Archive for Case Studies of Healing

If you weren’t dealing with grief before the global pandemic, I suspect you’re dealing with it now, in one way or another. Who hasn’t lost something in the pandemic, even if it’s only the familiar way of being able to “do life”?

Many are dealing with loss of so much more. Loss of health. Loss of a loved one (including a pet). Loss of connections. Loss of work, of income. Loss of a sense of stability. Loss of a dream. Loss of faith. Loss of a marriage.

If you have unhealed grief issues from the past, likely any of the more recent losses just make the grief feel even worse. Grief is cumulative, and time does not automatically heal it. That is a myth.

Dr. Bernard McGrane, Professor of Sociology at Chapman University, says that “unresolved grief is the major underlying issue in most people’s lives.” Incomplete recovery from grief can have lifelong negative effects on your capacity for happiness—not to mention your health.

If you’ve felt that your healing has not progressed as you would like, it could well be that unhealed grief is the block.

If you were to tally all the losses of your life, how many would you say feel resolved?

If none or few of them are resolved, I suggest you make grief recovery a priority. According to Grief Recovery Specialist Lynnette Hetzler and others, grief is the natural human response to loss, and there is a process of recovery from grief that is specific.

I invited Lynnette to share both her story of grief recovery and The Healing Codes, and more about the specific steps to recovering from grief. The live webinar interview took place on Wednesday, December 30, 2020.

On the call Lynnette and I covered:

  • myths about grief that can impede your recovery.

  • kinds of losses that need to be grieved.

  • ramifications, physical and emotional, of not dealing with grief.

  • are there “stages” of grief to work through? (The answer may surprise you.)

  • steps to grief recovery.

  • how grief recovery and The Healing Codes work together.

In addition, Lynnette answered questions.

Sign up below to access the recording of the call.

My mother left this earth on November 19, 2020. Marie Boos Filakovsky was 88.

There is grief. It’s showing up as lethargy, insomnia, fatigue, and sadness. I am always amazed at how strong the mother-daughter bond is.

Mom and I had a complicated relationship. The product of Childhood Emotional Neglect herself, she passed that on. She married a good man, my father, and lived out the 1950s script of a good Catholic girl, wife, and mother.

Mom and me, Aug. 2017

I never knew who she really was.

Until she was 78.

That’s when I started giving her custom Healing Codes. And I watched her change.

The changes in my mother solidified for me the power of The Healing Codes.

I can still remember the day she asked me how I was doing—and meant it. Before that, our weekly calls were mostly about her. It didn’t feel like she really was interested in me. Until that day.

From then on, she opened her heart more and more. I discovered to my astonishment that she had a tender, sensitive heart. For most of her life, she had hidden it under layers of socialization. Once she said to me, “You are giving me what I should have given you,” i.e. emotional support.

Then she had a stroke. And a second one, in 2017. After that, communication was very difficult. In a way, I lost the mother I’d just found.

A few weeks ago she was put on palliative care, and it was really difficult not to go out there. But with COVID-19, I just couldn’t risk flying out, for her sake and mine. I was told that it was too taxing for her to talk on the phone.

It was so hard, being cut off from her in her last days. Read More→

Nobody wants to tell you this.

But I think you can handle the truth. I love you too much to not tell you this.

The healing journey is a bumpy road, full of ups and downs, setbacks and detours.

In your heart, you know this already. But, when you’re desperate for healing, you will grasp at anything that offers the instant cure.

It doesn’t exist.

In all my 13 years of doing The Healing Codes, I can count ONE experience of an instant healing.

It was pretty dramatic, I admit. I had a horrible head cold, and was miserable for several days. At the peak of the miserable symptoms, I was doing a Healing Code addressing poor boundaries. Literally in the middle of doing that Healing Code, all my symptoms vanished suddenly and completely.

It was astonishing, but on one level it made sense. The immune system is all about boundaries: the body says, “This is mine, this is not mine.” I was working on a boundary issue. Apparently that Healing Code healed that particular memory I was working on, and apparently that memory was the source of my succumbing to that particular virus.

That experience, however, was not the norm. Read More→

The 3 C’s of Healing

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Ever since I embarked on this healing journey, for myself and others, I have been fascinated, perhaps even obsessed, with what makes people heal (and, conversely, what prevents healing).

Since many of my clients are making great progress, I have been studying what they are doing. Are there any key ingredients to their healing that caused major transformation in just a few short weeks?

Turns out there are. I have boiled it down to 3 C’s: Courage, Compassion, and Commitment. Read More→

Several years ago, in my prayer time these words were imprinted on my soul: “You need to feel it so we can heal it.”

At the time, I didn’t really understand this. In fact, I disagreed with it. Alex Loyd taught us practitioners that with The Healing Codes, you didn’t even have to feel the emotions.

Such impressions on my spirit I take as possible messages from God, so I looked for proof as to what to believe.

