Archive for Healing Heart Issues

Many readers and clients have told me that “The 12 Words that Changed Everything” article has made a great impact on their lives.

I want to give you an update on that situation. To me, what happened is nearly miraculous.

The situation and relationship that I was praying about when God gave me those 12 words, “You must allow other people the dignity of living with their choices,” seemed at the time pretty impossible to resolve. My friends suggested I just bail out completely, that the situation was hopeless.

But I did not feel like I should bail out completely. I prayed about it, God gave me those 12 words, and I continued to pray about how to apply them.

Peace came into my heart as I let go of all outcomes and just did what I felt I should do. I proposed a plan of action to the people involved, and . . . somehow, miraculously, they turned around! 

First, some key people accepted my plan of action. (Which, if you knew the situation, you’d also think was semi-miraculous.)

Then, one of the people involved did 180-degree turn around. Not only did the person quit the nasty, accusatory emails–they also started cooperating.

I have tried to analyze the miracle. I think it comes down to first of all, my letting go of the outcome, as mentioned. More than simply letting go, I entrusted to God the outcome. I figured if he can grant others the dignity of living with their choices, so can I. I can pray for the people, and leave the best outcome in God’s hands. I truly felt OK about “allowing them the dignity of living with their choices”–come what may. I didn’t have to play God in the situation.

I set a boundary as well. I prayed about what I would and would not accept. I prayed about what I’d do if my plan was rejected. I was ready for any outcome (and expected, frankly, the worst).

I also chose to ignore the nasty letters and emails that came my way. God gave me the grace to simply not engage, to not even be bothered by them.

Then came the email that said that “you didn’t know that X happened to me, did you?” I said no, I did not know that happened, but I could imagine how painful it must be. And I meant it. I had only love and compassion in my heart toward this hurting person.

Perhaps that’s what did it. The Bible says that Jesus, feeling compassion, healed (Mark 14:14). The person who sent me the email must have realized I truly did feel compassion, I wasn’t out to get anyone or take control or even reveal damaging information I had.

Some kind of healing ensued, as evidenced by the cooperation and entirely different tone in emails and texts. Perhaps reconciliation is even around the corner.

Another piece of the miracle: I still have peace, even if the situation turns bad again. I am still able to stick to my boundaries.

So the lesson for me, which perhaps will speak to you as well, is that when we completely let go of the outcome, entrusting it to God, miracles can happen. I suppose it’s because I’m not meddling in affairs that are not mine!

Allowing others the dignity of their choices frees us from feeling responsible for their suffering, should they make foolish choices. It is a boundary of sorts that protects our own heart from being unnecessarily bruised and battered.

Perhaps somehow, in a way I don’t understand, allowing others the dignity of their own choices affords them that dignity, and allows them to make better choices. I don’t know . . .  just a thought.

All I know is, this experience was a major turning point for me, a healing perhaps of control issues I didn’t know I had.

If you’re struggling with a relationship where you can see a train wreck coming if certain bad choices are made, remember the words that can set you free: You have permission to allow them the dignity of living with their own choices.

Feel free to comment below. And if I can be of further help with an issue you struggle with, check out HealingCodesCoaching.com for more on The Healing Codes–what it is, what it can do for you.

 
 
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Pivotal Memories

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People often ask me what kinds of memories to start with to get the fastest, deepest healing. 

I always look for the “fractal memories”–those memories in which the core beliefs/feelings will repeat themselves and branch out to affect your life in all kinds of ways afterward. Heal these, and the ripple effects of healing begin effortlessly  to penetrate into all the areas of life affected by that memory.

In another post I talked about foundational memories. They are one kind of important fractal memory.

Another kind of fractal memory is what I call a pivotal memory. This would be a memory, usually conscious, that changed the course of your life. Something happened and you came to believe something about yourself that forever after influenced your life. Such memories can form your identity–for better or worse.

On the “better side,” pivotal memories can be quite positive. One important pivotal memory that shaped my entire future happened in college, when I fell in love with publishing. I was always a bibliophile and a writer, and the field fascinated me, so I decided I would major in English, but not teach. I would make a career in publishing.

