Archive for My Healing Story

‘There are far, far better things ahead than

any we leave behind.’ C.S. Lewis

I wrote this on New Year’s Eve, 2019. But this process of evaluation and aligning yourself with God’s Dream for your life can be done any time.

I love this time between Christmas and New Year’s Day, when everything slows down and there’s time for reflection.

I’ve seen some excellent suggestions for reviewing the past year/decade and welcoming the new, such as this “Simple Guide to Reviewing 2019 and Creating Your Dream 2020.”

But as I was thinking through my own answers, I realized that I don’t only want to pursue my dreams.  I want to align myself with God’s Dream, God’s plan, God’s purposes. My dreams may or may not come about. But God’s dream . . . God’s dream for me will always happen, as long as I listen and cooperate rather than get in his way.

What I’ve done over the past decade (help people heal their heart matters)–that was God’s dream. I was an editor and publishing coach who was, frankly, burned out on the whole publishing industry. I desperately needed a change. I had no idea that I had any gift for helping people heal. NO IDEA. I “happened” to listen to an interview about The Healing Codes, eventually got the Healing Codes Manual, did the Codes, had the mini stroke (TIA), went through the procedure to close up the hole in my heart, only to find it had already “spontaneously” closed up in the 4 months I had been doing The Healing Codes. I contacted Alex Loyd, he asked me to work with him to get The Healing Code published, and the rest is history. Thousands of people helped, and a whole new direction launched for me that has proved wildly fulfilling.

It was God’s dream. God, “who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us . . .” (Ephesians 3:20). I had no idea any of this was even possible.

Now, I feel on the cusp of discovering a new dream he has for me. And I’m very excited about it.

How do we get in touch with God’s dream for us? Below are some steps to take. Everything starts with Connecting. Once were are connected to God, we can receive his messages through our own spirit, as informed by prayer and His Word, as well as our own past experiences with God. I can also ask my body, through the subtle energy testing I’ve learned to do.  The spirit and the body tap into an intelligence that goes beyond consciousness, I believe.

Then, we do the next thing. Take the next step that is clear. God’s leading me to my new direction more than a decade ago happened when I kept taking the next natural step.

The very first step is to Connect with God.

This may not be as easy as it seems. Many of us don’t really know who True God is. I say “True God” because I believe there is a true God that exists whether we believe in him or not, and he is beyond any distorted filters that cloud our vision. These filters stem from how our parents treated us. They were, after all, God to us as babies and young children. If we were not treated as if we mattered, if we were abused or neglected, then it’s hard for us to emotionally connect with God.

However, I suggest you keep trying. Ask True God to reveal himself. He desires to do so. Keep an open, humble heart. Learn about who he really is from the Scriptures, which is where he revealed himself. (You may need a little help with this. Get a modern translation, such as the English Standard Version, that is still true to the original language. Just read with an open heart, starting with the easier books: Psalms, and/or the Gospels. My experience is that Scripture is a living Word, if we open ourselves to God communicating to use through it. Remember, he’s seeking you more than you’re seeking him!)

Once you connect with God, however imperfectly, here are some questions you can use in this process of asking God to reveal his perspectives, his plans, his goals. Because I am a word person, certain words have come to mind as a focus point. I also like to address God by the many names and images he has given us.

  • Release.  Lord God, what do you want me to release from my life, things that no longer serve me or your purposes for me?
  • Restore. Heavenly Father, is there anything that was lost, stolen or taken from me, that you desire to restore to me?
  • Renew.  Creator God, is there anything that has gone into hibernation or even died, that you want to renew to new life? Is there anything brand-new that you want to create, that is beyond anything in my awareness now?
  • Heal. Jesus, what would you like to heal in my life? What old wounds that get triggered, what negative patterns do you desire to apply your power to heal? (I have realized I cannot do this on my own. I need God’s knowledge, wisdom, and power to find, open and heal deep-seated wounds. I get hints, through the things that triggered me. But only God knows the true source of my issues.)
  • Infuse. Holy Spirit, which of your wonderful qualities would you like to infuse into my spirit, that will flow to body and soul to continue the healing? (Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, trust, gentleness, humility, hope?)
  • Align. Heavenly Father, what actions do you want me to take that would best align me with what you want to Release, Restore, Renew, Heal, and Infuse in me? Are there particular people you want me to connect with, or causes that will move me toward your dream for me? (There’s a time for waiting on God, but when he gives you the next step, it’s time for action. “Nothing happens until something moves.”–Robert Ringer)

These questions excite me. I plan to spend New Year’s Eve and/or Day reflecting in my journal on these, and talking to my husband about them.

