Archive for Healing Codes Coaching
What We Really Want–and How to Get More of It
Posted by: | Comments
Do you get as tired as I do of the endless marketing that assaults us at every turn?
Don’t get me wrong. Honest marketing and advertising, where someone tells you honestly about the real benefits of a great product they believe in, and allows you to make your own informed decision–I’m all for that. After all, it’s what I do myself.
I’m talking about the advertising that is manipulative. That plays on your insecurities.
The kind that’s all about money. Feeling good in the moment. Power.
Of course, what those advertisers want us to believe is that we will get these things if we buy their products. The real underlying message is, “You need something from outside you to make you feel good.”
That sure doesn’t sound like we’re very free. We’re dependent on other things, outside of us, that we can’t really control, to make us feel significant, valued, secure.
I don’t buy it!
My identity and security IS tied to something
outside myself, but it’s not a “thing.” Read More→
How to Prevent a Painful Event from Becoming a Trauma
Posted by: | CommentsDoes every painful event that happens to us inevitably become a trauma?
The good news is: NO!
To understand how this can be–and more importantly, to prevent a life event from becoming a trauma–you need to understand why and how something becomes a trauma.
Trauma and UDINS
I’ve written before about life events that become traumatic because they are UDINs: Unexpected, Dramatic, Isolating, and having No resources, recourse, or solutions.
These four elements are what make something traumatic.
Notice that one and a half of the elements of a UDIN are unpreventable.
You can’t control when some crisis will happen, or how.
You can’t control how bad it will be (half of the Dramatic element).
That’s the one and a half you can’t control.
What you can control of the Dramatic part, though, to at least some degree, is how it will affect you.
And you can control whether you will let it Isolate you, and whether you will believe that there are No solutions or resources.
According to Dr. Karl Lehman, there is a pain pathway in the brain that needs to be traveled all the way through in order for a painful event not to become a trauma. If we can go all the way through the pain processing pathway, we “metabolize” the experience and it does not become a trauma that can then get triggered again and again, and cause all kinds of physical, emotional, or relational problems.
The main reason a painful event becomes traumatic is that we feel alone in it. Relationship has been withdrawn. We become disconnected.
Dr. Lehman explains that “because we live with brains that configure all our reality and experiences in relational terms, we must learn to stay relational in the presence of our pain.”
How do we do that?
Staying Relational in the Pain
Many of us grew up in families that themselves never learned this. When they or we were in pain, it led to withdrawal. The “relational circuits” in the brain (RCs) were switched off. If this happened in our experience, we may come to believe that when we’re in pain, love is going to be withdrawn. Thus we turn off to the pain, or we go off by ourselves to try to deal with it.
Which, if we’re to believe the brain science experts, never works.
So how do we stay relational in the pain, so we can actually process it and not let it become a trauma?
Look for Someone Who Knows How to Be With You in Pain
It can be difficult to reach out to someone when you are in pain, because not everyone will know how to deal with it. Most people will instinctively try to make you feel better, make the pain go away. You may instinctively turn to something to make you feel better, make the pain go away.
The only way out of the pain, is through it. Preferably with someone else.
If you know someone with whom you feel safe, you can kind of coach them along as to how they can help you.
Approach them at a time when you both can talk. Ask them if they would be willing to just listen to you and reflect back how you’re feeling without attempting to change anything.
Note: That someone can be God. God is always with us, and if you believe his Word, he has promised 14 times never to leave you or forsake you. You can journal or pray your way through the sequence below. (For more help with this, I suggest the book, The Joyful Journey: Listening to Immanuel. You can also contact me for some Healing Codes. This is a big part of what I do in my Healing Codes Coaching work.)
Let’s say you just lost someone dear to you, and are feeling great grief.
The VCR of Relief
Here the three steps to working through the pain. Again, ideally you will do this in the presence of someone who has the capacity to be with you in this process.
- Validation: name the feeling and/or belief you have as a result of the event. “I miss my friend so much. She was like a mom to me. Who will I go to now when I need the wise, down-to-earth advice she always knew how to give? I have lost so much, so unexpectedly….”