Everyone told me, “It’s practically impossible to break into publishing.” Especially since I didn’t know anyone, even by the time I was a senior in college. Also, this was at a time when people with PhDs in English were driving taxi cabs. 

No matter. Publishing was my passion and I would find a way. When my pastor suggested I go out to Illinois to study in the C.S. Lewis Wade Collection for my Honors thesis on Lewis, he added, “There are a lot of Christian publishing houses out there, too.”

I spent my mid-semester break in Wheaton, Illinois, and interviewed at three Christian publishing houses. One of them hired me, for a job they created for me. I still thrill to the fact that I had a job lined up in my chosen field before graduation, and before any of my friends with more sure degrees (like nursing) even had a job offer. That first job, in which I interviewed authors and created radio spots, remains one of my favorite jobs I’ve ever held, and led to other opportunities.

Positive pivotal experiences can lead the way to success in many areas. Use these memories as a focus point when you’re doing a Healing Code for a success issue; it will increase your confidence and shift your energy and focus in a big way.

Negative Pivotal Experiences obviously need to be healed. The lies and perhaps even vows that result from such memories must be changed to truth, or you will remain stuck.

To find a negative pivotal memory, look for an area in

your life where you feel blocked.

I’ll give an example from my own life.

In fifth grade, I had two teachers who seemed to love to pick on students. I was one of them. But my worst memory of these teachers came not from them bullying me, but another student.

One day I witnessed them verbally attacking  a male student in the hallway. (Not sure why I was there, but I was the only other witness, and the teachers seemed oblivious to my presence, so intent were they on their tearing apart that boy’s self-esteem.)

As the teachers lit into this boy, who I now realize was a Highly Sensitive Person, Richard cried. That just made the teachers belittle him more. I saw him stand there, helplessly crying more and more, while the teachers mercilessly ridiculed him.

Up to that point, I, too, was a person who felt deeply and cried easily. In fact, I desperately wanted to cry about what I just saw. I almost burst into tears on the spot, but somehow I stopped myself.

I stopped myself by making a vow, right then and there. I vowed that nobody would ever do something like that to me. If this is what happens when you show your emotions, I would never show my emotions again.

That day, I learned how not to cry. I learned how to turn off my high sensitivity. (Or so I thought.)

The problem was, I turned off all emotions. For a long, long time, I went through life feeling very little. I was what the Yerkoviches (How We Love, Expanded Edition: Discover Your Love Style, Enhance Your Marriage) identify as a classic Avoider in their Love Styles quiz. Having grown up in a home where emotions were pretty much absent, and I’d been ridiculed for being “too sensitive,” it felt right and comfortable to go through life not feeling.

Except . . .

Except that turning off the negative emotions also turned off the positive ones, like joy and tenderness and letting myself be moved by art or music.

Except . . . I am a Highly Sensitive Person, and one of the inborn traits is that we can’t help but feel and be emotionally reactive. 

As it does for most people who are Avoiders, the negative energy went into my body. The energy of emotion must go somewhere (e-motion = energy in motion). If you allow yourself to feel it, it will be processed. It won’t get stuck in brain and/or body.

If you don’t . . . you set yourself up for all kinds of problems. Dr. Gabor Mate says, “When you shut down emotion, you’re also affecting your immune system, your nervous system. So the repression of emotions, which is a survival strategy, then becomes a source of physiological illness later on.

That’s what happened to me. I developed an autoimmune disease.

Oddly, even though I went through therapy for a while, no one ever really helped me to understand and process my emotions. Maybe I just wasn’t getting it. It was The Healing Codes that started me on the path to actually healing the heart issues at the source (and also, quelling the physical issues).

It wasn’t easy to heal that Pivotal Memory. I had to identify the lies and the vow. My heart was fearful of being hurt, or humiliated like poor Richard was. (He was never the same after that incident. I noticed.) By understanding both High Sensitivity and Childhood Emotional Neglect, and by identifying the lies and replacing them with truth and images of how to handle emotions in a healthy way, I have found healing and a new way of being.

What Pivotal Memories do you need to heal?

