Archive for Highly Sensitive
Hidden Stressors-Part Three
Posted by: | CommentsIn Part Two in this series on Hidden Stressors, I talked about trauma.
How there are no “little t” traumas. Traumas have to do with how the nervous system responded to an event that was overwhelming at the time. Some people, especially highly sensitive people, may have more finely-tuned nervous systems that take in more information—hence, may be more susceptible to trauma.
I just finished watching hours of the Trauma Superconference 3 that aired the replays recently. It made me realize that a lot of us are carrying around unhealed, even unknown trauma in our nervous systems.
These traumas may be triggered by the recent (and current) collective trauma of the COVID-19 pandemic.
Especially the trauma of unmet needs. Read More→
Hidden Stressors-Part Two
Posted by: | CommentsIn a previous post I wrote about how my symptoms were beginning to flare, and how I prayed and got some insights into why.
The first was that I wasn’t honoring my sensitive nature enough, i.e. that I have the inborn trait of Sensory Processing Sensitivity: a nervous system that’s more finely tuned than 80% of the population. That makes me a Highly Sensitive Person.
The second insight was related to the first, but with more of an emphasis on recovery: Your nervous system needs to recover from the traumas you’ve been through.
I have known for a while now that Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN) characterized my past, ever since I came across Dr. Jonice Webb’s excellent books, Running on Empty: Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect and Running on Empty No More: Transform Your Relationships with Your Partner, Your Parents and Your Children. (You can take the CEN questionnaire on my Free Tools page.)
I believed that I had overcome it all by now, between The Healing Codes and some therapy.
However, when my mother died and I had to deal with settling her estate with a co-executor (sister-in-law), I saw just what my family of origin really was like. A plethora of traumas revealed themselves—though a few years ago, I wouldn’t have thought of them as traumas.
That’s the thing—what our nervous system interprets as trauma might not be what our adult minds interpret as trauma.
And what one person’s nervous system interprets as trauma might be different from another person’s. Two people can go through the same event and for one, it’s a trauma, and for the other, it’s not.
It’s a physiological thing. The nervous system becomes dysregulated. It needs to be resolved by some sort of somatic therapy, or it can lead to autoimmune and other chronic illnesses.
Here’s a good video that describes how this works. Irene Lyon explains why there’s no difference, physiologically, between Trauma (the obvious “bad stuff”) and “little-t” trauma. She gives a case study of how this works with fibromyalgia, so if you have this, be sure to watch the video.
Note that CEN is trauma. CEN happens when you don’t get enough of the nurturing you needed. It’s also been called Type A trauma—the Absence of nurturing.
And it probably happens more often than not with Highly Sensitive People. Not only do HSPs need emotional attunement more than less sensitive people, not getting it also affects them more deeply.
There’s a term for this: differential susceptibility. It means the “bad” things affect you more deeply.
It also means, happily, that interventions such as The Healing Codes, somatic experiencing, and probably most any kind of natural therapies and remedies help HSPs more.
(There was even a study of teenage girls for a program helping them ward off depression. Only the HS girls were helped, to the extent that the study suggested they screen people for the HS trait and only work with them!)
Do The Healing Codes help with trauma? I’m sure they do. I’m convinced that without doing THC for so many years, I would not now be at the point where I can really get at the root of my traumas and heal them.
That’s the third part of the insight I was given: You are finally ready. If I hadn’t been doing The Healing Codes and Immanuel Prayer for all these years, I would not have gotten to the point where I can heal my deepest traumas. (The earliest of which happened when I was hospitalized for the first 7 weeks of my life, underwent major surgery, and got pneumonia.)
I had to grow my capacity to even face that I had all these traumas in my life. My body is telling me they’re not healed yet—but they are finally ready to be healed.
If you have unexplained, chronic physical symptoms, I encourage you to take the CEN and the Highly Sensitive assessments on my web page. Unhealed traumas are a huge hidden stress to your nervous system.
