Archive for Healing Heart Issues

Heather Dominick, mentor to Highly Sensitive Leaders, is teaching “Weekly Activation calls” on A Course in Miracles, and I’d like to share something that spoke to me from a recent call.

(While I’m not sure what I think of A Course in Miracles itself, I do like the way Heather gleans very practical principles from it and applies it to being Highly Sensitive. I also like the Course’s definition of miracle: “a shift in perception.”)

The Miracle she taught on that so struck me was #30, about guilt. She talked about how so often, guilt is used as a means to control. How many times has someone tried to guilt you into doing what they wanted?

So I asked her: How do you handle it when someone does this—they try to guilt you into something that isn’t right for you? (A situation I was currently experiencing.)

Heather asked me, “What do you usually do?”

I admitted that I usually want to be gracious, so often I give in. (In my case, the person was using all kinds of things, from “we’re family after all” to “A good Christian would….” The latter especially tended to hook me.)

Heather then helped me to see that being gracious does not mean giving in. I could trust that I can handle conflict from a place of grace, which doesn’t mean saying yes out of obligation. It means that I can fully accept that other people have feelings and viewpoints of their own, and they may not like mine, but I can come from a place of “both/and”– which is grace.

“Grace in not an act, but a way of acting,” she said. With grace, I can consider “you and me,” rather than “you or me.”

Coming from a place of “you or me,” someone has to lose, someone has to give in. I was thinking that giving in was somehow grace, but it would be an act. Approaching the situation with grace means I can approach the other person from a “both/and” place. I can access the words that communicate what I need, acknowledge what the other person needs, and be OK with the differing needs being at odds. If I’m in alignment with my own deepest values, I can stand firm, and trust that the other person will be able to take care of themselves.

And if they can’t—if they try to draw me into the Dreaded Drama Triangle of Persecutor-Victim-Rescuer, I can refuse to be pulled into that triangle. So often when people use guilt tactics, they try to pull you into one of more of these roles.

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Now we’re a year into the COVID-19 pandemic, and the stress hasn’t really let up, has it?

I was blessed by a friend sending me a link to a Brene Brown podcast of an interview with the authors of Burnout: The Secret of Unlocking the Stress Cycle, Emily and Amelia Nagoski.

It was so helpful to me I want to pass it along. Here’s the link to the podcast.

You will learn how stress lives in your body, and that there is a stress cycle that, if you don’t pass all the way through, will get stuck and cause problems.

The good news, as the authors stress in the interview and the book, is that you can get the stress out of your body, even when you can’t control the stressors in your life.

I found that tremendously comforting.

The first step is always to let yourself feel the emotions—all the way through.

Then, you need to get the stress out of your body. Read More→

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I have been writing about grief a lot lately, partly because we are all going through it in one way or another. If it’s not the grief of someone actually dying from COVID or other reasons, it’s the grief of a loss of a way of life that was suddenly ripped away a year ago. And many kinds of losses in between.

Plus, I’m walking through the valley of grief myself, as well as alongside many of my clients.

It strikes me that there are several distinct “flavors” of grief, at least two of which few people even talk about.

The Grief of Losing What You Had

This is the first and most obvious grief. You had something precious–a relationship, a business, a dream, a home—and it was somehow lost.

The “flavor” of this grief is bittersweet.

Sweet, because at one time you did experience something good. The lack of that now is what’s bitter.

The steps of Grief Recovery, along with The Healing Codes, heal this grief over time. Read More→

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I’ve been doing something for the past 25-30 years, and I’m just now realizing that it’s the most important thing I do, and the subsequent skill developed is the most important skill I’ve cultivated.

It’s been responsible for any success I can claim, any effectiveness and even joy I experience.

The practice is spending time every day when I tune in to my innermost self, and to God (not exactly the same, but uses the same faculty, perhaps).

Through this, I’ve learned to listen to God, so that hearing his voice comes naturally to me. Read More→

Q: I have a friend who really needs The Healing Codes but doesn’t speak English well and needs a simple explanation. Can you help me know what to say to her? Also, she wants to make sure it’s OK spiritually.

A: The way I like to explain The Healing Codes is that it’s like noise-canceling headphones. 

Noise-canceling headphones take in the frequency of the noise around you, and provide an opposite and equal signal to cancel out the noise.

Every negative image (as in memories), thought, feeling, all are a frequency, stored in the cells of our bodies. (Einstein proved 100 years ago that everything is energy–frequency–and all our electronic stuff is based on this.)