You will greatly speed and deepen your healing when you identify and heal both foundational and pivotal memories. You will also remove many blocks that have held you back in many areas of life. Start today!

And if you need any help, check out both the free and personalized coaching from HealingCodesCoaching.com.

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I had visited this memory many times.

I thought I’d healed it, but it keeps popping up.

Each time, I realize there’s some new aspect of it that’s being healed.

There are several memories like this that pop up again and again to heal.

When such a memory is a very early childhood memory, I tend to think of it as foundational. These memories lay the foundation upon which so much of the rest of our life is built.

A foundational memory is like the initial fractal pattern that gets iterated in different ways as we progress through life. (Fractals are patterns that are programmed to “repeat themselves similarly.”

The difficult thing is such foundational or fractal memories can be very hard to access. They are often buried in the subconscious mind. Sometimes they’re the results of what you didn’t get–the lack of nurturing that’s thought of as Type A Trauma or Childhood Emotional Neglect, which is every bit as damaging as more obvious abuse.

Foundational/fractal memories can also be generational. We now know, from numerous studies, that traumas in one generation can be passed down to the next. For instance,  the babies of mice who were exposed to the scent of cherry blossoms and then given a shock, will show a stress response in the presence of cherry blossom scent–even though the babies themselves were never shocked.

How can this be? No one knows for sure yet. My theory is that the memory gets encoded in some kind of “informational energy pattern” in the cells itself, and is passed down through the DNA.
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I was talking with a new client about what to expect with The Healing Codes. We can’t promise that you will heal physical issues. We can’t promise that every relationship will heal, or that your financial woes will go away.
 
So what can we promise? What can I tell you for sure The Healing Codes or Healing Prayer will do for you if you do them faithfully? And why can I say with confidence that every area of your life can get better?
 
When you heal the underlying “heart issues”–those “implicit memories” buried in the subconscious that can pop up and sort of superimpose themselves in the present situation–you remove a certain kind of stress that you may not even be aware was influencing you.
 
When you remove that stress, your health improves because your immune system is not having to deal with the unconscious stress signals that cause your cells to close and potentially move into disease mode.
 
Did you ever notice that when you’re stressed, you tend to be your worst self? So do other people. When two people are operating out of “worst self” stress mode . . . well, I don’t have to tell you it’s not a pretty picture for the relationship.
 
And have you ever noticed that when you’re stressed, you’re not your most productive self, either?
 
So what “healing heart issues” does is help you move from your “worst self” to your “best self” by removing the things that caused your stress.
 
Everything improves because YOU improve.
 
That’s why, the more you heal your heart issues, the more every area of your life will  get better.
 
Health improves. Relationships improve because you’re your best self. (And, because if you release the effects of your Healing Codes to others, it’s amazing how they heal, too, and become more like their best selves.)
 
Your career and work satisfaction also tends to take off  because you’re at your best.
 
So that’s what I can promise, if you do Healing Codes or Healing Prayer faithfully. You will be moving ever closer toward your best self, and that will make everything in your life better.
 
If you would like help in identifying the key issues and memories, including hidden memories, that will make the most difference in your life, check out the coaching link at HealingCodesCoaching.com.

What is Fear–Really?

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We have nothing to fear but fear itself–nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance,” President Franklin D. Roosevelt famously said in his inaugural speech in 1933, as he faced his first term of serving a Depression-battered country.

Yes, fear can derail you, paralyze you, block you from realizing your dreams. It can wreck your health if you are in a chronic state of unconscious fear.

You may have heard that FEAR is False Evidence Appearing Real. That’s OK as far as it goes. Many of our fears are really not based in reality. They exist only in our head.

But what if the fear is based on reality? What if the cancer you thought you had beaten came back? Or the marriage you worked so hard to salvage fell apart anyway, and things are devolving beyond your worst imaginings? What if someone sues you for something you never did, and your life is derailed?

What if you’re in the middle of a very real storm?

Fear that something may get worse is not always unfounded. Such fear can alert us to actions to take the prevent bad things from happening. (For instance, I found a powerful image of a boat in the storm from the Huffington Post. However, fearful that it might be copyrighted, I did not use it. Healthy fear!)