Awareness is always the first step in healing. If you’re afraid to become aware (I was; I was a master at avoidance of my feelings), use The Healing Codes to heal that first. Be gentle with yourself. Healing is a process, but remember this: We are wired to heal.
And: Feelings Buried Alive Never Die. They need to be acknowledged, welcomed, felt . . . and then they will heal.
Hidden Stressors-Part One
Posted by: | Comments“All your physical issues are from stress,” my doctor told me. They were the last words I would ever hear from her; she passed away shortly after.
But haven’t I been working on reducing stress for all these years with The Healing Codes?
The answer is yes. And they have helped tremendously. I honestly don’t think I’d even be alive now if I hadn’t been doing all I’ve done since I got my various diagnoses before The Healing Codes (osteoporosis, IBS, GERD, Hashimoto’s thyroiditis, PTSD).
The Healing Codes, Halo, the c.Balance (now upgraded to the HOLOS) have all helped me not be hampered much in my daily life by these diagnosed conditions.
Now, however, the symptoms started popping up again, worsening. Why?
As always, I prayed for insight into this. Were there hidden stressors of which I wasn’t aware?
What came up surprised me.
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You haven’t been honoring your Highly Sensitive nature enough.
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Your nervous system needs to recover from the traumas you’ve been through.
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You are finally ready.
Part One: The High Sensitivity Piece
I’ve known for a while that I have this trait around 20% of all species share, in which the nervous system is wired differently. Dr. Elaine Aron explains in her ground-breaking book, The Highly Sensitive Person, which put this trait on the psychological map, that HSPs are like a different breed. Great Danes and border collies are both clearly dogs, but they are quite different. So, too, HSPs and non-HSPs are human, but they are actually quite different in many ways.
(Find out more about whether you’re a Highly Sensitive Person here.)
Maybe for you, sensitivity isn’t the issue. Maybe it’s some other kind of “diversity” that is part of your nature that you’ve not been honoring.
Maybe it’s that you’re an introvert who gets energy from reflection and alone time, and you’ve always been pushed to be more outgoing. Or vice versa. Maybe it’s that you have ADD/ADHD and your brain works differently than others.
Whatever it is that may set you apart a little, so that you tend to push it away rather than honor it, could be a hidden stressor for you.
I’ve known about being Highly Sensitive, but I haven’t been living it.
I hadn’t been honoring my need to process things deeply and thoroughly, for one. The last few years have been particularly stressful for me. On top of all the stress of the pandemic (and HSPs, by the way, are more susceptible to Emotional Inflammation), there were several personal traumas: dealing with a mold issue in the home; settling my sister-in-law’s estate out of state and fending off a crook; breaking my foot; 16 months of hell settling my mother’s estate (with all the family of origin issues that brought up); and a devastating diagnosis of a close family member.
If you’re Highly Sensitive, you need to realize that such stresses affect you more deeply than other people. You take in more information than most people. You are more sensitive to subtle stimuli than most people. And then you absolutely need to process all that you are taking in!
I’ve written about my current focus on subtraction. As a HSP, I need to be aware of (and limit as much as possible) the amount of information that’s coming to me. More information = more needed processing time. When life piles up, and I don’t get that processing time, my symptoms seem to flare.
So ways I’m trying to honor my HS nature more is to limit the amount of information I take in, and then making time to process it completely.
This often means saying no to social engagements, no matter how enticing they seem. I have to stand strong when someone tells me why it would be so good to attend X. (Ever notice how many people think they know what’s right for you? Often, what’s right for “most people” isn’t right for an HSP.)
I’m also the kind of HSP who seeks a lot of mental stimulation and loves to learn. I need to resist the temptation to sign up for yet one more masterclass or telesummit. I have to revisit my own goals often and tell myself, “My commitment to (my goal) is more important than this (distraction) right now.”
Honoring my HS nervous system also means changing my environment. I’m finding that clutter really gets to me these days. I subtract as much from my environment as I can. Someone said every object in your home has a “to-do list” or a message attached to it. So true!