The Healing Codes provide an opposite and equal frequency to the negative frequency of what you identify needs to be healed (the “noise”), and thus neutralizes or even can change to positive the frequency of that memory, thought, feeling. Thus the stress in the body caused by the negative frequencies of those cellular memories is gone, and this allows the body to heal itself, with the wonderful healing powers God put into the body.

This means that The Healing Codes are as neutral as noise-canceling headphones, spiritually. It’s just a way of harnessing the laws of quantum physics God has set in motion.

Another analogy I like to use is that of a remote garage door opener. Read more here.

 

I thought this would be another story of grace in my ongoing cat saga. Perhaps it is. Just not in the way I expected.

If you followed my cat stories, several months ago we lost Joey, our beloved black cat (the best cat ever), and also became petless for the first time in decades.

After months of not having a cat, and a couple of negative attempts to bring another pet into our lives, a few weeks ago I was really, really missing having a cat. Yet, I didn’t know if I was ready for a full commitment to a pet at this time (vet bills, food bills, and dealing with possible destruction of furniture as we had with the last brief cat visitation). I just entrusted the longing to God.

Not two hours later, I was checking my Nextdoor chat group, and someone posted that they needed someone to take care of her 14-year-old cat for 6 weeks. The cat loved to sit on a lap (and wasn’t picky about whose), she was front declawed, and used her litter box religiously. Bingo!

I private messaged the owner, Zadie, and told her how we’d lost our last cat, who was an older lap cat, I wasn’t ready for a full commitment to a pet yet, we did not have any pets and would love to take care of her cat.

I didn’t hear back from her right away, and let it go, figuring that she chose one of the other volunteers. But I was wrong. Zadie had actually called right away and left a voice message (I often don’t get my vms right away), and said, “You sound just like someone sent from heaven for me and my cat. Please give me a call. I can’t tell you how perfect you are….”

It did seem perfect. Zadie provided all the food and litter. We just needed to provide the love and care. I looked forward to having a lap cat again (who wouldn’t wreck our furniture).

So in came Kaya, a gray Manx cat whose lack of a tail weirded us all out at first. But she was sweet and friendly. All went well—for a couple of weeks.

Soon, however, I began to get concerned. Kaya wasn’t eating much. When she stopped drinking and eating, scorning even her special daily treat of shrimp (I spoiled her as Zadie did), I began to worry.

When Kaya threw up, I contacted the owner. It took Zadie a day to get back to me. She was very thankful that I had contacted her about the problem, and I’m sure, very worried about her beloved cat.

Zadie had her daughter come and take Kaya to the vet. After a couple of days at the animal hospital, during which time I did Healing Codes for Kaya, I got the report that Kaya was eating and doing better and could go home.

This time “home” was not my house. Zadie was sensitive enough to pick up that I wasn’t crazy about taking care of someone else’s sick cat, and had her daughter-in-law take the cat.

What happened, in fact, was that I was triggered into grief about Joey. I remembered that in the last couple of weeks of Joey’s life, the same things happened: he didn’t eat, drink, and he messed outside his litter box (which he never did, and neither had Kaya previously). I could not deal with another sick or dying cat.

I realized I’m still not over grief concerning Joey. I’ve had a lot of grief in the past year or so: Joey, my mother, an ongoing private grief, and other past unhealed losses I didn’t realize I need to work on. They are all melting into each other it seems, and I need to create space to heal it.

With every loss, there is a subtle diminishment of identity. I am no longer a pet owner. I am no longer anyone’s daughter.

Recovering from grief is a journey, and healing grief is more complicated than I thought. Though I’ve been working on it for a while now, I find you can’t rush it.

The outcome of taking in this cat was not what I expected. Instead of the comfort of having a cat purring on my lap (which happened exactly once with Kaya, before she started acting sick), unhealed grief was stirred up.

At this point, it’s like, “three strikes you’re out” concerning cats. Kaya was my third strike. At least for now, I’m not interested in any pets. I need space to heal more of this grief and deal with the recent new challenges that crop up unbidden. I’m in a mode of subtraction, not addition.

When I saw on Nextdoor that another cat “desperately needed a forever home,” I wasn’t even tempted.

This may or may not be the last chapter of my cat saga. If it is, I’m OK with it. There is a time and season for everything. This is a season of letting go. There can still be peace in that.

If you need help in healing grief or any other heart issue, check out my coaching at HealingCodesCoaching.com.

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In a seminar for caregivers of people with dementia, I learned of a new (to me) technique that switches the nervous system to the parasympathetic (rest and digest) mode.