For the fears that are based in reality, I prefer a different rendering of FEAR: Forgetting Every Available Resource.

I first came across this in Kelly A. Turner’s excellent book, Radical Remission: Surviving Cancer Against All Odds.

Turner is quoting what Patti Conklin said in an interview with Turner. Conklin said the first thing a cancer patient needs to do is to get the physical body, the emotional body, and the spiritual body back into alignment, back into balance. Back into love (vs. fear). “I look at it as Forgetting Every Available Resource,” Conklin says. “And the resource is what we have inside of us.”

If FEAR is Forgetting Every Available Resource, the antidote is remembering. Remembering not only the resources inside of us, such as the body’s God-given ability to heal, and memories of times when we got through other difficulties.

I would add, it’s also about remembering there are lot of resources outside of us. Resources like people who support us, who pray for us. Resources like God himself, and all the promises to be with us, to help us, to strengthen us, to heal us.

Many, many times in Scripture God tells us to “remember.” Remember his faithfulness, both to his people in history, and to each of us in our own personal histories. (That’s why I wrote my book, Abundant Gifts. It records 260 examples of God’s goodness in my life and the lives of others. To help me and others Remember.)

I’ve written before about what makes something traumatic, what makes a UDIN: something that’s Unexpected, Dramatic, Isolating, and with No resources.

Remembering, and looking for, “every available resource” is another way to prevent trauma, to undermine a UDIN. If you reach out and find the resources of supportive people, it will also take away the I in UDIN.

All you have left is an Unexpected and Dramatic event. It does not have to be a trauma, then. You can make peace with it, and that’s when the healing begins.

Based in reality or not, fear does not have to paralyze you or rob you of joy. Scripture contains some form of “fear not” more than 300 times. We are only to “fear” one thing–God. And that’s a very different kind of fear.

“Fear of God” is awe. A recognition of the resources available in Him.

Have you ever read the Gospel story of how Jesus was asleep in the boat during a storm, and the disciples woke him up, accusing him of not caring if they perished? Jesus said they had little faith, and then he calmed the storm. The disciples were amazed and asked, “Who is this that can even calm the wind and the waves?” Their fear of the storm was turned a different kind of fear. It became awe, as they realized the Available Resource they had with them–Someone who could command the wind and the waves to be still. Jesus commanded peace. They had to stand in awe of that, for sure.

Making It Practical

So how can you use this for your healing work?

First, make a list of all your fears. (Some of mine: 1. fear of missing out; 2. fear of missing or forgetting something important; 3. fear of suffering; 4. fear of overwhelm. . . .)

Next, list some of the resources that are available to you, that can replace your fear. (For my first two fears: the inner resource of trust that God will give me what I need, when I need it, as he has done in the past. Also for #2, I’ve found some practical tools to help me keep track of things.  For #3: recalling times of suffering, and how I was not alone, how God and others helped me. For #4: the resource of gratitude and mindfulness: focusing on the positive with appreciation, staying in the present, and prayer–reminding myself of God’s ever-present help.)

In my Healing Code Prayer of Intention, I would name the fears and the memories attached to them. Then, I focus on the positive memories or Truth Focus Statements that correspond to each fear while doing the Code.

I also keep track at the end of my day of the “wins” and things I’m grateful for from that day. These “remembering” practices go a long way in helping turn around my fears.

Let us Remember–and Recognize–Every Available Resource.

And if you need some extra help with anchoring this so that unhealthy fear is replaced with Remembering, consider getting some coaching and a custom Healing Code for fear that just won’t go away. Also, you might be interested in Abundant Gifts and keeping a Gifts Journal to help you Remember.

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Do you have an issue you keep praying about or doing Healing Codes for, yet it doesn’t seem to heal? Just when you thought it had healed, it boomerangs back at you!

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There can be many reasons why an issue doesn’t heal quickly or easily, or keeps popping up once you think it’s healed.

One way to address this is to make sure you heal any secondary issues by going through the 12 Healing Code categories.

