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Do you watch the news constantly—or not at all?
The continuous news cycle—especially these days—can give one a massive case of Emotional Inflammation, which the authors of that book called a sort of PTSD characterized by what one client called “a dark cloud of energy” around her.
I admit—I never used to watch or even keep up with the news at all. It just felt like too much; I’d always get a bad case of Emotional Inflammation.
Now I’ve found a better way.
First of all, I never watch the news; I only read the news. Images tend to stick in the mind and heart, and are much harder to filter than thoughts.
I skim a wide variety of sources. News sources are so polarized these days, you have to read widely to come to something close to the truth.
Because of my training in subtle energy testing, perhaps it’s easier for me to sense the lies. I can feel it in my body. That helps.
What I do to combat the Emotional Inflammation is to use the news as a springboard for prayer.
I pray this one simple prayer: “God, shine your life-giving light into this [name of situation], to expose evil, reveal truth, and point our feet to the path of peace.”
When I read the news, especially now, I’m always looking for evidence of that prayer being answered. I rejoice when I see answers. I keep praying this prayer into the dark situations I see.
This practice goes a long way to mitigate Emotional Inflammation and keep me in a state of hope, peace, and even joy when I see what seem like answers to this prayer.
But it’s not always enough, especially for a Highly Sensitive Person who picks up on energy easily. So I always include “emotional inflammation” in my own Healing Codes practice.
I invite you to do the same. There is a custom Healing Code for Emotional Inflammation on the Navigating the Times page, just for you. (I ask that you sign up so I can alert you to when I update the page with new resources.)
And if you need help healing the heart issues that come up from living in these unprecedented times, check out my coaching at HealingCodesCoaching.com.
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I don’t know about you, but I’m not big on goals or setting “New Year’s resolutions.” Somehow setting a goal the typical way, especially with a deadline, ends up being more stressful (Life always seems to get in the way). Then, too, it’s discouraging if I don’t meet the goal.
Instead I like to set intentions. Usually it’s just a word or phrase to set the direction, and then I try to stay Aligned and tuned in to God’s direction day by day as I go.
Being a word person, I like to set a little rhyme. Since I just turned ____-five, my rhyme for this birth year is “____-five, the year to thrive.” That is my intention—to thrive no matter what life throws at me.
You can use this approach to look back, or look ahead. ___-four was “the year for more,” and boy was it ever—mostly more stress. But also more insights, deeper ministry and growth; more ideas and plans. Just—more of everything. A full year of both challenges and blessings.
You can also make an intentional rhyme for each year. Though I wanted 2021 to be “the year of fun,” I doubted that would happen and instead dubbed it “the year to be done.” Done with settling my mother’s estate, done with certain dysfunctional relationships, done with my old patterns that weren’t serving me.
And you know what? I did get all those things done. (Though the “done with dysfunctional old patterns” is a work in progress, as that is something no one ever gets done addressing.)
I am dubbing 2022 as “the year to be true.” True to my deepest values, true to my “Touchstone to Alignment,” and dedicated to deciphering what is true about these unprecedented times.
2022: The Year to Be True
What was 2021 for you? What will 2022 be for you? The year for the new? The year to finally do (something you’ve always wanted to)? The year for few (as in, fewer things, commitments, responsibilities)? What about the birth year you’re in?
Set your two intentions, visit them often, and see if it’s easier and more effective than setting New Year’s resolutions. (Studies show people usually don’t end up keeping them past February.)
I’d love to hear what your intentions are! Post a comment. Declaring it publicly somehow gives it more power, so studies show.
And it you would like some help connecting with your Heart to set your intentions, and addressing the heart issues that would keep you from manifesting those intentions, check out my coaching at HealingCodesCoaching.com.
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This Thanksgiving I’m going to conduct a spiritual experiment of sorts.
It’s typical to give thanks for the good things in life.
I want to go further. I want to be as grateful for the hard things, the seemingly “bad” things–the things I don’t like about my life, even the things I hate and wish would go away.
The things I call in Abundant Gifts “disguised gifts.”
You see, in my years of attempting to live “the Abundant Gifts way,” I have developed a theory of how things work in the spiritual realm.
