Hidden Stressors-Part One
By · Comments“All your physical issues are from stress,” my doctor told me. They were the last words I would ever hear from her; she passed away shortly after.
But haven’t I been working on reducing stress for all these years with The Healing Codes?
The answer is yes. And they have helped tremendously. I honestly don’t think I’d even be alive now if I hadn’t been doing all I’ve done since I got my various diagnoses before The Healing Codes (osteoporosis, IBS, GERD, Hashimoto’s thyroiditis, PTSD).
The Healing Codes, Halo, the c.Balance (now upgraded to the HOLOS) have all helped me not be hampered much in my daily life by these diagnosed conditions.
Now, however, the symptoms started popping up again, worsening. Why?
As always, I prayed for insight into this. Were there hidden stressors of which I wasn’t aware?
What came up surprised me.
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You haven’t been honoring your Highly Sensitive nature enough.
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Your nervous system needs to recover from the traumas you’ve been through.
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You are finally ready.
Part One: The High Sensitivity Piece
I’ve known for a while that I have this trait around 20% of all species share, in which the nervous system is wired differently. Dr. Elaine Aron explains in her ground-breaking book, The Highly Sensitive Person, which put this trait on the psychological map, that HSPs are like a different breed. Great Danes and border collies are both clearly dogs, but they are quite different. So, too, HSPs and non-HSPs are human, but they are actually quite different in many ways.
(Find out more about whether you’re a Highly Sensitive Person here.)
Maybe for you, sensitivity isn’t the issue. Maybe it’s some other kind of “diversity” that is part of your nature that you’ve not been honoring.
Maybe it’s that you’re an introvert who gets energy from reflection and alone time, and you’ve always been pushed to be more outgoing. Or vice versa. Maybe it’s that you have ADD/ADHD and your brain works differently than others.
Whatever it is that may set you apart a little, so that you tend to push it away rather than honor it, could be a hidden stressor for you.
I’ve known about being Highly Sensitive, but I haven’t been living it.
I hadn’t been honoring my need to process things deeply and thoroughly, for one. The last few years have been particularly stressful for me. On top of all the stress of the pandemic (and HSPs, by the way, are more susceptible to Emotional Inflammation), there were several personal traumas: dealing with a mold issue in the home; settling my sister-in-law’s estate out of state and fending off a crook; breaking my foot; 16 months of hell settling my mother’s estate (with all the family of origin issues that brought up); and a devastating diagnosis of a close family member.
If you’re Highly Sensitive, you need to realize that such stresses affect you more deeply than other people. You take in more information than most people. You are more sensitive to subtle stimuli than most people. And then you absolutely need to process all that you are taking in!
I’ve written about my current focus on subtraction. As a HSP, I need to be aware of (and limit as much as possible) the amount of information that’s coming to me. More information = more needed processing time. When life piles up, and I don’t get that processing time, my symptoms seem to flare.
So ways I’m trying to honor my HS nature more is to limit the amount of information I take in, and then making time to process it completely.
This often means saying no to social engagements, no matter how enticing they seem. I have to stand strong when someone tells me why it would be so good to attend X. (Ever notice how many people think they know what’s right for you? Often, what’s right for “most people” isn’t right for an HSP.)
I’m also the kind of HSP who seeks a lot of mental stimulation and loves to learn. I need to resist the temptation to sign up for yet one more masterclass or telesummit. I have to revisit my own goals often and tell myself, “My commitment to (my goal) is more important than this (distraction) right now.”
Honoring my HS nervous system also means changing my environment. I’m finding that clutter really gets to me these days. I subtract as much from my environment as I can. Someone said every object in your home has a “to-do list” or a message attached to it. So true!
- The pile of papers cries out, “Pay me, file me, check me for sales!”
- The unused clothes in your closet castigate you: “When will you lose weight so that beautiful outfit will fit you again?”
- The old computer monitor in the spare room? You might need it someday, if you current monitor goes out.