- The pile of papers cries out, “Pay me, file me, check me for sales!”
- The unused clothes in your closet castigate you: “When will you lose weight so that beautiful outfit will fit you again?”
- The old computer monitor in the spare room? You might need it someday, if you current monitor goes out.
- And what about the files and photos on your phone or computer? Shouldn’t those be organized so you can find them more easily?
Guilt, anxiety, feeling like you’re “not enough” or not doing enough creep in with these messages. If you’re HS, not only do you feel those things—you also feel them more intensely!
Perhaps these things don’t overwhelm you like they do me. But if they do, know that doing even a little clutter control every day will help you feel calmer and more organized.
I need the downtime to process. I need more sleep than I’m getting. I need to allow myself to feel. I need to be aware that I take in a lot of information and to do what I can to both limit it and manage it.
I need to honor my sensitive nature. Without, I might add, feeling guilty or “less than” because of these needs.
If you have seen a flare up of symptoms you thought you had healed, know you’re not alone. Many of my clients and friends are also experiencing this. Whether you’re Highly Sensitive or not, there are likely hidden stressors that are chipping away at your resilience.
Do what you can to identify those stressors, and heal what you can.
In future posts I will explore more about hidden stressors: how to identify them, what to do about them. Including hidden traumas—the second piece of the insight that was given me.
Stay tuned!
Nervous System Rx
Posted by: | CommentsI woke the other morning with two words in my mind: calm focus.
The words themselves had a calming effect. I often wake up feeling anxious, not sure why. Emotional inflammation? Maybe. Some of my other clients (especially the Highly Sensitive ones) report the same issue.
But this morning, those two words immediately seemed to override the anxiety.
I’ve been using them all day, returning to them again and again, especially as I begin a new task. Just saying the words to myself, calm focus, seems to bring that very thing into my being.
The word calm is calming in itself. Once I feel the calm, the question becomes, “How can I bring calm focus to this task?” That’s the mental part.
What words bring peace and calm to your nervous system? Read More→
Subtraction—The Best Way to Change?
Posted by: | Comments
In a recent post I wrote about how I’ve dubbed this year, when I’m 66, “the year to fix—or nix.”
By “nix” I mean: subtract.
Most of us, when we think of changes we want to make in our lives, go directly to addition. We buy a new course that promises the result we desire. We add new routines, new rules.
How often do we even think of subtracting?
A fascinating article by Leidy Klotz, author of Subtract: The Untapped Science of Less, explores how we naturally tend to add when we’re trying to solve a problem. He even conducted experiments to prove this.
Taking things away, Klotz’s experiments show, just doesn’t occur to people naturally.
Photo by Luis Villasmil on Unsplash
Why is this? One of his experiments points to a possible answer: cognitive overload. We have too many things to deal with at once, and this cuts into our ability to think of a wide range of solutions—including subtraction.
(Sound familiar, fellow Highly Sensitive Person?)
Our minds tend to add before taking away, and this is holding us back.
We pile on “to-dos” but don’t consider “stop-doings.” We create incentives for good behavior, but don’t get rid of obstacles to it. We collect new-and-improved ideas, but don’t prune the outdated ones. Every day, across challenges big and small, we neglect a basic way to make things better: we don’t subtract.
Thus we get houses with more stuff than we can manage (and studies have shown that clutter increases cortisol levels—bad for our health). We get institutions bogged down by more and more rules and regulations. Children get more rules, grown-ups deal with federal regulations that are 20 times as long as they were in 1950. (And what about all the rules added since the pandemic? Time to subtract—yes, yes and YES!)
Whatever you’re hoping to change in 2023, consider how subtraction plays in. Apparently it’s not as natural to think of (or implement) than adding, but could that be due more to culture than nature? Leidy Klotz’s two-year-old son solved a Lego problem by taking something away; Leidy only thought of adding.
Could it be our culture of “fast, more, be productive” is what keeps our brains from considering subtraction?
