On one of my routine checkups, my doctor reminded me of four pillars of health: sleep, nutrition, stress management, exercise.

When I googled “pillars of health” I came up with anywhere from 3-12 suggestions.

Most of them mentioned, in one way or another, “connections.” It is this that has taken the biggest hit with the pandemic, yet it’s so crucial to our emotional, spiritual, and even physical health.

So today I’d like to guide you to explore what your “crucial connections” are, if and how they’ve become disconnected during the pandemic, and how you can reconnect.

What are your “crucial connections”?

By this I mean, what kinds of connections do you absolutely need to be well in spirit, mind, soul and body?

CC BY-NC-ND by true2source

It’s not the same for everyone. For instance, Extroverts get their energy from connections to the external world, while Introverts gain energy from connections to their inner world.

Extroverts need connections to the outer world in terms of travel, social gatherings, visits to museums, volunteer work. All these took a big hit of course with the pandemic and the changes it wrought.

You may think Introverts fare better with the isolation of the pandemic, but that may not be true. Introverts still need people, they just need fewer and deeper connections. These too are harder to come by because of the pandemic.

Highly Sensitive People (HSP), whether Introverts or Extroverts, usually need connections with nature and a spiritual practice. Nature often soothes the Highly Sensitive soul like nothing else.

We all need connections to people we care about and who care about us. It takes time and effort to keep those relationships going. It’s all too easy to let friendships slide when you can’t get together in person. Yes, there is Zoom and Facetime, but connection through a screen is just not the same as a steady diet.

A crucial connection is a connection to God. You may have a block here—many of us do, from bad experiences with religion and/or parents who were not very godly.

This needs to be healed. A spiritual connection is crucial to a sense that our lives have meaning and purpose—proven to be a key ingredient to health and healing.

For instance, Dr. Ben Johnson credited a big part of his healing from ALS to his faith and his will to live. I believe these things are key to activating and amplifying the healing power of The Healing Codes. From working with thousands of clients, I have seen those with an active faith healing at a different pace and level than those with little or no spiritual connection.

What about connection to your body? How aware are you of what your body is telling you, in terms of its needs? If your body were to talk to you, what would it be saying? (Hint: it is talking to you.)

Then there are more personalized connections that are important. For instance, I need to feel connected to my books, to ideas. Some people need music to feel alive or fully themselves. Some need a beautiful, orderly environment.

Do a little self-assessment. What are your most important connections? Have any of them gotten neglected or torpedoed in the last year? What can you do about reconnecting?

For me, I realized some of my important relationships have been neglected. So I reached out. It was an effort, in some ways, because my life has become more complicated and there are more things to deal with now.

I’m finding myself more exhausted by “screens,” yet phone calls or Zoom get-togethers are often the only options, so I limit other exposure to screens. For instance, I don’t watch online video summits anymore. This way I can use the “screen time” to connect with the important people in my life.

When I reconnected with my body, it told me clearly that sleep has to be my #1 priority, and that I need more “breath breaks” throughout the day. (Click here for an audio “Voo breathing.”) Slowing down is not easy for me, but it’s a message my body keeps sending me.

After reassessing, what is the ONE THING you will commit to in the next week to make a change? It does not have to be a big thing. My motto: “A little is better than nothing.”

Once you decide on your One Thing, ask yourself what do you need to do differently to make your commitment happen?

For me, the commitment is to be to be IN BED before 11pm. What I need to do differently: set my alarm for when I will quit and start to wind down for the evening. And actually STOP when it goes off!

As I go through the week, if I find myself NOT doing what I need to do, I will stop to figure out why? Did I fall prey to doing “just one more thing,” did I get distracted by my phone, did I find I was just too tired and so went slower, did I not take into account the things that must be done before bedtime?

(Feel free to ask me whether I did it in a week!)

Assess your connections on a regular basis, and address any blocks with your healing practices. Keeping those crucial connections strong could be THE thing that will turn things around for you.

And if you need anyone to come alongside you in this endeavor—sometimes we can’t see it ourselves—or need someone to whom you are accountable, consider getting coaching at HealingCodesCoaching.com.