We are heading toward the year 2020. My prayer is that you will see with clear, 20/20 vision, God’s Dream for you. Or at least the next steps, which is often all he reveals at any given time.

I think I already have hints of what God intends for me.

Once in Immanuel Prayer, I got the image of Jesus and me sitting on a potter’s bench. He was behind me, his arms around me, his hands on mine guiding my hands on the lump of clay. I know nothing about making pottery, which is just where Jesus wanted me: totally dependent on his guiding me. At the time, I had no idea what we were making. I was to just yield to the process, to his guiding me. Yield to the intimacy of his closeness, arms around me, hands on mine.

A few days later, he did reveal what we were making: “A vase for flowers (beauty). Two mugs–one for just being present and enjoying a hot drink, one for holding your pencils and pens, because you are a writer. And a bowl for fruit–I intend you to be fruitful. Finally, a pitcher for water–to offer a cool drink to those who are thirsty.”

I look forward to finding out in the coming year all the ways these symbols will be manifested.

Ways to go deeper:

  • If you would like help in Releasing, Healing, Infusing or Aligning with God’s purposes, his Dream for you, contact me for some coaching at my HealingCodesCoaching.com site.
  • For more spiritual perspectives on healing go here.
  • Or, learn more about Immanuel Prayer, a process in which you can connect with Jesus directly to discern his dream for you.

In a recent post, I mentioned how on my walk one day, a thought dropped into my mind: “You create a lot of your own stress, you know.”

The voice was not judgmental; it was just an observation. A message from my deeper self (or God) that came in the context of a wake-up call that I needed to deal with the stress in my life.

If I did not, I sensed, it was quite possible some health crisis could happen to me, like the heart attack that Dr. Mark Virkler had, despite his “doing everything right.”

I’m finding that, if we keep on a path of healing, we will heal at ever deeper levels. This message from my heart was an invitation to observe the ways I might be creating my own stress. To examine the beliefs and ways of thinking that, when indulged, disturb my peace and create the ripple effects of stress on spirit, soul and body.

The biggest way I create my own stress came down to this: trying to create the ideal.

Have you ever noticed that often your greatest strength can become your biggest liability? One of my great strengths is the ability to see possibilities–for myself and others.

I automatically see potential in everything, as well as the exact steps needed to achieve that potential.

Of course, this is helpful for my clients. I can see the possibilities they can’t when they’re mired in “heart issues.”

For me personally, though, it can be a liability. If I let the possibility I see become an expectation, I set myself up for stress.

Because I can see what could be, I can slip into feeling less content with what is. I set myself up for unhealthy control–trying to make that ideal outcome happen. Read More→

I just lost my dear friend and spiritual brother, Dr. Ron Arko, as he went back to heaven.

I’ve known Ron and Dori Arko for almost 7 years. My husband and I spent a delightful day with them in 2014 in their home in Newport Beach, California. We’ve talked nearly every two weeks for those past 7 years–heart to heart talks.

Dr. Ron and I shared a love for people. a passion for seeing them healed, a delight in God and his ways, a fascination with quantum physics and true science, and so much more. We agreed we were more than friends; we were truly spiritual brother and sister, our hearts knit together by God himself.

Ron was a very wise and gifted therapist, and a great encourager. He always knew how to build up a person. He made you feel like you were his favorite. He cherished his wife, Dori, in such a tender way, it made you want to weep and do whatever it takes to have that, too. He counseled a lot of couples and people in ministry, too.

I confessed to Ron a few weeks ago, as he was wasting away with cancer, that I was not afraid to die. I was afraid of the process of dying.

Yet, seeing how Ron handled his impending departure from this world, with an unwavering faith in God’s goodness, with love and peace and even joy, and absolutely no bitterness, patiently enduring the pain–it changed me.

