working on my list of neglected personal and household projectsslowly of course. Savoring each little task completed enhances the “finally it’s over!” celebratory energy. So don’t just complete the long-neglected tasks—celebrate that that too is finally completed!

9. Consciously create your “new normal”–and guard it fiercely. I am even making a list of things I now refuse to do, based on the lessons learned during the siege.

  • I will no longer allow myself to be drawn into anyone else’s “Dreaded Drama Triangle.” (Seeing this pattern has been one of the biggest gifts of my trial.)

  • I will continue to make my healing work, listening to my body, prayer and key healthy relationships a priority.

  • I will continue to slow down and savor.

  • I will continue to remove on a regular basis all clutter (emotional, physical, relational, mental), and seek at all times to Align with my Divine DesignTM by listening to God and choosing to focus on only my Clear Next Step.

I hope these tips have been or will be helpful to you. Pass this on to a friend who is ending a long siege. Or point them to the Part One article, on getting through. Bookmark the link for future reference. L9ng sieges certainly stretch you, but they need not crush you.

And if you would like some personalized help either in getting through a “long siege,” or recovering from one, check out my coaching at HealingCodesCoaching.com.

Every Labor Day weekend it hits me: If what happened on that weekend in 2007 hadn’t happened . . .

  • you wouldn’t be reading this blog.

  • The Healing Code book might never have been published.

  • you and thousands, perhaps millions of others might never have heard of The Healing Codes.

  • and thousands and thousands of people may not have been healed.

What transpired on the Saturday of Labor Day weekend, 2007 set off a chain reaction that led to all these things . . . and more.

It showed me how seemingly terrible incidents can lead to much good.

So what happened back in 2007 on the Saturday of Labor Day weekend? Read More→

 

This week we lost power for almost 2 days.

CC BY-NC by sjrankin

The outside temperature was 90°F/33°C, with a dew point of 73°F. (I have learned that the dew point is a better indicator of humidity than “relative humidity,” and anything over 60°F is uncomfortable. I haven’t seen a dew point much higher than 73°F here, so this was nearly unbearable.)

On top of that, the night before the power loss, our kitchen faucet handle was about to break off. I called at least eight potential handymen (before we lost power). Only two got back to me. One said he could come the next day to fix it at 5pm, but then texted me at that time saying he couldn’t make it after all. At 5pm the faucet handle broke off completely. Two and a half hours later, with a lot of dishes to be washed from dinner, the power went out.

It reminded me of the children’s story I used to read to my kids: Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day by Judith Viorst.

For us, it was two days.

I can’t honestly say it was all terrible, horrible, or no good, though. Very bad, yes. But here’s how God helped me, and what I discovered about alignment, intuition and, surprisingly, electricity and sleep.

Hunting for the Graces

Because of what I had learned about how gratitude fosters resilience, I kept looking for things to be grateful for.

First: the storms that knocked down trees and power lines did not dump a lot of rain. With the power out, the sump pump would not have worked. Had it rained heavily, the basement could have flooded. That potential disaster did not happen, despite the storms that hit both nights our power was out.

Second: A handyman came that first morning after we went dark. He installed the new faucet my husband bought the night before. He did it in the dark kitchen, with a flashlight (bless his heart!). He left his phone and a screwdriver behind because it was so dark he couldn’t see that he’d set it down. Soon enough, we had a functional kitchen, which lessened the stress a little.

Third: A neighbor said we could put our frozen food in his freezer.

Fourth: We have a gas stove, so I could cook.

Intuition

As soon as we lost power, I went up to shut down the computer correctly. I have a BackUp Universal Power Source that is a surge protector and a battery backup. It allows your computer and peripherals to keep going in a power failure until you can shut it down properly.

Here’s where the intuition part comes in. Read More→

If you weren’t dealing with grief before the global pandemic, I suspect you’re dealing with it now, in one way or another. Who hasn’t lost something in the pandemic, even if it’s only the familiar way of being able to “do life”?

