Archive for Highly Sensitive

I’m Listening . . .

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I think I’ve cried at least once every single day for the past several weeks, if not months.

As someone who can’t help but feel and think deeply about everything, I have taken my time to respond to what is happening in the world, but especially in our country, about racism in particular.

I am and have always been about “healing heart issues.” I have worked with clients in 39 countries, and of all races and religions. Because I usually only use phone or Skype voice, I do not see my clients, and this gives me and them the freedom to relate at the heart level.

I have found that no matter the color of one’s skin, the same heart beats in all of us.

Having said that, I know that we are all affected by our culture and the surrounding culture. We have the same heart issues, but we don’t have the same experience. In our culture, there is wide disparity between socioeconomic and racial cultures. We can easily find many areas of injustice that need correcting.

I recently wrote a blog about distorted thinking, with the challenge to filter everything you hear or read—even what comes out of your own mouth—through this lens. Our culture’s polarization, for instance, is a perfect example of most of the thinking styles mentioned. And racism is built on ALL of them.

We need to first confront the distorted thinking, the heart wounds, that exist in our own hearts before we can clearly engage in any conversation about healing on a larger scale. As Jesus said, we need to remove the log in our own eye before we can see to take out the speck in our brother’s eye.

With that said, I am prayerfully asking God to show me any way in which my own heart and my own thinking need to be changed.

And I am listening. Deeply. With humility. Listening to my black brothers and sisters, to my friends and colleagues, to people who demonstrate that they are thinking clearly.

And I want to listen to YOU. If there is anything you have seen in what I have said that shows any kind of distorted thinking like that on my blog, or just plain ignorance, call me out, please. I promise to listen.

I believe that love is what is needed now more than ever. And love listens. Love allows space for another to be heard, without judgment. That is what I have always sought to do with my clients, friends and family.

After talking with thousands of clients the world over, I believe one of the greatest aches of the human heart is to be validated. To be heard.

I want you who read this to know that I believe you should be heard. That your experience matters. That YOU matter. Growing up in a home in which I felt like I didn’t matter because I was different (with the trait of high sensitivity), I get that deep need. “Black lives matter” is a very moving statement to me.

I am also listening to God, searching his word for his perspective. What I find is that to God, ALL lives matter, simply because he created every person. God himself loves diversity. You see this in the very first book of the Bible, Genesis, when he made an incredible variety of things, and you see it in the very last book (Revelation), where the vision is of “peoples from every nation, from all tribes and peoples and languages, standing before the throne and before the Lamb, clothed in white robes, with palm branches in their hands” (Revelation 7:9). From beginning to end in the Bible, God loves and values diversity.

And so should we, for that very reason.

God loves diversity!

Years ago in 2006, I wrote on my Abundant Gifts blog a post called “Room for All Kinds.” It moved me greatly to write it, and I offer it to you now: https://abundantgiftsblog.com/room-for-all-kinds/

This is the vision I hold to, and pray for. Before God we all stand equal . . . and beloved. When you know yourself—and every other person–as the Beloved of God, it changes everything.

My work is to help you see that you are the Beloved, and then I trust that God and your own aligned self will make clear the unique contribution you are to make to a world in which God’s celebration of diversity is meant to be made manifest.

The events rocking the world at this time, especially the U.S., are staggering.

I have felt deep pain in my heart space over all that is happening. So much pain, loss, heartbreak. Evil exposed (this is a good thing, but so difficult to witness). Injustice and violence.

The latter two especially make me feel physically ill. I learned recently that there’s a name for this stress that can affect us even physically, that feels almost like post-traumatic stress. It’s the pain that stems from taking in the energy of a tumultuous world (and, for people of color, the energy of passive and active discrimination and racism), and it now has a name: “emotional inflammation.” You can listen to a podcast about this here, or check out the book by Dr. Lise Van Susteren and Stacey Colino here. It helped me to understand how much we are all affected by what’s going on in the world.

(For the 20% with the trait of High Sensitivity, emotional inflammation is almost unavoidable; we take in so much more, and process it at such a deep level.)

The problem is, there are many narratives out there. So many nuances to an issue. So many people twisting the facts to fit their own narrative (or ignoring key facts). I feel mentally and emotionally exhausted just thinking about making my way through all of it to the truth.

But I am committed to doing so, through prayer, as God leads. I want to be part of the solution, not the problem.

One thing I notice, among the maelstrom of media, social and otherwise, is how rampant the dysfunctional thinking is behind so much of the narratives. When a friend sent me a link to a very helpful graphic on “unhelpful thinking styles,” I began to apply it not only to my life, but to what I was hearing and reading. Read More→

I am seeing an interesting phenomenon with my clients and friends, especially those with the trait of High Sensitivity: it seems like somehow we are all taking on a bit of the overall energetic “spillage” from all that’s going on in the world right now.