My theory, in a nutshell, is that when we, in faith, receive even the difficult, unwanted things in life as a gift, that somehow triggers that thing to become a blessing eventually in some way.
I don’t think that all things automatically or necessarily turn out for the good. Scripture says that God works all things together for good “to those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.”
In other words, to those who live by faith, who are Aligned with their Divine Design.
It’s difficult to express how this might work. I don’t want to say that our faith “allows” God to turn a curse into a blessing, exactly. Yet I wonder if that is somehow how it works. If you shut God out of certain aspects of your life, how can he work things out for your good? But if in faith you welcome his grace into the situation, then he is “free” to work things out as promised.
There are definitely things in my life I do not welcome. Yet, in faith, I recognize that I probably do not see the big picture. How often, in retrospect, did you experience something that was not pleasant at the moment, but later turned out to be a gift in some way?
So now, at this moment, though I do not see the blessing in some of my circumstances, I believe that it’s possible for God to turn it into something good.
So I will thank God for everything, good or not apparently so good, this Thanksgiving. I can pray, “God, I don’t understand how this thing can possibly be good in any way. But in faith, I believe you can turn it into something good. So I thank you for allowing this into my life, and I will wait, in hope and faith, for you to transform this into blessing in some way.”
I’m very interested in your response. Should we give thanks for all things? Post your comment on the blog by clicking “comments,” please.
And if you would like some personalized help in removing the blocks that keep you from being Aligned with Your Divine DesignTM , check out my coaching at HealingCodesCoaching.com.
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Recently I got together with three other women who are all as passionate as I am about living an Aligned Life. We explored the deeper meaning of health, home, money & marketing.
We had a blast.
Our lively discussion focused on what Alignment with our deepest soul values looks like in various areas of our lives: health, home, marketing, and money. How can we break negative cycles and redefine each of these areas according to who we are, not how anyone else says we should be?
I talked about “Healing the Unexamined Life,” by which I mean a life ruled by unhealed heart issues rather than Alignment with our True Selves. If you’ve ever struggled with how to present energy healing to someone to help them understand what you do with The Healing Codes, this will give you ideas!
Vanessa Redford took the idea of Alignment into our homes to define “the alchemy of sacred spaces,” showing how we can set up our environments to reflect and support who we really are. It doesn’t require an outside designer or a lot of money, either!
Angela Matthews shed light on how we can heal financial trauma for a “ridiculous flow” of abundance. If you’ve ever thought, “I’m not an investor, I can’t do that”–Angela may well change your mind!
April Gregory talked about how “branding” is really a reflection of who you are. We are all our own “brand,” whether we work in our own business or for a company. Here’s how to shine in all your true brilliance to attract just whom you’re meant to serve.
Honestly, this discussion was a huge blessing for me. Not only did I discover a new way to share about The Healing Codes, but one of my goals (before I met Vanessa) was to transform my home. Another goal (before I met Angela) was to learn how to invest wisely my recent inheritance. And as I am being led in new directions in my work, new expression is required—i.e., branding (hello April!).
Not to mention I got to dip my toe further into video, and connect with some fabulous women. (It gets lonely being a soloprenueur, you know?) For me anyway, this Roundtable, which just sort of “happened” unexpectedly, was one of those “abundant gifts” I see coming from the gracious hand of God.
That’s what living Aligned is all about. When you’re Aligned with Your Divine DesignTM, you always get what you need, when you need it—often in surprising ways. How wonderful is that?
Watch our Aligned Mastermind Roundtable discussion of “Breaking Cycles and Redefining: Marketing & Money, Home & Health” here.
If after watching our discussion you have questions, here’s how to find each of us:
Diane Eble:
diane@healingheartissues.com
https://HealingHeartIssues.com, https://healingcodescoaching.com
Vanessa Redford:
vanessa@vanessaredford.com
https://www.vanessaredford.com
April Gregory:
www.wonderwomanmarketing.com
april@wonderwomanmarketing.com
Angela Matthews:
Angela@happyinvestormethod.com
www.happyinvestormethod.com
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diane
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There’s a “harmful action” that I and nearly every client I work with easily fall into.
