Archive for Healing Heart Issues

Feb
21

Impossible Relationship Blocks

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Have you ever been in a relationship in which you want to love the other person, but you and they are coming from such different places, that all you can do is set a firm boundary and try not to get sucked in to all the drama or manipulation or dysfunction?

In such a relationship, often the other person wants something from you, and will resort to all sorts of manipulation tactics to get it. Some examples might be:

  • guilt-tripping and attempting to pull you into the Dreaded Drama Triangle by trying to make you the rescuer or perpetrator of their victimhood

  • gaslighting, where they ignore, distort or twist your words, actions or intentions to something other than you meant

  • playing on and exploiting your generous or compassionate nature, knowing that you want to think of yourself in these ways so will do what they want to keep up your image of yourself.

Having dealt with a few of these relationships in my life has been an interesting experience. (By the way, as I’ve healed and Aligned more and more with my Divine Design, there have been fewer such relationships in my life. That can be true for you, too.)

push button

Photo by Brands&People on Unsplash

In these unhealthy relationships, I saw all my “buttons” that were being pushed, and that awareness was actually a gift. It was an invitation to more transformation and growth. Self-awareness led to consciously healing the issues, with more of a sense of freedom and personal empowerment as a result.

I want to say a special word to you if you were born with the trait of High Sensitivity. (If you’re not sure, go here to find out more and take the quiz.)

We who are Highly Sensitive seem prone to attracting dysfunctional people. I think there might be some kind of invisible energetic radar that certain people like narcissists and predators pick up on. They can somehow sense the kind-hearted, generous people who will give anyone the shirt off their back.

It was so very helpful for me to become aware of this dynamic. It has led to a lot of discomfort, since I’m not used to being as “hard-nosed” as I’ve had to be in dealing with these kinds of relationships. I’ve had to contend with guilt, judgment (from the other person who knows this is one of my buttons, as well as myself), and the cognitive dissonance of having to “turn off” some of my best traits (like compassion) when I recognized the other person’s attempts to exploit them.

I’ve had to initiate some uncomfortable conversations in which I confronted the person with truths they didn’t want to hear, and who would then berate me to others for it.

And I’ve had to remind myself a lot of the wonderful 12 words I think God gave me awhile ago to deal with my guilt over not rescuing people from their own folly: “You must allow others the dignity of living with their choices.”

I’m also grateful for such painful relationship experiences because I think they help me understand perhaps a bit of what God might feel toward us, his children.

God longs for a close relationship with us. Too often, our distorted thinking and attempts to make him be what we want him to be, rather than who he truly is, make a relationship impossible. Yes, God can do anything. But he won’t do this: he won’t violate our free will. He himself allows each of us “the dignity of living with our choices.”

Even if that choice is to live in eternity without him.

I guess God prizes freedom that much.

(Do we?)

If you too would like to transform some old negative patterns and Align with Your Divine DesignTM , check out my coaching at HealingCodesCoaching.com.

Jan
22

An Empowering Way to Read the News

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Do you watch the news constantly—or not at all?

The continuous news cycle—especially these days—can give one a massive case of Emotional Inflammation, which the authors of that book called a sort of PTSD characterized by what one client called “a dark cloud of energy” around her.

I admit—I never used to watch or even keep up with the news at all. It just felt like too much; I’d always get a bad case of Emotional Inflammation.

Now I’ve found a better way.

First of all, I never watch the news; I only read the news. Images tend to stick in the mind and heart, and are much harder to filter than thoughts.

I skim a wide variety of sources. News sources are so polarized these days, you have to read widely to come to something close to the truth.

Because of my training in subtle energy testing, perhaps it’s easier for me to sense the lies. I can feel it in my body. That helps.

What I do to combat the Emotional Inflammation is to use the news as a springboard for prayer.

I pray this one simple prayer: “God, shine your life-giving light into this [name of situation], to expose evil, reveal truth, and point our feet to the path of peace.”

When I read the news, especially now, I’m always looking for evidence of that prayer being answered. I rejoice when I see answers. I keep praying this prayer into the dark situations I see.

This practice goes a long way to mitigate Emotional Inflammation and keep me in a state of hope, peace, and even joy when I see what seem like answers to this prayer.

