Archive for Healing Heart Issues


Aligned Decision Making

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I recently faced a big decision.

It was one that would affect me, my family, and many other people—for years to come. I felt I had to get it right.

Of course I prayed for wisdom and guidance.

I started working through a grid called the OOVL Decision-Making Guide, which guides you in thinking through options, desired outcomes, how much you value each outcome, and the likelihood that each option would achieve your desired outcome.

It was helpful.

But . . .

The problem was, I didn’t know how likely it was that the desired outcome would happen, in most of the cases.

Or, it came down to a trade-off: more likely in the short term, but not the long term. Or vice versa.

And then came this question to my spirit: Which option requires the most faith? Read More→


Tending, Mending, Clutter and Trauma

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Have you heard of the phrase “tend and befriend” to describe a way to deal with stress and get your nervous system back on track?

The term was coined in 2000 by Shelley Taylor, a psychology professor at the University of California.

The “tend and befriend” theory says that when faced with a perceived threat, humans will tend to their young and rely on others for connection and support. This, she and her group of researchers observed, was especially true of humans, and human females in particular. Laboratory animals, when shocked, would attack each other. Humans, when threatened or stressed, typically affiliate with one another instead of attacking each other.

“Tending and befriending” can be an alternative response to the “fight and flight” activation when you recognize that you’re stressed. I’ve noticed I automatically want to call a friend when I’m feeling stressed or overstimulated, but I’ve found that could be a problem in some ways. Maybe the person isn’t available, and I feel momentarily abandoned. Maybe the person I turn to isn’t receptive to me at that moment. Again, that can trigger abandonment, and make me feel worse.

And for me as a Highly Sensitive introvert, sometimes reaching out is not what I need. The interaction may be more stimulating than I need, even if it’s a good interaction. I’ve noticed that when I’ve talked too long on the phone with a friend at night, I don’t sleep as well–even if the interaction was a positive one.

If you’re someone who chronically puts other people’s needs before your own, reaching out to others when you’re stressed or anxious might actually not be so healthy after all.

As I noticed this tendency to want to call someone, often at the end of the day when stress or overstimulation has piled up, I thought I might try something else.

What if I tended to myself, or my home, instead of to someone else? I too often neglect myself when I’ve had “too much.”

And then these words came to me: “Tending is mending.”

Hmmm . . . tending is mending. One way to deal with stress, one way to heal, is by tending?

Tending to what? I asked.

Tending to whatever you’ve been neglecting,” came the answer.

Ah, that clicked. One of the results of Childhood Emotional Neglect is self-neglect.

I see this popping up in my life in numerous ways. Like doing “one more thing” at night, even when I’m tired. Or cutting short the downtime I need.

One way I hadn’t thought of, until I read a blog post by Anna Runkle, a.k.a. “The Crappy Childhood Fairy” (Youtube channel), is that “Clutter is a Trauma Symptom.”

Wow! What have I been focusing on this whole year? Decluttering and “subtracting”! Anna says that accumulating things and being unable to let them go can be a sign of childhood trauma. Perhaps instinctively, my heart has led me to this decluttering/subtracting phase as a next right step in my healing. The home is an extension of the self. Neglecting my home is neglecting myself; taking care of my home is one way to take care of myself (and the others I live with).

Tending is mending.

So, today, after my shower, instead of telling myself, “I don’t have time to clean the shower stall because I have to write this blog post,” I cleaned the shower anyway. It felt like tending.

Then I came to my desk, cleared some papers, and started writing.

I finished in good time.

Tending is mending.

What might you have been neglecting, that could use some tending?

Is it your body, a relationship, your home, a hobby, your dream?

Tending is mending. . . .


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Hidden Stressors-Part Five-Technology

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I received a phone call and email from a long-time reader of my newsletter, thanking me for what I wrote about how my nervous system got overwhelmed and threw me into a several-day near shut-down, complete with physical pain.

