I was talking with a client recently, who told me something that happened since she was doing her last custom Healing Code from me that was a beautiful reminder of how The Healing Codes affect others.

She told me her mother came up to her and hugged her and told her she appreciated my client for taking care of her. This totally shocked my client, as this was very uncharacteristic of her mother. In fact, it brought up hurtful memories of times her mother did not hug her when she should have.

What’s especially fascinating to me is that my client had been working on a generational memory from her mother when her mother gave her the hug. (Generational memories are trauma memories passed down through the DNA.) Apparently, when my client was healing that generational memory from her mother in herself and releasing the effects of the healing to her mother, something in her mother seems to be healing.

This is the wonderful thing about The Healing Codes, which may well be particular to The Healing Codes: our healing can be passed on to others we’re close to, because of the energetic connection we share with those close to us.

I have written several articles about how we can help others to heal through The Healing Codes, even as we focus on our own healing:

There is also evidence that doing Healing Codes specifically for others is effective, perhaps even more powerful than if the people did the Codes for themselves.

Several years ago, for instance, I gave custom Healing Codes to the grandmother of a boy named Vinny, who had an inoperable brain stem tumor. Over a period of many months, not only did his grandmother, Diane, do those custom Healing Codes, but I posted the Codes on this blog, and other people also did Vinny’s Codes.

The results were astounding. Listen here to Diane’s testimonial.

You can also see what happened when a mom and dad did custom Healing Codes for their young son, who had strabismus. Trace his progress here.

Whether you’re doing your own codes and releasing the healing to others, or specifically doing Healing Codes for others, know that the healing effect can ripple out.

And if you want to give custom Healing Codes and coaching to someone as a gift, you may do that here. If the person isn’t familiar with The Healing Codes at all, you can order the book + Custom Healing Code option, and also suggest they sign up for the free “Getting Started with The Healing Codes” email course. If ordering book and/or custom Healing Codes, all you need to do is put in the Comments section of your order that this is for someone else, and add their email address and phone number. Include any other special instructions, such as whether it’s a surprise or how much they already know about The Healing Codes.

I have several clients who have faced a cancer diagnosis.

Not only did it throw them into a battle for their lives, but it threw them into a battle against a medical establishment that is giving them untenable options–and applying great pressure to accept these as the only options.

Traditionally, a medical diagnosis of cancer meant the person was given a death sentence. Now, this is important to know, because as soon as death is attached to any disease, if anyone dares to go against the standard medical treatment regimen – they’re instantly seen as “preying on the dying.”

But the person is only “dying” because they have been told by their doctor. Before their diagnosis, they were very much alive. They already had cancer, but it hadn’t been detected yet.

The fact is, if anyone suggested an alternative way to be healthy and stay healthy before the diagnosis of cancer, no one would have batted an eyelid. But as soon as cancer is attached to a person, they seem to become the property of the medical fraternity. And anything outside their “trio of treatments” — chemotherapy, radiation, and surgery, is seen as quackery and dangerous.

So, the medical answer to cancer is to pump highly toxic chemicals into an already compromised, fragile body.

Using Napalm on a pest problem is ridiculous … and so

is using chemotherapy to kill cancer.

The irony of chemotherapy is, the level of personal protective equipment the person giving it needs to wear. And the reason they need to wear double chemotherapy tested gloves, protective gowns and protective eyewear is because there is no known minimum safe exposure to chemotherapy.1 (Now, people will say the medical person needs the protection because they handle chemotherapy repeatedly, and of course, that makes sense. But the fact that there is no known minimum safe exposure makes it unsafe for all humans in all circumstances… especially the patient.)

Now, what does that say about what they are pumping into their unprotected patients?

When the chemotherapy is used to treat cancer, it indiscriminately kills cells that are in the process of splitting into 2 new cells.2 The chemotherapy also damages or kills cells in our hair, nails, digestive tract, bone marrow and our precious stem cells.