- And what about the files and photos on your phone or computer? Shouldn’t those be organized so you can find them more easily?
Guilt, anxiety, feeling like you’re “not enough” or not doing enough creep in with these messages. If you’re HS, not only do you feel those things—you also feel them more intensely!
Perhaps these things don’t overwhelm you like they do me. But if they do, know that doing even a little clutter control every day will help you feel calmer and more organized.
I need the downtime to process. I need more sleep than I’m getting. I need to allow myself to feel. I need to be aware that I take in a lot of information and to do what I can to both limit it and manage it.
I need to honor my sensitive nature. Without, I might add, feeling guilty or “less than” because of these needs.
If you have seen a flare up of symptoms you thought you had healed, know you’re not alone. Many of my clients and friends are also experiencing this. Whether you’re Highly Sensitive or not, there are likely hidden stressors that are chipping away at your resilience.
Do what you can to identify those stressors, and heal what you can.
In future posts I will explore more about hidden stressors: how to identify them, what to do about them. Including hidden traumas—the second piece of the insight that was given me.
Stay tuned!
Two Quick Relationship Turnaround Tips
By · CommentsIf any of your relationships need a bit of reviving, here are two things I learned from one of my mentors that I’m finding super helpful.
1. Every day, think of something you like about the other person. You don’t have to say it out loud, but bonus points if you do mention it, as appropriate. Even just thinking of that positive thing can shift how you you act toward them.
2. Become aware of how you greet him or her. Do you acknowledge the person’s presence with a smile, a friendly “good morning!” or a hug or kiss (depending on the relationship, of course!).
Did you know that there are “joy centers” in our brain that literally light up (if you were being scanned) when someone is happy to see you, happy to be with you? Light up your loved one’s brain with joy, and see what a difference it makes in your relationship.
Let me know what happens! Comment below. And pass this link on to anyone it might help.
And if you would like some coaching to improve your relationships, check out the options here.
Try This (Different) Kind of “Diet”
By · CommentsI have set this, my sixty-sixth year, as “the year to fix and nix” and 2023 as “the year to be free of all that’s not me.
One of the things I’m “fixing and nixing” is my thought life.
Many people at this time of year go on a diet. Or they resolve to work out, “get in shape.”
I propose a different kind of “diet,” a different way to “get in shape.”
It’s a “thought diet,” an idea inspired by Dr. Natali, Edmonds, who coaches what she calls Careblazers—people who are taking care of a loved one with dementia. (If you’re in this situation, check out her Youtube videos.)
Imagine your thoughts are like items on a giant buffet. Everything you believe, the habitual thought patterns, are spread out before you.
As you go through the buffet line, you get to choose what thoughts you want to “put on your plate” to “take in.”
I think a lot of us don’t realize that we get to choose how we feel, by choosing our thoughts.
The formula, which every child should be taught but few have parents who know this themselves, is that our thoughts determine our feelings, and our feelings determine our behaviors. Behaviors then tend to reinforce the thoughts, which get cemented into beliefs, and then the feelings are hard-wired into our bodies, until we find ourselves caught up in patterns we don’t feel we can control.
But we can. We do it by becoming aware of our thoughts, and, like going through the buffet line, we choose which thoughts we desire to think that will lead to the feelings we want to feel.
Here’s the kicker, for me at least: Just because a thought is true, doesn’t mean you have to hang onto it.
You can still look for a different thought, which can be just as true, but will lead to feeling better.
Here’s an example.
Let’s say you asked your spouse to take out the trash. It’s now 10pm the night before trash pickup day. He still hasn’t taken out the trash. In fact, he’s gone to bed already!
Thoughts: He never does what I ask him to. He just ignores me. Now I have to do it, on top of everything else I’ve done today. I’m just as tired as he is. But I always end up picking up his slack. I’ve had it.
What do these thoughts make you feel? Irritated, resentful, perhaps even unloved. Unheard, uncared for. Angry!