When he got his diagnosis of terminal cancer, one of the first things Ron did was write his biography. He asked me to edit it. It was a wonderful exercise for him to review his life and tell what he thought was important. Knowing the subtext was especially poignant for me. It made me think about what I would say about my own life.

Something else changed me: what he shared about what happened when he died for 10 minutes at age 15 and went to heaven.

He told me about this heavenly vision just a few weeks ago, as he was getting weaker and weaker from the cancer. He had never told anyone but Dori until recently. Now he has shared it publicly.

You can watch him talk about his trip to heaven and get a sense of his beautiful life, at http://newheart.org.

“Once you have experienced the glory of God,” he said, “you never see life the same again. You don’t have any fear, and you don’t hang onto things of this world.”

I had always wondered how Ron handled the many traumas of his life so well. How he could be so loving, kind and generous, and have such a loving relationship with his wife, when nothing in his background equipped him for that.

Now I knew.

Ron helped me overcome my fear of dying. He died of a particularly gruesome form of cancer. In his last days of life, Ron told me that because he had already had God’s glory and love shoot through him when he was in heaven the first time, he believed it changed him on a cellular level and that’s why he always had such a high tolerance for pain. He told me God would prepare me for whatever I would face, just as he had prepared Ron. I could trust in God’s goodness for the means of my death. And now i finally believe it.

“God is good, all the time,” Ron always said. He never wavered in that.

I believe it now, Ron. I believe it. . . . Thank you. Thank you for showing me how to live life as though everything is a miracle. I know this is, as you said, only a temporary separation. I look forward to our reunion, and I can feel you cheering me on from heaven, just as you did from earth.

 

 

Pivotal Memories

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People often ask me what kinds of memories to start with to get the fastest, deepest healing. 

I always look for the “fractal memories”–those memories in which the core beliefs/feelings will repeat themselves and branch out to affect your life in all kinds of ways afterward. Heal these, and the ripple effects of healing begin effortlessly  to penetrate into all the areas of life affected by that memory.

In another post I talked about foundational memories. They are one kind of important fractal memory.

Another kind of fractal memory is what I call a pivotal memory. This would be a memory, usually conscious, that changed the course of your life. Something happened and you came to believe something about yourself that forever after influenced your life. Such memories can form your identity–for better or worse.

On the “better side,” pivotal memories can be quite positive. One important pivotal memory that shaped my entire future happened in college, when I fell in love with publishing. I was always a bibliophile and a writer, and the field fascinated me, so I decided I would major in English, but not teach. I would make a career in publishing.

Everyone told me, “It’s practically impossible to break into publishing.” Especially since I didn’t know anyone, even by the time I was a senior in college. Also, this was at a time when people with PhDs in English were driving taxi cabs.  Read More→

In my coaching, as I listen to clients tell me what’s bothering them most (the starting point for finding heart issues), I want to find the deepest issue their heart is ready to heal at this point in their healing journey.

I’m listening for what I think of as “the keywords to the heart.” These are words that have the most energy, that seem to encapsulate the essence of the heart issue.

When you put these “keywords” into your prayer of intention, your heart, like a search engine, will come up with the memories that need to be healed.

Your “keywords to your heart” could be one or more feelings. Or a phrase (see below for an example).

It could include one or more beliefs. Or a relationship. Or a harmful action–something they’re doing to numb the pain.

Or–all 4! In fact, I call these four areas the 4-part program: feelings, beliefs, relational context, and harmful actions. Most issues have at least three of these elements (not all issues have the Harmful Actions component).

If you want to speed your healing: Read More→

One of the things that fascinated me from the beginning about The Healing Codes  is the correlation between the different body systems and what Alex Loyd calls “the nine virtues” (love, joy, peace,patience, goodness, kindness, trust, humility, self-control).

If, for instance, you have a thyroid condition, it’s likely that you have a love issue that needs healing. Thyroid falls under the endocrine system, and the endocrine system is correlated with the Love category. (The full discussion is in The Healing Code book and the Healing Codes Manual.)

In this system, then, your physical symptoms can be a clue as to which heart issues need healing.

