Archive for Healing Codes Coaching
How to Heal and Process an Emotion
Posted by: | CommentsHave you ever wondered what emotions are good for, anyway?
And what happens when you refuse to deal with an emotion?
Let’s say you feel sad about something, now. Growing up, if you showed sadness or cried, it made your parents feel uncomfortable. Feeling sad made you bad for making them feel uncomfortable. (You can substitute any other feeling you “weren’t allowed” to feel.)
If you were male and you cried, you may have been told, one way or another, to toughen up.
If you grew up this way, what are you likely to do with that present sad feeling?
If you let yourself feel it, you might find guilt being added to it (because when you felt sad in childhood and other people didn’t like it, you came to believe your feeling sad made someone else feel bad). Or shame (“I’m bad for feeling sad and causing a problem for someone else”). Read More→
How “Selfishness” is Helping Me Heal
Posted by: | CommentsWhen I was a child, I somehow got the idea from my family that I couldn’t have what I wanted.
When I asked for gymnastic lessons, my mother couldn’t be bothered with taking me back and forth to lessons.
When I asked if I could learn to play the piano, she said crossly, “Where would we fit a piano in this house?”
I’ve written about how I was triggered on Fourth of July by memories of never getting a helium balloon at the parade, and how that and other things led to my forming the beliefs, “I can’t have what I desire. Other people will think I’m selfish and reject me if I do or ask for what feels right for me.”
Which eventually led to a feeling of guilt and shame for even desiring anything pleasurable. Which eventually shut me down.
Hearing teachings by various spiritual leaders only reinforced the idea: It’s selfish to seek what I desire, wrong to seek pleasure and avoid pain. One renowned religious radio teacher even said repeatedly, “If you have a choice between the easy way and the hard way, always choose the hard way” (because it will build character).
Being part of the 15-20% of the population whose nervous system is programmed differently only made things worse. Highly Sensitive People (HSPs) are literally wired to feel both pleasure and pain even more acutely than others. To deny us the pleasure and say we shouldn’t avoid the pain cuts us off from the essence of who we are. Also, to shame us when what we desire or need is different is also very damaging. (I was called “Little Miss Fuss-Budget” by my father because things bothered me that didn’t bother other people, like scratchy clothing. I was supposed to endure things that bothered me because I “wasn’t supposed to” be bothered by them.)
Was it any wonder that I had trouble feeling joy, or indeed, anything?
And was it any wonder that I developed poor boundaries, allowing other people to take advantage of me because I was ignoring the emotions that warned me to avoid pain? (Uneasiness, anxiousness, outrage, disgust.)
Well, I’m healing from all that. Here’s what I’m doing.
Steps to Healing
The first step is to recognize the lies.
As human beings, we were created to seek fulfillment, to go after pleasure and avoid pain.
We seek the pleasure of eating, so we are nourished. We seek the pleasure of relationship, so we seek community, we bond and procreate.
Of course we can seek pleasure in ways that are ultimately destructive. When we seek only our own desires, at the expense of others, we harm them and ourselves. We can try to avoid pain through destructive means, too. But that doesn’t negate the validity of seeking to fulfill our desires and avoid pain in legitimate ways.
In fact, I believe God puts desires into our hearts so that he can feel the pleasure of fulfilling them.
Think about how how you try to find the perfect gift that will really make the recipient feel loved, special, known. Isn’t that what God does for us? I believe he finds joy when we receive his gifts with pleasure and joy. (I wrote a whole book, Abundant Gifts, about the transforming power of looking for and receiving God’s gifts.)
And doesn’t God try to warn us to avoid things that will cause us pain? The Word of God is filled with cautions not to do certain things because he knows they would be bad for us.
The second step was to renounce the lies, and embrace the truth. I did Healing Codes to heal the memories that led to my believing the lies. I infused the truth that it’s OK and good to let my legitimate desires and needs be more of a priority, and to take better care of myself.
The third step was to incorporate the new beliefs into my everyday life. I made a list of things that give me pleasure, and I incorporate those into my life whenever possible. I focus on savoring the simple things.
Not surprisingly, I’m finding my stress load lessening dramatically. My joy is increasing.
Also, I took a good look at what was causing me pain. A couple of key relationships that now felt toxic to me came to mind. Painful as it was, I cut off those relationships.