The incident may have triggered earlier feelings from unhealed memories of being ignored, unappreciated, not heard. (Those are the memories you would want to address with a Healing Code, so that you can more easily do the next step.)
Can you stop in that moment of fatigue and irritation, and notice your thoughts and feelings? And then ask yourself, “What would I like to feel now instead?”
Perhaps you want to feel compassion—for yourself and your spouse. Compassion is so healing, and is one of my go-to feelings. You might choose thoughts like, “I’ve had a hard day, and he has too. We’re both exhausted. When I’m tired, I forget things, too. I’ll just take out the trash and be done with it, and tell him tomorrow that I would really appreciate it if he would take out the trash earlier in the evening next week.”
Do you see how much energy you can save by choosing different thoughts and therefore creating different feelings for yourself?
The first step is to tune in and notice. Notice how you’re feeling, and what thoughts are fueling those feelings.
Then, picture yourself at that thought buffet. The current thoughts are spread out. You don’t have to put them on your plate! Think about how you want to feel, and look for the thoughts that would lead to those feelings.
Don’t beat yourself up for the negative thoughts and feelings. You are human. Those thoughts and feelings are real. But again, just because they’re real, and perhaps even true, doesn’t mean you have to keep them. You don’t have to put everything on that buffet table onto your plate. (Imagine if you tried!)
Remember always: You get to choose.
If you haven’t yet chosen your “new energy intention” yet, perhaps it can be “I get to choose.” Or simply, “Notice!” Like my “calm focus” reminder, it could help you make the changes you desire, with less friction and effort.
And if you want to learn techniques for healing and transformation that make this kind of suggestion easier to do, send me email (diane at healingcodescoaching.com). I’ll send you information on my new Align with Your Divine Design(TM) program to guide your discovery of your unique purpose, with brand-new, science-backed tools to rewire your nervous system and heal the blocks that keep you from expressing that purpose.
Resisting Medical Fear-mongering
By · CommentsI listened to one of Pam Popper’s video clips on “How to Address Health Anxiety,” which got me to thinking and noticing the kinds of things doctors and the “medical world” are telling me.
(I recommend you listen to Pam’s message here.)
Examples . . .
Email from Medicare, subject line: “Are you at high risk for developing glaucoma? Find out.” Uh-oh, I’d better click on that link . . . (I did not.)
I saw an ophthalmologist for the first time last year. Is that why I got that email? Or is this just something they send to all us old people, to scare us? Read More→
A Practice that Always Keeps Me in High Energy
By · CommentsWhen I went through a post-partem depression after my daughter was born, I felt God gave me a prescription to do three things:
- walk every day
- write three pages of longhand first thing in the morning (“morning pages” ala Julia Cameron)
- keep a “gifts journal,” writing down at least three things that felt like gifts to me.
I’ve been doing all three directives ever since for 27 years. The “gifts journal” turned into my book, Abundant Gifts.
Recently some serious challenges have been thrown at me (as if what’s been happening in the world over the past three years isn’t enough), and I’m clinging more than ever to keeping my “gifts journal.”
I want to stay in the energy of gratitude, which seems to create a frequency of resilience that allows a lot of stress to bounce off of me.
Or at least it counteracts stress to a great degree.
When I look for at least three gifts a day, I always find at least three. Usually more. Julie Bjelland strongly encourages us to keep a “positives journal,” citing the brain statistic that it takes eight positives to overcome one negative, because of our brain’s “negativity bias.” (We’re wired to look for the negative, for danger.)
How about you? Are you up for a challenge? Will you commit yourself, for the next seven days at least, to writing down, in one place, at least three things per day that feel like gifts?
Post your gifts, if you are open to it, as a comment below. Let’s share what we’re receiving. That will open us up to seeing and receiving more.
If you want a pointer on how to keep a gifts journal, plus a free place to do it, go here.
