Feb
21

Impossible Relationship Blocks

By

Have you ever been in a relationship in which you want to love the other person, but you and they are coming from such different places, that all you can do is set a firm boundary and try not to get sucked in to all the drama or manipulation or dysfunction?

In such a relationship, often the other person wants something from you, and will resort to all sorts of manipulation tactics to get it. Some examples might be:

  • guilt-tripping and attempting to pull you into the Dreaded Drama Triangle by trying to make you the rescuer or perpetrator of their victimhood

  • gaslighting, where they ignore, distort or twist your words, actions or intentions to something other than you meant

  • playing on and exploiting your generous or compassionate nature, knowing that you want to think of yourself in these ways so will do what they want to keep up your image of yourself.

Having dealt with a few of these relationships in my life has been an interesting experience. (By the way, as I’ve healed and Aligned more and more with my Divine Design, there have been fewer such relationships in my life. That can be true for you, too.)

push button

Photo by Brands&People on Unsplash

In these unhealthy relationships, I saw all my “buttons” that were being pushed, and that awareness was actually a gift. It was an invitation to more transformation and growth. Self-awareness led to consciously healing the issues, with more of a sense of freedom and personal empowerment as a result.

I want to say a special word to you if you were born with the trait of High Sensitivity. (If you’re not sure, go here to find out more and take the quiz.)

We who are Highly Sensitive seem prone to attracting dysfunctional people. I think there might be some kind of invisible energetic radar that certain people like narcissists and predators pick up on. They can somehow sense the kind-hearted, generous people who will give anyone the shirt off their back.

It was so very helpful for me to become aware of this dynamic. It has led to a lot of discomfort, since I’m not used to being as “hard-nosed” as I’ve had to be in dealing with these kinds of relationships. I’ve had to contend with guilt, judgment (from the other person who knows this is one of my buttons, as well as myself), and the cognitive dissonance of having to “turn off” some of my best traits (like compassion) when I recognized the other person’s attempts to exploit them.

I’ve had to initiate some uncomfortable conversations in which I confronted the person with truths they didn’t want to hear, and who would then berate me to others for it.

And I’ve had to remind myself a lot of the wonderful 12 words I think God gave me awhile ago to deal with my guilt over not rescuing people from their own folly: “You must allow others the dignity of living with their choices.”

I’m also grateful for such painful relationship experiences because I think they help me understand perhaps a bit of what God might feel toward us, his children.

God longs for a close relationship with us. Too often, our distorted thinking and attempts to make him be what we want him to be, rather than who he truly is, make a relationship impossible. Yes, God can do anything. But he won’t do this: he won’t violate our free will. He himself allows each of us “the dignity of living with our choices.”

Even if that choice is to live in eternity without him.

I guess God prizes freedom that much.

(Do we?)

If you too would like to transform some old negative patterns and Align with Your Divine DesignTM , check out my coaching at HealingCodesCoaching.com.

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