Again, my stress load lessened by quite a bit. I did Healing Codes to help heal the grief of letting go of the relationships.
I believe that a big part of healing and mastering the stress in our lives has to do with seeking pleasure and avoiding pain in life-giving ways.
The key is recognizing temporary vs. more lasting pleasure and pain, and to find life-giving ways to do both.
Life-giving is key. It often means we may give up a temporary pleasure for a more lasting satisfaction. We’re still seeking pleasure, but it’s a more permanent pleasure. And sometimes that includes embracing a little pain, but again, you’re exchanging temporary pain for lasting pleasure.
An example might be teaching your child to clean his room. He may act ornery, and as if he hates you even, but you are willing to put up with that because you set your gaze on the more lasting pleasure of having a child who knows how to take care of things. (And in the long run, it means less work for you.)
If you can relate to what I’ve been saying, I encourage you to list what gives you pleasure, what is causing pain. Look at the beliefs you might have that are blocking you from embracing pleasure and/or avoiding pain in legitimate ways. See if you can identify memories attached to those lies. Use The Healing Codes or healing prayer to heal those memories.
Then, add as much pleasure, avoid as much pain as you can. Life has enough suffering that we can’t avoid. Let’s not let guilt or shame or a false sense of what it means to be a “good person” keep us from embracing the abundant life God has for us (John 10:10).
And if you need any help with identifying and healing those lies and memories, I’m always available for custom coaching with The Healing Codes at HealingCodesCoaching.com.
Doing a Healing Code for Someone Whose Heart Issue You Don’t Know
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Someone wrote to me recently asking how to do a Healing Code for a friend who had had brain surgery, and was not responsive.
Well, first of all, I believe that as long as a person is alive, the human spirit is able to perceive, even if because of the physical state, the body and mind seem totally unresponsive.
You don’t have to know a person’s heart issue to connect with his or her spirit and send healing.
So I like to pray the Prayer of Intention like this:
“Dear God, I pray you will call ___’s spirit to attention to connect with your Spirit to receive your healing and grace. Please find, open and heal anything that would prevent ____ from full recovery, by filling him with your love, light and life. Please also magnify the effectiveness of this healing to the maximum level for his highest good, at an optimal pace, and restore everything–spirit, soul, mind and body–to your original, intended design. Thank you, Lord, for your ability and willingness to do these things.”
You can amend the above prayer to fit a different situation, of course. If, for instance, you want to do a Code for someone with cancer, you can say, “… find, open and heal anything that is causing or contributing to the cancer, by filling …”
You can do the Code on yourself, perhaps using the Truth Focus Statement, “The life-giving light of the Lord God Almighty shines in all ____’s darkness, to bring complete healing, peace, and right relationships with God, self and others.”
When you’re done with the Code, you can open your hands in a release gesture and say, “I release the full effects of this healing to _____, in love.”
It’s that simple!
It’s wonderful to do Healing Code for others. I do, regularly, especially for my family. (I do Q Codes for others because that’s so much quicker, and allows me to do more for more people–and myself!)
In fact, it’s been my experience that doing a Healing Code for someone else is actually more powerful than that person doing it for him or herself, because the love that motivates you adds to the power of the Code.
Related: Video and more articles on doing Healing Codes for others.
What We Really Want–and How to Get More of It
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Do you get as tired as I do of the endless marketing that assaults us at every turn?
Don’t get me wrong. Honest marketing and advertising, where someone tells you honestly about the real benefits of a great product they believe in, and allows you to make your own informed decision–I’m all for that. After all, it’s what I do myself.
I’m talking about the advertising that is manipulative. That plays on your insecurities.
The kind that’s all about money. Feeling good in the moment. Power.
Of course, what those advertisers want us to believe is that we will get these things if we buy their products. The real underlying message is, “You need something from outside you to make you feel good.”
That sure doesn’t sound like we’re very free. We’re dependent on other things, outside of us, that we can’t really control, to make us feel significant, valued, secure.
I don’t buy it!
My identity and security IS tied to something
outside myself, but it’s not a “thing.” Read More→
How to Prevent a Painful Event from Becoming a Trauma
Posted by: | CommentsDoes every painful event that happens to us inevitably become a trauma?