If you’re processing something with someone and they reflect back your words to you with empathy, you will feel validated and understood. The first step is to stay connected with the experience rather than try to escape or minimize it. Doing this with another person removes the Isolating factor.
2. Comfort: Look for the origin of the negative feeling or belief attached to the event. You may be upset by the event itself, but it may also be triggering an unhealed memory from the past. You may or may not remember what that is, but naming the origin of it as best you know can be helpful.
“This sounds silly, but it reminds me of the time my father accidentally killed my cat when I was young. I used to tell my cat my problems, and I never felt she judged me.” So now we’re dealing with more than losing the friend; we’re dealing with an unhealed memory from the past, that amplifies the pain in the current memory. Just realizing this can be comforting. It can help you begin to make sense out of the pain. “Oh, this is not just about this incident.” (And you will want to address both incidents with The Healing Codes and/or healing prayer.)
Or maybe it is just about this incident, because in itself it’s so huge. “I’ve never lost someone this close to me before. I don’t know how to handle it.” Understanding the level of intensity of the emotion is also part of comfort.
3. Repatterning, or Returning to Joy. When the first two things have happened–validation and comfort–you are then open to new perspectives on the situation. A skilled listener will know just how to help you come to the new perspective yourself, rather than trying to give advice, fix you or make the pain go away. This is where you realize you are not without resources, thus eliminating the N-No recourse or resources–of the UDIN.
The last step in the Pain Processing Pathway is finding meaning in the experience, so that it leads to wisdom and maturity.
This process can take time, or it can be fairly quick, depending on the intensity and scope of the painful event. But when you deliberately reject Isolation and seek help from someone who can Validate, Comfort, and help you Return to Joy, you need not fear that the event will become a trauma that you never get over. You will emerge stronger, wiser and more mature.
If you would like some personalized help in healing your trauma, please check out my custom Healing Codes Coaching. I have wonderful tools for helping you process such pain successfully–and permanently. And I can be that validating presence that will help you get through the trauma to the other side, where wisdom and peace reside.
New Year, New Opportunities to Heal
Posted by: | Comments
Happy new year!
The holidays may be over, but for many of us, they triggered issues that still linger.
Being with family may have uncovered old wounds that may not be quite healed.
Perhaps loneliness, disappointment, bitterness, anxiety, or old patterns of harmful actions (overeating, drinking too much, pushing yourself too hard) took root again.
Rather than merely turning away from these issues and “moving on,” I encourage you to address them head on with The Healing Codes.
After all, what you want is true healing, to be finally free from these things, right?
I have three suggestions to get you back on track. Read More→
What Your Body Knows
Posted by: | Comments 
I just had a conversation with Alex Loyd about how the body really heals when you use energy medicine.
Energy tools such as The Healing Codes and HALO Light Systems allow the body to decide how to heal.
The Healing Codes do this by removing the unconscious stress from the body that comes from unhealed negative memories, feelings and beliefs (“heart issues” or cellular memories). When these stressors are removed, more of the body’s resources are freed up to heal whatever physical issues need healing.
The HALO puts into the body the energies from key botanicals, widely known for their healing properties, so that the body has those added resources to be able to heal itself.
Most allopathic (Western) medicine looks to man-made chemicals–i.e. medicines–to “heal.” But these only address symptoms and give the body more to deal with–hence, the inevitable side effects. When you allow the body to govern its own healing, the body decides what’s most important to heal.
This is a very key point. It explains why people get differing results when using Healing Codes, HALO, or other modality that addresses the source of an issue, rather than merely the symptoms.
So you may do Healing Codes or HALO to address, say, acid reflux. And maybe it goes away quickly. You are ecstatic: “The Healing Codes work!” you proclaim to anyone who will listen.
When “Nothing Happens”
So then your friend starts doing Healing Codes or HALO to address her arthritis issue.
And “nothing happens.”
Or, perhaps she feels even worse. “This doesn’t work,” she says, and feels bad. Read More→
You Are Not Broken, Only Incomplete
Posted by: | Comments
Do you ever feel tired of doing Healing Codes, and perhaps a whole lot of other healthy things to “get better”?
Do you do Healing Codes because you feel like you need to be “fixed”?
If you have slipped into the “I have to do my Healing Codes or I’ll never be fixed,” I have good news for you.
