Archive for Healing Heart Issues

My mother left this earth on November 19, 2020. Marie Boos Filakovsky was 88.

There is grief. It’s showing up as lethargy, insomnia, fatigue, and sadness. I am always amazed at how strong the mother-daughter bond is.

Mom and I had a complicated relationship. The product of Childhood Emotional Neglect herself, she passed that on. She married a good man, my father, and lived out the 1950s script of a good Catholic girl, wife, and mother.

Mom and me, Aug. 2017

I never knew who she really was.

Until she was 78.

That’s when I started giving her custom Healing Codes. And I watched her change.

The changes in my mother solidified for me the power of The Healing Codes.

I can still remember the day she asked me how I was doing—and meant it. Before that, our weekly calls were mostly about her. It didn’t feel like she really was interested in me. Until that day.

From then on, she opened her heart more and more. I discovered to my astonishment that she had a tender, sensitive heart. For most of her life, she had hidden it under layers of socialization. Once she said to me, “You are giving me what I should have given you,” i.e. emotional support.

Then she had a stroke. And a second one, in 2017. After that, communication was very difficult. In a way, I lost the mother I’d just found.

A few weeks ago she was put on palliative care, and it was really difficult not to go out there. But with COVID-19, I just couldn’t risk flying out, for her sake and mine. I was told that it was too taxing for her to talk on the phone.

It was so hard, being cut off from her in her last days. Read More→

 

What is your earliest memory? It may hold the key to the identity you have built for yourself (which perhaps you may want to amend).

My earliest memory is from when I was around 3 years old, and my family was visiting my grandparents. My grandmother asked me kindly, “How are you, Diane?” To which I replied, “My name isn’t Diane. I’m The Lone Ranger!”

I don’t know where that came from. Perhaps when I was hospitalized for the first 6 weeks of my life and operated on for an abdominal obstruction, my little heart came to believe that I had to go it alone in the world. Then, when I watched The Lone Ranger show, that whole “save the world by being different, by fighting for the right thing, by doing/seeing things your own way” took hold.

(I recently watched this program on Youtube. I couldn’t get through more than two.)

Somehow the “Lone Ranger” icon stayed in the culture, and with my subconscious mind for a long time. Growing up, I didn’t have much support for being who I was. I was truly a Lone Ranger, but one who figured out how to get what I need and learn what I need to know. Without any help from anyone (because then, it just wasn’t there).

The approach served me well. Or so I thought.

Until …  It didn’t.

When you go through multiple crises one right after another, you will either fold under it or you will realize being a Lone Ranger, in terms of going it alone, does not work. You reach out for help–from God, and from other people.

Some of us learned as children that if you reach out, help will not be there. Yet if we have the courage as adults to question that belief, and to choose a different way, we can find that the support is there.

Even the Lone Ranger had Tonto.

In the past two weeks, I’ve been hit with a number of big, personal challenges from a number of directions–which only got worse. When I texted my friend that I had just finished a crying jag in the bathroom, she empathized and listed in a text all the things going on for me personally, and added, “Oh, did I mention the mental drain of politics and a pandemic? That you aren’t curled up in bed is a BIG win.”’

I tell you about such things not to make you feel sorry for me, but to let you know that if you’re going through a tough time yourself (and who isn’t these days?), you’re not alone. There are ways to find strength. I will share some of mine.

At the end of last week, right in the midst of the personal challenges, I attended a most amazing (virtual) retreat time that clarified my vision as to the legacy I’m called to leave, what I have to let go of to fulfill that, and what kinds of support God has graciously provided along the way.

My friend who validated my experience and pointed out the “big win” was one huge support. A couple of other close friends said pretty much the same thing. What a wonderful thing to have friends who can validate your feelings and spur you on!

It’s a strange thing about support. Whereas not too long ago I felt alone and overwhelmed, totally unsupported, now I am aware of so much support. What made the change? Was it me? Has that support been there all along?

I believe it’s mostly me. The changes inside me, the healing that has occurred, opened me up to both asking for and receiving support. I just hadn’t looked for it, or been open to receiving it. I was fully entrenched in what I’ve heard called Capable Woman Syndrome.

Also, as I healed (over lots of time), I slowly attracted more people who knew how to be supportive. I was no longer willing to put up with relationships that were exploitative, manipulative, or just plain unhealthy.

By being willing to be vulnerable and share what’s really going on with me with trustworthy friends, I got different perspectives on my situations. I reached out to friends and family, to my attorney, to a couple of therapists, my grief recovery specialist, and support groups. Each gave me a perspective on what was going on. They helped me face some harsh realities, but also pointed out some of the things they saw in me that encouraged me that I can get through all this.

Then, taking all their input through the filter of prayer, I became clearer on both what was true and what I need to do and–just as important–not do. Sometimes you have to let go to let in. I was able to see the bright spots of grace in the darkness (and there were several).