A friend of mine was asked to fill out a survey asking, “Are you optimistic or pessimistic about 2021?”

How would you answer this?

As I reflected on this, I came to the conclusion that I’m both optimistic and pessimistic. It all depends on which perspective I’m coming from.

And my “both” answer is also based on looking back on 2020.

CC BY-SA by jospeee

From an outward perspective, looking at the world and all that happened, it was awful. I don’t have to remind you of the negatives: a global pandemic. Racial unrest. Political instability. Violence. Unemployment. Businesses lost. Lives lost. Friendships and families torn asunder by the polarization that has only grown.

My heart has broken many times over these things.

And 2021 so far hasn’t exactly given us much reason to think things will get that much better, though there are glimmers of hope.

Personally, 2020 was also a time of loss for me. My mother. My cat and last pet. Difficult diagnoses that, if the doctors are right, will only get worse.

Outwardly, not much cause for optimism.

I’m sure you have your own losses and challenges. No use glossing them over. It was a year of suffering.

I recently gave a custom Healing Code for the Emotional Inflammation from all of this. (You can go here to access the custom Healing Code for emotional inflammation. Use this password to access the correct page: EIHC2021.)

When you look at life strictly from a human perspective, if you base your hope on what human beings can do (though we can do some pretty amazing things), I think you would tend to be pessimistic.

Yet, I’m also optimistic.

I’m optimistic because human beings do not have the last word.

God does.

And God’s Word says he’s at work, busy making all things new.

God’s last word says he has a plan, he’s working to head up all things under his kingdom which is all about “righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit.” (Romans 14:17)

When I look at my inner world, I am optimistic. I have seen what God has done even last year, turning the lousy outward circumstances for good in my life and the lives of those I’m close to.

Take, for instance, my broken foot. God got so much mileage out of that one for me, and I’ve written about it some. I won’t go into details, but the timing was such that it actually answered at least two other prayers I had been praying.

Also, it helped me to slow down—something I apparently was unable to do without a little tough love on God’s part. (I had actually told God, “I know you’ve been telling me to slow down, but I just don’t know how.” Allowing me to break my foot–which happened because I was rushing–was God’s answer. By God’s grace, I didn’t need crutches, I didn’t need surgery. It slowed me down just enough to answer my prayer.) The lesson is sticking; I really am slowing down.

When my business also slowed down, I was able to get PUA assistance, and the time allowed me to work on some exciting new programs for you.

What about you? Can you look back on 2020 and see any ways God has turned some difficulty into a blessing?

He can do that for everything, I believe. The key is to entrust the situation to him.

“God, I don’t know what you’re doing here, it sure looks like a terrible situation to me right now. But I believe you, being God, can by definition do anything. And I believe you are good. So, because of your infinite wisdom and creativity, I’m going to entrust this situation, this year, to your creativity, goodness and wisdom.”

Then, get curious and hopeful about what he will do. Even if the curiosity is laced with a bit of skepticism (“God, I can’t wait to see how you can turn this into something good”), it seems to be enough to give space for God to work. 

Curiosity and hope—that will get us through 2021 so that, a year from now, we can look back and say, “it was the worst of times, and—only because of God—it was also the best of times.”

And if you need help with being able to trust God because of past negative experiences, with religion or relationships (both affect our relationship with God), feel free to contact me for some coaching. Some of my new approaches really help with this. A client told me just the other day, “You’re the first person who was able to hold space for me to heal my relationship with God. I’ve seen breakthroughs since.” 

I’m not surprised that she’s had breakthroughs. Our relationship with God affects everything. Connecting with the Source of Life seems an obvious first step to walking the path of life.

So, 2020 was at best a challenging year for every person on the planet.

And at worst . . . it was the worst year of their lives.

And yet . . . for some of us, there was a “yeah but” from God that offset some of the negative. I’ve been writing about some of mine all year on this blog.

There is a promise from God’s Word that I claim every morning, and I think it’s a good one to claim for 2021:

image by Louise Ferrebee

Remember, God himself goes before you into 2021. He knows exactly what you will face each day. He has exactly what you will need to get through with grace and grit. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.

