Just Because Things Aren’t the Same, Doesn’t Mean . . .


I got off the phone feeling really pleased with the conversation: My friend  had decided to start coming to the Bible study that has so fed me spiritually.

I’d been telling Louise for years about how much I love the unique way Cathy Deddo has of opening the Word of God so that we actually encounter the living God. It’s not just head stuff, it gets to the heart somehow. People who have moved away still attend the Bible study remotely, through Skype and the audios I record for us. We’re all hooked!

I chuckled as I remembered how I started coming to Cathy’s study. My friend Nancy had also bugged me for years before I finally started coming.  That was back maybe 10 years ago, at least.

Thinking of Nancy suddenly brought a wave of grief. She had been killed very tragically in May 2018, and the wounds are still somewhat fresh. The special times Nancy and I had driving together to and from the Bible study were a big part of the spiritual and emotional nourishment of the whole experience. She was like a mother to me.

Right after the wave of grief and sadness, these words were impressed upon my spirit (that’s the best way I can say it when this sort of thing happens):

“Just because it isn’t the same, doesn’t mean it

can’t be good.”

Just because I could no longer go to Bible study with Nancy, doesn’t mean it won’t be good going with Louise. Immediately I got back to feeling glad that Louise and I would be sharing this experience together.

I realized this principal applies to other losses as well. Just because we lost our basement contents–including our wedding pictures–due to a flood, doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy having less stuff and a spacious place to store what I have.

I know someone who is going through a heart-wrenching divorce. All she ever wanted was a family, and now that dream has been shattered. But perhaps it can be true for her, that just because she doesn’t have the exact family she wanted, doesn’t mean that her life can’t be good in a different way.

Just because I don’t really have a biological family near me, doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy community in another way.

Just because I can no longer talk to my mother like before due to her two strokes, doesn’t mean what we can say now can’t be good in its own way.

It occurs to me that to embrace the now, I have to be willing to let go of what was. I had to let go of wanting what I had with Nancy, so I could embrace what I will have with Louise. I have to let go of all the “stuff” I lost in the basement, so I can enjoy the simplicity of life with less stuff.

I have to let go of what I had with my mom so that I can be fully open to what is now possible. Seeing a loved one age and lose their faculties is difficult, and we do have to grieve the loss. But always there is hope: “. . . doesn’t mean the new can’t be good too.”

Letting go of what was, to receive what is. Not a new concept, of course. Just a reminder.  Where does “just because . . .  doesn’t mean . . .” apply to you and your losses? 

If you would like help in healing from your losses so you can fully embrace the new “what is,” consider coaching to find and heal the negative memories, beliefs, and feelings attached to “the keywords to your heart.”



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