I’m thinking it would probably be especially helpful for those of us who are Highly Sensitive. (Take the quiz if you’re not sure you are.)

It’s called 5-4-3-2-1 and it only takes a couple of minutes.

When you feel yourself stressed or overwhelmed, stop, notice, and name (actually say the words out loud):

  • 5 things you can see.
  • 4 things you can feel.
  • 3 things you can hear.
  • 2 things you can smell.
  • 1 thing you can taste.

This will ground you in the present and send your nervous system the signal that you are safe. It will turn off stress and allow healing to happen.

You can also do this with children, or your partner, or a friend who is in distress.

And if you’d like more help in ways to alleviate stress so that you can heal, check out the free resources and coaching at HealingCodesCoaching.com.

On one of my routine checkups, my doctor reminded me of four pillars of health: sleep, nutrition, stress management, exercise.

When I googled “pillars of health” I came up with anywhere from 3-12 suggestions.

Most of them mentioned, in one way or another, “connections.” It is this that has taken the biggest hit with the pandemic, yet it’s so crucial to our emotional, spiritual, and even physical health.

So today I’d like to guide you to explore what your “crucial connections” are, if and how they’ve become disconnected during the pandemic, and how you can reconnect.

What are your “crucial connections”?

By this I mean, what kinds of connections do you absolutely need to be well in spirit, mind, soul and body?

CC BY-NC-ND by true2source

It’s not the same for everyone. For instance, Extroverts get their energy from connections to the external world, while Introverts gain energy from connections to their inner world.

Extroverts need connections to the outer world in terms of travel, social gatherings, visits to museums, volunteer work. All these took a big hit of course with the pandemic and the changes it wrought.

You may think Introverts fare better with the isolation of the pandemic, but that may not be true. Introverts still need people, they just need fewer and deeper connections. These too are harder to come by because of the pandemic.

Highly Sensitive People (HSP), whether Introverts or Extroverts, usually need connections with nature and a spiritual practice. Nature often soothes the Highly Sensitive soul like nothing else.

We all need connections to people we care about and who care about us. It takes time and effort to keep those relationships going. It’s all too easy to let friendships slide when you can’t get together in person. Yes, there is Zoom and Facetime, but connection through a screen is just not the same as a steady diet.

A crucial connection is a connection to God. You may have a block here—many of us do, from bad experiences with religion and/or parents who were not very godly.

This needs to be healed. A spiritual connection is crucial to a sense that our lives have meaning and purpose—proven to be a key ingredient to health and healing.

For instance, Dr. Ben Johnson credited a big part of his healing from ALS to his faith and his will to live. I believe these things are key to activating and amplifying the healing power of The Healing Codes. From working with thousands of clients, I have seen those with an active faith healing at a different pace and level than those with little or no spiritual connection.

What about connection to your body? How aware are you of what your body is telling you, in terms of its needs? If your body were to talk to you, what would it be saying? (Hint: it is talking to you.)

Then there are more personalized connections that are important. For instance, I need to feel connected to my books, to ideas. Some people need music to feel alive or fully themselves. Some need a beautiful, orderly environment.

Do a little self-assessment. What are your most important connections? Have any of them gotten neglected or torpedoed in the last year? What can you do about reconnecting?

For me, I realized some of my important relationships have been neglected. So I reached out. It was an effort, in some ways, because my life has become more complicated and there are more things to deal with now.

I’m finding myself more exhausted by “screens,” yet phone calls or Zoom get-togethers are often the only options, so I limit other exposure to screens. For instance, I don’t watch online video summits anymore. This way I can use the “screen time” to connect with the important people in my life.

When I reconnected with my body, it told me clearly that sleep has to be my #1 priority, and that I need more “breath breaks” throughout the day. (Click here for an audio “Voo breathing.”) Slowing down is not easy for me, but it’s a message my body keeps sending me.

After reassessing, what is the ONE THING you will commit to in the next week to make a change? It does not have to be a big thing. My motto: “A little is better than nothing.”

Once you decide on your One Thing, ask yourself what do you need to do differently to make your commitment happen?

For me, the commitment is to be to be IN BED before 11pm. What I need to do differently: set my alarm for when I will quit and start to wind down for the evening. And actually STOP when it goes off!

As I go through the week, if I find myself NOT doing what I need to do, I will stop to figure out why? Did I fall prey to doing “just one more thing,” did I get distracted by my phone, did I find I was just too tired and so went slower, did I not take into account the things that must be done before bedtime?