Chemotherapy devastates the body’s immunity by stopping bone marrow production. This popular treatment often makes people sicker, and in some cases, it kills them.

Researchers in the U.K. found that cancer drugs kill up to 50 percent of patients in some hospitals. These researchers looked at the number of cancer patients who died within 30 days of starting chemotherapy, which indicates that the medication was the cause of death, not cancer.

So, Who’s Really Preying On The Dying?

The fact is, cancer is not a death sentence.

And the medical fraternity needs to stop scaring people and start caring for them.

People all around the world are healing and recovering from cancer every day, without the “help” of these harmful drugs.

Most of my clients who have a cancer diagnosis are healing quite nicely, by equipping their bodies to fight the cancer without poisoning themselves or weakening their immune system–which is, after all, their only hope of both defeating and preventing cancer from returning.

What’s disappointing is, you’ll never hear about these remarkable people and their doctors in the mainstream media or from your doctor.

But the good news is, now you can get access to the most cutting-edge information in alternative cancer treatment.

Ty and Charlene Bollinger, and their team at The Truth About Cancer have interviewed over 100 of the top cancer experts in the world. These remarkable experts are treating cancer naturally every day and without the use of indiscriminate, cell-destroying toxic “medication.”

You can see all these experts plus inspirational cancer survivors on The Truth About Cancer®: A Global Quest docu-series. And the best part is, now you can watch it for free.

The medical establishment has had control of cancer for too long. If what they are doing worked, then no one would still be dying of cancer. But people are still dying, and they are dying from the chemotherapy. You and your loved ones deserve better.

So, join Ty and Charlene, and the experts as they share the truth about cancer.

Click here to watch for FREE.


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Do you struggle in your relationships, especially close relationships?

The key to why lies in your childhood, in how you learned to love in your family. You learned patterns of relating that became “imprinted” upon you, including how to deal (or not deal) with feelings and needs.

An excellent book that explains all this is How We Love by Milan and Kay Yerkovich. My husband and I are taking a marriage class based on the book.

The authors have a free Love Styles quiz on their website that tells you how you learned to love in your family. The patterns that you experienced will, without any kind of intervention, determine that “core pattern” of how you will relate in close relationships.

I recommend you take the Love Styles quiz, and find out what yours is. If you are part of the 75% of the population who did not learn a secure attachment style, you will be either an Avoider, a Pleaser, a Vacillator, a Victim, or a Controller–or any combination thereof!

After you take the quiz, you will be able to see just what those categories mean, how they play out in your relationships, and most importantly–what to do about it.

The key question is, ““Was it safe in my family to be vulnerable and talk about difficult feelings?”

I learned that I grew up in a family where emotions and talking about your inner life was simply a language nobody spoke. Being Highly Sensitive, one of my traits is “emotionally reactive.” In fact, I was often shamed for being “too sensitive.” But shame was not an emotion that anyone knew what to do with. So I was feeling things that had no place, no validation. I  was “speaking a language” that nobody else understood. No wonder I felt like an alien growing up!

And guess what injured “love style” I developed? Avoider, among others. I avoided those messy emotions as much as I could. After all, they made people reject you–or so I believed.

Trouble is, the energy from all those feelings has to go somewhere. Eventually, they went into my body and got expressed in physical symptoms. Until I found The Healing Codes, I didn’t really know what to do about my negative memories and troublesome feelings. Yes, I went to therapy and learned to somewhat “speak the language” of emotions. The main thing I learned was that there was a language, other people spoke it and seemed comfortable and fluent in it, and I could learn that, too.

With The Healing Codes, I began to understand that feelings were windows into the negative beliefs I was holding, and that I could actually find those feelings and negative beliefs and turn them into positive feelings based on truth and love.

I learned that negative feelings were simply clues that something was wrong. There was a lie I was believing somewhere, and if I could identify the lie and replace it with truth, I could actually be healed.

