Archive for Highly Sensitive

Jan
14

Nervous System Rx

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I woke the other morning with two words in my mind: calm focus.

The words themselves had a calming effect. I often wake up feeling anxious, not sure why. Emotional inflammation? Maybe. Some of my other clients (especially the Highly Sensitive ones) report the same issue.

But this morning, those two words immediately seemed to override the anxiety.

I’ve been using them all day, returning to them again and again, especially as I begin a new task. Just saying the words to myself, calm focus, seems to bring that very thing into my being.

The word calm is calming in itself. Once I feel the calm, the question becomes, “How can I bring calm focus to this task?” That’s the mental part.

What words bring peace and calm to your nervous system?

It’s worth thinking about. More and more, I’m seeing how central the nervous system is to our health and well-being. I believe one of the reasons people heal from so many different ailments with The Healing Codes is that it displaces stress in the autonomic nervous system. Perhaps it strengthens the vagal tone of the vagus nerve, that all-important nerve that runs from the back of the ear (Jaws position?) all through just about every organ in the body (except the adrenal and thyroid glands). It’s the longest nerve in your body.

I’ve always found it intriguing that the test Dr. Alex Loyd used to validate The Healing Codes—Heart Rate Variability or HRV—is the same test that’s used to measure vagal tone.

Also, when the vagus nerve is stimulated, different maladies from Parkinsons to depression to addictions to rheumatoid arthritis tend to resolve. When “vagal tone” improves, everything in a person’s life improves: their health, their mood, their overall sense of well-being (just like with The healing Codes).

That’s why my theory is that The Healing Codes improve vagal tone–for a whole lot less money and hassle than the vagal tone stimulation provided only by some researchers. Perhaps because it’s a form of meditation, which is one of the ways to stimulate the vagus nerve and improve vagal tone.

Calming your nervous system by stimulating your vagus nerve can play a key role in your mental and physical health. As clinical psychologist Dr. Arielle Schwartz said, “By developing an understanding of the workings of your vagus nerve, you may find it possible to work with your nervous system rather than feel trapped when it works against you”–such as when you feel stressed.

One thing researchers also find is that when you don’t regularly stimulate the vagus nerve, any gains you had before tend to diminish. I’ve seen this happen too with clients who slack off on their Healing Codes. It needs to be a daily practice. Doing Healing Codes regularly and finding ways to keep in a calm state most of the day will lead, I believe, to long-terms healing.

Calm focus. That de-activates stress for me. What might work for you as you go about your daily business? It doesn’t have to be complicated!

I have developed several tools for calming and healing your nervous system. If you would like to know more about those tools, and a program to not only help you heal but Align with Your Divine Design(TM) so that every area of your life is transformed, contact me for more information.

Jan
07

Subtraction—The Best Way to Change?

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In a recent post I wrote about how I’ve dubbed this year, when I’m 66, “the year to fix—or nix.”

By “nix” I mean: subtract.

Most of us, when we think of changes we want to make in our lives, go directly to addition. We buy a new course that promises the result we desire. We add new routines, new rules.

How often do we even think of subtracting?

A fascinating article by Leidy Klotz, author of Subtract: The Untapped Science of Less, explores how we naturally tend to add when we’re trying to solve a problem. He even conducted experiments to prove this.

Taking things away, Klotz’s experiments show, just doesn’t occur to people naturally.

Why is this? One of his experiments points to a possible answer: cognitive overload. We have too many things to deal with at once, and this cuts into our ability to think of a wide range of solutions—including subtraction.

(Sound familiar, fellow Highly Sensitive Person?)

Our minds tend to add before taking away, and this is holding us back.

We pile on “to-dos” but don’t consider “stop-doings.” We create incentives for good behavior, but don’t get rid of obstacles to it. We collect new-and-improved ideas, but don’t prune the outdated ones. Every day, across challenges big and small, we neglect a basic way to make things better: we don’t subtract.

Thus we get houses with more stuff than we can manage (and studies have shown that clutter increases cortisol levels—bad for our health). We get institutions bogged down by more and more rules and regulations. Children get more rules, grown-ups deal with federal regulations that are 20 times as long as they were in 1950. (And what about all the rules added since the pandemic? Time to subtract—yes, yes and YES!)