It wreaks havoc on our self-esteem, as well as social relationships. And it affects our health.
There are many forms of it, and it’s sneaky. For instance, because I didn’t fall prey to the more obvious forms, I thought it wasn’t a problem for me.
I was wrong.
What is this common, destructive trap?
It’s the trap of COMPARISON.
There’s a basic human need that drives this, which I will talk about in another post.
For now, I want to help you identify how this might be showing up in your life.
Telltale Feelings and Beliefs
Some of the feelings that point to this harmful action are shame and low self-esteem. The underlying beliefs are “I’m not good enough,” “I don’t measure up,” “there’s something wrong with me.”
We want to heal these feelings and unhealthy beliefs, but to do so we need to identify and address what you might (unconsciously) be doing on a daily basis that drives these feelings and beliefs.
That’s where comparison comes in. There’s something we’re doing that drives these feelings, the reinforces the unhealthy beliefs.
Let’s look at the main forms of comparison.
Comparing Yourself to Others
This form of comparison can be to other people who are “like me,” or “not like me.”
Perhaps growing up, your parents or other authority figures compared you to someone else.
- “Why can’t you be organized like your sister?”
- “Your brother was so athletic. You can hardly even throw a ball.”
- “Why are you so sensitive? Nobody else is bothered by that.” (We Highly Sensitive People get this sort of thing a lot.)
Thus you learned to compare yourself to others, and felt you didn’t measure up.
I said comparison can be sneaky. Sometimes we can feel ashamed if we’re better in some way than others. “I wish my boys had your brains,” my father would tell me. I think his remark was more about his feelings about my brothers than me, but along with other messages from religion and the culture, I began to believe I needed to diminish my intelligence so as not to make anyone else feel bad.
You might also compare yourself to others who are like you, so you identify with them, but in some area you fall short. Thus, it can be all the more painful.
- Everyone in your social group drives a nice car—except you.
- Everyone in your social circle is married—except you. (Or vice versa.)
- All your friends are retired and having a good time, and you still have to work.
You get the idea.
Social comparison is multiplied exponentially by social media. It’s so easy to end up comparing yourself to the image others portray. Keep in mind that social media is set up to fuel comparison and discontent.
Comparing Yourself to Others’ Expectations of You
Did you grow up in a family with high expectations? This isn’t necessarily bad, but if there’s any areas in which you fell short, you may feel ashamed and “not good enough.” You may have internalized unrealistic expectations of yourself, and constantly try to live up to them.
If you’re Highly Sensitive, an inborn trait approximately 20% of the population possesses, expectations may have been laid on you of being “like the other 80 percent.” Perfectionism is a very common struggle for HSPs as a result.
I remember vividly being given a vacation in Europe as a perk from my employer. One of the things we did was go to a discotheque in Germany. I was supposed to be having fun, but to a Highly Sensitive like me (I didn’t realize I was HS at the time), it was pure hell. The flashing lights, loud music, different language, constant movement, all added up to sensory overload that made me miserable. Adding to the misery, however, was the expectation that I was supposed to be having a wonderful time.
My mother wanted me to be very social and outgoing, and I was an introvert that needed alone time to recharge. One of the memories I’ve had to work on a lot was her oft-repeated admonition, “Get your nose out of that book and find someone to play with!” My interpretation: my love of books was invalid, and all that mattered was being social. Otherwise, I “had no personality” (another thing I was told).
(By the way, later in life, after my mother had been doing Healing Codes for a while, we had a wonderful talk about how I’d felt about these and other memories, and she was able to receive it. Her transformation was one of the things that cemented in my heart how powerful and valid The Healing Codes are.)
We are all prone to others’ expectations of us, because we’re social beings and we have a strong need to fit in. Yet this becomes a deadly trap where we lose our true selves to some “socialized” version that we’re trying to live up to. That adds enormous, though largely unconscious, stress to our systems.
I love this quote from poet e.e. cummings:
“To be nobody-but-yourself — in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else — means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight and never stop fighting.”
Comparison to Yourself—Past or Future
This is another way comparison can be sneaky.
