Archive for My Healing Story
Healing from “Not Enough”
Posted by: | CommentsWhen I wrote last December about “settling into the energy of enough,” I had no idea it would be such a journey.
I thought it would be a simple process of figuring out what “enough” was, via reading a bit about Minimalism, clear some space physically, mentally, and emotionally. I thought it would be mostly about gratitude. I did not think it would not be a big deal.
After all, haven’t I been doing healing work every single day since 2007?
Well, it’s turned into quite an undertaking. Turns out, “settling into the energy of Enough” is a lot more involved than I thought.
First of all, there’s the becoming aware of how pervasive and deep “not enough” is for me. Who knew?
I began to realize that it goes all the way back to childhood (as most things seem to do—sigh). Because I grew up with Childhood Emotional Neglect and was so different from my family (highly sensitive), “not good enough” became a big part of me. Though I excelled at school, the family was indifferent to it. My father often said, “I wish my boys had your brains.” I took that to mean they were wasted on a girl. All that mattered for girls, in the culture I grew up in, was that they be pretty and please others, especially men.
Also, there was “not enough” of other things in the family. Attention, love, interest, money. As an adult, trying to grasp this suddenly huge issue of “enough,” I realize I continued the process by denying myself so many things that are really “me,” in favor of doing “what’s expected” (which was a big value in my family).
Religion also plays a role in this “not enough.” Distorted or incomplete religious teachings can lead you to feel you’re not good enough for God unless you do X, Y, or Z. Even if you do grasp the meaning of grace, which is what true spirituality is all about, there’s often the subtle pressure in churches to “serve.” This is fine, but when there’s the sense that you can never really serve enough, the needs are so great and you’re being selfish to think of your own needs when there are so many people worse off than you who need what you have—then, at least for me—it becomes very toxic.
It’s not just religious communities who can send that message, either. Work environments can also foster this “not enough” mindset. “You won’t be successful if you don’t push harder, put in more hours than other people.”
You’re not enough. You don’t do enough. You don’t know enough. There is not enough. These messages are everywhere, aren’t they? Advertising is based on it.
Just becoming aware of how “not enough” affects you is the first step. Bring this unhealthy belief and the memories behind it to your Healing Code work! Using the Truth Focus Statement, I am enough, I do enough, I know enough, I have enough, there is enough has been quite a help. As I have worked with this, oh the freedom I’m experiencing!
If “not enough” is an issue for you, I would love to come alongside you on your healing journey and help you find the freedom to be you as well. Check out my coaching at HealingCodesCoaching.com.
Reframing Trauma
Posted by: | CommentsI was talking with a client the other day and we were marveling at how far she has come in her healing work.
This client, whom I’ll call Debbie, has overcome severe childhood abuse, both physical and emotional, dealt to her practically since birth. What is so amazing is how well she can hear from God now, given that she actually had brain injury. And that hearing from God, plus her commitment to faithfully do The Healing Codes, is leading to much healing.
It occurred to me that it’s quite possible that her extraordinary spiritual attunement might have come, not despite the abuse, but because of the abuse. That God used the very changes in her brain caused by the abuse for his own good purposes. Sort of like how an ugly caterpillar gets transformed into a beautiful butterfly–after falling completely apart in the chrysalis first.
I can’t prove that’s true, but it’s in line with what I’ve experienced in my life and seen in the lives of others: God can take something harmful, and turn it around to accomplish something good. As I wrote about recently, God’s way is to find any small positive thing, and increase it until it overcomes the negative.
It’s also in line with many stories in Scripture. My favorite one is the story of Joseph from Genesis 37-48. At age 17, Joseph (whose name, by the way, means “increase”) was the youngest of 11 brothers–and also his father’s favorite. Out of jealousy, his brothers sold him into slavery and told their father that he was killed by wild animals.
Joseph went through all kinds of trials in Egypt, through no fault of his own. In fact, several times, things got worse for him because he did the right thing. But ultimately his fortune turned around and he ended up being second in command to Pharaoh in Egypt. When a famine drove the brothers to go to Egypt to buy grain, they met Joseph but did not recognize him. You can sense that Joseph wrestled with making his brothers pay for what they did to him, but in the end, he forgave him and reconciled with them.
Joseph’s turnaround came when he saw God’s big picture: that it was because they had sold him into slavery that the family survived the famine. “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives,” he told them.