Whatever you’re hoping to change in 2023, consider how subtraction plays in. Apparently it’s not as natural to think of (or implement) than adding, but could that be due more to culture than nature? Leidy Klotz’s two-year-old son solved a Lego problem by taking something away; Leidy only thought of adding.

Could it be our culture of “fast, more, be productive” is what keeps our brains from considering subtraction?

(I see the inclination to add in myself a lot. For instance, in thinking about this topic, I’m tempted to get minimalist expert Joshua Becker’s Uncluttered course. But—would that be adding something that would take more time, when I could be using that time to do the actual decluttering—the subtracting? There’s proof right there that my natural tendency is to add….)

At least now I’m aware that I automatically think of adding, and it often doesn’t occur to me to subtract. Awareness leads to new options, to choice.

Perhaps we shut off the idea of subtraction because we unconsciously equate it with loss. But is it loss if we consciously choose it? It doesn’t feel like loss to me when I choose to let something go. At least, there’s a counter-balancing reason to let it go that’s greater than the urge to keep it.

As I’ve pondered this in the dead of winter, I realize: subtracting should not be any big insight, nor does it have to be seen as loss. Every fall, much in nature is subtracted: the leaves on the trees, green grass, flowers. Every year, at least those of us with four seasons get a reminder that in order to replenish, we must subtract and allow things to lie fallow for a while.

If you’re a gardener, you know it’s important to prune, to deadhead, if you want fruit and blooms.

Nature renews itself through subtraction.

And so can we. We can choose nature over culture. We can prune to promote growth and renewal.

If you are longing for renewal, for a deeper sense of purpose and fulfillment in 2023, contact me (diane at healingcodescoaching.com) and we’ll set up an appointment to explore how you can heal your heart issues and Align with Your Divine DesignTM for a sense of purpose, connection, and better overall health.

I received a text the other day that totally lit up my day. I hope it will fire you up about what’s possible with The Healing Codes.

Jose G. came to me five years ago with a diagnosis of leukemia. For four years it was pretty much kept at bay as he did custom Healing Codes to heal his heart issues. He also bought a Halo and used it regularly.

We worked on many of Jose’s heart issues, and also a number of generational issues. Realizing he is a Highly Sensitive Person was a huge shift for him. He began to accept himself even though he was different than other men. He began to know in a deep way that God made him this way and the trait was something to be cherished, not feel ashamed of.

Jose overcame a number of other physical challenges, including a very bad case of poison ivy, and COVID. He was hospitalized for the latter, but made it through.

Several months ago, Jose’s cancer markers got worse, and he had to decide whether he would undergo the medical treatments his doctors were suggesting. Being a doctor himself and seeing what such treatments do to people, Jose agonized over what to do.

I don’t know the specifics of what treatments he decided upon, but one thing we worked on was the fact that his father had had the very same diagnosis as Jose, and died five years after. It was hard for Jose to break out of the fear that he would follow in his father’s footsteps, as he faced bad news about his own health and was coming up on 5 years after diagnosis himself.

Of course we addressed that one from a number of different angles with The Healing Codes.

All of this groundwork paved the way, I believe, to the amazing testimonial Jose shared with me:

 

Jose is sorting through his own interpretation of this miracle.

My perspective so far is that because he had cleared away so many “heart issues,” his body had the resources to fight the cancer. The body is an amazing healing organism—if we allow it to do its work. No doubt whatever treatments he took were also a factor. But I personally don’t think we can attribute his healing solely to medical treatments. I have seen too many cases (and Jose saw even more) of people who underwent treatments and either the treatments didn’t work, or they impaired quality of life, or even killed the patients.

But I’ve also seen clients who have undergone medical treatments while also doing The Healing Codes experience great results, and even bypass negative side effects of the treatments. (I always advise people to include in the prayer of intention, where you mention the specific physical issues, “and any negative effects of the treatments.” I can’t remember any client who has added that to their Healing Code prayer experience debilitating side effects.)

Another important point: It was crucial that Jose changed that belief that he would follow in his father’s footsteps, lest that become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

(I remember working with my mother, who had a similar fear. When she was 78, she was very fearful that she would die of a stroke at 78, just like her mother. We healed that belief. My mother lived to be 88, and survived two strokes before she passed of congestive heart failure.)