I have found this to be very true, and very useful. When strange skins spots showed up, I asked myself, “Do I have a joy issue going on?” (Joy is correlated with the skin.) Sure enough, I did identify a joy issue. As I worked on healing the memories and unhealthy beliefs, the skin spots disappeared.

The opposite is also true. If you have an issue with, say, patience, healing that can help your immune system immensely, as that’s the category that correlates with the immune system. If you don’t address the issue, it’s quite likely some kind of immune system disorder will show up.

Illness as Metaphor

If you have an illness or a disease, your body might be trying to tell you something even more specific. Illness can often be a metaphor: your body is trying to tell you something important about what needs to heal.

Read More→

A friend of mine said something to me I’ve been mulling over ever since.

This friend, Clare Masters, has had incredible health challenges (read her gofundme posts here). Botched surgeries, constant pain, and the pressure of trying to live on $4000/year could easily have stolen her life.

While every day is a challenge for Clare, you would never know it if you talked to her. She is always positive, always looking for ways to give back. She’s the kind of person you want to help out as much as you can. She never complains (though if you ask and really want to know, she’ll be honest), and she’s always looking for ways to give to you.

At a recent hospital stay, a nurse asked her how she is able to stay so positive. Why wasn’t she bitter about the cards life handed her? Read More→

Have you ever wondered what emotions are good for, anyway?

And what happens when you refuse to deal with an emotion?

Let’s say you feel sad about something, now. Growing up, if you showed sadness or cried, it made your parents feel uncomfortable. Feeling sad made you bad for making them feel uncomfortable. (You can substitute any other feeling you “weren’t allowed” to feel.)

If you were male and you cried, you may have been told, one way or another, to toughen up.

If you grew up this way, what are you likely to do with that present sad feeling?

If you let yourself feel it, you might find guilt being added to it (because when you felt sad in childhood and other people didn’t like it, you came to believe your feeling sad made someone else feel bad). Or shame (“I’m bad for feeling sad and causing a problem for someone else”). Read More→

When I was a child, I somehow got the idea from my family that I couldn’t have what I wanted.

When I asked for gymnastic lessons, my mother couldn’t be bothered with taking me back and forth to lessons.

When I asked if I could learn to play the piano, she said crossly, “Where would we fit a piano in this house?”

I’ve written about how I was triggered on Fourth of July by memories of never getting a helium balloon at the parade, and how that and other things led to my forming the beliefs, “I can’t have what I desire. Other people will think I’m selfish and reject me if I do or ask for what feels right for me.”

Which eventually led to a feeling of guilt and shame for even desiring anything pleasurable. Which eventually shut me down.

Hearing teachings by various spiritual leaders only reinforced the idea: It’s selfish to seek what I desire, wrong to seek pleasure and avoid pain. One renowned religious radio teacher even said repeatedly, “If you have a choice between the easy way and the hard way, always choose the hard way” (because it will build character).

Being part of the 15-20% of the population whose nervous system is programmed differently only made things worse. Highly Sensitive People (HSPs) are literally wired to feel both pleasure and pain even more acutely than others. To deny us the pleasure and say we shouldn’t avoid the pain cuts us off from the essence of who we are. Also, to shame us when what we desire or need is different is also very damaging. (I was called “Little Miss Fuss-Budget” by my father because things bothered me that didn’t bother other people, like scratchy clothing. I was supposed to endure things that bothered me because I “wasn’t supposed to” be bothered by them.)

Was it any wonder that I had trouble feeling joy, or indeed, anything?

And was it any wonder that I developed poor boundaries, allowing other people to take advantage of me because I was ignoring the emotions that warned me to avoid pain? (Uneasiness, anxiousness, outrage, disgust.)

Well, I’m healing from all that. Here’s what I’m doing.

Steps to Healing

The first step is to recognize the lies.

As human beings, we were created to seek fulfillment, to go after pleasure and avoid pain.

We seek the pleasure of eating, so we are nourished. We seek the pleasure of relationship, so we seek community, we bond and procreate.

Of course we can seek pleasure in ways that are ultimately destructive. When we seek only our own desires, at the expense of others, we harm them and ourselves. We can try to avoid pain through destructive means, too. But that doesn’t negate the validity of  seeking to fulfill our desires and avoid pain in legitimate ways.

