Archive for Healing Heart Issues

The Nature of Things

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I planted my flowers and plants a few weeks ago, and I’m amazed at how they have grown so quickly.

This was a tiny parsley plant just a few weeks ago.

   As I look at how life busts out all over every spring, I’m struck by this truth:

It’s the nature of things to grow.

When connected to the Source of Life, as nature is, what happens is growth. And as you get more in touch with that Source of Life by healing the heart issues that block this flow of Life, growth is inevitable.

As inevitable and natural as an apple tree producing apples once the blossoms have been pollinated.

However, there’s another thing about “the nature of things.”

That is: it’s the nature of things to fall apart as well.

This is the Second Law of Thermodynamics, one of the fundamental laws of the universe. Everything decays. Disorder always increases.

Without a gardener to tend the weeds in the garden, enrich the soil, water as needed, the weeds tend to take over. Or the other plants take over, as sadly happened in this garden.

Yes, things grow, but they need to be tended to reach their full potential.

And so, of course, do we. We need to expend energy to restore order, create beauty, and foster growth.

The key to your growth is commitment to “tending your garden.”

Then growth will happen naturally. You can’t force the growth, you need only create the conditions for growth to happen naturally.

Doing Healing Codes regularly, praying often about everything—these two things are the cornerstone of my own healing and growth.

When someone confronts me about how I’ve hurt them, I need to acknowledge that “weed” and pull it out by the roots. This is painful, but when I do, I receive the blessing—and so does the other person. There is now space for new growth to happen.

How well are you “tending to your garden” these days?

Do you want it to look like this:

Or this?

It’s your choice.

And if you’d like some help in “tending your garden,” check out my coaching packages at HealingCodesCoaching.com.

On Being Noboby-but-Yourself

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I’m retiring . . . but don’t worry, it’s not from this wonderful work of helping people heal their heart issues and transform their lives. No, I love that work too much.

I’m retiring from the “job” of being a people pleaser. (You natural rebels can stop reading here.)

I’m done with living by internalized or expressed expectations that are based more on socialization than my own divinely-guided values.

I’m retiring from the “job” “Pharaoh” foisted on me while I wasn’t looking.

Pharaoh was the Egyptian king who enslaved the ancient Hebrews. When God raised Moses up to set God’s people free to be who God created them to be—his special people—Pharaoh said, “No way!” Further, the more Moses pressed, the more tyrannical Pharaoh become. “Now make bricks without straw—and see to it you keep up the same quota!’

I’ve written before about “Pharaoh.” “Pharaoh” can be anything that seeks to squeeze you into its own mold, or discourage you from being who you really are.

One of my favorite quotes is from the poet e.e. cummings (whose unconventional punctuation of his name in itself illustrates the point):

“To be nobody-but-yourself — in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else — means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting.”

And oh, is that world “doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else”!

Seems to me, this is the whole thrust of social media. (Apologies to those of you who are SM fans.)

This is why I just can’t bring myself to be on social media much. Business “gurus” do their best to convince me I have to do Facebook Lives and be on Instagram, but somehow, by the end of the day, I find I just never get around to even looking at Facebook.

(I’d love to hear your thoughts on SM. And if you would like to see more of me on SM, let me know!) 

Why is it so easy to be caught up in this trap of trying-to-be-everyone-else?

Because of the human need for validation.

We need to know we’re OK. We feel we need to have our experiences validated by other people having the same experience.

But, are they really having the same experience as us? Probably not. Each person has his or her own experience, and it’s unique, and ideally, needs no outside validation whatsoever. If you are truly “nobody-but-yourself,” you don’t need validation.

Yet we do crave validation, usually because we didn’t get it earlier in life. So we looked outside ourselves, and came to believe if we fit a certain mold (good wife, mother, community leader, volunteer, entrepreneur, etc.), then we’re OK.

However, we never quite feel we are OK, because we can’t get that Ok-ness from outward sources. We do need other people, yes. Ideally, other people are loving mirrors who reflect back who we truly are, and provide true validation.

(That, by the way, is one of the things a good coaching program does. It validates you AND moves you to be the “new you” that you are transforming into. I see my clients not as the “caterpillars” they may see themelves as, but as the beautiful “nobody-but-themselves” butterfly that is on the other side of their healing and transformation.)

But loving validation is not what many of us experienced. Many of us saw reflected back only distorted images of who we are, and/or received the message, “You are only OK if you do what I say, if you conform to what I want you to be.”

(Highly Sensitives, People of Color, and anyone who is “different” especially know what I’m talking about.)

So how do you become “nobody-but-yourself”? E.e. cummings says you need to learn how to feel.

Yes, learn how to feel.

Speaking to aspiring poets, cummings writes:

“A poet is somebody who feels, and who expresses his feelings through words.

“This may sound easy. It isn’t.