You are not broken, and you do not need to be “fixed.”
What you are is incomplete, and you need to be filled up.
I love the way Scripture talks about this. When it says in Romans 3:23, “All have sinned, and fallen short of the glory of God,” it means we have all missed the mark. We are falling short. We are not all we could be, what God wants us to be. Read More→
How the Body Heals: Two Views
Posted by: | CommentsWhich view of the body do you hold?
Mechanical View
The body is like a machine.
Constant use eventually wears it out. Things start to malfunction, and then you need to get in there and either replace the parts or alter the internal structure somehow (usually through medications) to alleviate bothersome symptoms. That’s what healing mostly is: alleviating symptoms. The goal is to function. Help must come from the outside, through the intervention of medical procedures and medications.
Oh, and there’s a blueprint and predetermines what will go wrong. It’s called your genes. Your DNA determines what will happen to you and there’s not much you can do about it. If you’ve got the gene for cancer, or Alzheimer’s, or heart disease–oh well, do the best you can to stave it off, but it’s inevitable you’ll get it.
Take the medication to relieve the symptoms, and put up with the side effects–they’re inevitable. Have the replacements done, and do your best to return to normal.
Eventually, the system wears out. That’s called aging. You can’t do much about it, except keep on replacing parts and alleviating symptoms until the whole system finally shuts down.
Organic View
The body is an alive, dynamic, intelligent organism that innately knows how to heal itself.
It’s not indestructible, but it is resilient. It constantly seeks life. It malfunctions because toxic elements are added to it, which it has to expend a lot of energy dealing with. This distracts it from expending energy to heal and grow.
If you reduce the toxins (which can be physical or emotional, what I call “heart issues”), and you give it certain raw materials to work with (light, water, air, movement, good nutrition), it knows what to do. It thrives.
It can even overcome any bad genetic programming. That’s because it’s not so much about the genetic code, as about whether that gene will be switched on or off. That’s called epigenetics. (Check out this fascinating PBS Nova program on DNA.) Given the right support, the body can overcome diseases and pathogens.
Which picture do you have of how the body heals?
As a client of mine said, “There’s a big difference between running from death and pursuing life.”
The reason I am so supportive of both The Healing Codes and now, the HALO Light System, is that both enable you to pursue life.
The Healing Codes support the body’s natural healing ability by removing the stress of unconscious negative images, wrong beliefs, and painful memories. When this stress is removed, the body has more resources to move into healing and growth mode.
The HALO Light System gives the body essences from a huge array of life-giving botanicals, so that the body has sort of a library of things to choose from to heal itself of whatever is challenging it.
I know the above is somewhat simplistic. There is a place for surgery, medications, and the like. But I’ve used both approaches. I’ve made my choice–to pursue life–and I enjoy better health and more energy now than I did 20 years ago.
What about you?
If you would like more help in identifying and healing heart issues, check out the resources at HealingCodesCoaching.com.
Related articles:
- Illness as Metaphor: How to “Read” Your Heart
- Healing “The Story of Your Life”
- Custom Healing Codes for “Mother” Issues
- Custom Healing Codes for “Father” Issues
- What Your Body Knows
- What Is Your Body Trying to Tell You about Your Heart?
Picture of a Healed Relationship
Posted by: | CommentsI just got back from a healing service at our church. It was part of the “Fully Alive” series my pastor and his wife are doing on sexuality.
In one part of this healing service, Stewart Ruch and his wife Katherine addressed mother wounds. As I sat there, I thought about my own history.
Within a week after I was born, I got very sick. There was some kind of abdominal obstruction. The doctor who operated on me said sewing up my skin was like sewing wet tissue paper; I was that fragile.
The operation was a success, and was written up in some medical journal. I, however, developed pneumonia and at one point, burst my stitches. They had to put staples in to hold me together.
All that kept me in the hospital for at least 6 weeks.
A nurse who worked in the NICU in that era told me what it was like: “The babies belonged to us. They never saw their mothers. We would prop them with a bottle to feed them.”
I did not get a chance to bond with my mother. It was not her fault.