Paulette wrote:

You put into words what I have been dealing with for several years! On Saturdays we have been attending a [particular group] study via Zoom. It begins at 10:30 a.m. and continues until at least 2:30 p.m. with no breaks. The teacher’s entire life is spent studying [this topic] — I mean 14 hours per day EVERY day. She always says there is so much more she wants to share, but just doesn’t have the time.

macbook pro displaying group of peopleI have gotten to the point that after one hour I am ready to scream. All of her words run together for me. I really don’t hear much after that point. My husband doesn’t have the same problem. [My note: notice the difference between Paulette and her husband. Paulette is Highly Sensitive; her husband is not.]

About the same week I received your email, I said enough is enough. I told the group that [my husband and I] would be taking a break. Since we have left I am happier and more relaxed. Yesterday my neighbor commented that she had noticed a change in me.

Studying [this particular topic] when there is so much bad news all around us was more than I could handle. I have learned a lot over the past several years, but I think my health has suffered as a result of attending this group.

Thanks for putting into words what I have been feeling.

Paulette’s words to me reminded me that we often don’t recognize the hidden stressors that are sucking our energy and stretching our nervous system to the limits, because those stressors are such a part of everyday life.

If you possess a Highly Sensitive nervous system, your limits may be reached sooner than other, not-so-sensitive people. That’s because the HS nervous system is hard wired to a) take in much more information, b) process it all deeply and c) react emotionally to it all. All this contributes to the “easily overstimulated” characteristic of the HS nervous system.

To top it off, Paulette’s response was very different from her husband’s. Often Highly Sensitive People (HSPs) wonder what’s wrong with them, that they can’t “handle” what other people seem to take in stride. (She told me that he didn’t seem affected, but he doesn’t listen intently the way Paulette does. See what I mean about “processing deeply”?)

turned on gold iphone 6I would argue, though, that today’s world is toxic for anyone’s nervous system. We are bombarded with constant messages and ads everywhere we turn. Even if you try to turn a blind eye to ignore it (I never look at ads), and limit your exposure to things like the news and social media, there are endless distractions constantly available. My AI research tells me that “the average American is exposed to an estimated 4,000 to 10,000 messages daily, including advertising, news, social media, and other forms of communication. This number has been steadily increasing in recent years due to the rise of digital media.”

Information overload is real. For someone like me who loves to learn, it’s been a huge challenge to say “enough”! In my quest for simplicity and stress mastery, I have to say no every single day to the temptations to know more, in an environment where access to knowledge is literally limitless.

Think about it: your brain and nervous system have been forced to process more information in one day than our ancestors had to process in an entire lifetime! Yet our nervous systems themselves have not changed much from the early days of humankind.

Even if you try to limit your exposure to all these messages, technology presses into daily life and forces you to deal with it. As just one example, the other day when I went to do some online banking (is there any other kind nowadays?), I was forced to agree to a 125-page “Digital Services Agreement” and a 10-page “Online and Mobile E-Sign Disclosure and Consent Agreement” before I could even access my accounts. Like I had time then to read 135 pages of legalese!


I felt my anxiety levels rising. (Doesn’t just the screen shot make your brain hurt? Sorry!)

Do they count on us not reading it? Are they trying to sneak something in? All I wanted to do was check and see if the Illinois IRS had deposited the refund they finally agreed they owed me. (That was another thing I had to straighten out; the Illinois IRS never gets this one thing right.) Now I had to at least skim these bank documents to see if there was anything I was agreeing to that was not in my best interests. This was, of course, at night, when my reserves were already pretty depleted for the day.

No doubt you have your own examples, likely several from just the past week.

Few of us can lead responsible lives and not have to deal with a host of technology-based challenges. It’s part of modern life. Is there anything we can do to tame the technology beast?

Here’s what I’m trying. Feel free to add your own comments!