In my own life, I have pondered how God has used some of my traumas to bring me to the point I am now. Read More→
I’m Listening . . .
Posted by: | CommentsI think I’ve cried at least once every single day for the past several weeks, if not months.
As someone who can’t help but feel and think deeply about everything, I have taken my time to respond to what is happening in the world, but especially in our country, about racism in particular.
I am and have always been about “healing heart issues.” I have worked with clients in 39 countries, and of all races and religions. Because I usually only use phone or Skype voice, I do not see my clients, and this gives me and them the freedom to relate at the heart level.
I have found that no matter the color of one’s skin, the same heart beats in all of us.
Having said that, I know that we are all affected by our culture and the surrounding culture. We have the same heart issues, but we don’t have the same experience. In our culture, there is wide disparity between socioeconomic and racial cultures. We can easily find many areas of injustice that need correcting.
I recently wrote a blog about distorted thinking, with the challenge to filter everything you hear or read—even what comes out of your own mouth—through this lens. Our culture’s polarization, for instance, is a perfect example of most of the thinking styles mentioned. And racism is built on ALL of them.
We need to first confront the distorted thinking, the heart wounds, that exist in our own hearts before we can clearly engage in any conversation about healing on a larger scale. As Jesus said, we need to remove the log in our own eye before we can see to take out the speck in our brother’s eye.
With that said, I am prayerfully asking God to show me any way in which my own heart and my own thinking need to be changed.
And I am listening. Deeply. With humility. Listening to my black brothers and sisters, to my friends and colleagues, to people who demonstrate that they are thinking clearly.
And I want to listen to YOU. If there is anything you have seen in what I have said that shows any kind of distorted thinking like that on my blog, or just plain ignorance, call me out, please. I promise to listen.
I believe that love is what is needed now more than ever. And love listens. Love allows space for another to be heard, without judgment. That is what I have always sought to do with my clients, friends and family.
After talking with thousands of clients the world over, I believe one of the greatest aches of the human heart is to be validated. To be heard.
I want you who read this to know that I believe you should be heard. That your experience matters. That YOU matter. Growing up in a home in which I felt like I didn’t matter because I was different (with the trait of high sensitivity), I get that deep need. “Black lives matter” is a very moving statement to me.
I am also listening to God, searching his word for his perspective. What I find is that to God, ALL lives matter, simply because he created every person. God himself loves diversity. You see this in the very first book of the Bible, Genesis, when he made an incredible variety of things, and you see it in the very last book (Revelation), where the vision is of “peoples from every nation, from all tribes and peoples and languages, standing before the throne and before the Lamb, clothed in white robes, with palm branches in their hands” (Revelation 7:9). From beginning to end in the Bible, God loves and values diversity.
And so should we, for that very reason.
God loves diversity!
Years ago in 2006, I wrote on my Abundant Gifts blog a post called “Room for All Kinds.” It moved me greatly to write it, and I offer it to you now: https://abundantgiftsblog.com/room-for-all-kinds/
This is the vision I hold to, and pray for. Before God we all stand equal . . . and beloved. When you know yourself—and every other person–as the Beloved of God, it changes everything.
My work is to help you see that you are the Beloved, and then I trust that God and your own aligned self will make clear the unique contribution you are to make to a world in which God’s celebration of diversity is meant to be made manifest.
Aligning with God’s Dream for Your Life
Posted by: | Comments‘There are far, far better things ahead than
any we leave behind.’ –C.S. Lewis
I wrote this on New Year’s Eve, 2019. But this process of evaluation and aligning yourself with God’s Dream for your life can be done any time.
I love this time between Christmas and New Year’s Day, when everything slows down and there’s time for reflection.
I’ve seen some excellent suggestions for reviewing the past year/decade and welcoming the new, such as this “Simple Guide to Reviewing 2019 and Creating Your Dream 2020.”
But as I was thinking through my own answers, I realized that I don’t only want to pursue my dreams. I want to align myself with God’s Dream, God’s plan, God’s purposes. My dreams may or may not come about. But God’s dream . . . God’s dream for me will always happen, as long as I listen and cooperate rather than get in his way.