Many are dealing with loss of so much more. Loss of health. Loss of a loved one (including a pet). Loss of connections. Loss of work, of income. Loss of a sense of stability. Loss of a dream. Loss of faith. Loss of a marriage.

If you have unhealed grief issues from the past, likely any of the more recent losses just make the grief feel even worse. Grief is cumulative, and time does not automatically heal it. That is a myth.

Dr. Bernard McGrane, Professor of Sociology at Chapman University, says that “unresolved grief is the major underlying issue in most people’s lives.” Incomplete recovery from grief can have lifelong negative effects on your capacity for happiness—not to mention your health.

If you’ve felt that your healing has not progressed as you would like, it could well be that unhealed grief is the block.

If you were to tally all the losses of your life, how many would you say feel resolved?

If none or few of them are resolved, I suggest you make grief recovery a priority. According to Grief Recovery Specialist Lynnette Hetzler and others, grief is the natural human response to loss, and there is a process of recovery from grief that is specific.

I invited Lynnette to share both her story of grief recovery and The Healing Codes, and more about the specific steps to recovering from grief. The live webinar interview took place on Wednesday, December 30, 2020.

On the call Lynnette and I covered:

  • myths about grief that can impede your recovery.

  • kinds of losses that need to be grieved.

  • ramifications, physical and emotional, of not dealing with grief.

  • are there “stages” of grief to work through? (The answer may surprise you.)

  • steps to grief recovery.

  • how grief recovery and The Healing Codes work together.

In addition, Lynnette answered questions.

Sign up below to access the recording of the call.

Nov
21

Grief, Grace, Gratitude, and Grit

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My mother left this earth on November 19, 2020. Marie Boos Filakovsky was 88.

There is grief. It’s showing up as lethargy, insomnia, fatigue, and sadness. I am always amazed at how strong the mother-daughter bond is.

Mom and I had a complicated relationship. The product of Childhood Emotional Neglect herself, she passed that on. She married a good man, my father, and lived out the 1950s script of a good Catholic girl, wife, and mother.

Mom and me, Aug. 2017

I never knew who she really was.

Until she was 78.

That’s when I started giving her custom Healing Codes. And I watched her change.

The changes in my mother solidified for me the power of The Healing Codes.

I can still remember the day she asked me how I was doing—and meant it. Before that, our weekly calls were mostly about her. It didn’t feel like she really was interested in me. Until that day.

From then on, she opened her heart more and more. I discovered to my astonishment that she had a tender, sensitive heart. For most of her life, she had hidden it under layers of socialization. Once she said to me, “You are giving me what I should have given you,” i.e. emotional support.

Then she had a stroke. And a second one, in 2017. After that, communication was very difficult. In a way, I lost the mother I’d just found.

A few weeks ago she was put on palliative care, and it was really difficult not to go out there. But with COVID-19, I just couldn’t risk flying out, for her sake and mine. I was told that it was too taxing for her to talk on the phone.

It was so hard, being cut off from her in her last days. Read More→

Oct
17

The Truth about The Healing Journey

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Nobody wants to tell you this.

But I think you can handle the truth. I love you too much to not tell you this.

The healing journey is a bumpy road, full of ups and downs, setbacks and detours.

In your heart, you know this already. But, when you’re desperate for healing, you will grasp at anything that offers the instant cure.

It doesn’t exist.

In all my 13 years of doing The Healing Codes, I can count ONE experience of an instant healing.

It was pretty dramatic, I admit. I had a horrible head cold, and was miserable for several days. At the peak of the miserable symptoms, I was doing a Healing Code addressing poor boundaries. Literally in the middle of doing that Healing Code, all my symptoms vanished suddenly and completely.

It was astonishing, but on one level it made sense. The immune system is all about boundaries: the body says, “This is mine, this is not mine.” I was working on a boundary issue. Apparently that Healing Code healed that particular memory I was working on, and apparently that memory was the source of my succumbing to that particular virus.