(I see the inclination to add in myself a lot. For instance, in thinking about this topic, I’m tempted to get minimalist expert Joshua Becker’s Uncluttered course. But—would that be adding something that would take more time, when I could be using that time to do the actual decluttering—the subtracting? There’s proof right there that my natural tendency is to add….)
At least now I’m aware that I automatically think of adding, and it often doesn’t occur to me to subtract. Awareness leads to new options, to choice.
Perhaps we shut off the idea of subtraction because we unconsciously equate it with loss. But is it loss if we consciously choose it? It doesn’t feel like loss to me when I choose to let something go. At least, there’s a counter-balancing reason to let it go that’s greater than the urge to keep it.
Photo by Nguyen Thu Hoai on Unsplash
As I’ve pondered this in the dead of winter, I realize: subtracting should not be any big insight, nor does it have to be seen as loss. Every fall, much in nature is subtracted: the leaves on the trees, green grass, flowers. Every year, at least those of us with four seasons get a reminder that in order to replenish, we must subtract and allow things to lie fallow for a while.
If you’re a gardener, you know it’s important to prune, to deadhead, if you want fruit and blooms.
Nature renews itself through subtraction.
And so can we. We can choose nature over culture. We can prune to promote growth and renewal.
If you are longing for renewal, for a deeper sense of purpose and fulfillment in 2023, contact me (diane at healingcodescoaching.com) and we’ll set up an appointment to explore how you can heal your heart issues and Align with Your Divine DesignTM for a sense of purpose, connection, and better overall health.
Healing Codes, Medical Treatments–and Miracles
Posted by: | CommentsI received a text the other day that totally lit up my day. I hope it will fire you up about what’s possible with The Healing Codes.
Jose G. came to me five years ago with a diagnosis of leukemia. For four years it was pretty much kept at bay as he did custom Healing Codes to heal his heart issues. He also bought a Halo and used it regularly.
We worked on many of Jose’s heart issues, and also a number of generational issues. Realizing he is a Highly Sensitive Person was a huge shift for him. He began to accept himself even though he was different than other men. He began to know in a deep way that God made him this way and the trait was something to be cherished, not feel ashamed of.
Jose overcame a number of other physical challenges, including a very bad case of poison ivy, and COVID. He was hospitalized for the latter, but made it through.
Several months ago, Jose’s cancer markers got worse, and he had to decide whether he would undergo the medical treatments his doctors were suggesting. Being a doctor himself and seeing what such treatments do to people, Jose agonized over what to do.
I don’t know the specifics of what treatments he decided upon, but one thing we worked on was the fact that his father had had the very same diagnosis as Jose, and died five years after. It was hard for Jose to break out of the fear that he would follow in his father’s footsteps, as he faced bad news about his own health and was coming up on 5 years after diagnosis himself.
Of course we addressed that one from a number of different angles with The Healing Codes.
All of this groundwork paved the way, I believe, to the amazing testimonial Jose shared with me:
Jose is sorting through his own interpretation of this miracle.
My perspective so far is that because he had cleared away so many “heart issues,” his body had the resources to fight the cancer. The body is an amazing healing organism—if we allow it to do its work. No doubt whatever treatments he took were also a factor. But I personally don’t think we can attribute his healing solely to medical treatments. I have seen too many cases (and Jose saw even more) of people who underwent treatments and either the treatments didn’t work, or they impaired quality of life, or even killed the patients.
But I’ve also seen clients who have undergone medical treatments while also doing The Healing Codes experience great results, and even bypass negative side effects of the treatments. (I always advise people to include in the prayer of intention, where you mention the specific physical issues, “and any negative effects of the treatments.” I can’t remember any client who has added that to their Healing Code prayer experience debilitating side effects.)
Another important point: It was crucial that Jose changed that belief that he would follow in his father’s footsteps, lest that become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
(I remember working with my mother, who had a similar fear. When she was 78, she was very fearful that she would die of a stroke at 78, just like her mother. We healed that belief. My mother lived to be 88, and survived two strokes before she passed of congestive heart failure.)