You may not realize you had an unconscious expectation that, say, by age 30 you should be married with two kids, or that by age 40 you should own a nice house, or that by age 60 you should have your house paid off, or that you would be able to retire by age 65. (Did you notice how many of these expectations are common cultural norms?)
Life rarely turns out the way we imagine it will. Imagining is one thing, expecting it of yourself is another.
Or perhaps you’re comparing yourself to some past version of yourself.
“I used to be able to _____; now I can’t.” Aging reveals this painful expectation of self.
So what do we do about all this destructive comparison?
Steps to Freedom from the Comparison Trap
1. Acknowledge it. Allow yourself to become aware of the ways comparison might be eating away at your joy.
2. Heal it. If you can, identify memories and/or relationships that may the be the source of this harmful action. Pinpoint the feelings and beliefs. Put all the feelings, beliefs, and “the harmful action of comparison,” into your Healing Code prayer of intention, and intentionally heal it.
3. Get in touch with what brings your true self joy. Use your power of choice to “flip the switch” and choose joy over meeting expectations. When doing a Healing Code, infuse the memories of those times when you were “true self,” to reinforce that joy and connection to the essence of who you really are.
4. Use comparison constructively. Is there something here I can adapt for myself? Do I need support to heal a heart wound? Do I want to create something entirely new that suits me better?
For instance, since I am in business for myself, it’s easy to compare myself to what other “successful” entrepreneurs are doing and wonder if I’m missing out. Should I get into Instagram? Do a Facebook Live? It’s working so well for So-and-So. . . .
When I check in with my True Self, with my Heart, I realize that connection with others is important to me, but I can do it in ways that are more suited to my temperament. While I’m open to new ideas, I need to pass them through my Heart Check to see if any match up with my divine design. Often I find I need to adapt it to the way I’m wired, or create something entirely new that achieves the result I want, in a way that suits me.
I hope this helps you begin the journey of escaping the deadly comparison trap. And of course, if you want more personalized help for your unique situation, check out my coaching at HealingCodesCoaching.com.
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Last time I wrote about my “long siege” trying to settle a very messy estate situation, and how I got through it (mostly) intact.
Now I’d like to share what to do when your “long siege” is over.
Again, your “long siege” might be an illness (your own or a loved one’s, in which you were the caretaker), a divorce, a difficult family situation, or any number of other trials.
For many people, the pandemic and all it entails has been a “long siege” which may or may not be over.
It may feel like any long siege will never end, but it usually does, one way or another.
The time of closure when it does end can be a very rich time of receiving all the gifts from the experience.
It can also be a time of vulnerability.
It’s not uncommon for people to get sick after an especially stressful period, a phenomenon called “the let-down effect.” I was aware of this, and wanted to make sure I don’t get sick now.
(Although I have to say, perhaps God is already helping me in that regard. The very day I knew for sure how things would end with the estate, we took our car into the repair shop. Verdict: we need a new car. So this week was spent on getting that together. But, as a friend put it, “maybe I need new wheels for new adventures.” I like that! And maybe I needed another shorter-term, minor stressor to help me “wind down.”)
So here are some steps I’m taking to provide closure on the “long siege” so I can heal and reclaim my life. Read More→
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Eleven months ago from the time of this writing, I lost my mother, and became co-executor of her estate.
It was the beginning of a challenging season in which this unwanted, intrusive, part-time job of settling a very messy estate gobbled up time, energy, and resources, and triggered a lot of apparently unhealed “heart issues” concerning my family.
I think of these past months as “the long siege” during which I was fighting to keep as much of my own life as possible from being devoured.
Perhaps you can relate? Maybe you’re going through, or have gone through, a season of illness (your own or a loved one’s), or unemployment, or divorce, or the loss of a home, or a bereavement, or . . . just this global pandemic, for instance?
The life you once knew is gone, and you are scrambling to move ahead, not just tread water.
How do we get through such times, which can amount to both a trauma and a crisis, and come out not only intact, but perhaps even somewhat healed on the other end?
One thing that turned out to be completely necessary for me was learning to let go of my high standards for certain things.