If you weren’t dealing with grief before the global pandemic, I suspect you’re dealing with it now, in one way or another. Who hasn’t lost something in the pandemic, even if it’s only the familiar way of being able to “do life”?

Many are dealing with loss of so much more. Loss of health. Loss of a loved one (including a pet). Loss of connections. Loss of work, of income. Loss of a sense of stability. Loss of a dream. Loss of faith. Loss of a marriage.

If you have unhealed grief issues from the past, likely any of the more recent losses just make the grief feel even worse. Grief is cumulative, and time does not automatically heal it. That is a myth.

Dr. Bernard McGrane, Professor of Sociology at Chapman University, says that “unresolved grief is the major underlying issue in most people’s lives.” Incomplete recovery from grief can have lifelong negative effects on your capacity for happiness—not to mention your health.

If you’ve felt that your healing has not progressed as you would like, it could well be that unhealed grief is the block.

If you were to tally all the losses of your life, how many would you say feel resolved?

If none or few of them are resolved, I suggest you make grief recovery a priority. According to Grief Recovery Specialist Lynnette Hetzler and others, grief is the natural human response to loss, and there is a process of recovery from grief that is specific.

I invited Lynnette to share both her story of grief recovery and The Healing Codes, and more about the specific steps to recovering from grief. The live webinar interview took place on Wednesday, December 30, 2020.

On the call Lynnette and I covered:

  • myths about grief that can impede your recovery.

  • kinds of losses that need to be grieved.

  • ramifications, physical and emotional, of not dealing with grief.

  • are there “stages” of grief to work through? (The answer may surprise you.)

  • steps to grief recovery.

  • how grief recovery and The Healing Codes work together.

In addition, Lynnette answered questions.

Sign up below to access the recording of the call.

As you know, one of the things we address with The Healing Codes are lies we have come to believe–what many call Limiting Beliefs.

Limiting beliefs rear their head, we are told, in the “yeah buts” that spring to mind when we want to move toward expansion. Some call it the Ego Mind that seeks to protect you from any kind of change, which is deemed dangerous by that part of our brain.

Say your intention is to finally heal an addiction. Ego Mind immediately bombards you with thoughts like, “How many times have you tried to quit and you didn’t? Why bother? You’re a failure. You can’t do this, and in fact, you can’t do anything right.”

The Limiting Belief gives way to the Harmful Action of beating yourself up. And then you feel you’re not good enough, you don’t deserve good things, etc. etc.

Lots of fodder for Healing Code work.

But what if we turned ‘yeah but” on its head?

Recently I asked how you would fill in the blank: “2020: A year of _____.

I resonated especially with one person’s answer, István from Hungary: “The year of chaos in the world, BUT DEEP (SPIRITUAL) CHANGES FOR ME AND MY FAMILY.”

István captures my experience as well. It’s been a year of contrasts . . . of God’s graces saying “yeah but” to the negatives.

We have all had to deal with changes and losses of all kinds. On top of the collective losses, which I fervently hope will bring us together and help us all grow spiritually, I’m sure everyone has personal challenges to deal with as well. Read More→

Years ago (1982) there was a movie called “A Year of Living Dangerously.” I enjoyed the movie, but I especially loved the title. I would often look back on a particular year and try to characterize it in a phrase, or a few words, as I reflected back (which I can’t help but do this time of year, especially since my birthday is also on Christmas so it’s a natural time to look back).

Well, for all of us, 2020 has been Some Year.

How would YOU fill in the blank? “2020: The year of _____.”

Post your comments here on the blog, or on my Healing Codes Coaching Facebook page. Preferably in 6 words or less!

I’ve been pondering this, because I believe it’s important to take a look back before you can move ahead.

Perhaps you would want to fill in the blank with a word that used to be deemed unprintable. (Don’t post that, please.)

Just brainstorm, and post your six top words for “2020: The year of _____.” Try to come up with at least two out of the six that are positive.

I’ll report on yours—and mine—next time. Look for it.

Today, I felt as gray inside as the day was outside.

I decided I would allow myself to feel as bad as I feel, and look as bad as I feel. No makeup, no trying to get this last bad haircut to look better.

The grief was leaking out of the cracks of what I have to do today, and out of my eyes. It felt like it was all too much.