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from Anne, after she’d been keeping her gifts journal for a few weeks:
“I have been working on the gifts journal. I was at first writing down what I’m grateful for, but thinking about it in the light of, ‘wow I was really frustrated when I sat in traffic, what do I think the Lord was doing with that and did anything good come out of it?’ is a new way of looking at the negative in a more positive light. I love this. Sometimes I don’t know, but I can get curious and say, ‘ok, I wonder what the Lord will do with this. I’ll just be patient.’” –Anne M., California
I love this! This is the kind of perspective shift that’s possible.
How to Stay in Your “New You” Energy
By · CommentsI wrote recently about “new year, new energy, new you.”
I suggested you pick a word or phrase for this year, and/or your birth year. Making it rhyme is fun but not necessary.
Do you still remember your words of intention? Do they still hold the same energy for you?
If not, I’ll tell you the secret of staying in that energy.
First, realize that you don’t need the calendar to tell you when you can make a fresh start.
At any time, you can re-return to your intention.
Then, staying in that energy is actually simple.
You recommit to it every day. You remind yourself of it every day.
And—here’s the big key–you take some action, however small, in alignment with that energy.
Ideally, you do it daily.
Every action you take is like another ray of energy coming from your intention, connecting your intention with the physical world.
For example, my words for this my 66th year are “66: the year to fix (or nix).” I have gotten things fixed around the house that were on the back burner before. I have seen some health care providers to improve some health issues that I’ve been neglecting. And I “nix” by every day getting rid of something I no longer want or need—even if it’s only an old tube of toothpaste!
(My husband is rather a pack rat, and will even take something out of the trash and say, “Did you really mean to throw this away?” At first it was kind of annoying. Then I realized that saying, “Yes, if I throw it away, I mean not to keep it” actually drew me deeper into my intention to “nix.” So I cheerfully reaffirm that commitment when he asks. I also bought some black trash bags so he can’t see what’s in them! Small, daily actions!)
My intention includes letting go or changing thoughts and beliefs too, by the way. For instance, when a doctor gave me a dire warning, I “nixed” that thought. I changed it to, “She is coming from the typical ‘western medicine approach,’ which totally disregards energy or less invasive approaches to a problem.” I prayed, followed my “next clear step,” and have some very viable alternatives to try before the radical option she suggested. I refuse to entertain any thoughts that are not in line with faith and my deepest knowing.
This calendar year, 2023, is my “year to be free.” That ties in very nicely with the other intention. I am working to be free of the stuff, thoughts, commitments that no longer serve me.
So today, I encourage you to start doing some action, however small, to keep you in your intended energy. Do something daily.
It also helps a whole lot to be accountable, or at least to be witnessed. That’s why I encouraged you to share your words of intention with me or someone else. (Leave a comment to be witnessed.) You might even share some of your intended actions, and ask the person to check in with you on those.
Or, you could simply be accountable to yourself, by setting a reminder in your phone to pop up when you still have time to take action. For instance, I could set a reminder for 8 p.m.: “What have you fixed or nixed today?”
Or you could do both! Be accountable to yourself and to someone else.
Make it fun. Make it daily. Make it stick.
And if you need help, contact Diane to see if one of her programs will be a good fit.
Nervous System Rx
By · CommentsI woke the other morning with two words in my mind: calm focus.
The words themselves had a calming effect. I often wake up feeling anxious, not sure why. Emotional inflammation? Maybe. Some of my other clients (especially the Highly Sensitive ones) report the same issue.
But this morning, those two words immediately seemed to override the anxiety.
I’ve been using them all day, returning to them again and again, especially as I begin a new task. Just saying the words to myself, calm focus, seems to bring that very thing into my being.
The word calm is calming in itself. Once I feel the calm, the question becomes, “How can I bring calm focus to this task?” That’s the mental part.
What words bring peace and calm to your nervous system? Read More→
Subtraction—The Best Way to Change?
By · Comments
In a recent post I wrote about how I’ve dubbed this year, when I’m 66, “the year to fix—or nix.”