I rejoice over Jose’s healing. I told him it made my day (really: week, month, year!). I hope you find it inspirational, too. I hope that it motivates you to regularly do this healing work. You never know what it may be staving off for you, or when you will need the foundation of healing it affords to get you through a health crisis in the future.

And if you need some extra help, check out my coaching options at https://healingcodescoaching.com.

Oct
22

“That Doesn’t Work for Me . . .”

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Have you ever read (or heard) something that sounded like great wisdom, great advice . . .

and you try it and it doesn’t work for you?

Then you think, There must be something wrong with me.

I just read some advice about how to feel better when you’re feeling down. The writer called her sponsor and said she was upset about something. The sponsor told her, ‘Get over yourself and go find someone to help.”

The person took the advice, and felt better, she said.

Maybe this works for some people, like her. But for me, as a Highly Sensitive Person who also grew up with Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN), it’s all wrong. (If you’re not sure if these apply to you, take the free assessments here.)

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A very high majority of my clients possess the inborn trait of Sensory Processing Sensitivity, making them what’s commonly known as Highly Sensitive People (HSP).

HSPs make up 20-30% of any population (it shows up in 100 species and is equally distributed among male and female), so we are automatically in the minority. (I say “we” because I am one; so is my husband and son.) Since there is a huge difference in how HSPs and non-HSPs experience the world, it’s extremely helpful to know whether you have this trait or not.

Yet, just because you may have this trait, that doesn’t mean you’re like all other HSPs. I love what Dr. Elaine Aron, who put this trait on the psychological map with her ground-breaking book, The Highly Sensitive Person, says on her blog: “All living beings are [different from one another], but even within the group of HSPs, or maybe more in this group, we are so different. After all, if our trait is about being more sensitive than others to our environment, that should mean that we vary more than others coming from similar environments.”

When clients discover they are Highly Sensitive, it’s often one of the biggest ahas of their life. “So that’s why I had so much trouble with . . .” or “So that’s why I seem to absolutely need . . .”

It reframes their experiences in a whole new way. It opens the door to begin to accept themselves for who they are, and to craft an environment that fits them.

But I’m not just interested in people understanding the trait. As Dr. Elaine Aron pointed out, even among HSPs, there are many differences.

I think it’s most helpful to know how this trait, if you have it, shows up for YOU.

image for Sensitvity FingerprintSo I created the Sensitivity Fingerprint(TM), and I’d love for you to have it. It’s a way to get to know your Highly Sensitive Soul—how the trait expresses in your life.

The first step is to take the Getting to Know Your Highly Sensitive Soul survey. This will prime the pump for you, and it will help me know how to serve you better.

After you submit the survey, you will get the Sensitivity Fingerprint(TM) for your own records. There will be an opportunity for you to further explore how to not only get to know, but to heal the wounds of your Highly Sensitive soul.

After all, healing and transformation is my calling. And I’m super excited about the plans God is unfolding for me—and, perhaps, for you.

So please take the Getting to Know Your Highly Sensitive Soul survey, and stay tuned!

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Jul
09

Heal the #1 Heart Issue of Most People

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If there’s one “heart issue” almost every client I know addresses at some point, it’s some variation of “not enough.”

This unhealthy can show up in a number of forms, leading to various outcomes. For instance:

  • “I’m not enough” (leads to low self-esteem, perhaps a sense you have to prove yourself; sometimes harmful ways of trying to fill the void).
  • “I don’t have enough” (leads to anxiety and often actual lack).
  • “I’m not doing enough” (leads to the harmful actions of overgiving, over-doing, workaholismm, etc.).
  • “I don’t know enough” (leads to endless learning rather than actually doing).
  • “There isn’t enough” (time, money, love, etc..–leads to despair).

Can you relate to any of these?

If so, remember—you’re not alone!

Some of us also experience almost the flip side of this: “too much.”

Too much expected of us. (And there are “not enough” resources to deal with it.)

Too much stimulation (especially true for those with the trait of High Sensitivity).

Too much to know before I can feel safe.

Lately a little “mantra” has slipped into my mind that helps me deal with the “not enough” issue (which for me is often, “I don’t know enough” or “I’m not doing enough”).

