Archive for My Healing Story

Feb
21

Impossible Relationship Blocks

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Have you ever been in a relationship in which you want to love the other person, but you and they are coming from such different places, that all you can do is set a firm boundary and try not to get sucked in to all the drama or manipulation or dysfunction?

In such a relationship, often the other person wants something from you, and will resort to all sorts of manipulation tactics to get it. Some examples might be:

  • guilt-tripping and attempting to pull you into the Dreaded Drama Triangle by trying to make you the rescuer or perpetrator of their victimhood

  • gaslighting, where they ignore, distort or twist your words, actions or intentions to something other than you meant

  • playing on and exploiting your generous or compassionate nature, knowing that you want to think of yourself in these ways so will do what they want to keep up your image of yourself.

Having dealt with a few of these relationships in my life has been an interesting experience. (By the way, as I’ve healed and Aligned more and more with my Divine Design, there have been fewer such relationships in my life. That can be true for you, too.)

push button

Photo by Brands&People on Unsplash

In these unhealthy relationships, I saw all my “buttons” that were being pushed, and that awareness was actually a gift. It was an invitation to more transformation and growth. Self-awareness led to consciously healing the issues, with more of a sense of freedom and personal empowerment as a result.

I want to say a special word to you if you were born with the trait of High Sensitivity. (If you’re not sure, go here to find out more and take the quiz.)

We who are Highly Sensitive seem prone to attracting dysfunctional people. I think there might be some kind of invisible energetic radar that certain people like narcissists and predators pick up on. They can somehow sense the kind-hearted, generous people who will give anyone the shirt off their back.

It was so very helpful for me to become aware of this dynamic. It has led to a lot of discomfort, since I’m not used to being as “hard-nosed” as I’ve had to be in dealing with these kinds of relationships. I’ve had to contend with guilt, judgment (from the other person who knows this is one of my buttons, as well as myself), and the cognitive dissonance of having to “turn off” some of my best traits (like compassion) when I recognized the other person’s attempts to exploit them.

I’ve had to initiate some uncomfortable conversations in which I confronted the person with truths they didn’t want to hear, and who would then berate me to others for it.

And I’ve had to remind myself a lot of the wonderful 12 words I think God gave me awhile ago to deal with my guilt over not rescuing people from their own folly: “You must allow others the dignity of living with their choices.”

I’m also grateful for such painful relationship experiences because I think they help me understand perhaps a bit of what God might feel toward us, his children.

God longs for a close relationship with us. Too often, our distorted thinking and attempts to make him be what we want him to be, rather than who he truly is, make a relationship impossible. Yes, God can do anything. But he won’t do this: he won’t violate our free will. He himself allows each of us “the dignity of living with our choices.”

Even if that choice is to live in eternity without him.

I guess God prizes freedom that much.

(Do we?)

If you too would like to transform some old negative patterns and Align with Your Divine DesignTM , check out my coaching at HealingCodesCoaching.com.

Last time I wrote about my “long siege” trying to settle a very messy estate situation, and how I got through it (mostly) intact.

Now I’d like to share what to do when your “long siege” is over.

Again, your “long siege” might be an illness (your own or a loved one’s, in which you were the caretaker), a divorce, a difficult family situation, or any number of other trials.

For many people, the pandemic and all it entails has been a “long siege” which may or may not be over.

It may feel like any long siege will never end, but it usually does, one way or another.

The time of closure when it does end can be a very rich time of receiving all the gifts from the experience.

It can also be a time of vulnerability.

It’s not uncommon for people to get sick after an especially stressful period, a phenomenon called “the let-down effect.” I was aware of this, and wanted to make sure I don’t get sick now.

(Although I have to say, perhaps God is already helping me in that regard. The very day I knew for sure how things would end with the estate, we took our car into the repair shop. Verdict: we need a new car. So this week was spent on getting that together. But, as a friend put it, “maybe I need new wheels for new adventures.” I like that! And maybe I needed another shorter-term, minor stressor to help me “wind down.”)

So here are some steps I’m taking to provide closure on the “long siege” so I can heal and reclaim my life. Read More→

Every Labor Day weekend it hits me: If what happened on that weekend in 2007 hadn’t happened . . .

  • you wouldn’t be reading this blog.

  • The Healing Code book might never have been published.

  • you and thousands, perhaps millions of others might never have heard of The Healing Codes.

  • and thousands and thousands of people may not have been healed.

What transpired on the Saturday of Labor Day weekend, 2007 set off a chain reaction that led to all these things . . . and more.