Start by going through the 12 Categories (chapter 11 in The Healing Code, or the Healing Codes Manual). They are also categorized in the Heart Issues Finder, a free assessment that will help you determine which areas are weakest for you.

The 12 Healing Codes categories are: Unforgiveness, Harmful Actions, Unhealthy Beliefs (the 3 inhibitors to healing); Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Trust, Humility, Self-Control.

Suggested prayer: “Dear God, I pray that you would find, open, and heal all known and hidden negative images, beliefs, cellular and generational memories, and all resulting physical issues, related to [insert the category, e.g. ‘any unforgiveness issues that are at the source of my X issue’], by filling me with Your love, life, and light. I also pray that you would magnify the effectiveness of this healing to the maximum level for my highest good, at an optimal pace, and restore everything to Your original design. Thank you, God, for your willingness and ability to do these things.”

You can do this for the next 12 days, using either the universal Healing Code, the codes from the Healing Codes Manual for the 12 categories, or a custom Healing Code. Include anything that comes up for you as you explore that issue from all 12 angles.

You don’t have to be super strict about the order of the categories. If, for instance, on Day 4 a Peace issue comes up rather than a Love issue, address the Peace issue. Just make sure you end up addressing all 12 categories.

Always let your heart be your guide! It will “serve up” what needs to be healed next as you work with this process and become more and more in tune with it.

This is also a good protocol for praying or doing Healing Codes for another person, by the way. You probably don’t know the true issue, so praying and coding through all the categories for that person is a good way to ensure that you hit upon the real issue, as well as secondary issues.

If you would like a custom Healing Code for your issue and guidance in getting the most out of The Healing Codes, visit my HealingCodesCoaching.com site. There’s lots of free help there, too!

In my coaching, as I listen to clients tell me what’s bothering them most (the starting point for finding heart issues), I want to find the deepest issue their heart is ready to heal at this point in their healing journey.

I’m listening for what I think of as “the keywords to the heart.” These are words that have the most energy, that seem to encapsulate the essence of the heart issue.

When you put these “keywords” into your prayer of intention, your heart, like a search engine, will come up with the memories that need to be healed.

Your “keywords to your heart” could be one or more feelings. Or a phrase (see below for an example).

It could include one or more beliefs. Or a relationship. Or a harmful action–something they’re doing to numb the pain.

Or–all 4! In fact, I call these four areas the 4-part program: feelings, beliefs, relational context, and harmful actions. Most issues have at least three of these elements (not all issues have the Harmful Actions component).

If you want to speed your healing:

1. Identify your issue–what’s bothering you most? It might be a relationship issue, a health issue, a financial or success issue. Just jot down what’s bothering you most.

Important: Note how you feel about this, or any phrase that comes to mind about this issue. (We will come back to this later.)

2. Explore your issue a little further. Look for the 4 components of your issue: feelings, beliefs, relationship context. (Does this issue involve just you and how you feel about yourself, or some other person, or even God?) Are there any Harmful Actions or behaviors you do because of this issue? The obvious ones are taking substances to numb the pain, but there are many other ways to distract yourself or numb the pain. Working (too much) was always one of my harmful actions. Because I love what I do so much, it was easy to avoid unpleasant feelings and situations by working more.

3. Some people find it helpful to rate how much the issue bothers them, on a scale of 1-10, with 10 being unbearable and 1 being hardly bothersome at all. This can be useful to track your healing after doing a Healing Code. Other people, however, find it stressful to try to rate an issue. If it works for you, do it. If not, feel free to skip this step.

4. Tune in to your body for a moment as you think about your issue. Where do you feel that feeling/belief in your body? Again, if this is too hard, skip it. But it’s useful to keep trying. It will train your heart and your body to tune in to each other.

Now, as you hold that feeling and/or body sensation in your awareness, ask yourself, “When have I ever felt this before? What does this remind me of?”

Often what will come to mind is a memory. However, not always. If you’ve grown up with Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN), for instance, memories might be few. Pay attention to whatever comes up. These will be the “keywords to your heart.” Put these into the Prayer of Intention, and just like putting keywords into a search engine, your heart will come up with all the associations with those keywords–and heal them!