How this shows up in clients varies, but many of us are feeling things like “heartache, anxiety, grief” as well as the fear, loss of control, etc.

Some clients are finding that issues, including physical issues, that had been healed before are now showing up again. Others are finding it hard to pinpoint any memories of their own, but they nonetheless feel some sort of generalized and/or anticipatory negative feelings.

I believe what’s happening is we are experiencing what authors Dr. Elise Van Sustenan and Stacey Colino call “Emotional Inflammation.”

There may be a very positive side to this, though. I think that as we heal ourselves, we are also in some way contributing in a very real way to the healing of the collective. To the extent that we’re tapping into that, is the extent to which our own healing will help the world.

If all you feel you can do right now is focus on your own healing, that’s OK. Doing just that is making a contribution that may be much more than more “concrete” acts of service.

And if you would like some personalized coaching, check out HealingCodesCoaching.com. The Healing Codes and Immanuel Prayer are exactly what is needed for this issue.

As I write this, many people from all over the world have been “sheltering in place,” to one degree or another, for at least a month.

In that time, we have all been thrown into collective grief and shock, because the changes have happened so swiftly, so totally.

Every aspect of our lives have changed—forever.

Things will never be the same.

We need to grieve that. There are some days when grief looms large indeed for me.

Grief not only for what I’ve lost, but as a Highly Sensitive empath, I also feel the pain of countless others who are suffering.

Suffering the loss of loved ones. Loss of work. Loss of a business into which they have poured themselves.

And I can’t even think of the children who are abused, trapped in homes with parents who formerly could not bear the stress, and who now are at the breaking point.

Or other victims of domestic violence.

For everyone, a way of life has been changed forever, more or less, in one way or another.

How do we cope? Is there any way to come out of this crisis stronger?

I believe there is. If we can embrace the hidden invitations of this strange time, we will develop strengths that we can bring into the “new normal” we will soon, we hope, be able to forge. 

What we need is resilience. Here are two steps  to develop your resilience.

Step One: Find the Joy Amid the Suffering

The first hidden invitation, and a big part of the healing process, is to learn to find joy even in the midst of the suffering.

Joy? In the midst of suffering? Is that possible? Read More→

If you’ve been following me for a while, you know that I hardly ever promote products (other than summits). 

That’s because, frankly, I have to get that “click in my spirit” that tells me there’s something really special about this, before I can really get behind it.

That’s only happened a few times in my life. Each time, the results have been significant–for me and for others.

It happened when I first heard about The Healing Codes. Result: thousands of people helped to heal through the book I helped Dr. Alex Loyd publish, and the clients I’ve personally coached.

 It happened when I heard about Immanuel Prayer, and got trained. Result: an ongoing, unbelievable personal connection with Jesus Christ, and many people I’ve facilitated experiencing the same thing.

It happened with the Halo. Result: I and many of my clients who bought it got healthier.

It happened when I signed up for a coaching program for Highly Sensitive Entrepreneurs. Result: business miracles are already happening for me, as I’m learning tools to move me toward using my HS strengths (and developing some of my own–for you!). Side note: If you are Highly Sensitive and self-employed, or want to be, sign up here so I can keep you posted on resources that will help you, too, thrive.

It happened when I signed up for Julie Bjelland’s course and Sensitive Empowerment group. Result: the skills I’m learning to use to move from HS coping to HS thriving have been life-changing—for me and my clients.

These are the few products that have produced a “click in my spirit.” As I come across more, I will add them here.  If you have signed up for my Healing Heart Issues Weekly Digest, you’ll hear about them! Here are my further, more objective criteria for what I recommend.

Gifts from My Mentors

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From Thanksgiving to Christmas, I like to acknowledge the people who have enriched my life during the past year.

This includes, of course, my personal friends and colleagues. But you don’t know them. You can know and benefit from some of my “virtual mentors,” and those are the ones I want to tell you about.

As I reflected on those whose work has enriched either my spirit, soul, mind or body through sharing their expertise, several people came to mind.

Spirit. The most influential–and healing–approach I have ever come across is the Immanuel Approach, developed by Dr. Karl Lehman, a psychiatrist and the author of Outsmarting Yourself and The Immanuel Approach (which we Immanuel Prayer ministers, and he, refer to as “the big lion book” because it’s exhaustive at 759 pages!). From Outsmarting Yourself, I learned about “implicit memory” and how we get triggered, and how to calm body and mind. Dr. Karl Lehman’s work is all about how to let God come in and be with you in the pain, and thus heal it.