“A lot of people think or believe or know they feel — but that’s thinking or believing or knowing; not feeling. And poetry is feeling — not knowing or believing or thinking.

“Almost anybody can learn to think or believe or know, but not a single human being can be taught to feel. Why? Because whenever you think or you believe or you know, you’re a lot of other people: but the moment you feel, you’re nobody-but-yourself.

“. . . And so my advice to all young people who wish to become poets is: do something easy, like learning how to blow up the world — unless you’re not only willing, but glad, to feel and work and fight till you die.

“Does that sound dismal? It isn’t.

“It’s the most wonderful life on earth.

“Or so I feel.”*

You don’t have to be a poet to aspire to be “nobody-but-yourself.”

You just need to be honest. Authentic. Willing to feel.

And to “retire” from trying to be “everybody-else.”

YOU are enough.

And if you don’t believe this yet, or you are ready to “retire” from the role of being everybody-else, consider getting some coaching to heal the old patterns that block your being nobody-but-yourself. Experience the freedom of being aligned with your divine design, not anyone else’s pre-defined role.

 

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Have you ever had a day like this?

You start out with a plan, and high hopes of getting something important accomplished.

Then you get a notice of some kind. Let’s say it’s a low balance alert from your bank.

You go to fix that, and notice that there is a charge on your account that is way more than it always has been for like, the last 10 years. Like, more than 10x the amount. Of course, it’s an automatic charge.

You go to the vendor in question, to see if there’s any notification or explanation of when or why this suddenly exorbitant charge came about.

What you find: There’s no way to post a support ticket, no clue as to why suddenly this charge was made or was  more than 10x as much.

You open what looks to be a support chat. The bot says they’ll be with you, and the window will remain open for you to keep checking back. (Like, I have all day to keep going back to check.)

You get an email saying, “For the fastest response possible, please do not update this ticket until you hear from one of our advocates.”

The next thing you hear from them is an email saying that you left the chat.

Case closed, apparently.

As you can guess, this happened to me. It reminded me of one of my favorite children’s books.

The incident I described was the first of about 5 things that attempted to derail me from the task I meant to get to first thing in the morning (which was this blog post).

I started to deal with the low balance alert at 10:30am. I finally got back to it at 4:30pm. And by the way, I disputed the charge on my debit card, and stopped automatic payments with that vendor. I don’t want to do business with a company like that.

Seems like modern life is full of such frustrations, doesn’t it? At least, if you have to deal with technology of any kind. (And who doesn’t, nowadays?) Especially, they tell me, when mercury is in retrograde as it is now–whatever that means.

So what do you do when you have a day full of interruptions, frustrations, and technological glitches?

What I did today: I kept re-returning.

I know that seems like a redundant term. But it reminds me that I can come back, again and again and again, to where I want to be.

I can shake off the frustration and refocus on my initial goal. (My Release & Infuse Technique really helps here.)

So that’s what I did. I released “anger, frustration, derailment, lashing out, and giving up. “

I infused “productivity, patience, peace, joy, and focus.”

And I got this written.

If you’d like this tool that allows you to clear negative energy is less than 3 minutes, and re-return to the state of mind you want, just go here. It’s free.

This technique is especially helpful if you’re a Highly Sensitive Person and/or empath who tends to take on other people’s energy.

A client told me yesterday she had one of her headaches come on, and she used the Release & Infuse Technique, and the headache went away right afterward!

Side note: The good that came from this day, which seemed wasted in so many ways, was that I got to write this piece. Perhaps for YOU. I am learning that when I roll with the changes (accept and adapt) and trust God to bring good out of the seemingly bad, I do see good.

The other day my friend told me her whole family was sick with stomach flu or perhaps food poisoning, yet it turned out to be a sweet, peaceful day of being together, despite the yuck.

God can bring good out of any “yuck.” If we re-return to trust and surrender, that is. The Release & Infuse Technique shows you how. My gift to you.

And if you would like personalized help for healing your heart issues, releasing old beliefs and infusing new ones to transform your life, check out my coaching packages at HealingCodesCoaching.com

Activate Healing Magic: Step 2

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I wrote about the crucial first step to activating healing: commitment.

If you missed that, please go here to review it.

Now I want to go over the second step to activate healing “magic,” so that healing happens quicker and goes deeper.

I’m talking about tracking your results.

My clients who heal the most and fastest are those who not only commit themselves to regularly doing The Healing Codes. They also track their results.

“When performance is measured, performance improves. When performance is measured and reported back, the rate of improvement accelerates.”

This quote is attributed to Karl Pearson, an academic in statistics who was studied by Albert Einstein and was world-renowned for his insights. Pearson’s Law has proven true for more than 100 years, and has been adapted all kinds of ways in all kinds of fields.