1. Awareness. As you go through the day, notice the effect different forms of technology pose on your body nervous system. When you go through emails, does your gut tighten up? Do you find yourself hunching over your device, straining your muscles? Do you feel anxious? Do you hate hearing a notification going off, or find yourself unable to attend to it even if you’re in the middle of something important, like an actual conversation with an actual person? Do you find yourself drawn to screens at night, and how is this affecting your sleep? (Try not looking at any screen for 2-3 hours before bed and see if it makes a difference.)

2. Set your priorities, and be ruthless about keeping them. Write them down, even, and refer to them often. Line up your priorities with your deepest values, and take into account what season of life you’re in. Different seasons demand different priorities. Be willing to let go of the priorities of earlier seasons. (I’m working on this one as I make some major transitions.)

3. The obvious: limit the inputs as much as possible. Based on your awareness from step one and your priorities for this season, set your boundaries. This can be a very tough thing for some of us inquisitive types, who love to “keep up” and to learn new things. Plus, we are in a culture that worships “addition” and sees “subtraction” as loss. Use your Healing Code to work on any heart issues that prevent you from placing healthy limits on yourself.

This is not an exhaustive list (though it might be exhausting!). But it is a start. And it is imperative that you get a handle on this whole information overload/technology issue, because it isn’t going away, and it does affect us big time.

Related articles:

[Addendum: You notice how the above article list is not perfectly lined up? I messed with it for 10 minutes, the limit of time I set for dealing with technological issues.  If I can’t figure it out in 10 minutes, I walk away and pray. If a solution does not come to mind, I do without. I refuse to let technology mess with my head or body.

Also, there are fewer images in this post. It’s because I found myself at my nervous system limit after I messed with the snipping tool and had to figure out where it saved to. My dear daughter helped me. So here it is, in all its imperfection–a testimony to the fact that I try to walk my talk!]

Last week, I attended three days of an online business retreat that I thought, at the time, was fantastic.

I experienced transformation. I got ideas. I connected with people.

And it threw me into a massive 4-day healing response.

It was, apparently, too much, too fast.

The next day after the retreat, I was the usual Sunday tired.

On Monday, however, I was in pain. More stress hit when I had to drive my husband to a dental appointment in the teeming rain, where I couldn’t see in front of me and I was flanked by trucks also navigating construction barrels on the two highways I traversed.

Tuesday the pain got worse. It seemed to move all around my body. (I learned from a trauma expert that this can be a sign of trauma—trapped energy stored in the body.) I slept poorly that night.

Wednesday I could barely move, I was so tired and in pain. I rescheduled a client appointment–something I think I’ve only done two or three times in the past 13 years of coaching. (I’m nothing if not dependable!)

That day I dragged myself out of bed to meet with my therapist. I told her I think I was in a “dorsal vagal nervous system state.”

She agreed. She said it seemed like the retreat was too much for me. I was aware at the time that being 6 hours on Zoom for three days, taking in LOTS of information and emotional stimuli, not to mention the visual stimulation of the Chat screens whizzing by, overwhelmed my sensitive nervous system. On top of all the extra stimuli I naturally take in as a Highly Sensitive Person, I have to also deeply process it all if I’m not to get overloaded. The final load was the drive to and from the dentist on Monday.

The therapist told me something interesting: that if we have trauma in our background, and we go through an intense experience like my retreat (with someone who is not trauma-informed), or prolonged stress activation where we don’t have enough time to process everything and/or recover through “tend and befriend” (activating our ventral nervous system), there are consequences. It can activate all kinds of wounded and unhealed “parts” of us, and the stress is manifested in physical symptoms, such as exhaustion, fatigue, exacerbation of chronic illnesses like IBS. (Check, check, and check!) In my case, a chronic cough that sparked headaches and all sorts of pain came up big time. (I used to call the cough my Stress-o-meter.)

I also think that, because I had been processing a lot of trauma and am also living in a chronically stress-inducing environment, part of it was that I was detoxing at too fast a rate. My cells were opening up (thanks to the Halo and my own therapies), but my body couldn’t quite keep up with removing the toxins that were released.

However, once I knew what was happening, I knew what I could do to help it along.