Lies are always at the bottom of the negative feelings.

This truth has helped me to begin to welcome feeling


Now that I had a tool to really deal with negative emotions and wrong beliefs–The Healing Codes–I realized that instead of stuffing whatever was bothering me, I could trace the feeling to the memory (when possible) and the lie I was believing. I could identify the truth and through prayer and a Healing Code, infuse the truth into my spirit, soul and body, and experience true healing.

And that is what I help my clients do now: trace the feelings to the memories (which sometimes are hidden, but I can test for them), identify the lies, and replace them with the truth in such a way that the heart can believe it, not just the head.

That is the way true healing and transformation happens.

So when you feel bad about something, you can rejoice! Your heart is telling you, “There’s something here to heal.” Find that something, heal it by replacing the negative feelings and lies with truth and love. (I have free Truth Focus Statements you can use for this purpose.)

Do this regularly, and you will begin to feel freer and happier than you ever thought possible. The longer you do this, the more you will heal. It’s a process and lifelong adventure, but I’m here to tell you, after 12 years of doing this healing work on myself and with hundreds of others, every area of your life can be transformed.

One feeling, one code, one day at a time….


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One of my favorite books of all time is a little book called Joyful Journey: Listening to Immanuel.

The authors mention a maxim in there, which I like and am trying to live by:
  • “Talk to God about everything.
  • “Do nothing out of fear.
  • “Love others deeply.”

Sounds good, doesn’t it? But how do we do it? Especially the “do nothing out of fear” part?

We Are Not Meant to Live in Fear

First, recognize and embrace that we are not meant to live in fear.

Fear does bad things to spirit, soul and body.

In our spirit, fear stunts our spiritual growth. Instead of the right kind of fear of God–awe at his greatness, wonder at his goodness–we can have a fear based on distorted images of God (he is mean, angry, punishing, out to get you–like, perhaps, a parent was?). This will keep us from the Source of love and life.

God does not want us to live in fear! I have heard that some form of “do not fear” is in the Bible 365 times. Once for each day of the year. (Maybe we’re allowed fear only every leap year!)

Fear also stunts our soul. It can cause us to miss our destiny. Jesus told a parable of a man who hid his talent (money) in the ground because he “knew his master was a hard [and unjust] man, so he was afraid” and did nothing with what he had been given. Fear keeps us from fulfilling our potential.

Fear will distort our perceptions  and lead to making bad decisions, ruining relationships–you get the picture.

And, of course, fear does bad things to the body. It keeps the sympathetic nervous system dominant, cortisol gets released along with a lot of other stress hormones that do a lot of damage over time.

So how do we “do nothing from fear”?

Recognize and Address the Fears

Look not just for specific fears, but what I think of as “baseline fears.” The kind of fears that are at the root of so many other fears.

For example, a fear of failure may really be a fear of rejection or judgment from others. Heal the fear of rejection, looking for memories of being rejected and/or judged.

Another “baseline” fear I recognize in myself and clients is fear of not being good enough, or worthy enough. Again, look for early memories and relationships where you felt that way. Heal that with The Healing Codes or Immanuel Prayer. Replace the lie that you’re not good enough with the truth that God makes you good enough. It’s not what you do, it’s a grace given that you can receive.

Here’s another baseline fear, one that marketers love to tap into: fear of missing out. Related to that: fear of not belonging. If you tend to succumb to manipulation tactics, one or both of these fears might be making you susceptible. Look for the underlying memories and beliefs that are the source of these fears, and heal those. You will find yourself automatically establishing better boundaries and enjoying healthier relationships.

Infuse the Positive

It’s not enough to heal the wounds, you also want to infuse and strengthen the positive. That’s what I like so much about The Healing Codes. It’s largely about infusing positive images and truths to negate the lies and hurtful memories. Immanuel Prayer is even better, as you invite the living presence of Jesus into those memories.