But it’s not always enough, especially for a Highly Sensitive Person who picks up on energy easily. So I always include “emotional inflammation” in my own Healing Codes practice.

I invite you to do the same. There is a custom Healing Code for Emotional Inflammation on the Navigating the Times page, just for you. (I ask that you sign up so I can alert you to when I update the page with new resources.)

And if you need help healing the heart issues that come up from living in these unprecedented times, check out my coaching at HealingCodesCoaching.com.

Jan
22

A Lesson from Hair

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I have been seeing the same hairstylist, Joan, since 1987 or so. We really got to know each other. She originally worked from home, then sold that home and worked exclusively in the shop.

In 2020, with the pandemic, Joan’s shop was closed for a while. I switched to a new hairstylist who worked from her home. It was very difficult to tell Joan I was going elsewhere. How do you “break up” with a hairstylist you’ve been seeing for more than 30 years?

At the same time, I thought I was ready for a change.

“So,” my new hairstylist, Rina, said cheerfully, “what would you like me to do?”

I told her some of the things I thought I’d like my hair to do. She tried to please me.

At first, I kind of liked it. But by the next visit, I had changed my mind. I came in with a picture of someone whose hair I wanted to emulate.

CC BY-NC-ND by kightp

Rina did her best. But . . . somehow it didn’t work on me.

And—now it was shorter than I wanted. Truth be told, it looked horrible.

Rina tried and tried to please me. Neither of us knew what went wrong. My hair was looking worse and worse.

Finally, I called Joan back. She seemed delighted to have me back, which blessed me greatly. When she saw my hair, she merely said, “It’s never been that choppy before!”

I said, “I know. I don’t know what she did wrong.”

Joan said, “You have to go by how your hair grows, what it wants to do. She texturized your hair, which should never be done with your hair; it’s too fine. I will fix it, over time,” she added confidently.

You have to go by how your hair grows. That’s the key!

All these years that I had the same basic hairstyle, albeit with Joan’s expert touches that made it up to date, I thought Joan was just being rigid. But she wasn’t. She was going by the way my hair naturally grew. She was working with reality, not trying to make reality conform to some idea of how I wanted to look.

You see the point? It’s true for our lives too. When we work with our natural design, the way God made us, with our particular strengths and even weaknesses, we will be our best self in the world. When we try to conform to something that “looks good” on someone else, or that’s “the latest trend”–well, you end up with “choppy hair.”

It takes time to correct that. Thankfully, hair always grows out. And you always have the possibility of moving back into the groove of how you’re made.

I call it being Aligned with Your Divine Design(TM), or, as e.e. cummings put it, “being nobody-but-yourself.” My real goal in helping you “heal your heart issues” is to remove the blocks that keep you from being Aligned and “nobody-but-yourself–in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else,” to again quote e.e. cummings.

It’s the heart issues that make us succumb.

If you need help healing the heart issues that block you from Aligning with Your Divine Design (TM), check out my coaching at HealingCodesCoaching.com.

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Dec
28

A Fun Way to Set Yearly Intentions

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I don’t know about you, but I’m not big on goals or setting “New Year’s resolutions.” Somehow setting a goal the typical way, especially with a deadline, ends up being more stressful (Life always seems to get in the way). Then, too, it’s discouraging if I don’t meet the goal.

Instead I like to set intentions. Usually it’s just a word or phrase to set the direction, and then I try to stay Aligned and tuned in to God’s direction day by day as I go.

Being a word person, I like to set a little rhyme. Since I just turned ____-five, my rhyme for this birth year is “____-five, the year to thrive.” That is my intention—to thrive no matter what life throws at me.

You can use this approach to look back, or look ahead. ___-four was “the year for more,” and boy was it ever—mostly more stress. But also more insights, deeper ministry and growth; more ideas and plans. Just—more of everything. A full year of both challenges and blessings.

You can also make an intentional rhyme for each year. Though I wanted 2021 to be “the year of fun,” I doubted that would happen and instead dubbed it “the year to be done.” Done with settling my mother’s estate, done with certain dysfunctional relationships, done with my old patterns that weren’t serving me.