In addition to my usual healing practices (Healing Codes and the other processes I’ve developed), I added a somatic exercise I learned from Dr. Elizabeth Stanley’s Mindfulness-Based Mind Fitness Training. I took some Alkaseltzer Gold, which a fellow coach said helps with healing responses. Drank lots and lots of water. Used my tools (Halo, c.Balance Pain boost). And I got some physical release through “shaking” to this video music that a friend sent me that very day. (To complete the stress cycle, we often need to release it physically.)

It all helped a lot.

In fact, I have to give a shout-out for the c.Balance/Holos. I started turning a corner when I activated the Revitalize Boost. Also, one night I woke up and had a splitting headache. I was too tired to get up and find some pain medication. I pressed the button on the Pain Boost and within a minute or less, the pain went away—and didn’t come back that night! I rely on that Pain Boost a lot when I get those sudden headaches, which have been exacerbated lately.

I know I’m not out of the woods yet. I need to be very careful of overloading my sensitive nervous system. I have to say no to a lot of things that attract me, simply because it’s “too much” right now.

I reminded myself I’m in a season of “subtraction” and “letting go,” so another thing I did was go through a couple of old files and tossed the information I had kept for “someday.” All it was doing was making me anxious that I wasn’t finding time to learn the stuff. “Let it go, Diane! Be present to NOW!”

Perhaps these suggestions and links will be beneficial to you. We live in a fast-paced society, and some of us have a thirst for knowledge and information. I’m learning that, hard as it is, I have to say no to a lot of good things to say yes to what is best for me, right now.

What helps too is being clear about what my “divine design” is. I know what my “energized abilities” are—those ways I naturally express my true self in the world.

Even then, though, when expressing, I found I can give too much. Less is often more.

I’m trying to learn that lesson. My nervous system is cheering me on.

If you would like to explore what your “energized abilities” might be, and Align with Your Divine DesignTM, I invite you to go here and fill out a Clarity Questionnaire. It now includes a coaching suggestion that, if you implement it, will immediately put you on the path of healing and transformation. The document explains how. (If you have already filled one out, please email me so I can send you this additional assignment.)


Embracing Your Season

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A client of mine, Carolyn Schmit, has found a new outlet for her creativity: writing haiku.

One poem in particular struck me. With great simplicity (which I crave these days), it speaks profoundly of what is needed for so many seasons of life.


Bough weighed down with snow

Nodding with each passing breeze

Teaches resilience

–Carolyn Schmit

The context of the poem is a particular season: winter. Perhaps the poem came to me again now, though it is summer, as I was reminded in my prayer time that I am in a new season, one that requires great resilience.

Thinking of life as being lived in seasons can help us weather them better. Our “life seasons” may always not be as predictable as the earth’s seasons, but they are alike in that neither lasts forever. One season inevitably gives way to another season.

The key is to discern what kind of season you’re in now, understand what is required, and most of all–most difficult of all–to not resist the current season’s demands.

That is where I’m concentrating most of my healing/transformational work right now: transforming resistance to acceptance, in the face of uncertainty. Learning to let go of what I knew, to let in what is possible. Expecting good things, instead of fearing the worst.

What about you? What “season” are you in? What is required of you in this particular season? What familiar things might you need to let go of, to let in new possibilities? What fears do you have at that thought? Where do they come from? What else might be true now?

And if you are in a season in which you desire more clarity on your purpose in life, visit my Align with Your Divine Design page and fill out a Clarity Questionnaire. I can help you navigate your current season so it bears fruit of love, joy, peace, and purpose.

Whenever I come across the same idea two or three times within a couple of days, I figure it’s something to pay attention to.

Especially if it’s from Scripture.

This week, the idea that healing can come through unexpected means came up twice on the same day. So I thought I’d pay close attention, and share it with you.

The first time was through a devotional app I really enjoy. It’s called Lectio 365, and each day there is a morning and evening audio (and printed words), using the simple outline of P-R-A-Y: Pause, Rejoice & Reflect, Ask, and Yield.