It’s impossible for our brains to hold a negative and positive thought at the same time.  So besides deliberately healing the fears you are aware of, consciously refocus your thoughts when they go to the negative place. Catch yourself, and replace it with a more positive focus.

You might even want to smile. I hear that actually does something in the brain.

This is not the same as “stuffing.” This is self-control. When you stuff a negative emotion or thought, you push it down, you don’t want to deal with it. When you practice self-control, you recognize what’s going on, and you deliberately choose not to give that thought any more time. At the same time, you are regularly making time to deal with what comes up. That’s the difference. With self-control, it’s more of a “not thinking about that now, I’ll deal with it in my healing work” or whenever it’s appropriate. But you do deal with it.

To “do nothing out of fear,” you need to deal with the fears, and practice self-control by deliberately refocusing on love and truth in the moment. I like to deliberately turn my focus to some memory when I just knew God was with me, or to appreciation of something good in my life. I remind myself that God is with me right this moment, and tune in to his presence. If there’s fear, I just talk to him about it, and affirm my trust that he can take care of everything.

Which brings me back to:

Talk to God about everything.

Do nothing out of fear.

Love others deeply.

It’s truly a wonderful way to live!

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I had no idea I was doing something on a daily (well, nightly) basis that was so damaging to my health: Not getting enough sleep.

I thought, like many people, that because I always woke up before the alarm went off, I was getting enough sleep. Usually it was 6-6.5 hours.

Why We Sleep: Unlocking the Power of Sleep and Dreams by Matthew Walker, PhDAccording to Matthew Walker, author of Why We Sleep, the research says that’s not enough. If you get less than 7-9 hours of sleep every night, you are endangering your health.

After even one night of less than 5 hours of sleep, natural killer cells (which kill cancer cells that appear in your body every day) drop by 70%. Just one night!

And routinely sleeping less than 6 or 7 hours a night increases your risk of cancer by 50%. And, “based on epidemiological data, any adult sleeping and average of 6.75 hours a night would be predicted to live only into their early sixties….” (p. 262). In an interview on NPR with Terry Gross, Walker said, “We also know that every disease that is killing us in developed nations has causal and significant links to a lack of sleep. And a lack of sleep defined as six hours of sleep or less.”


Walker cites many amazing studies, on everything from the sleep habits of various species, to what happened when high schools moved their start time an hour later (70% fewer car accidents, 212 points more on the SAT tests!). He calls himself “the sleep diplomat” and is out to help people understand the importance of sleep for our health and even societal well-being.

Take car crashes, for instance. Driving when drowsy is actually more dangerous than driving drunk!

He also points out that sleeping pills, alcohol and other drugs merely sedate you, they don’t help you get naturalistic sleep. Your “sleep” will not restore you as it’s meant to.

Though Walker takes a decidedly evolutionary approach, what he says about the function of sleep made me marvel at how God created us, and gave us this amazing, FREE source of nightly rejuvenation.

If only we will take it seriously….

Few books have actually changed my behavior. This one has.

What tipped me over the edge was learning that you can’t judge whether you’re sleep-deprived. You get acclimated to impaired performance, lower alertness, and reduced energy levels.

The bottom line is: If you’re not getting around 8 hours of sleep per night, you’re sleep deprived and are undermining your long-term health.

I am determined to get to bed earlier so that I can get my 8 hours of sleep that human beings apparently always need. Nothing can substitute.

As I address this issue in myself, I’m seeing just how many “heart issues” are involved. If you struggle with insomnia, I encourage you to read this book, work on whatever “heart issues” are preventing you from getting enough sleep. Follow the suggestions below, and get more help if you need it.

This one thing–getting enough sleep–may

literally save your life.