I was able to get curious about what good might come out of some very bad situations, trusting that indeed, God is able to bring good out of anything. (Remember, curiosity runs on the same brain circuits as fear/anxiety, so you can’t feel curiosity and fear at the same time.)

In fact, in my most recent Immanuel Prayer session, I got the message, “In curiosity and trust is peace.”

Curiosity, trust—and support. Oh what a difference these can make!

If you feel you need some support from someone who cares and can help you with the transformation you seek, check out my packages at HealingCodesCoaching.com.

 

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October 2020 marked my 10-year anniversary of getting certified as a Healing Codes Coach/Practitioner by Dr. Alex Loyd.

What an amazing and wonderful 10 years it’s been!

So much healing, and so much learned.

A therapist friend said to me, after finding out some things about my past, “How did YOU come out of all that? I mean, someone who is able to do what you do and have done in the world, usually doesn’t come out of THAT kind of background.”

Answer: God’s grace, and a lot of hard work on my part. Also these:

  • Believing somehow that anything can be overcome, if only I have the faith and the willingness to do the hard work of transformation.
  • A willingness to learn, and most of all, a desire to grow. To grow beyond the confines of a narrow, emotionally deficient background and trauma.

I believe you also have those qualities, or you wouldn’t be reading my blog. YOU are the kind of self-aware person who desires to heal your heart issues—those negative memories, beliefs and feelings that block you from experiencing the love, joy, peace, purpose and self-fulfillment you sense is your God-given design.

And because you are that kind of person, and to celebrate some of the most fulfilling (as well as challenging) last 10 years of my work, I want to give you something that will speed your Healing Code results—if you choose to use it. Read More→

I’ve written before about some of the words that have come to me, usually unbidden, that always offer a new perspective on something (one definition of a miracle). Often these words come out of the blue, when I’m walking or writing my morning pages or even when I’m cooking.

My most popular blog post, “12 Words that Changed Everything” still resonates with me and, apparently, many others. So does “Settling into the energy of ‘enough’” and “you have to feel it so we can heal it.”

And, these days when my personal life has changed because of my foot injury: “Just because things aren’t the same, doesn’t mean they still can’t be good.”

All these came to me pre-COVID-19, yet they resonate with an even stronger energy now than before.

One sentence though, came to me before COVID-19 that I’ve never written about. It was this: “What if this _____ (relationship, circumstance, problem) were more of a gift to be received, than a problem to be solved?”

I never wrote about it because I resisted it. Before COVID-19 hit, it seemed impossible enough that some of the problems I was trying to solve could be gifts. Then it became even more ludicrous to consider that the problems ushered in by a global pandemic could be gifts in any way.

Yet the question keeps coming back, and honestly, I feel almost angry. For instance, about this question: “What if this whole global crisis is a gift to received, more than a problem to be solved?”

Certainly it is a problem to be solved, I argue back. In fact, many problems to be solved. Read More→

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Nobody wants to tell you this.

But I think you can handle the truth. I love you too much to not tell you this.

The healing journey is a bumpy road, full of ups and downs, setbacks and detours.

In your heart, you know this already. But, when you’re desperate for healing, you will grasp at anything that offers the instant cure.

It doesn’t exist.

In all my 13 years of doing The Healing Codes, I can count ONE experience of an instant healing.

It was pretty dramatic, I admit. I had a horrible head cold, and was miserable for several days. At the peak of the miserable symptoms, I was doing a Healing Code addressing poor boundaries. Literally in the middle of doing that Healing Code, all my symptoms vanished suddenly and completely.

It was astonishing, but on one level it made sense. The immune system is all about boundaries: the body says, “This is mine, this is not mine.” I was working on a boundary issue. Apparently that Healing Code healed that particular memory I was working on, and apparently that memory was the source of my succumbing to that particular virus.

That experience, however, was not the norm. Read More→

Recently I wrote about the unfortunate accident I had, in which I hurt my foot.

I was in great pain and uncertain of what whether I would need surgery, or to be in a cast and on crutches, when I wrote. All I knew was I had broken my bone in two places, “a complicated break,” the doctor who did the X-ray said.

That didn’t sound good to me. Though I feared the worst (surgery and extended recovery, a cast and crutches), I prayed and hoped for the best. I chose faith. I chose to focus on the good things that had also happened that week.

On Monday I found out the answer to both the uncertainty and the pain.

The pain was from the doctor at Immediate Care, where I got the X-ray done on Saturday. She should not have put my foot in a splint or Ace bandage. That was causing the excruciating pain, more pain than I’d ever felt (except probably childbirth—you really do forget that).

The minute the orthopedic surgeon removed the splint and bandage on Monday, my pain went from an 8 to a 3.

This doctor looked at my X-rays and foot and said a boot would be fine, and that I could bear weight on it even. Don’t need crutches or the walker!