In fact, I believe God puts desires into our hearts so that he can feel the pleasure of fulfilling them.

Think about how how you try to find the perfect gift that will really make the recipient feel loved, special, known. Isn’t that what God does for us? I believe he finds joy when we receive his gifts with pleasure and joy. (I wrote a whole book, Abundant Gifts, about the transforming power of looking for and receiving God’s gifts.)

And doesn’t God try to warn us to avoid things that will cause us pain? The Word of God is filled with cautions not to do certain things because he knows they would be bad for us.

The second step was to renounce the lies, and embrace the truth. I did Healing Codes to heal the memories that led to my believing the lies. I infused the truth that it’s OK and good to let my legitimate desires and needs be more of a priority, and to take better care of myself.

The third step was to incorporate the new beliefs into my everyday life. I made a list of things that give me pleasure, and I incorporate those into my life whenever possible. I focus on savoring the simple things.

Not surprisingly, I’m finding my stress load lessening dramatically. My joy is increasing.

Also, I took a good look at what was causing me pain. A couple of key relationships that now felt toxic to me came to mind. Painful as it was, I cut off those relationships.

Again, my stress load lessened by quite a bit. I did Healing Codes to help heal the grief of letting go of the relationships.

I believe that a big part of healing and mastering the stress in our lives has to do with seeking pleasure and avoiding pain in life-giving ways.

The key is recognizing temporary vs. more lasting pleasure and pain, and to find life-giving ways to do both.

Life-giving is key. It often means we may give up a temporary pleasure for a more lasting satisfaction. We’re still seeking pleasure, but it’s a more permanent pleasure. And sometimes that includes embracing a little pain, but again, you’re exchanging temporary pain for lasting pleasure.

An example might be teaching your child to clean his room. He may act ornery, and as if he hates you even, but you are willing to put up with that because you set your gaze on the more lasting pleasure of having a child who knows how to take care of things. (And in the long run, it means less work for you.)

If you can relate to what I’ve been saying, I encourage you to list what gives you pleasure, what is causing pain. Look at the beliefs you might have that are blocking you from embracing pleasure and/or avoiding pain in legitimate ways. See if you can identify memories attached to those lies. Use The Healing Codes or healing prayer to heal those memories.

Then, add as much pleasure, avoid as much pain as you can. Life has enough suffering that we can’t avoid. Let’s not let guilt or shame or a false sense of what it means to be a “good person” keep us from embracing the abundant life God has for us (John 10:10).

And if you need any help with identifying and healing those lies and memories, I’m always available for custom coaching with The Healing Codes at HealingCodesCoaching.com.

It slipped out of me when talking to a friend on the Fourth of July weekend when she  mentioned that she was going to the parade the next day.

“I hate parades!” I said.

Where did that come from?

Then the memory came. Every year my family attended the parade. Every year there were two things I wanted that so many other children seemed to have: a helium balloon, and a soft pretzel. As a very young child, I thought brightly colored helium balloons were almost magical. I wanted one so badly.

I asked my parents: “Can I have a helium balloon?”

“No.” They may have added, “If I got one for you, I’d have to buy one for your brothers, too. We can’t afford it.”

One time perhaps wouldn’t have made a difference. But always it was the same, year after year. I never did get a helium balloon that I can remember, not even on my birthday. I suppose at some point I quit asking, so perhaps they never knew how much I wanted one.

Like the “Popsicle memory” mentioned in The Healing Code, such a memory seems trivial, almost embarrassing to recount. I’m sure had I not read that book, I never would have understood that such memories plant destructive seeds based on lies that grow and choke out out the good fruit of life.

This particular lie grew into beliefs that “I can’t get what I want,” “I don’t deserve nice things,” “It’s wrong to ask for what I want,” “Life is all about the practical,” “I can’t have anything special or too expensive” and probably others.

When unhealthy beliefs are formed at a very young age, especially before age 6 when the brain develops more maturity, they become “hard-wired” into our core belief system and go underground, says Alex Loyd in The Healing Code. And according to Dr. Bruce Lipton in The Biology of Belief, it’s these unconscious memories that are truly at the root of at least 98% of illnesses. It’s the environment of the cell that determines its health, and that environment is created by our beliefs, not our DNA. Read More→

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