The mantra is this: “Let it be enough for now.”

Let it. Allow it. I have a choice: to allow, or to resist and fall back into the old “not enough” pattern.

“Let it be enough. A whole new energy comes in when you say “enough.” At least for me, it’s like there’s a sigh in my soul. Aahh . . . it can be enough.

Let it be enough for now. Not forever. This is not procrastination. It’s a choice to let whatever I’ve done, whatever I know, whatever I am, to just be enough, just for now.

In this moment, I can choose to be enough, to have enough, to know enough, to let what I’ve done be enough, to trust that there is enough.

You might make that a Truth Focus Statement for your Healing Code: “Just for right now, I am enough, I do enough, I have enough, I know enough, there is enough. I can let where I am right now be enough.”

See what this does for your nervous system.

And let me know if it helps you!

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Feb
21

Impossible Relationship Blocks

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Have you ever been in a relationship in which you want to love the other person, but you and they are coming from such different places, that all you can do is set a firm boundary and try not to get sucked in to all the drama or manipulation or dysfunction?

In such a relationship, often the other person wants something from you, and will resort to all sorts of manipulation tactics to get it. Some examples might be:

  • guilt-tripping and attempting to pull you into the Dreaded Drama Triangle by trying to make you the rescuer or perpetrator of their victimhood

  • gaslighting, where they ignore, distort or twist your words, actions or intentions to something other than you meant

  • playing on and exploiting your generous or compassionate nature, knowing that you want to think of yourself in these ways so will do what they want to keep up your image of yourself.

Having dealt with a few of these relationships in my life has been an interesting experience. (By the way, as I’ve healed and Aligned more and more with my Divine Design, there have been fewer such relationships in my life. That can be true for you, too.)

push button

Photo by Brands&People on Unsplash

In these unhealthy relationships, I saw all my “buttons” that were being pushed, and that awareness was actually a gift. It was an invitation to more transformation and growth. Self-awareness led to consciously healing the issues, with more of a sense of freedom and personal empowerment as a result.

I want to say a special word to you if you were born with the trait of High Sensitivity. (If you’re not sure, go here to find out more and take the quiz.)

We who are Highly Sensitive seem prone to attracting dysfunctional people. I think there might be some kind of invisible energetic radar that certain people like narcissists and predators pick up on. They can somehow sense the kind-hearted, generous people who will give anyone the shirt off their back.

It was so very helpful for me to become aware of this dynamic. It has led to a lot of discomfort, since I’m not used to being as “hard-nosed” as I’ve had to be in dealing with these kinds of relationships. I’ve had to contend with guilt, judgment (from the other person who knows this is one of my buttons, as well as myself), and the cognitive dissonance of having to “turn off” some of my best traits (like compassion) when I recognized the other person’s attempts to exploit them.

I’ve had to initiate some uncomfortable conversations in which I confronted the person with truths they didn’t want to hear, and who would then berate me to others for it.

And I’ve had to remind myself a lot of the wonderful 12 words I think God gave me awhile ago to deal with my guilt over not rescuing people from their own folly: “You must allow others the dignity of living with their choices.”

I’m also grateful for such painful relationship experiences because I think they help me understand perhaps a bit of what God might feel toward us, his children.

God longs for a close relationship with us. Too often, our distorted thinking and attempts to make him be what we want him to be, rather than who he truly is, make a relationship impossible. Yes, God can do anything. But he won’t do this: he won’t violate our free will. He himself allows each of us “the dignity of living with our choices.”

Even if that choice is to live in eternity without him.

I guess God prizes freedom that much.

(Do we?)

If you too would like to transform some old negative patterns and Align with Your Divine DesignTM , check out my coaching at HealingCodesCoaching.com.

Jan
22

An Empowering Way to Read the News

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Do you watch the news constantly—or not at all?

The continuous news cycle—especially these days—can give one a massive case of Emotional Inflammation, which the authors of that book called a sort of PTSD characterized by what one client called “a dark cloud of energy” around her.

I admit—I never used to watch or even keep up with the news at all. It just felt like too much; I’d always get a bad case of Emotional Inflammation.

Now I’ve found a better way.