The good news is: NO!
To understand how this can be–and more importantly, to prevent a life event from becoming a trauma–you need to understand why and how something becomes a trauma.
Trauma and UDINS
I’ve written before about life events that become traumatic because they are UDINs: Unexpected, Dramatic, Isolating, and having No resources, recourse, or solutions.
These four elements are what make something traumatic.
Notice that one and a half of the elements of a UDIN are unpreventable.
You can’t control when some crisis will happen, or how.
You can’t control how bad it will be (half of the Dramatic element).
That’s the one and a half you can’t control.
What you can control of the Dramatic part, though, to at least some degree, is how it will affect you.
And you can control whether you will let it Isolate you, and whether you will believe that there are No solutions or resources.
According to Dr. Karl Lehman, there is a pain pathway in the brain that needs to be traveled all the way through in order for a painful event not to become a trauma. If we can go all the way through the pain processing pathway, we “metabolize” the experience and it does not become a trauma that can then get triggered again and again, and cause all kinds of physical, emotional, or relational problems.
The main reason a painful event becomes traumatic is that we feel alone in it. Relationship has been withdrawn. We become disconnected.
Dr. Lehman explains that “because we live with brains that configure all our reality and experiences in relational terms, we must learn to stay relational in the presence of our pain.”
How do we do that?
Staying Relational in the Pain
Many of us grew up in families that themselves never learned this. When they or we were in pain, it led to withdrawal. The “relational circuits” in the brain (RCs) were switched off. If this happened in our experience, we may come to believe that when we’re in pain, love is going to be withdrawn. Thus we turn off to the pain, or we go off by ourselves to try to deal with it.
Which, if we’re to believe the brain science experts, never works.
So how do we stay relational in the pain, so we can actually process it and not let it become a trauma?
Look for Someone Who Knows How to Be With You in Pain
It can be difficult to reach out to someone when you are in pain, because not everyone will know how to deal with it. Most people will instinctively try to make you feel better, make the pain go away. You may instinctively turn to something to make you feel better, make the pain go away.
The only way out of the pain, is through it. Preferably with someone else.
If you know someone with whom you feel safe, you can kind of coach them along as to how they can help you.
Approach them at a time when you both can talk. Ask them if they would be willing to just listen to you and reflect back how you’re feeling without attempting to change anything.
Note: That someone can be God. God is always with us, and if you believe his Word, he has promised 14 times never to leave you or forsake you. You can journal or pray your way through the sequence below. (For more help with this, I suggest the book, The Joyful Journey: Listening to Immanuel. You can also contact me for some Healing Codes. This is a big part of what I do in my Healing Codes Coaching work.)
Let’s say you just lost someone dear to you, and are feeling great grief.
The VCR of Relief
Here the three steps to working through the pain. Again, ideally you will do this in the presence of someone who has the capacity to be with you in this process.
- Validation: name the feeling and/or belief you have as a result of the event. “I miss my friend so much. She was like a mom to me. Who will I go to now when I need the wise, down-to-earth advice she always knew how to give? I have lost so much, so unexpectedly….”
If you’re processing something with someone and they reflect back your words to you with empathy, you will feel validated and understood. The first step is to stay connected with the experience rather than try to escape or minimize it. Doing this with another person removes the Isolating factor.
2. Comfort: Look for the origin of the negative feeling or belief attached to the event. You may be upset by the event itself, but it may also be triggering an unhealed memory from the past. You may or may not remember what that is, but naming the origin of it as best you know can be helpful.
“This sounds silly, but it reminds me of the time my father accidentally killed my cat when I was young. I used to tell my cat my problems, and I never felt she judged me.” So now we’re dealing with more than losing the friend; we’re dealing with an unhealed memory from the past, that amplifies the pain in the current memory. Just realizing this can be comforting. It can help you begin to make sense out of the pain. “Oh, this is not just about this incident.” (And you will want to address both incidents with The Healing Codes and/or healing prayer.)
Or maybe it is just about this incident, because in itself it’s so huge. “I’ve never lost someone this close to me before. I don’t know how to handle it.” Understanding the level of intensity of the emotion is also part of comfort.