By “nix” I mean: subtract.
Most of us, when we think of changes we want to make in our lives, go directly to addition. We buy a new course that promises the result we desire. We add new routines, new rules.
How often do we even think of subtracting?
A fascinating article by Leidy Klotz, author of Subtract: The Untapped Science of Less, explores how we naturally tend to add when we’re trying to solve a problem. He even conducted experiments to prove this.
Taking things away, Klotz’s experiments show, just doesn’t occur to people naturally.
Photo by Luis Villasmil on Unsplash
Why is this? One of his experiments points to a possible answer: cognitive overload. We have too many things to deal with at once, and this cuts into our ability to think of a wide range of solutions—including subtraction.
(Sound familiar, fellow Highly Sensitive Person?)
Our minds tend to add before taking away, and this is holding us back.
We pile on “to-dos” but don’t consider “stop-doings.” We create incentives for good behavior, but don’t get rid of obstacles to it. We collect new-and-improved ideas, but don’t prune the outdated ones. Every day, across challenges big and small, we neglect a basic way to make things better: we don’t subtract.
Thus we get houses with more stuff than we can manage (and studies have shown that clutter increases cortisol levels—bad for our health). We get institutions bogged down by more and more rules and regulations. Children get more rules, grown-ups deal with federal regulations that are 20 times as long as they were in 1950. (And what about all the rules added since the pandemic? Time to subtract—yes, yes and YES!)
Whatever you’re hoping to change in 2023, consider how subtraction plays in. Apparently it’s not as natural to think of (or implement) than adding, but could that be due more to culture than nature? Leidy Klotz’s two-year-old son solved a Lego problem by taking something away; Leidy only thought of adding.
Could it be our culture of “fast, more, be productive” is what keeps our brains from considering subtraction?
(I see the inclination to add in myself a lot. For instance, in thinking about this topic, I’m tempted to get minimalist expert Joshua Becker’s Uncluttered course. But—would that be adding something that would take more time, when I could be using that time to do the actual decluttering—the subtracting? There’s proof right there that my natural tendency is to add….)
At least now I’m aware that I automatically think of adding, and it often doesn’t occur to me to subtract. Awareness leads to new options, to choice.
Perhaps we shut off the idea of subtraction because we unconsciously equate it with loss. But is it loss if we consciously choose it? It doesn’t feel like loss to me when I choose to let something go. At least, there’s a counter-balancing reason to let it go that’s greater than the urge to keep it.
Photo by Nguyen Thu Hoai on Unsplash
As I’ve pondered this in the dead of winter, I realize: subtracting should not be any big insight, nor does it have to be seen as loss. Every fall, much in nature is subtracted: the leaves on the trees, green grass, flowers. Every year, at least those of us with four seasons get a reminder that in order to replenish, we must subtract and allow things to lie fallow for a while.
If you’re a gardener, you know it’s important to prune, to deadhead, if you want fruit and blooms.
Nature renews itself through subtraction.
And so can we. We can choose nature over culture. We can prune to promote growth and renewal.
If you are longing for renewal, for a deeper sense of purpose and fulfillment in 2023, contact me (diane at healingcodescoaching.com) and we’ll set up an appointment to explore how you can heal your heart issues and Align with Your Divine DesignTM for a sense of purpose, connection, and better overall health.
New Year, New Energy, New You
By · CommentsI don’t know about you, but I’m not big on making “New Year’s resolutions.” Or even setting goals in the typical way, especially with a deadline. I like what Alex Loyd says: the only good goal is something that’s 100% under your control. How often can we control something 100%? Life always seems to get in the way. Then, too, it’s discouraging if I don’t meet the goal.
Instead I like to set intentions. Typical goals are so structured, they don’t allow enough for flow. Setting an intention creates a flexible structure that allows for flow as well as direction. Usually my intention is just a word or phrase to sort of anchor the energy, and then I try to stay Aligned and tuned in to God’s direction day by day as I go.