I was trained by Margaret Webb and Jessie Handy from Alive and Well in Immanuel Prayer, and continued with training from Dr. Karl Lehman through his Advanced Training seminar and monthly meetings in which local prayer ministers gather to watch and discuss a video of Dr. Lehman facilitating someone in Immanuel Approach. I also meet every other week with other prayer ministers to give and receive Immanuel Prayer. Read More→

My daughter asked me the other day, “What can I get for you for Christmas and your birthday?” (which happen to be one and the same day). It was Cyber Monday, you see, and she wanted to shop online.

She had asked me the same question on Black Friday. As I thought then, and the other day, about what I needed, I was coming up blank.

For the past few months, I have been “editing my life” by eliminating things that were not truly essential or important to me. This arose from a feeling of chronic overwhelm, which I was working on healing. I realized part of the answer to overwhelm lay in subtracting clutter of all kinds that had somehow accumulated when I wasn’t paying attention.

So when my daughter asked me what I wanted or needed, my first thoughts were of things that you can’t find in a store or online, things you can’t wrap and put under a tree.  A greater sense of margin in my life. Hope that the future will be better, for myself and the world, despite many signs that things are going in the opposite direction.

I realized as I pondered what my daughter could joyfully give me, and I could joyfully receive (for gift giving is my primary “love language“), that I already have all I need. Anything she or anyone could give me would just be icing on the already-sweet cake that was my life.

I have a wonderful husband, two amazing, loving adult children who are on their own and who enjoy being with each other and their parents. I have a home that, while it could use some updating by the world’s standards, suits us very well. I have plenty of clothes (still getting rid of some), I know how to cook wonderful and healthy food. I have a reliable car (which I seldom need to drive because I work from home). I have work I love, many people I love, and I’m (finally) part of a caring community, both in my church and a smaller, more informal group that loves to connect with Immanuel and grow in grace.

I am in the process of understanding and healing the wounds of my past, and I have amazing tools that help me get and stay healthy. I am also coming to better understand my (and my husband’s and son’s) trait of High Sensitivity, and am learning to thrive as an HSP and help others to do so as well (a huge percentage of my clients are Highly Sensitive People, and The Healing Codes are particularly well suited to the deep healing HSPs need).

Is my life perfect? No, not by a long stretch. There are secret sorrows as well as the frustrations most people face in this modern world. However, when I dwell on the things that matter that I mention above, the “less than ideal” aspects fade into the background of gratitude.

CC BY by kevin dooley

What do I need, what do I want? All I need was given by the One whose coming I celebrate on December 25, the One whose birth was announced by angels with a song about “peace on earth, good will toward humankind.”

Settling into the energy of “enough,” I’m finding great peace.

One of the “Truth Focus Statements” I like to use when working on healing my “not enough” issues is: “I am enough. I have enough. I do enough. I know enough. There is enough.” I have added this to the Truth Focus Statements that are available here for free.

I wish someone had warned me about this. It would have made life easier for me when it happened.

That’s why I’m warning you now. I really didn’t want to write this post. (What woman wants to reveal her age?) Yet I felt compelled to, because it’s really important.

Something happens when you hit your sixties.

If you’re in your sixties (or beyond), you will probably nod your head and feel validated. I’ve talked to many of my friends and clients in this age group and they all say, “Yes! That’s how it is.”

If you’re younger, you will have been warned, as I wish someone had warned me. I’m hoping you’ll take to heart what I’m about to say, because it will make your sixties much easier when you do get there. The rumblings do start earlier–late forties and fifties.

So what it is that happens when you hit your sixties?

Simply this: All your prior coping mechanisms quit working.

Whatever you were doing that made life work for you suddenly–doesn’t.work.anymore.

For instance, if you depended on multitasking to get things done–you find you can’t multitask anymore.

If you dealt with emotions by pushing them down and moving on–that won’t work anymore either.

If you skimped on sleep and got by–you can’t do that anymore. Your body will start malfunctioning one way or another (sleep affects so much).

If you got along fine without God or religion, OR if you were comfortable in your spiritual practices and religious beliefs–suddenly you may find yourself either adrift, or questioning the very beliefs that heretofore held your life together.

If you feel like your body starts to fall apart in your sixties, I offer this thought: maybe that’s just an outward manifestation of what’s happening inwardly . . . the coping mechanisms fall apart, then the body follows suit.

What is actually happening, I believe, is that in one’s sixties, ANY unprocessed “heart issues” surface, in any number of forms, including physical ailments.

Not only that, but even the heart issues you thought you healed, if not healed entirely, will resurface and demand to be healed at a deeper level.