It showed me how seemingly terrible incidents can lead to much good.

So what happened back in 2007 on the Saturday of Labor Day weekend? Read More→

 

This week we lost power for almost 2 days.

CC BY-NC by sjrankin

The outside temperature was 90°F/33°C, with a dew point of 73°F. (I have learned that the dew point is a better indicator of humidity than “relative humidity,” and anything over 60°F is uncomfortable. I haven’t seen a dew point much higher than 73°F here, so this was nearly unbearable.)

On top of that, the night before the power loss, our kitchen faucet handle was about to break off. I called at least eight potential handymen (before we lost power). Only two got back to me. One said he could come the next day to fix it at 5pm, but then texted me at that time saying he couldn’t make it after all. At 5pm the faucet handle broke off completely. Two and a half hours later, with a lot of dishes to be washed from dinner, the power went out.

It reminded me of the children’s story I used to read to my kids: Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day by Judith Viorst.

For us, it was two days.

I can’t honestly say it was all terrible, horrible, or no good, though. Very bad, yes. But here’s how God helped me, and what I discovered about alignment, intuition and, surprisingly, electricity and sleep.

Hunting for the Graces

Because of what I had learned about how gratitude fosters resilience, I kept looking for things to be grateful for.

First: the storms that knocked down trees and power lines did not dump a lot of rain. With the power out, the sump pump would not have worked. Had it rained heavily, the basement could have flooded. That potential disaster did not happen, despite the storms that hit both nights our power was out.

Second: A handyman came that first morning after we went dark. He installed the new faucet my husband bought the night before. He did it in the dark kitchen, with a flashlight (bless his heart!). He left his phone and a screwdriver behind because it was so dark he couldn’t see that he’d set it down. Soon enough, we had a functional kitchen, which lessened the stress a little.

Third: A neighbor said we could put our frozen food in his freezer.

Fourth: We have a gas stove, so I could cook.

Intuition

As soon as we lost power, I went up to shut down the computer correctly. I have a BackUp Universal Power Source that is a surge protector and a battery backup. It allows your computer and peripherals to keep going in a power failure until you can shut it down properly.

Here’s where the intuition part comes in. Read More→

Jul
17

When God Flips the Switch

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The voicemail was less than two minutes long. It was intended to hurt and to arouse guilt and fear.

For a few hours, it succeeded. In that time I felt, thought, and prayed my way through it all.

Then God stepped in and “flipped the switch,” giving me the miracle of several shifts in perspective.

(I wrote before about how we can deliberately “flip the switch” from positive to negative. But sometimes we need God to do it, because we don’t know how or we’re too upset to remember to do it. That’s the time to pray and ask God to open your eyes to a different way of seeing.) Read More→

Jul
17

Flip the Switch

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I was talking to my friend the other day, telling her about the two current big stressors in my life.

With one, there is an end in sight, though when exactly that will come about is uncertain.

With the other, there is no end, at least not a good one, unless some miracle happens. (Which I believe is entirely possible.)

I told my friend that what produces the most anxiety is that I never know what’s going to happen–when some unexpected thing concerning either of these two things will hit me. Seems like I’m derailed daily by things out of my control.

But then I remembered some of the unexpected good things that happened to me in the past week. And it hit me: Instead of living in dread of the unexpected bad things, I could “flip the switch.”

CC BY-SA by Marcus Q

Many mornings these days I’d wake up feeling anxious, with that sense of dread over “what might I be hit with today?” Some of it is no doubt “emotional inflammation“: me as a Highly Sensitive empath picking up on “what’s in the air.” But what if I could counter the automatic response with something deliberate?

What if I intentionally switched the “I wonder what will hit me today?” to, “I wonder what unexpected good thing will happen today?”

(You may recall that I wrote about how the same circuit in the brain where anxiety and fear reside, curiosity also dwells. You can’t be anxious and curious at the same time.)

Intentionally activating curiosity, and anticipating that good things will happen unexpectedly, totally shifted things for me. I become very excited about the day. My mood, my creativity and productivity skyrocket.

I’ve already been in the habit of ending the day by looking back at what went well, keeping a “gifts journal.” It is a good way to end the day.

This new practice provides a great way to begin the day as well. It’s done wonders to decrease anxiety levels.

It’s not just “positive thinking,” either. It’s based on truth and initiates a shift in perspective. God does give us many gifts in a day, if only we open our eyes to see and receive them. (I published a whole book on this, Abundant Gifts.)