Here are some suggestions from the book on how to get more and better sleep:

  1.  Establish a regular bedtime and sake-up time, even on weekends.
  2. Go to bed only when sleepy and avoid sleeping on the couch early/mid-evenings.
  3. Never lie awake in bed for a significant time period; rather, get out of bed and do something quiet and relaxing until the urge to sleep returns.
  4. Avoid daytime napping if you are having difficulty sleeping at night.
  5. Reduce anxiety-provoking thoughts and worries by learning to mentally decelerate before bed (here’s where Healing Codes come in!).
  6. Remove visible clockfaces from view in the bedroom, preventing clock-watching anxiety at night. Also all screens, and don’t look at any screens at least an hour before bed.

There is an appendix with twelve other suggestions. Highly recommend the book!

And if you need help in finding and addressing the “heart issues” that may be undermining your ability to get a good night’s sleep every night, feel free to contact me for some Healing Codes coaching.


The other day, a client moaned to me, “That’s the story of my life.”

“Then that’s exactly what we need to address for healing,” I responded.

What’s “the story of your life”? That “heart matter” that keeps on popping up for you?

Here are some of the ones I commonly hear:

  • “No matter what I do, I can never quite get ahead.”
  • “People don’t pay attention to me. It’s like I’m invisible.”
  • “Never enough (money, time, love, joy, support….)”
  • “I’m never _____ enough (good/smart/attractive/etc.)”
  • “I never feel really loved for who I am.”
  • “I’m always getting blamed for things.”
  • “People always end up abusing/leaving/betraying me.”

Such negative patterns can usually be traced to unconscious beliefs based on interpretations of certain events in your life. But not only your own life–sometimes these patterns have their roots in “the way things have been” for generations.

The beliefs formed in our very early days or “absorbed” generationally get “hard-wired” in the unconscious and are difficult to access. This is where that “story of your life” becomes so valuable. Those themes that keep recurring are clues to what can lead to breakthroughs when they’re healed.

And the good news is–you can change these things!

You can rewrite the story of your life. Starting right now, you can create a new story.

The first step is to recognize the pattern. Articulate the story.

The Story of My Life

The “story of my life” can be summarized in one word: overwhelm.

As a Highly Sensitive Person, one of my traits is that I’m easily overstimulated. I was born this way. It didn’t help that the first 6 weeks or so of my life were spent in the NICU as a very sick baby. (I’m actually written up somewhere in a medical journal as being a “miracle baby.”) Back in those days, the NICU was an extremely stimulating place–with little to no normal human contact such as being held or cuddled.

One woman, who worked as a nurse in a NICU unit around the same year when I was there, looked back on those years and told me this: “The babies belonged to us [nurses]. The parents had nothing to do with their care. We lined them up in an assembly line and propped the bottle to feed them.”

When I heard this (just a few years ago), I realized why my mother and I never properly bonded. It was not her fault, nor mine. We never had the chance.

While I don’t have a conscious memory of that time, I do have either an imagined memory or spirit memory (I believe the human spirit records everything that happens to us), and it was of overwehelming noise and bright lights, never being able to rest, and loneliness. A fight for my life, and a sense that I would not survive if I didn’t please everyone.

These themes I have had to return to with The Healing Codes again and again.

Clues that you’re dealing with an unhealed memory

come up in the form of an irrational reaction to


For instance, one day my husband made a minor mistake.

Instead of taking it in stride, I freaked out.

Realizing my reaction was way out of proportion to the actual thing my husband did, I prayed about what the real issue was.

Strangely, I got this “memory” of being in that NICU. A supervisor was scolding a nurse, presumably my nurse, saying, “You can’t make a mistake in here. You could have killed that baby!” (“That baby” being me, of course.)

I can still “remember” it. How? I don’t know. A spirit memory, I guess. (I believe  sometimes spirit memories are accessible to the conscious mind.)

No wonder I was freaked out at someone making a mistake! To me, it was a matter of life and death, based on that memory.

(Another memory I’ve had to heal is my first-grade teacher making us take the erasers off our pencils because “it encouraged us to make mistakes.” One night when doing my homework, I made a mistake on the paper, realized it, and erased it as best I could. That teacher noticed I had used an eraser and marked it wrong, even though it was correct. Message: you can’t ever correct a mistake once it’s made.)