The Scripture selection for reflection on July 26 was from John 5:5-9a, about the man who spent years by the pool of Bethesda, waiting for a miracle. Jesus sees him, knows that he has been sick for a long time, and asks him a pointed question: “Do you want to be healed?”

The man explains why he can’t be healed: “I have no one to put me into the pool when the water is stirred up, and while I am going, another steps down before me.” His chance at being healed was slim to none—or so he thought.

The devotional points out that at this point, the sick man knew only one way to be healed: to get into the pool first when the water is stirred up. “But Jesus expands his limited imagination with an invitation to action; ‘Get up, pick up your bed, and start walking.’”

And the man did!

That very same day, I was reading through my two-year Bible reading plan, and came to the story of Naaman in 2 Kings 5, who had some kind of serious skin disease. He was general of the army under the king of Aram, and very valuable to the king. A girl from Israel who had been captured and ended up being the servant of Naaman’s wife told her that there was a prophet in Israel who could tell Naaman how to be healed.

Naaman first went to the king of Israel for help, but that king recognized his grave limitations in being able to heal, and referred Naaman to Elisha the prophet.

Naaman came to Elisha, all decked out with gifts. Elisha didn’t even bother to meet him in person; he sent his servant with a message to Naaman: “Go to the River Jordan and immerse yourself seven times. Your skin will be healed and you’ll be as good as new.”

This totally offended Naaman. He lost his temper, and fumed, “I thought he’d personally come out and meet me, call on the name of the LORD, wave his hand over the diseased spot, and get rid of the disease. Aren’t the Damascus rivers cleaner by far than the rivers in Israel? Why not bathe there; at least I’ll get clean.” He stomped off in a rage.

[Here’s another example of someone believing he could only be healed in a certain way. In this case, he vociferously resisted the new (and simpler) approach given by Elisha.]

Naaman’s servants tried to change his mind. “If the prophet had asked you to do something hard and heroic, wouldn’t you have done it? So why not this simple ‘wash and be clean’?”

Naaman gave in, followed Elisha’s orders—and was completely healed. AND he was convinced that the only true God was Elisha’s God, the LORD.

These stories remind me of the people I’ve tried to share The Healing Codes with. They are resistant to such a strange way of healing. If you don’t understand that everything is energy, and that if you shift the energy from negative to positive, things can change, things can be healed—you won’t be open to The Healing Codes.

Or a number of other healing modalities, for that matter. I don’t believe The Healing Codes are God’s only tool in his toolbox. He can use any tool he wants.

The question, for all of us, is: Are we open to God using a tool that we’ve never heard of, or don’t understand?

Can we, like the man at the pool of Bethesda, or like Naaman, take the step of faith and follow what God may be showing us to do—even if we don’t understand it or if it seems too “simple”?

What “miracle” might be possible if we did step out in faith?

[Note: you might want to share this link with someone who is skeptical about The Healing Codes or whatever else you know will help them, that he or she has resisted.)

I believe God has given me some new tools, besides The Healing Codes, that have worked to not only heal, but transform my own life and that of others. If you are interested in exploring what more God might have for you, please visit my web page and fill out a Clarity Questionnaire for the Align with Your Divine Design program. No obligation.


Breakthroughs vs. Microsteps

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We all want breakthroughs, don’t we?

The sudden insight that leads to a whole new way of thinking and being.

The Healing Code that turns everything around. (This happened to me only TWO OR THREE TIMES in the 16 years I’ve been doing Healing Codes.)

You know in your heart that, despite the wonderful testimonials of people experiencing a great transformation from whatever X product or modality they’re using, it rarely happens that way.

(The rarity keeps the hope alive, though, and that’s not a bad thing. I’ll explain in a moment.)

What actually happens is that, as we consistently practice whatever effective modality we’re doing (yes, it does need to prove efficacious), microchanges happen.