And you know what? I did get all those things done. (Though the “done with dysfunctional old patterns” is a work in progress, as that is something no one ever gets done addressing.)

I am dubbing 2022 as “the year to be true.” True to my deepest values, true to my “Touchstone to Alignment,” and dedicated to deciphering what is true about these unprecedented times.

2022: The Year to Be True

What was 2021 for you? What will 2022 be for you? The year for the new? The year to finally do (something you’ve always wanted to)? The year for few (as in, fewer things, commitments, responsibilities)? What about the birth year you’re in?

Set your two intentions, visit them often, and see if it’s easier and more effective than setting New Year’s resolutions. (Studies show people usually don’t end up keeping them past February.)

I’d love to hear what your intentions are! Post a comment. Declaring it publicly somehow gives it more power, so studies show.

And it you would like some help connecting with your Heart to set your intentions, and addressing the heart issues that would keep you from manifesting those intentions, check out my coaching at HealingCodesCoaching.com.

Dec
04

An Affirmation for the Darkness

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This is the time of year (Advent and Hanukkah) when people of certain spiritual traditions identify with “the people living in darkness awaiting the light” (see Isaiah 9, Luke 1:78-79).

Maybe you can identify? Is there any darkness in your world, any longing for the comfort of the light?

The other night, I woke too early and I could not get back to sleep. There was so much going on in my life, so much that has happened in the last year (and two), I guess I still needed to process some of it. Plus I was burning my candles on both ends. (Strange thing with me: the later I get to bed, the earlier I wake up.)

As I lay in the deep darkness of the winter night, the words that are the basis of so much of my healing work came to me: “the life-giving light of the Lord Jesus Christ shines in all the darkness, and brings complete healing, peace, and right relationships with God, self and others.”

I couldn’t stop saying it over and over in my mind. Then I started asking God to shine his life-giving light into various people’s lives, naming each one. All this brought incredible peace to me.

It really is the mantra for Advent, for Christmas. The great hope is that the light has come into the world, the light that conquers the darkness, the light that the darkness never has and never can overcome.

Light always, always banishes darkness, instantly.

So this Advent and Hanukkah season, whether it’s your spiritual tradition or not, I invite you to affirm, as often as needed, “the life-giving light of God Almighty (or Jesus Christ) shines in all the darkness, and brings complete healing, peace, and right relationships with God, self and others.”

And after the affirmation, you can add a prayer for this Light to shine into the world, through you and others, “to shine on those living in darkness and the shadow of death, to guide our feet into the path of peace.”

Thus YOU become the light of the world as well.

And if you want more Light to shine in your life . . . if you have any darkness that needs to be banished, I invite you to check out my coaching at HealingCodesCoaching.com.

This Thanksgiving I’m going to conduct a spiritual experiment of sorts.

It’s typical to give thanks for the good things in life.

I want to go further. I want to be as grateful for the hard things, the seemingly “bad” things–the things I don’t like about my life, even the things I hate and wish would go away.

The things I call in Abundant Gifts “disguised gifts.”

You see, in my years of attempting to live “the Abundant Gifts way,”  I have developed a theory of how things work in the spiritual realm.

My theory, in a nutshell, is that when we, in faith, receive even the difficult, unwanted things in life as a gift, that somehow triggers that thing to become a blessing eventually in some way.

I don’t think that all things automatically or necessarily turn out for the good. Scripture says that God works all things together for good “to those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.”

In other words, to those who live by faith, who are Aligned with their Divine Design.

It’s difficult to express how this might work. I don’t want to say that our faith “allows” God to turn a curse into a blessing, exactly. Yet I wonder if that is somehow how it works. If you shut God out of certain aspects of your life, how can he work things out for your good? But if in faith you welcome his grace into the situation, then he is “free” to work things out as promised.

There are definitely things in my life I do not welcome. Yet, in faith, I recognize that I probably do not see the big picture. How often, in retrospect, did you experience something that was not pleasant at the moment, but later turned out to be a gift in some way?

So now, at this moment, though I do not see the blessing in some of my circumstances, I believe that it’s possible for God to turn it into something good.