I rejoice over Jose’s healing. I told him it made my day (really: week, month, year!). I hope you find it inspirational, too. I hope that it motivates you to regularly do this healing work. You never know what it may be staving off for you, or when you will need the foundation of healing it affords to get you through a health crisis in the future.
And if you need some extra help, check out my coaching options at https://healingcodescoaching.com.
“That Doesn’t Work for Me . . .”
Posted by: | CommentsHave you ever read (or heard) something that sounded like great wisdom, great advice . . .
and you try it and it doesn’t work for you?
Photo by charlesdeluvio on Unsplash
Then you think, There must be something wrong with me.
I just read some advice about how to feel better when you’re feeling down. The writer called her sponsor and said she was upset about something. The sponsor told her, ‘Get over yourself and go find someone to help.”
The person took the advice, and felt better, she said.
Maybe this works for some people, like her. But for me, as a Highly Sensitive Person who also grew up with Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN), it’s all wrong. (If you’re not sure if these apply to you, take the free assessments here.)
Getting to Know Your Highly Sensitive Soul
Posted by: | CommentsA very high majority of my clients possess the inborn trait of Sensory Processing Sensitivity, making them what’s commonly known as Highly Sensitive People (HSP).
HSPs make up 20-30% of any population (it shows up in 100 species and is equally distributed among male and female), so we are automatically in the minority. (I say “we” because I am one; so is my husband and son.) Since there is a huge difference in how HSPs and non-HSPs experience the world, it’s extremely helpful to know whether you have this trait or not.
Yet, just because you may have this trait, that doesn’t mean you’re like all other HSPs. I love what Dr. Elaine Aron, who put this trait on the psychological map with her ground-breaking book, The Highly Sensitive Person, says on her blog: “All living beings are [different from one another], but even within the group of HSPs, or maybe more in this group, we are so different. After all, if our trait is about being more sensitive than others to our environment, that should mean that we vary more than others coming from similar environments.”
When clients discover they are Highly Sensitive, it’s often one of the biggest ahas of their life. “So that’s why I had so much trouble with . . .” or “So that’s why I seem to absolutely need . . .”
It reframes their experiences in a whole new way. It opens the door to begin to accept themselves for who they are, and to craft an environment that fits them.
But I’m not just interested in people understanding the trait. As Dr. Elaine Aron pointed out, even among HSPs, there are many differences.
I think it’s most helpful to know how this trait, if you have it, shows up for YOU.
So I created the Sensitivity Fingerprint(TM), and I’d love for you to have it. It’s a way to get to know your Highly Sensitive Soul—how the trait expresses in your life.
The first step is to take the Getting to Know Your Highly Sensitive Soul survey. This will prime the pump for you, and it will help me know how to serve you better.
After you submit the survey, you will get the Sensitivity Fingerprint(TM) for your own records. There will be an opportunity for you to further explore how to not only get to know, but to heal the wounds of your Highly Sensitive soul.
After all, healing and transformation is my calling. And I’m super excited about the plans God is unfolding for me—and, perhaps, for you.
So please take the Getting to Know Your Highly Sensitive Soul survey, and stay tuned!
Heal the #1 Heart Issue of Most People
Posted by: | CommentsIf there’s one “heart issue” almost every client I know addresses at some point, it’s some variation of “not enough.”
This unhealthy can show up in a number of forms, leading to various outcomes. For instance:
- “I’m not enough” (leads to low self-esteem, perhaps a sense you have to prove yourself; sometimes harmful ways of trying to fill the void).
- “I don’t have enough” (leads to anxiety and often actual lack).
- “I’m not doing enough” (leads to the harmful actions of overgiving, over-doing, workaholismm, etc.).
- “I don’t know enough” (leads to endless learning rather than actually doing).
- “There isn’t enough” (time, money, love, etc..–leads to despair).
Can you relate to any of these?
If so, remember—you’re not alone!
Some of us also experience almost the flip side of this: “too much.”
Too much expected of us. (And there are “not enough” resources to deal with it.)