(Feel free to ask me whether I did it in a week!)

Assess your connections on a regular basis, and address any blocks with your healing practices. Keeping those crucial connections strong could be THE thing that will turn things around for you.

And if you need anyone to come alongside you in this endeavor—sometimes we can’t see it ourselves—or need someone to whom you are accountable, consider getting coaching at HealingCodesCoaching.com.

A friend of mine was asked to fill out a survey asking, “Are you optimistic or pessimistic about 2021?”

How would you answer this?

As I reflected on this, I came to the conclusion that I’m both optimistic and pessimistic. It all depends on which perspective I’m coming from.

And my “both” answer is also based on looking back on 2020.

CC BY-SA by jospeee

From an outward perspective, looking at the world and all that happened, it was awful. I don’t have to remind you of the negatives: a global pandemic. Racial unrest. Political instability. Violence. Unemployment. Businesses lost. Lives lost. Friendships and families torn asunder by the polarization that has only grown.

My heart has broken many times over these things.

And 2021 so far hasn’t exactly given us much reason to think things will get that much better, though there are glimmers of hope.

Personally, 2020 was also a time of loss for me. My mother. My cat and last pet. Difficult diagnoses that, if the doctors are right, will only get worse.

Outwardly, not much cause for optimism.

I’m sure you have your own losses and challenges. No use glossing them over. It was a year of suffering.

I recently gave a custom Healing Code for the Emotional Inflammation from all of this. (You can go here to access the custom Healing Code for emotional inflammation. Use this password to access the correct page: EIHC2021.)

When you look at life strictly from a human perspective, if you base your hope on what human beings can do (though we can do some pretty amazing things), I think you would tend to be pessimistic.

Yet, I’m also optimistic.

I’m optimistic because human beings do not have the last word.

God does.

And God’s Word says he’s at work, busy making all things new.

God’s last word says he has a plan, he’s working to head up all things under his kingdom which is all about “righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit.” (Romans 14:17)

When I look at my inner world, I am optimistic. I have seen what God has done even last year, turning the lousy outward circumstances for good in my life and the lives of those I’m close to.

Take, for instance, my broken foot. God got so much mileage out of that one for me, and I’ve written about it some. I won’t go into details, but the timing was such that it actually answered at least two other prayers I had been praying.

Also, it helped me to slow down—something I apparently was unable to do without a little tough love on God’s part. (I had actually told God, “I know you’ve been telling me to slow down, but I just don’t know how.” Allowing me to break my foot–which happened because I was rushing–was God’s answer. By God’s grace, I didn’t need crutches, I didn’t need surgery. It slowed me down just enough to answer my prayer.) The lesson is sticking; I really am slowing down.

When my business also slowed down, I was able to get PUA assistance, and the time allowed me to work on some exciting new programs for you.

What about you? Can you look back on 2020 and see any ways God has turned some difficulty into a blessing?

He can do that for everything, I believe. The key is to entrust the situation to him.

“God, I don’t know what you’re doing here, it sure looks like a terrible situation to me right now. But I believe you, being God, can by definition do anything. And I believe you are good. So, because of your infinite wisdom and creativity, I’m going to entrust this situation, this year, to your creativity, goodness and wisdom.”

Then, get curious and hopeful about what he will do. Even if the curiosity is laced with a bit of skepticism (“God, I can’t wait to see how you can turn this into something good”), it seems to be enough to give space for God to work. 

Curiosity and hope—that will get us through 2021 so that, a year from now, we can look back and say, “it was the worst of times, and—only because of God—it was also the best of times.”

And if you need help with being able to trust God because of past negative experiences, with religion or relationships (both affect our relationship with God), feel free to contact me for some coaching. Some of my new approaches really help with this. A client told me just the other day, “You’re the first person who was able to hold space for me to heal my relationship with God. I’ve seen breakthroughs since.” 

I’m not surprised that she’s had breakthroughs. Our relationship with God affects everything. Connecting with the Source of Life seems an obvious first step to walking the path of life.

So, 2020 was at best a challenging year for every person on the planet.

And at worst . . . it was the worst year of their lives.

And yet . . . for some of us, there was a “yeah but” from God that offset some of the negative. I’ve been writing about some of mine all year on this blog.

There is a promise from God’s Word that I claim every morning, and I think it’s a good one to claim for 2021:

image by Louise Ferrebee

Remember, God himself goes before you into 2021. He knows exactly what you will face each day. He has exactly what you will need to get through with grace and grit. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.

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