So I will thank God for everything, good or not apparently so good, this Thanksgiving. I can pray, “God, I don’t understand how this thing can possibly be good in any way. But in faith, I believe you can turn it into something good. So I thank you for allowing this into my life, and I will wait, in hope and faith, for you to transform this into blessing in some way.”

I’m very interested in your response. Should we give thanks for all things? Post your comment on the blog by clicking “comments,” please.

And if you would like some personalized help in removing the blocks that keep you from being Aligned with Your Divine DesignTM , check out my coaching at HealingCodesCoaching.com.

Nov
13

Touchstones to Alignment

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Earlier this week I participate in a 3-day retreat. It was all about what we want to let go of, so we can let in what I would call my Clear Next Steps.

The timing was perfect, as just a few days before I had done something decisive to finally, truly end my part of being co-executor for my mother’s estate. So one thing I was letting go of at the retreat was all the stress and trauma and dysfunctional family patterns that so clearly came to light over the past year. Doing so gave me new energy to let in the new directions I feel led to explore. (More on that soon—stay tuned!)

Manifesto Written Under Red Torn Paper

One of the exercises was to write our own personal “manifesto.”

The retreat leader defined a manifesto as “a written statement declaring publicly the intentions, motives, or views of its issuer.” Unlike a vision statement, a manifesto is a call to action. It ignites, motivates and supports you in your vision, and to create goals, focus, and purpose.

A manifesto can also show the world how you want to contribute to the future you want to see, she said.

We were supposed to “throw ourselves a creative party” and create our manifesto. However, that day I was tired and a bit out of sorts, in no mood for a party.

So I put my fingers to keyboard to see what would spring forth. In 15 minutes, I had my manifesto.

It just flowed. No fancy artwork—I can barely draw a stick figure. (Two of the retreat exercises that day involved drawing, which raised all my old anxiety about having to “produce art.” I’m creative, but I really can’t draw. That’s probably why I felt out of sorts.)

The “manifesto” I produced felt totally right. The most “artistic” I got was to choose a different font.

I prefer to think of my manifesto as a “Touchstone to Alignment.” I read it every day now, and it centers and aligns me to what I feel called to do in the world—my divine design.

If you would like to read my “Touchstone to Alignment,” go here.

Maybe you’ll be inspired to create your own Touchstone to Alignment. Focus on your deepest values, beliefs, sense of purpose. Make it as creative or as simple as you like.

I’m finding it’s a beautiful way to cut through the chatter and clutter of this turbulent time to keep me Aligned with my divine design, centered in peace, joy and purpose.

If you would like personalized help in healing any “heart issue,” check out my coaching.

 

 

 

 

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Recently I got together with three other women who are all as passionate as I am about living an Aligned Life. We explored the deeper meaning of health, home, money & marketing.

We had a blast.

Our lively discussion focused on what Alignment with our deepest soul values looks like in various areas of our lives: health, home, marketing, and money. How can we break negative cycles and redefine each of these areas according to who we are, not how anyone else says we should be?

I talked about “Healing the Unexamined Life,” by which I mean a life ruled by unhealed heart issues rather than Alignment with our True Selves. If you’ve ever struggled with how to present energy healing to someone to help them understand what you do with The Healing Codes, this will give you ideas!

Vanessa Redford took the idea of Alignment into our homes to define “the alchemy of sacred spaces,” showing how we can set up our environments to reflect and support who we really are. It doesn’t require an outside designer or a lot of money, either!

Angela Matthews shed light on how we can heal financial trauma for a “ridiculous flow” of abundance. If you’ve ever thought, “I’m not an investor, I can’t do that”–Angela may well change your mind!

April Gregory talked about how “branding” is really a reflection of who you are. We are all our own “brand,” whether we work in our own business or for a company. Here’s how to shine in all your true brilliance to attract just whom you’re meant to serve.

Honestly, this discussion was a huge blessing for me. Not only did I discover a new way to share about The Healing Codes, but one of my goals (before I met Vanessa) was to transform my home. Another goal (before I met Angela) was to learn how to invest wisely my recent inheritance. And as I am being led in new directions in my work, new expression is required—i.e., branding (hello April!).