What I’ve done over the past decade (help people heal their heart matters)–that was God’s dream. I was an editor and publishing coach who was, frankly, burned out on the whole publishing industry. I desperately needed a change. I had no idea that I had any gift for helping people heal. NO IDEA. I “happened” to listen to an interview about The Healing Codes, eventually got the Healing Codes Manual, did the Codes, had the mini stroke (TIA), went through the procedure to close up the hole in my heart, only to find it had already “spontaneously” closed up in the 4 months I had been doing The Healing Codes. I contacted Alex Loyd, he asked me to work with him to get The Healing Code published, and the rest is history. Thousands of people helped, and a whole new direction launched for me that has proved wildly fulfilling.
It was God’s dream. God, “who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us . . .” (Ephesians 3:20). I had no idea any of this was even possible.
Now, I feel on the cusp of discovering a new dream he has for me. And I’m very excited about it.
How do we get in touch with God’s dream for us? Below are some steps to take. Everything starts with Connecting. Once were are connected to God, we can receive his messages through our own spirit, as informed by prayer and His Word, as well as our own past experiences with God. I can also ask my body, through the subtle energy testing I’ve learned to do. The spirit and the body tap into an intelligence that goes beyond consciousness, I believe.
Then, we do the next thing. Take the next step that is clear. God’s leading me to my new direction more than a decade ago happened when I kept taking the next natural step.
The very first step is to Connect with God.
This may not be as easy as it seems. Many of us don’t really know who True God is. I say “True God” because I believe there is a true God that exists whether we believe in him or not, and he is beyond any distorted filters that cloud our vision. These filters stem from how our parents treated us. They were, after all, God to us as babies and young children. If we were not treated as if we mattered, if we were abused or neglected, then it’s hard for us to emotionally connect with God.
However, I suggest you keep trying. Ask True God to reveal himself. He desires to do so. Keep an open, humble heart. Learn about who he really is from the Scriptures, which is where he revealed himself. (You may need a little help with this. Get a modern translation, such as the English Standard Version, that is still true to the original language. Just read with an open heart, starting with the easier books: Psalms, and/or the Gospels. My experience is that Scripture is a living Word, if we open ourselves to God communicating to use through it. Remember, he’s seeking you more than you’re seeking him!)
Once you connect with God, however imperfectly, here are some questions you can use in this process of asking God to reveal his perspectives, his plans, his goals. Because I am a word person, certain words have come to mind as a focus point. I also like to address God by the many names and images he has given us.
- Release. Lord God, what do you want me to release from my life, things that no longer serve me or your purposes for me?
- Restore. Heavenly Father, is there anything that was lost, stolen or taken from me, that you desire to restore to me?
- Renew. Creator God, is there anything that has gone into hibernation or even died, that you want to renew to new life? Is there anything brand-new that you want to create, that is beyond anything in my awareness now?
- Heal. Jesus, what would you like to heal in my life? What old wounds that get triggered, what negative patterns do you desire to apply your power to heal? (I have realized I cannot do this on my own. I need God’s knowledge, wisdom, and power to find, open and heal deep-seated wounds. I get hints, through the things that triggered me. But only God knows the true source of my issues.)
- Infuse. Holy Spirit, which of your wonderful qualities would you like to infuse into my spirit, that will flow to body and soul to continue the healing? (Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, trust, gentleness, humility, hope?)
- Align. Heavenly Father, what actions do you want me to take that would best align me with what you want to Release, Restore, Renew, Heal, and Infuse in me? Are there particular people you want me to connect with, or causes that will move me toward your dream for me? (There’s a time for waiting on God, but when he gives you the next step, it’s time for action. “Nothing happens until something moves.”–Robert Ringer)
These questions excite me. I plan to spend New Year’s Eve and/or Day reflecting in my journal on these, and talking to my husband about them.
We are heading toward the year 2020. My prayer is that you will see with clear, 20/20 vision, God’s Dream for you. Or at least the next steps, which is often all he reveals at any given time.
I think I already have hints of what God intends for me.
Once in Immanuel Prayer, I got the image of Jesus and me sitting on a potter’s bench. He was behind me, his arms around me, his hands on mine guiding my hands on the lump of clay. I know nothing about making pottery, which is just where Jesus wanted me: totally dependent on his guiding me. At the time, I had no idea what we were making. I was to just yield to the process, to his guiding me. Yield to the intimacy of his closeness, arms around me, hands on mine.
A few days later, he did reveal what we were making: “A vase for flowers (beauty). Two mugs–one for just being present and enjoying a hot drink, one for holding your pencils and pens, because you are a writer. And a bowl for fruit–I intend you to be fruitful. Finally, a pitcher for water–to offer a cool drink to those who are thirsty.”