Sometimes the keywords can lead you into the 4-part program. Let me give you an example from my own recent Healing Code session.

I knew I was working on some kind of grief or sadness issue. In fact, I began to cry. As tears rolled down my face, I heard the words in my mind, “What’s wrong with you, that this bothers you so much?”

I don’t remember any specific times when this was said to me, but it sure was the tenor of my experience in my family. The beliefs I came to hold (which I am healing now) were, “I can’t have my feelings. Feelings make others reject you. Feelings are dangerous. Feelings slow you down. You don’t have time for feelings.” Harmful action: avoiding feelings. (When I took the Love Styles quiz, not surprisingly, I scored high in Avoider. I come from a family of Avoiders.)

The “keywords” that led to the beliefs and grief were, “What’s wrong with you, that this bothers you so much?” I realize now that my Highly Sensitive nature made me feel things at a depth that many others don’t. I didn’t know that then, though. Reactions from others to my highly sensitive nature led to much shame, guilt, and wrong beliefs.

But the good news is–I am healing these now! And you can, too. You can heal whatever “heart issues” are holding you back from the things you want most in life–the loving relationships (including with yourself and God), the success in fulfilling your destiny, and the good health your body is always seeking.

Emotions have great energy, and if we don’t “feel and deal” with emotions, especially those long buried, they will erupt in physical symptoms. But that’s the subject of another article….

Download the free “4-part program Tracking Form” I use with my clients. If you would like help in identifying the “keywords to your heart,” check out my coaching at https://HealingCodesCoaching.com.

I‘ve often thought that one of the reasons The Healing Codes work so well is that you spend the bulk of your time focusing on something very positive. It’s this meditative aspect that makes them work, I believe, possibly more than the technique itself.

Yes, you identify the negative “heart issue” to be healed (in your prayer of intention at the beginning). But then when you point to the Healing Center positions of a Healing Code, you make the energy coming out of your fingertips positive because of your positive thoughts.

(This may sound “woo-woo” but it is actually a quantum physics thing. The energy of your intention actually makes something happen in the world of matter.)

Knowing this, the question becomes:

“What is the most positive thing I can focus on while

doing a Healing Code?”

There really is no formula. It is whatever positive thing you want to. Whatever works for you. Experiment.

Having said that, I know some people want some specific tips. So . . . Read More→

One of the things that fascinated me from the beginning about The Healing Codes  is the correlation between the different body systems and what Alex Loyd calls “the nine virtues” (love, joy, peace,patience, goodness, kindness, trust, humility, self-control).

If, for instance, you have a thyroid condition, it’s likely that you have a love issue that needs healing. Thyroid falls under the endocrine system, and the endocrine system is correlated with the Love category. (The full discussion is in The Healing Code book and the Healing Codes Manual.)

In this system, then, your physical symptoms can be a clue as to which heart issues need healing.

I have found this to be very true, and very useful. When strange skins spots showed up, I asked myself, “Do I have a joy issue going on?” (Joy is correlated with the skin.) Sure enough, I did identify a joy issue. As I worked on healing the memories and unhealthy beliefs, the skin spots disappeared.

The opposite is also true. If you have an issue with, say, patience, healing that can help your immune system immensely, as that’s the category that correlates with the immune system. If you don’t address the issue, it’s quite likely some kind of immune system disorder will show up.

Illness as Metaphor

If you have an illness or a disease, your body might be trying to tell you something even more specific. Illness can often be a metaphor: your body is trying to tell you something important about what needs to heal.

Read More→

A friend of mine said something to me I’ve been mulling over ever since.

This friend, Clare Masters, has had incredible health challenges (read her gofundme posts here). Botched surgeries, constant pain, and the pressure of trying to live on $4000/year could easily have stolen her life.

While every day is a challenge for Clare, you would never know it if you talked to her. She is always positive, always looking for ways to give back. She’s the kind of person you want to help out as much as you can. She never complains (though if you ask and really want to know, she’ll be honest), and she’s always looking for ways to give to you.

At a recent hospital stay, a nurse asked her how she is able to stay so positive. Why wasn’t she bitter about the cards life handed her? Read More→

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