3. Repatterning, or Returning to Joy. When the first two things have happened–validation and comfort–you are then open to new perspectives on the situation. A skilled listener will know just how to help you come to the new perspective yourself, rather than trying to give advice, fix you or make the pain go away. This is where you realize you are not without resources, thus eliminating the N-No recourse or resources–of the UDIN.
The last step in the Pain Processing Pathway is finding meaning in the experience, so that it leads to wisdom and maturity.
This process can take time, or it can be fairly quick, depending on the intensity and scope of the painful event. But when you deliberately reject Isolation and seek help from someone who can Validate, Comfort, and help you Return to Joy, you need not fear that the event will become a trauma that you never get over. You will emerge stronger, wiser and more mature.
If you would like some personalized help in healing your trauma, please check out my custom Healing Codes Coaching. I have wonderful tools for helping you process such pain successfully–and permanently. And I can be that validating presence that will help you get through the trauma to the other side, where wisdom and peace reside.
New Year, New Opportunities to Heal
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Happy new year!
The holidays may be over, but for many of us, they triggered issues that still linger.
Being with family may have uncovered old wounds that may not be quite healed.
Perhaps loneliness, disappointment, bitterness, anxiety, or old patterns of harmful actions (overeating, drinking too much, pushing yourself too hard) took root again.
Rather than merely turning away from these issues and “moving on,” I encourage you to address them head on with The Healing Codes.
After all, what you want is true healing, to be finally free from these things, right?
I have three suggestions to get you back on track. Read More→
What Your Body Knows
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I just had a conversation with Alex Loyd about how the body really heals when you use energy medicine.
Energy tools such as The Healing Codes and HALO Light Systems allow the body to decide how to heal.
The Healing Codes do this by removing the unconscious stress from the body that comes from unhealed negative memories, feelings and beliefs (“heart issues” or cellular memories). When these stressors are removed, more of the body’s resources are freed up to heal whatever physical issues need healing.
The HALO puts into the body the energies from key botanicals, widely known for their healing properties, so that the body has those added resources to be able to heal itself.
Most allopathic (Western) medicine looks to man-made chemicals–i.e. medicines–to “heal.” But these only address symptoms and give the body more to deal with–hence, the inevitable side effects. When you allow the body to govern its own healing, the body decides what’s most important to heal.
This is a very key point. It explains why people get differing results when using Healing Codes, HALO, or other modality that addresses the source of an issue, rather than merely the symptoms.
So you may do Healing Codes or HALO to address, say, acid reflux. And maybe it goes away quickly. You are ecstatic: “The Healing Codes work!” you proclaim to anyone who will listen.
When “Nothing Happens”
So then your friend starts doing Healing Codes or HALO to address her arthritis issue.
And “nothing happens.”
Or, perhaps she feels even worse. “This doesn’t work,” she says, and feels bad. Read More→
You Are Not Broken, Only Incomplete
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Do you ever feel tired of doing Healing Codes, and perhaps a whole lot of other healthy things to “get better”?
Do you do Healing Codes because you feel like you need to be “fixed”?
If you have slipped into the “I have to do my Healing Codes or I’ll never be fixed,” I have good news for you.
You are not broken, and you do not need to be “fixed.”
What you are is incomplete, and you need to be filled up.
I love the way Scripture talks about this. When it says in Romans 3:23, “All have sinned, and fallen short of the glory of God,” it means we have all missed the mark. We are falling short. We are not all we could be, what God wants us to be. Read More→
How the Body Heals: Two Views
Posted by: | CommentsWhich view of the body do you hold?
Mechanical View
The body is like a machine.
Constant use eventually wears it out. Things start to malfunction, and then you need to get in there and either replace the parts or alter the internal structure somehow (usually through medications) to alleviate bothersome symptoms. That’s what healing mostly is: alleviating symptoms. The goal is to function. Help must come from the outside, through the intervention of medical procedures and medications.
Oh, and there’s a blueprint and predetermines what will go wrong. It’s called your genes. Your DNA determines what will happen to you and there’s not much you can do about it. If you’ve got the gene for cancer, or Alzheimer’s, or heart disease–oh well, do the best you can to stave it off, but it’s inevitable you’ll get it.
Take the medication to relieve the symptoms, and put up with the side effects–they’re inevitable. Have the replacements done, and do your best to return to normal.