Not to mention I got to dip my toe further into video, and connect with some fabulous women. (It gets lonely being a soloprenueur, you know?) For me anyway, this Roundtable, which just sort of “happened” unexpectedly, was one of those “abundant gifts” I see coming from the gracious hand of God.

That’s what living Aligned is all about. When you’re Aligned with Your Divine DesignTM, you always get what you need, when you need it—often in surprising ways. How wonderful is that?

Watch our Aligned Mastermind Roundtable discussion of “Breaking Cycles and Redefining: Marketing & Money, Home & Health” here.

If after watching our discussion you have questions, here’s how to find each of us:

Diane Eble:

diane@healingheartissues.com

https://HealingHeartIssues.com, https://healingcodescoaching.com

Vanessa Redford:

vanessa@vanessaredford.com

https://www.vanessaredford.com

April Gregory:

www.wonderwomanmarketing.com 

april@wonderwomanmarketing.com 

Angela Matthews:

Angela@happyinvestormethod.com 

www.happyinvestormethod.com

 

 

Oct
23

Escape the Deadly Trap of Comparison

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There’s a “harmful action” that I and nearly every client I work with easily fall into.

It wreaks havoc on our self-esteem, as well as social relationships. And it affects our health.

There are many forms of it, and it’s sneaky. For instance, because I didn’t fall prey to the more obvious forms, I thought it wasn’t a problem for me.

I was wrong.

What is this common, destructive trap?

It’s the trap of COMPARISON.

There’s a basic human need that drives this, which I will talk about in another post.

For now, I want to help you identify how this might be showing up in your life.

Telltale Feelings and Beliefs

Some of the feelings that point to this harmful action are shame and low self-esteem. The underlying beliefs are “I’m not good enough,” “I don’t measure up,” “there’s something wrong with me.”

We want to heal these feelings and unhealthy beliefs, but to do so we need to identify and address what you might (unconsciously) be doing on a daily basis that drives these feelings and beliefs.

That’s where comparison comes in. There’s something we’re doing that drives these feelings, the reinforces the unhealthy beliefs.

Let’s look at the main forms of comparison.

Comparing Yourself to Others

This form of comparison can be to other people who are “like me,” or “not like me.”

Perhaps growing up, your parents or other authority figures compared you to someone else.

  • “Why can’t you be organized like your sister?”
  • “Your brother was so athletic. You can hardly even throw a ball.”
  • “Why are you so sensitive? Nobody else is bothered by that.” (We Highly Sensitive People get this sort of thing a lot.)

Thus you learned to compare yourself to others, and felt you didn’t measure up.

I said comparison can be sneaky. Sometimes we can feel ashamed if we’re better in some way than others. “I wish my boys had your brains,” my father would tell me. I think his remark was more about his feelings about my brothers than me, but along with other messages from religion and the culture, I began to believe I needed to diminish my intelligence so as not to make anyone else feel bad.

You might also compare yourself to others who are like you, so you identify with them, but in some area you fall short. Thus, it can be all the more painful.

 

  • Everyone in your social group drives a nice car—except you.
  • Everyone in your social circle is married—except you. (Or vice versa.)
  • All your friends are retired and having a good time, and you still have to work.

You get the idea.

Social comparison is multiplied exponentially by social media. It’s so easy to end up comparing yourself to the image others portray. Keep in mind that social media is set up to fuel comparison and discontent.

Comparing Yourself to Others’ Expectations of You

Did you grow up in a family with high expectations? This isn’t necessarily bad, but if there’s any areas in which you fell short, you may feel ashamed and “not good enough.” You may have internalized unrealistic expectations of yourself, and constantly try to live up to them.

If you’re Highly Sensitive, an inborn trait approximately 20% of the population possesses, expectations may have been laid on you of being “like the other 80 percent.” Perfectionism is a very common struggle for HSPs as a result.

I remember vividly being given a vacation in Europe as a perk from my employer. One of the things we did was go to a discotheque in Germany. I was supposed to be having fun, but to a Highly Sensitive like me (I didn’t realize I was HS at the time), it was pure hell. The flashing lights, loud music, different language, constant movement, all added up to sensory overload that made me miserable. Adding to the misery, however, was the expectation that I was supposed to be having a wonderful time.