To get through any crisis or “long siege,” you need to let some things be “good enough,” or even to die, so that other things can live and flourish.
So I did an audit of the different areas of my life. What was most important to me, that needed to be prioritized in order to be preserved? (My morning and evening rituals, healthy eating, healthy relationships, my business.)
What could I let go of, or adjust the standards of? What does “good enough” look like?
Also: Was there any area in which I needed to raise my standards?
Turns out, there was: Self-care. I had to let go of the self-neglect that came naturally from my upbringing, and really instill in my heart that if I didn’t take care of me, there would be no “me” to take care of everything else.
I also made my spiritual and healing practices a priority. The two or three days I missed them, I really felt it.
I evaluated my resources and the current reality of what I was dealing with. I adjusted my housekeeping standards, and my expectations of my husband, myself, and my business.
In each area, I defined what would be “good enough” and let go of my former standards. (Or tried to; I tend to be an idealist and perfectionist, so this was not easy. The alternative, though, was my old pattern of pushing, which I knew would destroy my health.)
It was a painful but necessary process. It’s humbling to admit that you can’t do everything you thought you could or should be able to, that you have actual limitations, some of which weren’t there before but now must be acknowledged.
The gift from my long siege was it helped to clarify my true values, showed me patterns from my past that still needed healing, and clarified the boundaries that needed to be in place.
One of the most helpful things was to remind myself that this is “just for now, not forever.” There will come a time when the crisis will be over, and then I can reassess and re-calibrate. Lowering my standards “for now, not forever,” for a good reason (to preserve my health, relationships and business), helped me feel proactive and in control of at least something.
I also knew I couldn’t get through this without the support of other people.
I leaned on my husband, grown children (who were all wonderful), best friend (the only one who knew all the gory, blow-by-blow details that I spared even my husband), and several support groups of friends who prayed for me.
Are you going through a particularly challenging season, even a “long siege” of your own? (In some ways, who isn’t these days?) Perhaps doing an audit of your resources, redefining “good enough, for now not forever,” and reaching out for support from others will help you get through it as well.
Next time, I’ll talk about “when the long siege is finally over”–how to heal and reclaim your life. (Because, thankfully, that’s what I’ll be able to do as of next week, I hope!)
And if you would like help in any of these steps, I’d be happy to come alongside you for that support. Check out my coaching at HealingCodesCoaching.com.
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There is a prayer I pray a lot, and have for years.
I believe it may be one of God’s favorite prayers to answer, because he always answers it.
Often in surprising ways.
Which also makes this a very fun prayer to pray. You never know how he will answer it.
So what’s the prayer?
God, shine your light into _____ [name the situation].
Elsewhere I have invited you to pray a variation of this for the world:
“God, shine your light into this dark world, to expose evil, reveal truth, and point the way to the path of peace.”
When I read (never watch) the news, I look for evidence of this prayer being answered. When I see answers (for instance, when evil is exposed or truth revealed), I rejoice. It gives me a different perspective on what’s going on, and reminds me that God is in control, not human beings.
In my personal life, I can point to many times when God answered this prayer.
Sometimes, when he shines the light, it is to expose evil. We don’t always get a hoped-for answer, as in things working out the way we want. But if you can see that light was cast into the situation, it reassures you that God is working in that situation, and that ultimately good will come from it.
Case in point. For the past almost 11 months, I have been the co-executor of my mother’s estate, in a situation that will go down in the annals of lawyer history as one of the messiest and unnecessarily prolonged cases. (Our lawyer threatened to quit several times; another refused to take us on when he got even an inkling of the situation.)
My friend and I have several names for this soap opera I’ve been living: The Edge of Hope; Almost—Not Really; and Speeding toward a Standstill (I do the speeding, then certain others involved bring it to a standstill).
I’ve had several people praying for resolution of this. I’m convinced prayer is the only way anything (good) has happened. I’ve even seen God blast through the blocks others put up, to work for good.
A few weeks ago, there was a probate court hearing. I of course prayed that God would shine his light into the courtroom.
Well, he did. He exposed evil (a lie someone told, which I had to reveal by speaking the truth), and ultimately, as I continued to pray this prayer, he pointed the way to the path of peace.