That experience, however, was not the norm. Read More→

Sep
12

The 3 C’s of Healing

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Ever since I embarked on this healing journey, for myself and others, I have been fascinated, perhaps even obsessed, with what makes people heal (and, conversely, what prevents healing).

Since many of my clients are making great progress, I have been studying what they are doing. Are there any key ingredients to their healing that caused major transformation in just a few short weeks?

Turns out there are. I have boiled it down to 3 C’s: Courage, Compassion, and Commitment. Read More→

Sep
05

Do You Need to Feel Before You Can Heal?

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Several years ago, in my prayer time these words were imprinted on my soul: “You need to feel it so we can heal it.”

At the time, I didn’t really understand this. In fact, I disagreed with it. Alex Loyd taught us practitioners that with The Healing Codes, you didn’t even have to feel the emotions.

Such impressions on my spirit I take as possible messages from God, so I looked for proof as to what to believe.

Since I believe Scripture is revealed Truth, that is always my first go-to for testing anything. Were there any scriptures that attested to this idea that you have to “feel it” to be healed? And what did the greatest Healer who walked the earth do—how did Jesus heal? Read More→

Aug
07

Buddy the Cat–Part 2: Lessons Learned

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In my last blog post, I wrote about how we lost Joey, our cat of 16 years. And how I had my eye on a new cat, Buddy. The writeup said he was ready to save a new human with his unconditional love.”

I did end up learning lessons from Buddy the cat. Not about love, but about the Heart, grief, and the power of the Halo.

It all started when the foster mom for Buddy called on Monday to offer to bring the cat to my house. I thought, “Why not?” But I didn’t really pray about it or check in with my Heart.

Well, the foster mom for Buddy called on Monday to offer to bring the cat to my house. I thought, “Why not?” But I didn’t really pray about it or check in with my Heart.

On Tuesday foster mom Rita brought Buddy by. He was very shy, but we finally coaxed him out of his hiding place. He rubbed up against our legs and allowed us to pet him. Read More→

Jun
25

Reframing Trauma

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I was talking with a client the other day and we were marveling at how far she has come in her healing work.

This client, whom I’ll call Debbie, has overcome severe childhood abuse, both physical and emotional, dealt to her practically since birth. What is so amazing is how well she can hear from God now, given that she actually had brain injury. And that hearing from God, plus her commitment to faithfully do The Healing Codes, is leading to much healing.

It occurred to me that it’s quite possible that her extraordinary spiritual attunement might have come, not despite the abuse, but because of the abuse. That God used the very changes in her brain caused by the abuse for his own good purposes. Sort of like how an ugly caterpillar gets transformed into a beautiful butterfly–after falling completely apart in the chrysalis first.

I can’t prove that’s true, but it’s in line with what I’ve experienced in my life and seen in the lives of others: God can take something harmful, and turn it around to accomplish something good. As I wrote about recently, God’s way is to find any small positive thing, and increase it until it overcomes the negative.

It’s also in line with many stories in Scripture. My favorite one is the story of Joseph from Genesis 37-48. At age 17, Joseph (whose name, by the way, means “increase”) was the youngest of 11 brothers–and also his father’s favorite. Out of jealousy, his brothers sold him into slavery and told their father that he was killed by wild animals.

Joseph went through all kinds of trials in Egypt, through no fault of his own. In fact, several times, things got worse for him because he did the right thing. But ultimately his fortune turned around and he ended up being second in command to Pharaoh in Egypt. When a famine drove the brothers to go to Egypt to buy grain, they met Joseph but did not recognize him. You can sense that Joseph wrestled with making his brothers pay for what they did to him, but in the end, he forgave him and reconciled with them.

Joseph’s turnaround came when he saw God’s big picture: that it was because they had sold him into slavery that the family survived the famine. “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives,” he told them.

In my own life, I have pondered how God has used some of my traumas to bring me to the point I am now. Read More→

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