I especially like to set deliberate intentions either at the start of my own birth year, or the start of a new year—or both!
Being a word person, I find it fun to make up a little rhyme. Since I just turned sixty-six, my rhyme for this birth year is “sixty-six, the year to fix (and nix).” I want to fix or nix whatever isn’t serving me now. (This includes physical things in my home.)
You can use this approach to look back, or look ahead. This past year my intention for my “sixty-five” year was to thrive–no matter what life throws at me. And you know what? I did, for the most part. Life threw a lot at me, but I did find ways to thrive despite it.s it more power, studies show. So state them to me, to the world, to some loved one who “gets” you, or even just to yourself in a journal.
It is good to look back on how your intentions played out over the last year. It can make you feel abundant. It can anchor into your body and soul that you are, in fact, being guided and loved.
The year before, sixty-four, was “the year for more,” and boy was it ever—mostly more stress. But also more insights, deeper ministry and growth; more ideas and plans. Just—more of everything. A full year of both challenges and blessings.
Since we’re heading into a new year, it’s a good time to both look backward and forward. What was 2022 for you? What were the gifts that made your soul sing? (If you haven’t been keeping track, now would be a good time to start keeping a Gifts Journal. Directions here.)
What challenges did you face? What lessons did you learn?
I had dubbed 2022 as “the year to be true.” True to my deepest values, true to my “Touchstone to Alignment,” and dedicated to deciphering what is true about these unprecedented times. That was my focus, that’s where the energy went, and that’s what I hung onto. It got me through some tough times.
What intention will you set for 2023? You don’t have to make it rhyme, of course. But since I like to, I think I’ll dub 2023 “the year to be free.” Free of more heart issues, free to be me, free to live the life I want to live rather than the life others want me to live, and even seek to impose on me.
What energy do you want to characterize 2023? The year to be free, like me . . . or the year to be happy, or the year to see (as in, see things as they really are), or the year to simply be (hmm, I like that one too), or . . .?
The energy of the intention and the words will move you forward with less effort than you dreamed possible.
And if you want more help with setting intentions and living more Aligned with Your Divine Design(TM), shoot me an email (diane at healingcodescoaching.com) and we can set up a call to explore how that can happen for you.
Breaking Negative Generational Patterns
By · CommentsOne of the most amazing thing about The Healing Codes to me is that you can pass on your healing to other people. This is the beauty of energy healing: you can heal others as well as yourself.
How? Because we are energetically connected to those close to us (whether we like it or not), our issues are in part their issues. As we heal our own issues, and intentionally pass on the healing to those we’re close to, they can heal as well.
That’s why I always suggest, at the end of your own Healing Code session, you say, “I release the healing to _____ [name the people], in love, insofar as this issue affects them or this code can help them.”
You can also, of course, do a Healing Code specifically for other people. On my website, you can see several testimonials of clients who have done custom codes for loved ones, with sometimes miraculous results.
I always release my energy healing to my loved ones (and even my “enemies”), and I’m convinced this is one of the reasons why my children are doing so well. My daughter especially has responded well to the Healing Codes. (Though she would never do them herself.) I recall when she was younger, I’d do a Healing Code for something that had her all in a bother in the morning, and then when I picked her up from school and asked about the matter, she’d say, “Oh that—it went fine.” Now she’s all grown up, and in May 2022 she earned her doctorate in physical therapy and is now practicing in a great job, and dating a wonderful premed student.
I grew up with Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN), and unwittingly passed it on to my children. It’s been gratifying to see, however, that they have managed largely to learn how to deal with their emotions anyway, and I’m doing what I can to help them. I believe releasing my Codes to them, as I’ve been working on healing my own CEN, is making a difference.
Along with lots of prayer, of course!
Here’s to breaking negative energetic patterns!
And if you want some help with breaking generational patterns, and/or getting a Healing Code for someone else (perhaps as a gift?), check out my HealingHeartsCoaching.com page.