There’s a scientific explanation for this; it has to do with the brain, and bypassing the amygdala, that part of the brain that activates the fight/flight response of your nervous system:

“Small, easily achievable goals — such as picking up and storing just one paper clip on a chronically messy desk — let you tiptoe right past the amygdala, keeping it asleep and unable to set off alarm bells. As your small steps continue and your cortex starts working, the brain begins to create “software” for your desired change, actually laying down new nerve pathways and building new habits.” –Dr. Robert Maurer, One Small Step Can Change Your Life

Photo by David Cain on Unsplash

So do not despise small changes! They are actually the building blocks for those possible breakthroughs.

Every time you do a Healing Code, you chip away at your issue. You lessen the stress in your autonomic nervous system and allow your body’s natural processes to grow stronger and to heal you.

Every time you make a small change in the direction of that new energy you have set for yourself, you add another brick to firm up your foundation of transformation.

Notice the small changes. Celebrate the small changes. I heard that noticing and celebrating even very small successes does much to counteract the natural negative bias of the brain. You begin to veer more and more in the direction of that change you wish to see.

And perhaps, one day, you will experience a breakthrough. But make no mistake: it was built on your microsteps of staying in the energy of your desired intentions.

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The Call to Rest

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This past week, I had nothing on my calendar in terms of appointments. It felt heavenly.

I put down several things on my “to do” list, fully intending to enjoy a productive day of easing back into business.

Except . . . my body and spirit (and the Spirit) had other plans.

I needed to REST. All three agreed. No room for argument. 

As the Spirit would have it, my friend Louise called, smack dab in the middle of when I’m usually the most productive and don’t take calls.

I took her call.

When I told her how low-energy I felt, she told me about an article she’d read on the 9 types of rest. I wrote them down. (And here’s the link to the article, to give the author full due.)

Which of these do you resonate with most?

While I do OK with 4, 5 and 8 through my healing practices, the other forms of rest seemed novel to me. 

What especially arrested me was #2, “permission to not be helpful.”

Not be helpful? That’s part of my divine design. Being helpful comes so naturally to me. I seem to know just what a person needs, and share it from the vast reservoir of knowledge I absorb so easily as a lifelong learner and highly sensitive person who naturally takes in a ton of information.

Permission not to be helpful felt so refreshing.

So this week I put off calling the clients back who are patiently waiting to meet with me. I needed the rest of not being helpful for a short time.

What about you? Do you need permission to take one (or more) of these types of rest?

I hereby bestow my permission!

And my permission is based on the One who invited me, and who invites you, into a life of rest: “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” (Matthew 11:28-30)

A life of rest, and work arising only out of rest and your Divine Design, is your spiritual birthright. If you would like to discover your Divine Design, go here to fill out a questionnaire and get on the waiting list.

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Energy Balancing

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As I wrote previously, it takes energy to heal (and to suppress emotions, traumas, negative memories).

Now that I’m focusing on recovery from a recent surgery (as well as complex PTSD), I’ve been hyper aware of what takes my energy, and what gives me energy.

Being an introvert who gains energy by solitude and reflection, I have limited my social exposures and upped my reading, sleeping, and walking outside activities. These fill my energy tank.

So does writing! Which is why it’s been a joy to continue these emails and blog posts for you.

The social stuff is tricky, because the right social interactions also fill my tank. I think it’s more the scheduling of outward commitments that pushes me into sort of a time-crunch mode. Time stress and hurrying are not good for my nervous system. I am actively working on “have to” and “should” self-talk, because these activate stress for me.

Filling my tank is one thing. There is also carving out time for simple rest. This is a challenge. I’m the go-go-go person, who wants to suck as much out of life as possible. I’m beginning to see that sometimes, this too is a stress or trauma response.

What about you? What fills your energy tank, and what drains it? What can you do to add more of the “filling” activities and less of the “draining” activities? How can you manage things so that you make sure for every “drain” you add at least one “fill”?

Finding the right balance is different for each person. Part of discovering your Divine Design–and living within it—is to know these basic things about yourself.

If you would like to discover your Divine Design, go here to fill out a questionnaire and get on the waiting list.

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