To me it felt like a miracle. What I had prayed for and hoped for had happened. I would still need to slow down, still need to take good care of myself, still need to allow myself time to heal. But it was doable this way. I sensed I had lessons to learn, and that God had allowed just enough pain to get my attention and point out the lessons.

I share all this because so many of us are still living in pain and uncertainty of one kind or another. This global pandemic has not ended. We are in change and uncertainty for the long haul. Read More→

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This week for me was full of both personal challenge and celebration, and it struck me that it’s a microcosm of how this whole year has been for most of us, if not all of us.

(And, I can imagine, with the recent presidential debate, death of Ruth Bader Ginsberg, the US President and his wife testing positive for COVID, California wildfires still raging, that we are all still dealing with a massive case of Emotional Inflammation.)

My challenge came when I missed a stair step and landed on my foot. Yes—ouch!

This happened to be a super-busy week for me, full of client calls and other responsibilities. I slowed down as best I could but it wasn’t enough. Had to cancel and rearrange a few things.

Now I have yet another “new normal” to figure out. As I write this, I’m in limbo as to what exactly is wrong with my foot, what recovery will involve, how long I will have to adapt to a whole new lifestyle.

It’s yet another manifestation of these intense times, where all of us are dealing with what one writer called “ambiguous loss”: “any loss that’s unclear and lacks a resolution.”

The pandemic has handed all of us a loss of a way of life. And now, my personal way of life is suddenly changed, as I hobble about on crutches. “Our new normal is always feeling a little off balance, like trying to stand in a dinghy on rough seas, and not knowing when the storm will pass,” writes Tara Haelle in Your Surge Capacity is Depleted—It’s Why You Feel So Awful.

Or in my case, trying to stand in a dingy on crutches on a rough sea, not knowing when the storm will pass! Read More→

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The Healing Codes produce miracles—all the time.

Let me hasten to define miracles, lest you get the wrong impression.

I’m referring to the idea that a miracle is a shift in perspective that can produce transformation, much as a caterpillar is transformed to a butterfly.

If you believe that God‘s perspective is rarely the same as yours, and his perspective is wider, more creative and truer than yours, wouldn’t it make sense that you would want it? And that God would want to give it to you? (If you believe God is love and truth, that is.) Read More→

A week ago I learned something fascinating about the brain, and have been experimenting with the practical aspects of it ever since.

The results are amazing.

(If you’ve followed me for any length of time, you know I’m an inveterate learner, and I love to pass on to you what I’m learning in a way that will enhance your life and your healing somehow.)

What I learned, from Dr. Jim Wilder, a neuroscientist: Fear and curiosity run on the same brain circuit.

So what, you say?

So what is this: Since these two emotions run on the same brain circuit, you cannot experience fear/anxiety and curiosity at the same time.

Soooo, when you feel fearful/have a fearful thought, if you catch yourself and switch to curiosity—poof, the fear is gone!

I have been trying this myself. There is a certain ongoing situation in my life that triggers feeling threatened and fearful. I have actually been praying about how to quit feeling fearful. This is my answer.

Now when the trigger happens, instead of the usual, “What does this mean? What will this require of me? How can I cope with that too?” . . .

I switch to: “I wonder what prompted that person to say/do/think that? I wonder why it triggers me so much?” (This “why does it trigger me so?” is a question you can ask yourself to find out what underlying memories might be making the current situation worse. Then, of course, you address those memories with a Healing Code. In this situation,I actually know why I get triggered, and have worked on healing that. But the ongoing situation still has to be dealt with, and asking the first question helps that.)

Another way to engage in curiosity is to use the “I wonder what would happen if …?” formula.

“I wonder what would happen if instead of defending myself, I apologized?”

“I wonder what would happen if I prayed for that person/situation?”

“I wonder what would happen if I did (or said) nothing this time?”

“I wonder what would happen if I reacted in the exact opposite way as I feel like reacting?”

(I wonder what will happen if YOU try some of these things. Let me know!)

Switching to curiosity really does work. Not only does it take you out of the fear vibration, but it moves you into a much higher vibration of possibility, discovery, even joy. There is a great expansiveness and openness about curiosity.

I am finding new solutions to problems when I switch from fear/overwhelm/anxiety to curiosity. It’s been fun, amazing, and—I highly recommend it!

Try it, and let me know what happens by adding a comment. Sharing our stories encourages others and also opens up all of us to new possibilities.

And if you would like personalized help with healing the blocks to curiosity and expansiveness, I’m just a few clicks away at HealingCodesCoaching.com.

The 3 C’s of Healing

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Ever since I embarked on this healing journey, for myself and others, I have been fascinated, perhaps even obsessed, with what makes people heal (and, conversely, what prevents healing).

Since many of my clients are making great progress, I have been studying what they are doing. Are there any key ingredients to their healing that caused major transformation in just a few short weeks?

Turns out there are. I have boiled it down to 3 C’s: Courage, Compassion, and Commitment. Read More→

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