My mother wanted me to be very social and outgoing, and I was an introvert that needed alone time to recharge. One of the memories I’ve had to work on a lot was her oft-repeated admonition, “Get your nose out of that book and find someone to play with!” My interpretation: my love of books was invalid, and all that mattered was being social. Otherwise, I “had no personality” (another thing I was told).

(By the way, later in life, after my mother had been doing Healing Codes for a while, we had a wonderful talk about how I’d felt about these and other memories, and she was able to receive it. Her transformation was one of the things that cemented in my heart how powerful and valid The Healing Codes are.)

We are all prone to others’ expectations of us, because we’re social beings and we have a strong need to fit in. Yet this becomes a deadly trap where we lose our true selves to some “socialized” version that we’re trying to live up to. That adds enormous, though largely unconscious, stress to our systems.

I love this quote from poet e.e. cummings:

To be nobody-but-yourself — in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else — means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight and never stop fighting.”

Comparison to Yourself—Past or Future

This is another way comparison can be sneaky.

You may not realize you had an unconscious expectation that, say, by age 30 you should be married with two kids, or that by age 40 you should own a nice house, or that by age 60 you should have your house paid off, or that you would be able to retire by age 65. (Did you notice how many of these expectations are common cultural norms?)

Life rarely turns out the way we imagine it will. Imagining is one thing, expecting it of yourself is another.

Or perhaps you’re comparing yourself to some past version of yourself.

“I used to be able to _____; now I can’t.” Aging reveals this painful expectation of self.

So what do we do about all this destructive comparison?

Steps to Freedom from the Comparison Trap

1. Acknowledge it. Allow yourself to become aware of the ways comparison might be eating away at your joy.

2. Heal it. If you can, identify memories and/or relationships that may the be the source of this harmful action. Pinpoint the feelings and beliefs. Put all the feelings, beliefs, and “the harmful action of comparison,” into your Healing Code prayer of intention, and intentionally heal it.

3. Get in touch with what brings your true self joy. Use your power of choice to “flip the switch” and choose joy over meeting expectations. When doing a Healing Code, infuse the memories of those times when you were “true self,” to reinforce that joy and connection to the essence of who you really are.

4. Use comparison constructively. Is there something here I can adapt for myself? Do I need support to heal a heart wound? Do I want to create something entirely new that suits me better?

For instance, since I am in business for myself, it’s easy to compare myself to what other “successful” entrepreneurs are doing and wonder if I’m missing out. Should I get into Instagram? Do a Facebook Live? It’s working so well for So-and-So. . . .

When I check in with my True Self, with my Heart, I realize that connection with others is important to me, but I can do it in ways that are more suited to my temperament. While I’m open to new ideas, I need to pass them through my Heart Check to see if any match up with my divine design. Often I find I need to adapt it to the way I’m wired, or create something entirely new that achieves the result I want, in a way that suits me.

I hope this helps you begin the journey of escaping the deadly comparison trap. And of course, if you want more personalized help for your unique situation, check out my coaching at HealingCodesCoaching.com.

Last time I wrote about my “long siege” trying to settle a very messy estate situation, and how I got through it (mostly) intact.

Now I’d like to share what to do when your “long siege” is over.

Again, your “long siege” might be an illness (your own or a loved one’s, in which you were the caretaker), a divorce, a difficult family situation, or any number of other trials.

For many people, the pandemic and all it entails has been a “long siege” which may or may not be over.

It may feel like any long siege will never end, but it usually does, one way or another.

The time of closure when it does end can be a very rich time of receiving all the gifts from the experience.

It can also be a time of vulnerability.

It’s not uncommon for people to get sick after an especially stressful period, a phenomenon called “the let-down effect.” I was aware of this, and wanted to make sure I don’t get sick now.

(Although I have to say, perhaps God is already helping me in that regard. The very day I knew for sure how things would end with the estate, we took our car into the repair shop. Verdict: we need a new car. So this week was spent on getting that together. But, as a friend put it, “maybe I need new wheels for new adventures.” I like that! And maybe I needed another shorter-term, minor stressor to help me “wind down.”)

So here are some steps I’m taking to provide closure on the “long siege” so I can heal and reclaim my life. Read More→

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