This may especially apply to Highly Sensitive People, who possess the traits of depth of processing (the pain and trauma go deep), and also emotional reactivity (the original emotions were strong). Unless a heart issue is healed completely, I can almost guarantee it will pop up again in your sixties.

And then, you will have to find a new way to deal with it, if you’ve just been coping rather than truly healing it.

I think it’s actually the spirit/body’s wisdom that makes all this happen. Your spirit and body want you to be healthy, to heal. The body knows that unless all the heart issues are thoroughly processed, that negative energy will compromise the body.

And Body does not want that at all. Body will send you messages. Body will prevent Soul’s former coping mechanisms from continuing to work.

Also, this is your spirit calling you to a much deeper level of being. It is your True Self calling. She/he may have been trying to get through all these years prior, but you were too busy to listen.

Too busy learning how life works and, perhaps, figuring out how to survive in a dysfunctional situation (growing up years).

Too busy figuring out who you were, what you were going to be when you grew up (adolescence).

Too busy building a career, raising a family (adult years until middle age).

Too busy ignoring the rumblings of your spirit and the messages from your body–and the disappointment of dashed dreams (we all have them by middle age).

Now, you’re in your sixties, and your body is screaming, your spirit is screaming: IT’S TIME!

This time you have to listen.

It’s literally a life or death matter. If you don’t listen NOW, two things will happen.

Your spirit will quietly sigh, and slowly withdraw. (Is this what aging really is?)

When the spirit withdraws, your body will give up. It is the spirit that gives life.

If you’re in your sixties, likely you know what I’m talking about. If you’re not yet there, look within. Can you honestly say you haven’t heard the rumblings of spirit and/or body, trying to send you messages?

Listen to what Body is saying; it will send clues. Example: for months I’ve had an itch in the middle of my back. The dermatologist said it was not a skin issue, but a neurological issue. A kinesiologist said my body didn’t agree with the doctor.

A business coach said that a sign you’re being called to something bigger is when you get the ITCH–when part of you just knows it’s time to go deeper.

My spirit lit up with the AHA when I heard that. My body sighed in relief. “She finally got the message.” That ITCH was about my calling to a new plane of spiritual healing and direction. When I recognized that–the itch went away!

What messages are your body and spirit attempting to give to you? Pay attention. Turn up the volume and really listen.

You are being called to finally shed the blocks to your true destiny. May you heed the call. Preferably NOW. Whatever your age, it will shorten the time spent avoiding, and lengthen the time living out, your destiny.

And if you would like help identifying what your spirit/body is trying to tell you, coaching will really help! HealingCodesCoaching.com

 

 

 

 

 

Train Your Brain Away from Pain

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Posture and movement specialist Sukie Baxter was interviewed by Julie Bjelland for Julie’s Sensitive Empowerment group, and I thought what Sukie said about pain was fascinating.

Sukie said if you are not in touch with your body and attuned to its signals, your nervous system can develop a sort of tunnel vision that begins to only recognize pain signals. That then pulls you into a negative loop, where the pain activates the Sympathetic Nervous System (fight/flight/freeze) response), which then makes the pain more pronounced, so that you focus even more on the pain–and so the negative loop goes.

What is the way out? Read More→

Tonight I met with my first client from China to do a Coach-Guided Healing Code.

It got me to thinking about the hundreds of clients I’ve worked with over the past 9 years of being a certified Healing Codes Coach-Practitioner, and what I’ve learned and observed.

First, I have the most wonderful clients in the world. Surprisingly, the vast majority of my clients are also Highly Sensitive. It’s surprising only because Highly Sensitive People only make up around 20% of the population, yet they comprise at least 80% of my clients. Perhaps it’s because The Healing Codes are so attractive to HSPs. It is a gentle process that involves meditation–an approach well-suited to HSPs.

With only one exception (more on that below), all of my clients are remarkably motivated to heal. Many of them have had overwhelming obstacles to overcome–abuse of all kinds, tremendous health challenges, financial hardships, and difficult relationship issues.

Yet they are not giving up! They are not victims. And, because of their commitment to their own healing, they do overcome. Many have dramatic breakthroughs.

These clients bolster my faith in the human spirit. Most people do want to be healthy and happy. God put that desire into us, and I believe he works with us to bring that about. With that commitment and help from God, it’s amazing how much people can overcome.

The one exception? A client with ALS whose doctor brought him to me as a last resort. The doctor warned me that she had little hope of his recovering, and soon I learned why. The man was completely devoid of love for anyone, including himself. I think we got through two sessions. I doubt he ever did his custom codes. He died of his illness within a few weeks of when I talked to him. His doctor said she wasn’t surprised, but had hoped that something could break through to him. Without his commitment to himself, however, no help could get through. Read More→

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