I look forward to finding out in the coming year all the ways these symbols will be manifested.
Ways to go deeper:
- If you would like help in Releasing, Healing, Infusing or Aligning with God’s purposes, his Dream for you, contact me for some coaching at my HealingCodesCoaching.com site.
- For more spiritual perspectives on healing go here.
- Or, learn more about Immanuel Prayer, a process in which you can connect with Jesus directly to discern his dream for you.
From Stress to Serenity–the Steps
Posted by: | CommentsIn a recent post, I mentioned how on my walk one day, a thought dropped into my mind: “You create a lot of your own stress, you know.”
The voice was not judgmental; it was just an observation. A message from my deeper self (or God) that came in the context of a wake-up call that I needed to deal with the stress in my life.
If I did not, I sensed, it was quite possible some health crisis could happen to me, like the heart attack that Dr. Mark Virkler had, despite his “doing everything right.”
I’m finding that, if we keep on a path of healing, we will heal at ever deeper levels. This message from my heart was an invitation to observe the ways I might be creating my own stress. To examine the beliefs and ways of thinking that, when indulged, disturb my peace and create the ripple effects of stress on spirit, soul and body.
The biggest way I create my own stress came down to this: trying to create the ideal.
Have you ever noticed that often your greatest strength can become your biggest liability? One of my great strengths is the ability to see possibilities–for myself and others.
I automatically see potential in everything, as well as the exact steps needed to achieve that potential.
Of course, this is helpful for my clients. I can see the possibilities they can’t when they’re mired in “heart issues.”
For me personally, though, it can be a liability. If I let the possibility I see become an expectation, I set myself up for stress.
Because I can see what could be, I can slip into feeling less content with what is. I set myself up for unhealthy control–trying to make that ideal outcome happen. Read More→
He Taught Me How Not to Fear Dying
Posted by: | CommentsI just lost my dear friend and spiritual brother, Dr. Ron Arko, as he went back to heaven.
I’ve known Ron and Dori Arko for almost 7 years. My husband and I spent a delightful day with them in 2014 in their home in Newport Beach, California. We’ve talked nearly every two weeks for those past 7 years–heart to heart talks.
Dr. Ron and I shared a love for people. a passion for seeing them healed, a delight in God and his ways, a fascination with quantum physics and true science, and so much more. We agreed we were more than friends; we were truly spiritual brother and sister, our hearts knit together by God himself.
Ron was a very wise and gifted therapist, and a great encourager. He always knew how to build up a person. He made you feel like you were his favorite. He cherished his wife, Dori, in such a tender way, it made you want to weep and do whatever it takes to have that, too. He counseled a lot of couples and people in ministry, too.
I confessed to Ron a few weeks ago, as he was wasting away with cancer, that I was not afraid to die. I was afraid of the process of dying.
Yet, seeing how Ron handled his impending departure from this world, with an unwavering faith in God’s goodness, with love and peace and even joy, and absolutely no bitterness, patiently enduring the pain–it changed me.
When he got his diagnosis of terminal cancer, one of the first things Ron did was write his biography. He asked me to edit it. It was a wonderful exercise for him to review his life and tell what he thought was important. Knowing the subtext was especially poignant for me. It made me think about what I would say about my own life.
Something else changed me: what he shared about what happened when he died for 10 minutes at age 15 and went to heaven.
He told me about this heavenly vision just a few weeks ago, as he was getting weaker and weaker from the cancer. He had never told anyone but Dori until recently. Now he has shared it publicly.
You can watch him talk about his trip to heaven, and get a sense of his beautiful life, at http://newheart.org.
“Once you have experienced the glory of God,” he said, “you never see life the same again. You don’t have any fear, and you don’t hang onto things of this world.”
I had always wondered how Ron handled the many traumas of his life so well. How he could be so loving, kind and generous, and have such a loving relationship with his wife, when nothing in his background equipped him for that.
Now I knew.
Ron helped me overcome my fear of dying. He died of a particularly gruesome form of cancer. In his last days of life, Ron told me that because he had already had God’s glory and love shoot through him when he was in heaven the first time, he believed it changed him on a cellular level and that’s why he always had such a high tolerance for pain. He told me God would prepare me for whatever I would face, just as he had prepared Ron. I could trust in God’s goodness for the means of my death. And now i finally believe it.