Since I believe Scripture is revealed Truth, that is always my first go-to for testing anything. Were there any scriptures that attested to this idea that you have to “feel it” to be healed? And what did the greatest Healer who walked the earth do—how did Jesus heal? Read More→

In my last blog post, I wrote about how we lost Joey, our cat of 16 years. And how I had my eye on a new cat, Buddy. The writeup said he was ready to save a new human with his unconditional love.”

I did end up learning lessons from Buddy the cat. Not about love, but about the Heart, grief, and the power of the Halo.

It all started when the foster mom for Buddy called on Monday to offer to bring the cat to my house. I thought, “Why not?” But I didn’t really pray about it or check in with my Heart.

Well, the foster mom for Buddy called on Monday to offer to bring the cat to my house. I thought, “Why not?” But I didn’t really pray about it or check in with my Heart.

On Tuesday foster mom Rita brought Buddy by. He was very shy, but we finally coaxed him out of his hiding place. He rubbed up against our legs and allowed us to pet him. Read More→

Reframing Trauma

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I was talking with a client the other day and we were marveling at how far she has come in her healing work.

This client, whom I’ll call Debbie, has overcome severe childhood abuse, both physical and emotional, dealt to her practically since birth. What is so amazing is how well she can hear from God now, given that she actually had brain injury. And that hearing from God, plus her commitment to faithfully do The Healing Codes, is leading to much healing.

It occurred to me that it’s quite possible that her extraordinary spiritual attunement might have come, not despite the abuse, but because of the abuse. That God used the very changes in her brain caused by the abuse for his own good purposes. Sort of like how an ugly caterpillar gets transformed into a beautiful butterfly–after falling completely apart in the chrysalis first.

I can’t prove that’s true, but it’s in line with what I’ve experienced in my life and seen in the lives of others: God can take something harmful, and turn it around to accomplish something good. As I wrote about recently, God’s way is to find any small positive thing, and increase it until it overcomes the negative.

It’s also in line with many stories in Scripture. My favorite one is the story of Joseph from Genesis 37-48. At age 17, Joseph (whose name, by the way, means “increase”) was the youngest of 11 brothers–and also his father’s favorite. Out of jealousy, his brothers sold him into slavery and told their father that he was killed by wild animals.

Joseph went through all kinds of trials in Egypt, through no fault of his own. In fact, several times, things got worse for him because he did the right thing. But ultimately his fortune turned around and he ended up being second in command to Pharaoh in Egypt. When a famine drove the brothers to go to Egypt to buy grain, they met Joseph but did not recognize him. You can sense that Joseph wrestled with making his brothers pay for what they did to him, but in the end, he forgave him and reconciled with them.

Joseph’s turnaround came when he saw God’s big picture: that it was because they had sold him into slavery that the family survived the famine. “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives,” he told them.

In my own life, I have pondered how God has used some of my traumas to bring me to the point I am now. Read More→

I just lost my dear friend and spiritual brother, Dr. Ron Arko, as he went back to heaven.

I’ve known Ron and Dori Arko for almost 7 years. My husband and I spent a delightful day with them in 2014 in their home in Newport Beach, California. We’ve talked nearly every two weeks for those past 7 years–heart to heart talks.

Dr. Ron and I shared a love for people. a passion for seeing them healed, a delight in God and his ways, a fascination with quantum physics and true science, and so much more. We agreed we were more than friends; we were truly spiritual brother and sister, our hearts knit together by God himself.

Ron was a very wise and gifted therapist, and a great encourager. He always knew how to build up a person. He made you feel like you were his favorite. He cherished his wife, Dori, in such a tender way, it made you want to weep and do whatever it takes to have that, too. He counseled a lot of couples and people in ministry, too.

I confessed to Ron a few weeks ago, as he was wasting away with cancer, that I was not afraid to die. I was afraid of the process of dying.

Yet, seeing how Ron handled his impending departure from this world, with an unwavering faith in God’s goodness, with love and peace and even joy, and absolutely no bitterness, patiently enduring the pain–it changed me.

When he got his diagnosis of terminal cancer, one of the first things Ron did was write his biography. He asked me to edit it. It was a wonderful exercise for him to review his life and tell what he thought was important. Knowing the subtext was especially poignant for me. It made me think about what I would say about my own life.

Something else changed me: what he shared about what happened when he died for 10 minutes at age 15 and went to heaven.

He told me about this heavenly vision just a few weeks ago, as he was getting weaker and weaker from the cancer. He had never told anyone but Dori until recently. Now he has shared it publicly.

You can watch him talk about his trip to heaven and get a sense of his beautiful life, at http://newheart.org.

“Once you have experienced the glory of God,” he said, “you never see life the same again. You don’t have any fear, and you don’t hang onto things of this world.”