I think this “law” proves true because of quantum physics. The quick version of quantum physics is that everything is energy, and exists as either a wave (energy) or a particle. All possibilities exist as waves, but when something is observed or named, then it “collapses” into a particle, or manifests as something material.

Continue reading, and get my special gift, here.

And it you’d like more tools and personalized coaching, check out HealingCodesCoaching.com for your options.

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Activate Healing “Magic”

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People always want to know how to speed up the healing process.

Yes, there is a way. And it’s the crucial first step you must take if you truly want to heal. 

The difference between those who heal and those who don’t boils down to one word: Commitment.

Ah, you may not like that word. But deep down, you know it’s true.

Think about any time you’ve gotten any result in your life. Wasn’t the first step commitment?

You got uncomfortable enough with the way things were to want to change. You desired to change. And the discomfort and desire combined to overcome that tendency we all have to resist change.

Change can feel scary. It hurls us into the unfamiliar. That little voice (some call it the Super-Ego Voice) sounds the alarm, tells you it’s not safe to change. And you feel the Resistance rise up.

Until . . .

Until you just can’t stand The Way Things Are anymore, and instead of resisting the discomfort, you (grudgingly) allow it.

When you do, a strange thing usually happens.

Desire begins to gather energy.

The Discomfort and Desire say to the Resistance, “We are going to unite and make a Commitment to change, no matter what you say.”

And that, my friend, is where the “magic” begins.

It’s not really magic, of course. But it can feel that way because when you make the Commitment and start to release those old programs, those lies you previously believed, the healing truly begins.

And more than healing happens. Transformation happens.

Are you ready to Commit to your healing?

When you do, you are really simply saying YES! to your healing.

 

If you are ready to commit, to say YES to growth, I have some options for you.

Option 1. If you’re not already consistently doing The Healing Code (consistency = commitment), then I suggest you take my free email course, “Getting Started with The Healing Code” and commit to reading the lessons (there are 5), and start doing The Healing Code at least 6 minutes, at least twice a day.

These lessons are designed to help you not only understand The Healing Code (the book does that too), but to implement it. One of the lessons, for example, includes FAQ that many have asked over the years.

Option 2: If you are already doing The Healing Code, albeit sporadically, consider joining the Healing Hearts Circle.

Key benefits:

  • Ongoing healing. You get 2 custom, Coach-Guided Healing Codes per month, so you will always be using strong custom Healing Codes for your issues. You will get the recordings afterward, so even if you can’t be on the live call, your issue will be included.
  • Lowest cost way to get custom Healing Codes.
  • Synergy of the group experience. There is something quite wonderful that happens when we first get connected energetically, then do the group Code. The healing is amplified. When one person does that group Code, everyone gets some benefit.
  • Live coaching with me. As I “go around the room,” I test energetically for hidden memories.
  • Personalized Healing Code II positions. I test for your customized Healing Code II position, so that as I say the Prayer of Intention for all, you will be adding healing energy for your particular issue.
  • Added teaching and resources. I often share, as do others, what I am learning. This piece is not recorded, and is always relevant to participants’ issues, so it’s very personalized to the group and to what is happening in the moment.

Go here for details and to sign up.

Option 3: Get custom Healing Codes. If you have worked on your own and feel stuck, or like you’re not healing as quickly or permanently as you’d like, get a custom Healing Code or package of Codes. (Getting at least 3 will establish that momentum and consistency, and is what I recommend.)

If you are new to The Healing Codes, and/or want to be guided by me, choose the Coach-Guided custom Code. You will get the recording and it will truly be “plug and play.” More about Coach-Guided Codes here.

Option 4. Gain real traction with a Healing Momentum Monthly or Intensive program. If you truly want to commit to your healing, consider getting 3 months of ongoing coaching with either the Healing Momentum Monthly (2 sessions/month) or Healing Intensive (12 sessions, weekly) package. With either option, you may also upgrade to getting a Coach-Guided custom code.

In addition to the coaching and custom Healing Codes, these programs include a number of other healing tools that I have developed.

The Momentum and Intensive packages require you to fill out an application first, since I have limited slots and I want to make sure we’re a good fit. Those in this program get priority in my calendar, and get all the extra tools currently available. Go here for details on Monthly Momentum, here for details on the Healing Intensive.

No matter what level of support you need for your healing, once you Commit to your healing, you can almost guarantee that healing will happen. It may not happen just as you expect (or even want), but you will heal as you are meant to heal.

Which means bumpily, thrillingly, often in unexpected ways. It’s definitely a journey, taken one step at a time, and best taken with a Guide. A Guide will cheer you on, help you know what’s “normal” about the journey, and support you when you feel like giving up.

As your Healing Journey Mentor, I want to be your Guide. So take step one, Commit, and choose the best level of support for you now.