Too much stimulation (especially true for those with the trait of High Sensitivity).
Too much to know before I can feel safe.
Lately a little “mantra” has slipped into my mind that helps me deal with the “not enough” issue (which for me is often, “I don’t know enough” or “I’m not doing enough”).
The mantra is this: “Let it be enough for now.”
Let it. Allow it. I have a choice: to allow, or to resist and fall back into the old “not enough” pattern.
“Let it be enough.” A whole new energy comes in when you say “enough.” At least for me, it’s like there’s a sigh in my soul. Aahh . . . it can be enough.
Let it be enough for now. Not forever. This is not procrastination. It’s a choice to let whatever I’ve done, whatever I know, whatever I am, to just be enough, just for now.
In this moment, I can choose to be enough, to have enough, to know enough, to let what I’ve done be enough, to trust that there is enough.
You might make that a Truth Focus Statement for your Healing Code: “Just for right now, I am enough, I do enough, I have enough, I know enough, there is enough. I can let where I am right now be enough.”
See what this does for your nervous system.
And let me know if it helps you!
Related articles:
Impossible Relationship Blocks
Posted by: | CommentsHave you ever been in a relationship in which you want to love the other person, but you and they are coming from such different places, that all you can do is set a firm boundary and try not to get sucked in to all the drama or manipulation or dysfunction?
In such a relationship, often the other person wants something from you, and will resort to all sorts of manipulation tactics to get it. Some examples might be:
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guilt-tripping and attempting to pull you into the Dreaded Drama Triangle by trying to make you the rescuer or perpetrator of their victimhood
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gaslighting, where they ignore, distort or twist your words, actions or intentions to something other than you meant
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playing on and exploiting your generous or compassionate nature, knowing that you want to think of yourself in these ways so will do what they want to keep up your image of yourself.
Having dealt with a few of these relationships in my life has been an interesting experience. (By the way, as I’ve healed and Aligned more and more with my Divine Design, there have been fewer such relationships in my life. That can be true for you, too.)
Photo by Brands&People on Unsplash
In these unhealthy relationships, I saw all my “buttons” that were being pushed, and that awareness was actually a gift. It was an invitation to more transformation and growth. Self-awareness led to consciously healing the issues, with more of a sense of freedom and personal empowerment as a result.
I want to say a special word to you if you were born with the trait of High Sensitivity. (If you’re not sure, go here to find out more and take the quiz.)
We who are Highly Sensitive seem prone to attracting dysfunctional people. I think there might be some kind of invisible energetic radar that certain people like narcissists and predators pick up on. They can somehow sense the kind-hearted, generous people who will give anyone the shirt off their back.
It was so very helpful for me to become aware of this dynamic. It has led to a lot of discomfort, since I’m not used to being as “hard-nosed” as I’ve had to be in dealing with these kinds of relationships. I’ve had to contend with guilt, judgment (from the other person who knows this is one of my buttons, as well as myself), and the cognitive dissonance of having to “turn off” some of my best traits (like compassion) when I recognized the other person’s attempts to exploit them.
I’ve had to initiate some uncomfortable conversations in which I confronted the person with truths they didn’t want to hear, and who would then berate me to others for it.
And I’ve had to remind myself a lot of the wonderful 12 words I think God gave me awhile ago to deal with my guilt over not rescuing people from their own folly: “You must allow others the dignity of living with their choices.”
I’m also grateful for such painful relationship experiences because I think they help me understand perhaps a bit of what God might feel toward us, his children.
God longs for a close relationship with us. Too often, our distorted thinking and attempts to make him be what we want him to be, rather than who he truly is, make a relationship impossible. Yes, God can do anything. But he won’t do this: he won’t violate our free will. He himself allows each of us “the dignity of living with our choices.”
Even if that choice is to live in eternity without him.
I guess God prizes freedom that much.
(Do we?)
If you too would like to transform some old negative patterns and Align with Your Divine DesignTM , check out my coaching at HealingCodesCoaching.com.