Eventually, the system wears out. That’s called aging. You can’t do much about it, except keep on replacing parts and alleviating symptoms until the whole system finally shuts down.
Organic View
The body is an alive, dynamic, intelligent organism that innately knows how to heal itself.
It’s not indestructible, but it is resilient. It constantly seeks life. It malfunctions because toxic elements are added to it, which it has to expend a lot of energy dealing with. This distracts it from expending energy to heal and grow.
If you reduce the toxins (which can be physical or emotional, what I call “heart issues”), and you give it certain raw materials to work with (light, water, air, movement, good nutrition), it knows what to do. It thrives.
It can even overcome any bad genetic programming. That’s because it’s not so much about the genetic code, as about whether that gene will be switched on or off. That’s called epigenetics. (Check out this fascinating PBS Nova program on DNA.) Given the right support, the body can overcome diseases and pathogens.
Which picture do you have of how the body heals?
As a client of mine said, “There’s a big difference between running from death and pursuing life.”
The reason I am so supportive of both The Healing Codes and now, the HALO Light System, is that both enable you to pursue life.
The Healing Codes support the body’s natural healing ability by removing the stress of unconscious negative images, wrong beliefs, and painful memories. When this stress is removed, the body has more resources to move into healing and growth mode.
The HALO Light System gives the body essences from a huge array of life-giving botanicals, so that the body has sort of a library of things to choose from to heal itself of whatever is challenging it.
I know the above is somewhat simplistic. There is a place for surgery, medications, and the like. But I’ve used both approaches. I’ve made my choice–to pursue life–and I enjoy better health and more energy now than I did 20 years ago.
What about you?
If you would like more help in identifying and healing heart issues, check out the resources at HealingCodesCoaching.com.
Related articles:
- Illness as Metaphor: How to “Read” Your Heart
- Healing “The Story of Your Life”
- Custom Healing Codes for “Mother” Issues
- Custom Healing Codes for “Father” Issues
- What Your Body Knows
- What Is Your Body Trying to Tell You about Your Heart?
Picture of a Healed Relationship
Posted by: | CommentsI just got back from a healing service at our church. It was part of the “Fully Alive” series my pastor and his wife are doing on sexuality.
In one part of this healing service, Stewart Ruch and his wife Katherine addressed mother wounds. As I sat there, I thought about my own history.
Within a week after I was born, I got very sick. There was some kind of abdominal obstruction. The doctor who operated on me said sewing up my skin was like sewing wet tissue paper; I was that fragile.
The operation was a success, and was written up in some medical journal. I, however, developed pneumonia and at one point, burst my stitches. They had to put staples in to hold me together.
All that kept me in the hospital for at least 6 weeks.
A nurse who worked in the NICU in that era told me what it was like: “The babies belonged to us. They never saw their mothers. We would prop them with a bottle to feed them.”
I did not get a chance to bond with my mother. It was not her fault.
When I came home, my mother was very scared she might do something wrong. She had to keep my older brother, who was two, away from me, because I was still so fragile. I think my first experiences of my mother must have been awash with fear and guilt.
Yet, sitting there in the healing service, searching my heart for any wound, anything to forgive, I found nothing.
Not even the memory of a wound.
That’s how complete that healing was, after several years of Healing Codes work.
My mother and I never were close until after she started doing Healing Codes herself, at age 76. She is a completely different person now. As her heart issues healed, our relationship bloomed. So did her relationship with God. Her memories of childhood came back, including some good ones that she at first thought she never had.
We now have the mother-daughter relationship I never thought possible. And remember, it didn’t start until Mom was 76. It’s never too late to heal!
This, my friends, is why I believe so much in the Healing Codes. They are a tool in the hand of God to heal. It is God who heals, but this tool makes it so much easier for us to position ourselves for that healing.
If you have a relationship that needs healing, I encourage you to take the free Heart Issues Finder with that relationship in mind. It will help you pinpoint what areas of the relationship and your “heart issues” need the most attention. Also take the Love Styles quiz to learn what kind of “love style” pattern you learned from your family.
And if you want to get some coaching and powerful custom Healing Codes for your relationship issue. feel free to check out my coaching at www.healingcodescoaching.com.