First of all, I never watch the news; I only read the news. Images tend to stick in the mind and heart, and are much harder to filter than thoughts.

I skim a wide variety of sources. News sources are so polarized these days, you have to read widely to come to something close to the truth.

Because of my training in subtle energy testing, perhaps it’s easier for me to sense the lies. I can feel it in my body. That helps.

What I do to combat the Emotional Inflammation is to use the news as a springboard for prayer.

I pray this one simple prayer: “God, shine your life-giving light into this [name of situation], to expose evil, reveal truth, and point our feet to the path of peace.”

When I read the news, especially now, I’m always looking for evidence of that prayer being answered. I rejoice when I see answers. I keep praying this prayer into the dark situations I see.

This practice goes a long way to mitigate Emotional Inflammation and keep me in a state of hope, peace, and even joy when I see what seem like answers to this prayer.

But it’s not always enough, especially for a Highly Sensitive Person who picks up on energy easily. So I always include “emotional inflammation” in my own Healing Codes practice.

I invite you to do the same. There is a custom Healing Code for Emotional Inflammation on the Navigating the Times page, just for you. (I ask that you sign up so I can alert you to when I update the page with new resources.)

And if you need help healing the heart issues that come up from living in these unprecedented times, check out my coaching at HealingCodesCoaching.com.

Oct
23

Escape the Deadly Trap of Comparison

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There’s a “harmful action” that I and nearly every client I work with easily fall into.

It wreaks havoc on our self-esteem, as well as social relationships. And it affects our health.

There are many forms of it, and it’s sneaky. For instance, because I didn’t fall prey to the more obvious forms, I thought it wasn’t a problem for me.

I was wrong.

What is this common, destructive trap?

It’s the trap of COMPARISON.

There’s a basic human need that drives this, which I will talk about in another post.

For now, I want to help you identify how this might be showing up in your life.

Telltale Feelings and Beliefs

Some of the feelings that point to this harmful action are shame and low self-esteem. The underlying beliefs are “I’m not good enough,” “I don’t measure up,” “there’s something wrong with me.”

We want to heal these feelings and unhealthy beliefs, but to do so we need to identify and address what you might (unconsciously) be doing on a daily basis that drives these feelings and beliefs.

That’s where comparison comes in. There’s something we’re doing that drives these feelings, the reinforces the unhealthy beliefs.

Let’s look at the main forms of comparison.

Comparing Yourself to Others

This form of comparison can be to other people who are “like me,” or “not like me.”

Perhaps growing up, your parents or other authority figures compared you to someone else.

  • “Why can’t you be organized like your sister?”
  • “Your brother was so athletic. You can hardly even throw a ball.”
  • “Why are you so sensitive? Nobody else is bothered by that.” (We Highly Sensitive People get this sort of thing a lot.)

Thus you learned to compare yourself to others, and felt you didn’t measure up.

I said comparison can be sneaky. Sometimes we can feel ashamed if we’re better in some way than others. “I wish my boys had your brains,” my father would tell me. I think his remark was more about his feelings about my brothers than me, but along with other messages from religion and the culture, I began to believe I needed to diminish my intelligence so as not to make anyone else feel bad.

You might also compare yourself to others who are like you, so you identify with them, but in some area you fall short. Thus, it can be all the more painful.

 

  • Everyone in your social group drives a nice car—except you.
  • Everyone in your social circle is married—except you. (Or vice versa.)
  • All your friends are retired and having a good time, and you still have to work.

You get the idea.

Social comparison is multiplied exponentially by social media. It’s so easy to end up comparing yourself to the image others portray. Keep in mind that social media is set up to fuel comparison and discontent.

Comparing Yourself to Others’ Expectations of You

Did you grow up in a family with high expectations? This isn’t necessarily bad, but if there’s any areas in which you fell short, you may feel ashamed and “not good enough.” You may have internalized unrealistic expectations of yourself, and constantly try to live up to them.

If you’re Highly Sensitive, an inborn trait approximately 20% of the population possesses, expectations may have been laid on you of being “like the other 80 percent.” Perfectionism is a very common struggle for HSPs as a result.