When I came home, my mother was very scared she might do something wrong. She had to keep my older brother, who was two, away from me, because I was still so fragile. I think my first experiences of my mother must have been awash with fear and guilt.
Yet, sitting there in the healing service, searching my heart for any wound, anything to forgive, I found nothing.
Not even the memory of a wound.
That’s how complete that healing was, after several years of Healing Codes work.
My mother and I never were close until after she started doing Healing Codes herself, at age 76. She is a completely different person now. As her heart issues healed, our relationship bloomed. So did her relationship with God. Her memories of childhood came back, including some good ones that she at first thought she never had.
We now have the mother-daughter relationship I never thought possible. And remember, it didn’t start until Mom was 76. It’s never too late to heal!
This, my friends, is why I believe so much in the Healing Codes. They are a tool in the hand of God to heal. It is God who heals, but this tool makes it so much easier for us to position ourselves for that healing.
If you have a relationship that needs healing, I encourage you to take the free Relationship Issues Finder with that relationship in mind. It will help you pinpoint what areas of the relationship and your “heart issues” need the most attention.
And if you want to get some coaching and powerful custom Healing Codes for your relationship issue. feel free to check out my coaching at www.healingcodescoaching.com.
Open to Receiving in the New Year
Posted by: | Comments
We have just come through the holidays, a time of giving . . . and receiving.
Which did you enjoy more? (Be honest, now!)
If you said, “Receiving,” don’t be too ashamed.
We often hear the quote, “It’s more blessed to give than receive.”
In our materialistic world, that’s a good thing to be reminded of.
But consider this: Might it be just as blessed to receive?
Think about the recent holidays. Imagine that you had a gift wrapped beautifully for someone, but you didn’t see her right away. You told her you had a gift for her but . . . she never came to claim it. (This actually happened to me.)
How do you feel?
Now, imagine offering a gift to someone who receives it with delight and gratitude.
Don’t you feel blessed in the second case?
If we refuse a gift someone offers us, we rob them of the joy of giving. We break the cycle: gift offered, gift received, receiver blessed, giver blessed from receiver’s gratitude.
As we look into a new year, there are gifts waiting for you from a gracious God. Some of those gifts will look like gifts–all wrapped in nice packaging. Good health. Improved finances. Reconciled relationships. These are what we strive for, and receive gratefully.
But this year may also bring what I call “disguised gifts.” Things that don’t seem like gifts at all.
Health challenges. Loss of work. Business or financial setbacks. Relationships that go sour.
Last year for me delivered a number of such “gifts.”
But you know what? Because of what I learned long ago about gifts from God (I wrote a book called Abundant Gifts about it), I had developed a habit of thanking God for everything, of believing that everything could work together for my good.
And when you do that, even the most painful of “gifts” yield some kind of sweet fruit.
My husband and I took some time to look back at the past year and focus on the positives. We discussed some questions that you might want to use, too, as you look back on the past year.
- What do I feel good about from this past year in regards to my career/vocation? My family? My friends? My health? My prosperity? My spiritual life? My personal life?
- What changes did I make this year in any area of my life that made me feel more expansive and authentic?
- What were the best gifts from the past year? (Take time to really steep in gratitude for them.)
- What did I love about my life this past year that was different from any other year in my past?
- In what areas did I experience the most healing?
- Were there any milestones achieved last year? (Maybe other people wouldn’t call them that, but for you they were. Celebrate them!)
Looking back at the positives sets you up for receiving the good that can come to you in the coming year. If you need help letting go of any of the painful things from the past year, feel free to do Healing Codes for those things. And if you need extra help with letting go of the painful issues, feel free to get some coaching and custom Healing Codes from me. I’m here for you!
Holiday Stress Rx
Posted by: | Comments
As you can see, another thing I don’t do well is take pictures with my iphone!
Yesterday morning, I was chatting with a small group of friends about Christmas preparations.
We were in my living room, where the Christmas tree stood, adorned with only lights. I explained how it was a lit tree, but this year, only the middle lights worked. We’ve had a heck of a time finding lights to fill in the spaces. All the new lights are LED, or 300 per string. Neither my husband nor I care to spend loads of time looking for lights. So there the tree stands as we decide whether this is enough lights, or we need more, before I put on the decorations.