I had always wondered how Ron handled the many traumas of his life so well. How he could be so loving, kind and generous, and have such a loving relationship with his wife, when nothing in his background equipped him for that.

Now I knew.

Ron helped me overcome my fear of dying. He died of a particularly gruesome form of cancer. In his last days of life, Ron told me that because he had already had God’s glory and love shoot through him when he was in heaven the first time, he believed it changed him on a cellular level and that’s why he always had such a high tolerance for pain. He told me God would prepare me for whatever I would face, just as he had prepared Ron. I could trust in God’s goodness for the means of my death. And now i finally believe it.

“God is good, all the time,” Ron always said. He never wavered in that.

I believe it now, Ron. I believe it. . . . Thank you. Thank you for showing me how to live life as though everything is a miracle. I know this is, as you said, only a temporary separation. I look forward to our reunion, and I can feel you cheering me on from heaven, just as you did from earth.

 

 

Big Aha–How Some Issues Hide

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In my group coaching program, I had a client who was working with a very stubborn money issue.  Her story gave both of us a big aha about how some issues can hide, and she gave me permission to share her story.

Laura had been “seriously in the muck and mire for years about finances,” as she put it.  We had been clearing all kinds of things, especially generational memories from her mother’s side.

Still, the money issues persisted. One day she realized that she got anxious not when money was going out, but when money was coming in. This made no sense to her!

A book on Laura’s bookshelf caught her eye: The Intersection of Joy and Money. In working through the workbook questions, she came up with an insight that floored her. “My answers to the questions revealed that my father made it very clear to me from a very young age that my job was to work hard in school, get a good education both at school and in music. He also made it very clear to me that he would provide for me and that I would have the money I needed when I asked for it. So at a young age I developed my beliefs about money and they looked like this: Laura, it is not your job to provide. It is your dad’s job to provide. Someone else will give you money when you need it or ask for it.”

Here’s the kicker:  This belief was rooted in an incredibly loving and generous and protective place. Laura knew that her father, who was himself dyslexic and graduated high school barely literate,  was  so proud of this smart little girl in his life that he wanted to support her in having every opportunity available.

“The feeling of love and adoration that I remember is absolutely beautiful,” Laura says.

The problem came later, in her adult years. This belief, nurtured in the soil of love, bloomed into a subconscious blueprint about whose job it is to provide for her, and crippled her ability to earn money as an adult. And the feeling she had now, connected with the memory, was panic. Panic when money came in.

A new picture also popped up on her heart screen: “I am in a labyrinth heading to the middle where my ability to provide for my family is located and I keep sabotaging my ability to get to the middle,” she says. “I keep getting distracted and caught up and dragged off course because of the subconscious belief that it isn’t my job to provide. If I just sit down long enough someone else will bring me the money I need.”

This belief remained hidden so long because it wasn’t grounded in trauma or pain, but in love. It’s easy to assume that negative beliefs are always connected to some negative memory, but as we can see from Laura’s story, that’s not always the case.

In fact, I’m wondering if some of the most stubborn issues of our lives, the ones that we can’t seem to get any healing traction on, may be rooted in positive rather than negative memories. A belief anchored to a positive memory might be the most difficult to identify and heal.

If you have had a stubborn issue that has been difficult to heal, do a little digging, as Laura did. Once she realized that the actual problem was when money came in, and prayed about what that might be attached to, she got her big aha and the wrong belief that needed to be healed.

In her case, there was no negative memory to be healed. There was only the positive memory of her father’s love and provision. Yet the belief that worked when she was a child morphed into panic and a negative image on her heart screen as she grew up. Remember, with The Healing Codes or healing prayer, what we look for are negative images, wrong beliefs, and negative emotions.

What stubborn issue have you been unable to heal so far? What beliefs were true when you were a child, but morphed into something negative that doesn’t serve you at all as an adult?

Heal the underlying negative beliefs, pictures, emotions, but don’t always assume there’s a negative memory attached. It just might be that a positive memory is what anchored a belief that no longer serves you.

If you need help in finding the core negative images, beliefs, or memories, consider getting some coaching and custom codes.

 

In my coaching, as I listen to clients tell me what’s bothering them most (the starting point for finding heart issues), I want to find the deepest issue their heart is ready to heal at this point in their healing journey.

I’m listening for what I think of as “the keywords to the heart.” These are words that have the most energy, that seem to encapsulate the essence of the heart issue.

When you put these “keywords” into your prayer of intention, your heart, like a search engine, will come up with the memories that need to be healed.

Your “keywords to your heart” could be one or more feelings. Or a phrase (see below for an example).

It could include one or more beliefs. Or a relationship. Or a harmful action–something they’re doing to numb the pain.

Or–all 4! In fact, I call these four areas the 4-part program: feelings, beliefs, relational context, and harmful actions. Most issues have at least three of these elements (not all issues have the Harmful Actions component).

If you want to speed your healing: Read More→

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