I remember vividly being given a vacation in Europe as a perk from my employer. One of the things we did was go to a discotheque in Germany. I was supposed to be having fun, but to a Highly Sensitive like me (I didn’t realize I was HS at the time), it was pure hell. The flashing lights, loud music, different language, constant movement, all added up to sensory overload that made me miserable. Adding to the misery, however, was the expectation that I was supposed to be having a wonderful time.

My mother wanted me to be very social and outgoing, and I was an introvert that needed alone time to recharge. One of the memories I’ve had to work on a lot was her oft-repeated admonition, “Get your nose out of that book and find someone to play with!” My interpretation: my love of books was invalid, and all that mattered was being social. Otherwise, I “had no personality” (another thing I was told).

(By the way, later in life, after my mother had been doing Healing Codes for a while, we had a wonderful talk about how I’d felt about these and other memories, and she was able to receive it. Her transformation was one of the things that cemented in my heart how powerful and valid The Healing Codes are.)

We are all prone to others’ expectations of us, because we’re social beings and we have a strong need to fit in. Yet this becomes a deadly trap where we lose our true selves to some “socialized” version that we’re trying to live up to. That adds enormous, though largely unconscious, stress to our systems.

I love this quote from poet e.e. cummings:

To be nobody-but-yourself — in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else — means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight and never stop fighting.”

Comparison to Yourself—Past or Future

This is another way comparison can be sneaky.

You may not realize you had an unconscious expectation that, say, by age 30 you should be married with two kids, or that by age 40 you should own a nice house, or that by age 60 you should have your house paid off, or that you would be able to retire by age 65. (Did you notice how many of these expectations are common cultural norms?)

Life rarely turns out the way we imagine it will. Imagining is one thing, expecting it of yourself is another.

Or perhaps you’re comparing yourself to some past version of yourself.

“I used to be able to _____; now I can’t.” Aging reveals this painful expectation of self.

So what do we do about all this destructive comparison?

Steps to Freedom from the Comparison Trap

1. Acknowledge it. Allow yourself to become aware of the ways comparison might be eating away at your joy.

2. Heal it. If you can, identify memories and/or relationships that may the be the source of this harmful action. Pinpoint the feelings and beliefs. Put all the feelings, beliefs, and “the harmful action of comparison,” into your Healing Code prayer of intention, and intentionally heal it.

3. Get in touch with what brings your true self joy. Use your power of choice to “flip the switch” and choose joy over meeting expectations. When doing a Healing Code, infuse the memories of those times when you were “true self,” to reinforce that joy and connection to the essence of who you really are.

4. Use comparison constructively. Is there something here I can adapt for myself? Do I need support to heal a heart wound? Do I want to create something entirely new that suits me better?

For instance, since I am in business for myself, it’s easy to compare myself to what other “successful” entrepreneurs are doing and wonder if I’m missing out. Should I get into Instagram? Do a Facebook Live? It’s working so well for So-and-So. . . .

When I check in with my True Self, with my Heart, I realize that connection with others is important to me, but I can do it in ways that are more suited to my temperament. While I’m open to new ideas, I need to pass them through my Heart Check to see if any match up with my divine design. Often I find I need to adapt it to the way I’m wired, or create something entirely new that achieves the result I want, in a way that suits me.

I hope this helps you begin the journey of escaping the deadly comparison trap. And of course, if you want more personalized help for your unique situation, check out my coaching at HealingCodesCoaching.com.

I don’t know about you, but the events of the past several years have given me quite a case of “emotional inflammation.”

I’ve been writing about “emotional inflammation” and how these troubling times can literally affect us physically. The negative energy is all around us, and we can’t escape it.

In the past few years, it’s only gotten worse, it seems. I’m sure I don’t need to delineate the detailsof what I’m talking about.  Even if you limit your news intake, as I do, you still can’t avoid the negative energy all around.

For some of us, especially if we have the trait of High Sensitivity, the energy is palpable: we feel it in our bodies.

One client said recently she sensed a “dark energy cloud” around her. Yep, that’s a good way to describe Emotional Inflammation.

Authors Dr. Lise Van Susteren and Stacey Colino say in their book, Emotional Inflammation, that it’s a state “not unlike post-traumatic stress disorder, but one that stems from simply living in today’s tumultuous world.”

That book was published in March 2020–right before “all this” became worse. It’s even more relevant now. Read More→

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