Try it, I think you’ll really like it!

And if you’d like a custom Healing Code and some coaching to help you heal those things that stress you, and integrate this practice into your life, check out my coaching packages at HealingCodesCoaching.com. Also my Abundant Gifts blog, where you can find instructions on how to keep a “gifts journal” and a couple of ways to do it.

Jun
12

The Nature of Things

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I planted my flowers and plants a few weeks ago, and I’m amazed at how they have grown so quickly.

This was a tiny parsley plant just a few weeks ago.

   As I look at how life busts out all over every spring, I’m struck by this truth:

It’s the nature of things to grow.

When connected to the Source of Life, as nature is, what happens is growth. And as you get more in touch with that Source of Life by healing the heart issues that block this flow of Life, growth is inevitable.

As inevitable and natural as an apple tree producing apples once the blossoms have been pollinated.

However, there’s another thing about “the nature of things.”

That is: it’s the nature of things to fall apart as well.

This is the Second Law of Thermodynamics, one of the fundamental laws of the universe. Everything decays. Disorder always increases.

Without a gardener to tend the weeds in the garden, enrich the soil, water as needed, the weeds tend to take over. Or the other plants take over, as sadly happened in this garden.

Yes, things grow, but they need to be tended to reach their full potential.

And so, of course, do we. We need to expend energy to restore order, create beauty, and foster growth.

The key to your growth is commitment to “tending your garden.”

Then growth will happen naturally. You can’t force the growth, you need only create the conditions for growth to happen naturally.

Doing Healing Codes regularly, praying often about everything—these two things are the cornerstone of my own healing and growth.

When someone confronts me about how I’ve hurt them, I need to acknowledge that “weed” and pull it out by the roots. This is painful, but when I do, I receive the blessing—and so does the other person. There is now space for new growth to happen.

How well are you “tending to your garden” these days?

Do you want it to look like this:

Or this?

It’s your choice.

And if you’d like some help in “tending your garden,” check out my coaching packages at HealingCodesCoaching.com.

Apr
24

Are You Too Nice for Your Own Good?

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I always thought it was a good thing to be a nice person, and strove to be a nice person myself.

Until I read this article by Jason Henry.

Henry says that people who are are “nice” (as opposed to “good”) are people who don’t want to hurt others because they were so hurt and traumatized in the past and didn’t heal, that they make a vow (perhaps unconscious) to never make others feel the way they felt.

Perhaps those who possess the trait of high sensitivity are even more susceptible to this. I’ve often thought that HSPs were the nicest people in the world. Because we feel so deeply and take in so much, including our own suffering and that of others, we often bend over backwards to make sure we don’t cause suffering to other people.

Sounds noble, right? Even, perhaps, “Christian.” Do not do unto others as they have done unto you.

However, Henry says that when you dissect this vow for its ramifications, there are several big problems. Read More→

Have you ever been under so much stress that you just couldn’t get your brain to focus on even the simplest task at hand?

I’m sure you have. Perhaps it’s even a daily occurrence, given the amount of stress many of us have endured for so long. It hasn’t really abated, has it?

Today, I needed to write my weekly article, and my brain just wasn’t working.

Normally I am full of ideas; knowing what to write about was never a problem. I texted my best friend, Louise: “Pray for me please. I can’t think of a thing to write about.”

Louise knew exactly why my brain wasn’t working. She is the only one, aside from my husband, who has been privy to all the twists and turns of this estate I need to settle as co-executor. Several lawyers have agreed our situation will go down in the annals of lawyer lore as The Most Complicated and Messy Situation EVER.

Twists and turns, delays and roadblocks, unpleasant shocks . . . Every. Step. Of. The. Way.

And now we were facing a deadline, and there was dead silence from all the people I needed to hear from.

Louise texted back, “How about writing about when you can’t think due to stress? Explore what it’s like and how it happens and why there are times when you need to give yourself an extra large dose of grace.”

So here goes. Here’s what it’s like, and what I did to get through it to a place of calm. Read More→

I’ve been doing something for the past 25-30 years, and I’m just now realizing that it’s the most important thing I do, and the subsequent skill developed is the most important skill I’ve cultivated.

It’s been responsible for any success I can claim, any effectiveness and even joy I experience.

The practice is spending time every day when I tune in to my innermost self, and to God (not exactly the same, but uses the same faculty, perhaps).

Through this, I’ve learned to listen to God, so that hearing his voice comes naturally to me. Read More→

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