I called to mind the verse I wake up praying every day now. The verse: “The Lord himself goes before you, and is with you. He will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be discouraged; do not be afraid” (Deuteronomy 31:8).

The prayer: “Lord, thank you for going before me this day, preparing the way. Help me just to follow. Thank you that you will be with me, and that I can get curious about what you’ll do, rather than afraid or discouraged.”

I still felt gray.

I did my healing work, without which I’m convinced I’d sink into the depths of despair.

I still felt gray.

I put on my orthopedic boot and walking shoe, jacket and gloves and hobbled out into this gray day.

It helped. I was getting back to my 25-year habit of walking every morning, rain or shine, broken foot or no. (I think it’s healed, but will find out next week for sure. I figure, though, that if I can walk inside, why can’t I walk outside and get some fresh air?)

I still felt gray.

And you know what? Read More→

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My husband and I were talking to our counselor shortly after a very upsetting incident. I was telling her about how this incident triggered memories of feeling unsafe.

“How many times have you been in calamitous situations and it worked out?” she asked. “I want to reinforce that you are resourceful and smart and you will do all right.”

Though it was comforting in a way to hear this, in a way it made me mad, too. I didn’t exactly choose either the past “calamitous situations” or the current one. I didn’t care, at that point, that these challenges were making me a stronger person. I just wanted a break for once.

The therapist must have seen the look on my face, because she said, very softly and gently, “Your whole life prepared you for this [new calamitous situation] . . . dammit.”

I’m not one to swear, but this felt entirely appropriate. It was exactly how I felt. What I was facing now was my biggest fear come true. And I hated it.

Later, in dialogue with God, I continued the argument.

“Why does everything have to be so hard?” Read More→

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My mother left this earth on November 19, 2020. Marie Boos Filakovsky was 88.

There is grief. It’s showing up as lethargy, insomnia, fatigue, and sadness. I am always amazed at how strong the mother-daughter bond is.

Mom and I had a complicated relationship. The product of Childhood Emotional Neglect herself, she passed that on. She married a good man, my father, and lived out the 1950s script of a good Catholic girl, wife, and mother.

Mom and me, Aug. 2017

I never knew who she really was.

Until she was 78.

That’s when I started giving her custom Healing Codes. And I watched her change.

The changes in my mother solidified for me the power of The Healing Codes.

I can still remember the day she asked me how I was doing—and meant it. Before that, our weekly calls were mostly about her. It didn’t feel like she really was interested in me. Until that day.

From then on, she opened her heart more and more. I discovered to my astonishment that she had a tender, sensitive heart. For most of her life, she had hidden it under layers of socialization. Once she said to me, “You are giving me what I should have given you,” i.e. emotional support.

Then she had a stroke. And a second one, in 2017. After that, communication was very difficult. In a way, I lost the mother I’d just found.

A few weeks ago she was put on palliative care, and it was really difficult not to go out there. But with COVID-19, I just couldn’t risk flying out, for her sake and mine. I was told that it was too taxing for her to talk on the phone.

It was so hard, being cut off from her in her last days. Read More→

What is your earliest memory? It may hold the key to the identity you have built for yourself (which perhaps you may want to amend).

My earliest memory is from when I was around 3 years old, and my family was visiting my grandparents. My grandmother asked me kindly, “How are you, Diane?” To which I replied, “My name isn’t Diane. I’m The Lone Ranger!”

I don’t know where that came from. Perhaps when I was hospitalized for the first 6 weeks of my life and operated on for an abdominal obstruction, my little heart came to believe that I had to go it alone in the world. Then, when I watched The Lone Ranger show, that whole “save the world by being different, by fighting for the right thing, by doing/seeing things your own way” took hold.

(I recently watched this program on Youtube. I couldn’t get through more than two.)

Somehow the “Lone Ranger” icon stayed in the culture, and with my subconscious mind for a long time. Growing up, I didn’t have much support for being who I was. I was truly a Lone Ranger, but one who figured out how to get what I need and learn what I need to know. Without any help from anyone (because then, it just wasn’t there).

The approach served me well. Or so I thought.

Until …  It didn’t. Read More→

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