Don’t let fear of change hold you back. When you commit to your own growth, change becomes a beautiful, exciting thing. Like the changing of the seasons.

Next time I’ll tell you about step two—the thing that will greatly enhance and speed your journey.

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I always thought it was a good thing to be a nice person, and strove to be a nice person myself.

Until I read this article by Jason Henry.

Henry says that people who are are “nice” (as opposed to “good”) are people who don’t want to hurt others because they were so hurt and traumatized in the past and didn’t heal, that they make a vow (perhaps unconscious) to never make others feel the way they felt.

Perhaps those who possess the trait of high sensitivity are even more susceptible to this. I’ve often thought that HSPs were the nicest people in the world. Because we feel so deeply and take in so much, including our own suffering and that of others, we often bend over backwards to make sure we don’t cause suffering to other people.

Sounds noble, right? Even, perhaps, “Christian.” Do not do unto others as they have done unto you.

However, Henry says that when you dissect this vow for its ramifications, there are several big problems. Read More→

Heather Dominick, mentor to Highly Sensitive Leaders, is teaching “Weekly Activation calls” on A Course in Miracles, and I’d like to share something that spoke to me from a recent call.

(While I’m not sure what I think of A Course in Miracles itself, I do like the way Heather gleans very practical principles from it and applies it to being Highly Sensitive. I also like the Course’s definition of miracle: “a shift in perception.”)

The Miracle she taught on that so struck me was #30, about guilt. She talked about how so often, guilt is used as a means to control. How many times has someone tried to guilt you into doing what they wanted?

So I asked her: How do you handle it when someone does this—they try to guilt you into something that isn’t right for you? (A situation I was currently experiencing.)

Heather asked me, “What do you usually do?”

I admitted that I usually want to be gracious, so often I give in. (In my case, the person was using all kinds of things, from “we’re family after all” to “A good Christian would….” The latter especially tended to hook me.)

Heather then helped me to see that being gracious does not mean giving in. I could trust that I can handle conflict from a place of grace, which doesn’t mean saying yes out of obligation. It means that I can fully accept that other people have feelings and viewpoints of their own, and they may not like mine, but I can come from a place of “both/and”– which is grace.

“Grace in not an act, but a way of acting,” she said. With grace, I can consider “you and me,” rather than “you or me.”

Coming from a place of “you or me,” someone has to lose, someone has to give in. I was thinking that giving in was somehow grace, but it would be an act. Approaching the situation with grace means I can approach the other person from a “both/and” place. I can access the words that communicate what I need, acknowledge what the other person needs, and be OK with the differing needs being at odds. If I’m in alignment with my own deepest values, I can stand firm, and trust that the other person will be able to take care of themselves.

And if they can’t—if they try to draw me into the Dreaded Drama Triangle of Persecutor-Victim-Rescuer, I can refuse to be pulled into that triangle. So often when people use guilt tactics, they try to pull you into one of more of these roles.

Read More→

Now we’re a year into the COVID-19 pandemic, and the stress hasn’t really let up, has it?

I was blessed by a friend sending me a link to a Brene Brown podcast of an interview with the authors of Burnout: The Secret of Unlocking the Stress Cycle, Emily and Amelia Nagoski.

It was so helpful to me I want to pass it along. Here’s the link to the podcast.

You will learn how stress lives in your body, and that there is a stress cycle that, if you don’t pass all the way through, will get stuck and cause problems.

The good news, as the authors stress in the interview and the book, is that you can get the stress out of your body, even when you can’t control the stressors in your life.

I found that tremendously comforting.

The first step is always to let yourself feel the emotions—all the way through.

Then, you need to get the stress out of your body. Read More→

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I have been writing about grief a lot lately, partly because we are all going through it in one way or another. If it’s not the grief of someone actually dying from COVID or other reasons, it’s the grief of a loss of a way of life that was suddenly ripped away a year ago. And many kinds of losses in between.

Plus, I’m walking through the valley of grief myself, as well as alongside many of my clients.

It strikes me that there are several distinct “flavors” of grief, at least two of which few people even talk about.

The Grief of Losing What You Had

This is the first and most obvious grief. You had something precious–a relationship, a business, a dream, a home—and it was somehow lost.

The “flavor” of this grief is bittersweet.

Sweet, because at one time you did experience something good. The lack of that now is what’s bitter.

The steps of Grief Recovery, along with The Healing Codes, heal this grief over time. Read More→

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I’ve been doing something for the past 25-30 years, and I’m just now realizing that it’s the most important thing I do, and the subsequent skill developed is the most important skill I’ve cultivated.

It’s been responsible for any success I can claim, any effectiveness and even joy I experience.

The practice is spending time every day when I tune in to my innermost self, and to God (not exactly the same, but uses the same faculty, perhaps).

Through this, I’ve learned to listen to God, so that hearing his voice comes naturally to me. Read More→

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