One woman said last year, she never got around to putting on the ornaments. She just likes the lights. That may be what I do. And though all 4 other women agreed that my tree needs more lights, I just may say, “Enough.”
And then one of my friends said, “Anything worth doing, is worth doing badly.”
We all kind of cringed at this. We’re all women with lots of responsibilities and high standards. We’d like to believe this … but it’s not so easy.
We laughed when someone said, “G.K. Chesterton said that,” because we all believe him to have been a very wise man, so that means we can really believe it.
Why am I telling you this? Because so many of us have these unconscious, high standards that keep us in overwhelm or guilt. Especially at this time of the year.
Somewhere in our subconscious (Heart), there is this image of The Ideal. Perhaps it’s the kind of Christmas you grew up with, and your images are all rosy, and you want to recreate that for your family.
Or, on the flip side, maybe your holiday memories are so painful, you want to do everything possible to create a perfect holiday season for your family now.
I remember when my image of The Ideal was born. It was in my senior year of high school, with a teacher I admired. I don’t remember exactly what she said, but she put forth the image of a really fine, admirable person as someone who “does all things well.” Unconsciously, I absorbed that image into the kind of person I wanted to be.
It’s been hard to let that person morph into a more realistic image of someone who only does a few things well, and is OK with doing in other areas just enough to get by.
I read somewhere that it takes 10,000 hours to achieve the level of mastery. None of us has 10,000 hours to master everything. Trying to “do all things well,” i.e. achieve mastery in everything, is impossible and foolish to try to attain.
This holiday season has brought out how I try to do too many things too well, so I’m working on this with my Healing Codes. I’m constructing a new persona that knows her strengths and builds on them, and is OK with “getting by” in other areas. I’m rewriting that old belief that the only worthwhile, admirable person is someone who “does all things well.”
So if you’re feeling stressed this holiday season, I encourage you to take a bit of time to reflect on what image you might be trying to live up to, or what unhealthy belief is driving you. Try to see if you can trace the origin of it. (But if you can’t, that’s fine—just address the feeling and/or wrong belief the any memories attached to it.) If you want help with that, I’m always here for you!
And if one of the things that’s stressing you is, “What do I give so and so,” perhaps you would like to give the gift of healing in the form of a custom Healing Code. Visit this page and see the options.
I pray this holiday season will be one of joy, not stress for you. I encourage you to focus on the One Thing you can do to make this holiday memorable for you and your family or other loved ones. Ask what would give others joy, and then see what you can do to make that happen.
And then, let go of the rest. Forget Normal Rockwell and Thomas Kinkade; those sentimentalized scenes were never real life anyway.
Your One Thing–and Mine
Posted by: | Comments
I and a friend have been reading and discussing one of those few books that you just know, if you take this book’s message to heart, it can be life changing.
The book is called The ONE Thing: The Surprisingly Simple Truth Behind Extraordinary Results.
The “surprisingly simple truth behind extraordinary results” is that if you ask and answer the right questions, you can get uncommon results. “Life is a question, and how we live it is our answer. How we phrase the questions we ask ourselves determines the answers that eventually become our life.”
One question trumps all the others. They call it the Focusing Question:
“What’s the ONE Thing I can do such that by doing it everything else will be easier or unnecessary?”
Think about that for a moment. Your answer to that question can focus what you do for the next moment, and also shape the direction of your whole life.
In terms of your healing, let me ask you this:
“What is the ONE THING you need to heal such that, by healing it, everything else in your life would improve?”
I challenge you to actually write down your answer to that question.
In fact, if you will not only write it down but also share it with me, through this quick survey, you will be helping yourself to move in the direction of that ONE THING that will propel you toward that healing.
How? Just by asking and answering that question, the forces of your own mind and who knows what else (more on that in another post) will begin to come together to propel you in the direction of that very healing.
To help ME help YOU, would you also be so kind as to answer a SECOND question, also on that survey:
“What is the ONE THING that I can do as your Healing Codes coach to help you YOU heal your ONE THING?“
Go ahead, go here to take this two-question survey.
Then look for emails from me that will answer question #2, which will help you answer achieve the answer to your question #1.
And then, come back here to tell us how things start to change for you!