“God is good, all the time,” Ron always said. He never wavered in that.
I believe it now, Ron. I believe it. . . . Thank you. Thank you for showing me how to live life as though everything is a miracle. I know this is, as you said, only a temporary separation. I look forward to our reunion, and I can feel you cheering me on from heaven, just as you did from earth.
Pivotal Memories
Posted by: | CommentsPeople often ask me what kinds of memories to start with to get the fastest, deepest healing.
I always look for the “fractal memories”–those memories in which the core beliefs/feelings will repeat themselves and branch out to affect your life in all kinds of ways afterward. Heal these, and the ripple effects of healing begin effortlessly to penetrate into all the areas of life affected by that memory.
In another post I talked about foundational memories. They are one kind of important fractal memory.
Another kind of fractal memory is what I call a pivotal memory. This would be a memory, usually conscious, that changed the course of your life. Something happened and you came to believe something about yourself that forever after influenced your life. Such memories can form your identity–for better or worse.
On the “better side,” pivotal memories can be quite positive. One important pivotal memory that shaped my entire future happened in college, when I fell in love with publishing. I was always a bibliophile and a writer, and the field fascinated me, so I decided I would major in English, but not teach. I would make a career in publishing.
Everyone told me, “It’s practically impossible to break into publishing.” Especially since I didn’t know anyone, even by the time I was a senior in college. Also, this was at a time when people with PhDs in English were driving taxi cabs. Read More→
Find and Heal “The Keywords to Your Heart”
Posted by: | CommentsIn my coaching, as I listen to clients tell me what’s bothering them most (the starting point for finding heart issues), I want to find the deepest issue their heart is ready to heal at this point in their healing journey.
I’m listening for what I think of as “the keywords to the heart.” These are words that have the most energy, that seem to encapsulate the essence of the heart issue.
When you put these “keywords” into your prayer of intention, your heart, like a search engine, will come up with the memories that need to be healed.
Your “keywords to your heart” could be one or more feelings. Or a phrase (see below for an example).
It could include one or more beliefs. Or a relationship. Or a harmful action–something they’re doing to numb the pain.
Or–all 4! In fact, I call these four areas the 4-part program: feelings, beliefs, relational context, and harmful actions. Most issues have at least three of these elements (not all issues have the Harmful Actions component).
If you want to speed your healing: Read More→
What Is Your Body Trying to Tell You about Your Heart?
Posted by: | CommentsOne of the things that fascinated me from the beginning about The Healing Codes is the correlation between the different body systems and what Alex Loyd calls “the nine virtues” (love, joy, peace,patience, goodness, kindness, trust, humility, self-control).
If, for instance, you have a thyroid condition, it’s likely that you have a love issue that needs healing. Thyroid falls under the endocrine system, and the endocrine system is correlated with the Love category. (The full discussion is in The Healing Code book and the Healing Codes Manual.)
In this system, then, your physical symptoms can be a clue as to which heart issues need healing.
I have found this to be very true, and very useful. When strange skins spots showed up, I asked myself, “Do I have a joy issue going on?” (Joy is correlated with the skin.) Sure enough, I did identify a joy issue. As I worked on healing the memories and unhealthy beliefs, the skin spots disappeared.
The opposite is also true. If you have an issue with, say, patience, healing that can help your immune system immensely, as that’s the category that correlates with the immune system. If you don’t address the issue, it’s quite likely some kind of immune system disorder will show up.
If you have an illness or a disease, your body might be trying to tell you something even more specific. Illness can often be a metaphor: your body is trying to tell you something important about what needs to heal.
“When Your Heart is Full of Gratitude, There’s No Room for . . .”
Posted by: | CommentsA friend of mine said something to me I’ve been mulling over ever since.
This friend, Clare Masters, has had incredible health challenges (read her gofundme posts here). Botched surgeries, constant pain, and the pressure of trying to live on $4000/year could easily have stolen her life.
While every day is a challenge for Clare, you would never know it if you talked to her. She is always positive, always looking for ways to give back. She’s the kind of person you want to help out as much as you can. She never complains (though if you ask and really want to know, she’ll be honest), and she’s always looking for ways to give to you.
At a recent hospital stay, a nurse asked her how she is able to stay so positive. Why wasn’t she bitter about the cards life handed her? Read More→
