How Feeling Bad Can Set You Free


Do you struggle in your relationships, especially close relationships?

The key to why lies in your childhood, in how you learned to love in your family. You learned patterns of relating that became “imprinted” upon you, including how to deal (or not deal) with feelings and needs.

An excellent book that explains all this is How We Love by Milan and Kay Yerkovich. My husband and I took a marriage class based on the book.

The authors have a free Love Styles quiz that tells you how you learned to love in your family. The patterns that you experienced will, without any kind of intervention, determine that “core pattern” of how you will relate in close relationships.

I recommend you take the Love Styles quiz, and find out what yours is. If you are part of the 75% of the population who did not learn a secure attachment style, you will be either an Avoider, a Pleaser, a Vacillator, a Victim, or a Controller–or any combination thereof!

After you take the quiz, you will be able to see just what those categories mean, how they play out in your relationships, and most importantly–what to do about it.

The key question is, ““Was it safe in my family to be vulnerable and talk about difficult feelings?”

I learned that I grew up in a family where emotions and talking about your inner life was simply a language nobody spoke. Being Highly Sensitive, one of my traits is “emotionally reactive.” In fact, I was often shamed for being “too sensitive.” But shame was not an emotion that anyone knew what to do with. So I was feeling things that had no place, no validation. I  was “speaking a language” that nobody else understood. No wonder I felt like an alien growing up!

And guess what injured “love style” I developed? Avoider, among others. I avoided those messy emotions as much as I could. After all, they made people reject you–or so I believed.

Trouble is, the energy from all those feelings has to go somewhere. Eventually, they went into my body and got expressed in physical symptoms. Until I found The Healing Codes, I didn’t really know what to do about my negative memories and troublesome feelings. Yes, I went to therapy and learned to somewhat “speak the language” of emotions. The main thing I learned was that there was a language, other people spoke it and seemed comfortable and fluent in it, and I could learn that, too.

With The Healing Codes, I began to understand that feelings were windows into the negative beliefs I was holding, and that I could actually find those feelings and negative beliefs and turn them into positive feelings based on truth and love.

I learned that negative feelings were simply clues that something was wrong. There was a lie I was believing somewhere, and if I could identify the lie and replace it with truth, I could actually be healed.

Lies are always at the bottom of the negative feelings.

This truth has helped me to begin to welcome feeling


Now that I had a tool to really deal with negative emotions and wrong beliefs–The Healing Codes–I realized that instead of stuffing whatever was bothering me, I could trace the feeling to the memory (when possible) and the lie I was believing. I could identify the truth and through prayer and a Healing Code, infuse the truth into my spirit, soul and body, and experience true healing.

And that is what I help my clients do now: trace the feelings to the memories (which sometimes are hidden, but I can test for them), identify the lies, and replace them with the truth in such a way that the heart can believe it, not just the head.

That is the way true healing and transformation happens.

So when you feel bad about something, you can rejoice! Your heart is telling you, “There’s something here to heal.” Find that something, heal it by replacing the negative feelings and lies with truth and love. (I have free Truth Focus Statements you can use for this purpose.)

Do this regularly, and you will begin to feel freer and happier than you ever thought possible. The longer you do this, the more you will heal. It’s a process and lifelong adventure, but I’m here to tell you, after 12 years of doing this healing work on myself and with hundreds of others, every area of your life can be transformed.

One feeling, one code, one day at a time….

And if you would like help with identifying and healing your heart issues so that you can fully align with your divine design, visit and check out my coaching packages.

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Burnetta Bennett

I wished these codes worked for me, but sadness and depression prevail. I did the codes for many months, then began to think that maybe they are not even for real, that I once again was being deceived.

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