It was not the outcome I had expected or wanted, but he did shine his light.
I regularly ask God to shine his light on my day, and I seek to walk in that light. I call it being Aligned. I listen for the small whispers of guidance.
Just a few days ago, I had an intuitive hit (I believe it was from God) to call a certain person concerning the estate. I had 10 minutes between clients to do so. The person answered (miraculous), and after asking her a question, I realized she was missing a key piece of information that was causing the whole estate closure to be delayed. I clarified what had happened at the hearing, and in just a few minutes, she reported back via email that she would expedite what needed to be done for the closing. Just this morning I got word that the closing will happen next week.
The moment I had been awaiting for almost 11 months finally happened . . . only because of prayer.
Living Aligned(TM) means living in the Light. It means praying this prayer as a way of life. It means being receptive to the “small, still voice” inside, which I believe is your human spirit, aligned with God’s Spirit, sensing God’s guidance.
And when your spirit is aligned with God’s Spirit, his life flows through your spirit to body and soul, and brings healing, peace, and right relationships with God, self and others.
It’s fun, exciting, and peaceful to live this way. I can’t claim I’m doing it perfectly, but I am practicing it.
I invite you to start praying that God will shine his light into your world, especially into situations that feel dark or heavy. Light is not only the opposite of darkness, it is also the opposite of “heavy.”
Let me know what miracles follow! Comment below and encourage others.
And if you would like personalized help with living more Aligned, check out my coaching programs at HealingCodesCoaching.com.
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As I write this, it is the 2oth anniversary of the day the United States was attacked by the militant terrorist group al- Quaeda on 9/11/2001. Aside from the heaviness of that remembrance, there are plenty of concerning things going on in my country, the U.S., and all around the world.
If you feel this heaviness and have not healed the memories triggered for you by what’s in the news these days, I encourage you to take a little more time to connect with your feelings, memories, and any unhealthy beliefs formed from those memories.
Like me, you probably are experiencing personal challenges of your own on top of all that’s going on in the world.
But you know what? Somehow, though I’ve been going through a very intense time on all levels, I’ve had an amazing measure of actual peace and clarity.
I think maybe the peace comes from the clarity.
I use a tool I share with my Momentum clients, where you focus first on what you don’t want to see happen and don’t want to feel, and then what you do want to see happen and to feel. You can add, if applicable, how you want others to feel.
As you work through this process, you pull into focus what you can do and what is beyond your control.
What is beyond your control, you release to God’s care.
A final step might be to look for instances in your life when you successfully got through a similar situation, or you felt God met you in a personal way. Give gratitude for that.
You can also use this process as a precursor to your Healing Code work. Explore what memories might be triggered for you around this issue, and use The Healing Codes to heal those. Use your gratitude memory as your positive focus while doing your Healing Code.
That’s what I’ve been doing to deal with my intense times. I invite you to try it, too.
And if you need a custom Healing Code for your issue, or want to make an even greater commitment to your healing through the Healing Momentum or Healing Intensive programs, check out HealingCodesCoaching.com.
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I don’t know about you, but the events of the past few weeks–no, months–have given me quite a case of “emotional inflammation.”
I’ve been writing about “emotional inflammation” and how these troubling times can literally affect us physically. The negative energy is all around us, and we can’t escape it.
Polarization on so many levels, uncertainty on so many levels, job loss, the pandemic and everything that goes with it these days, social media nastiness (which I avoid totally), natural disasters, the fall of Afghanistan, the loss of freedom on so many levels in so many ways. Even if you limit your news intake, as I do, you still can’t avoid the negative energy all around.
For some of us, especially if we have the trait of High Sensitivity, the energy is palpable: we feel it in our bodies.
One client said recently she sensed a “dark energy cloud” around her. Yep, that’s a good way to describe Emotional Inflammation.
Authors Dr. Lise Van Susteren and Stacey Colino say in their book, Emotional Inflammation, that it’s a state “not unlike post-traumatic stress disorder, but one that stems from simply living in today’s tumultuous world.”
That book was published in March 2020–right before “all this” became worse. It’s even more relevant now. Read More→