Can you see why I became a perfectionist, terrified of making a mistake–or of someone else making a mistake that could affect me?

Heal the Story of Your Life and Experience a Breakthrough!

Many times when we heal this “story of my life” theme, we experience a breakthrough.

I knew I was healed of my “mistake issue” when my husband made a mistake some time after, and I took it in stride. Our marriage got a lot better as I was less anxious and therefore less critical of him making mistakes.

The bigger issue that was healed was my relationship with my mother. We got very close after she and I had both healed in many ways, including that lack of early bonding.

Who knows what breakthroughs you may experience when you heal “the story of your life”?

And if you would like some personalized help with identifying those “heart matters,” just go to my Healing Codes Coaching website to find out how I can help you.





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Do you get as tired as I do of the endless marketing that assaults us at every turn?

Don’t get me wrong. Honest marketing and advertising, where someone tells you honestly about the real benefits of a great product they believe in, and allows you to make your own informed decision–I’m all for that. After all, it’s what I do myself.

I’m talking about the advertising that is manipulative. That plays on your insecurities.

The kind that’s all about money. Feeling good in the moment. Power.

Of course, what those advertisers want us to believe is that we will get these things if we buy their products. The real underlying message is, “You need something from outside you to make you feel good.”

That sure doesn’t sound like we’re very free. We’re dependent on other things, outside of us, that we can’t really control, to make us feel significant, valued, secure.

I don’t buy it!

My identity and security IS tied to something

outside myself, but it’s not a “thing.” Read More→

Several people responded to my article on anger, in which I mentioned the soul and spirit, asking the question, “What’s the difference between the two?”

I responded in the Comments for that post, but thought I’d make it more visible here.

Some people don’t distinguish between spirit and soul, but Arthur Burk makes some useful distinctions, based on 1 Thessalonians 5:23: “Now may the God of peace himself sanctify you completely, and may your whole spirit and soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.”

The soul is the mind, will, and (conscious) emotions, and is somewhat tied to the physical. So, for instance, the soul develops as the brain develops. We can help the soul grow by developing better thinking habits.

Soul memories may be more tied to brain development. These kind of memories can often, I believe, be healed through traditional psychological interventions, such as cognitive therapy. The soul is important. But the soul and body both are actually quickened by the spirit.

The human spirit is the completely non-physical part of us, and I believe starts at conception (if not before, with God; not sure how that works). The spirit has memory and feeling (deeper than emotions). The spirit memories are, I believe, what science now calls “cellular memories.” That is why one can have a “cellular memory” from the time in the womb.

Notice that in the scripture above, the order is “spirit, soul, and body.” Spirit comes first. That is why Arthur Burk can report such great results when mothers and fathers start blessing their baby’s spirit in the womb. Arthur says it gives the babies about a 10-month lead, because the “soul” doesn’t start to develop until the myelin sheath in the brain develops to a certain point. But the spirit records everything in every cell (cellular memory), and the spirit also, I believe, interacts with both soul and body.

My schematic is that the human spirit is meant to be connected to God’s Spirit, and then the human spirit is supposed to control both body and soul.

That is why, when you heal the wounds of the spirit–“heart issues”–everything improves. Physical health improves because the spirit is able to instruct the body how to heal, and the blocks to healing have been removed. The soul heals because the spirit is informing and infusing emotions and thought patterns with truth and love.  Thus relationships and one’s ability to succeed improve.

And that’s why, when you heal your spirit/heart matters with something like The Healing Codes and/or healing prayer, everything else improves.

Always focus on healing the spirit and getting it in right relationship with the Source of all life. Everything else just seems to flow from that. God’s Spirit, connected with your spirit, flowing life and love to body and soul. . . .

Is Anger Always Bad?

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Do you ever struggle with anger issues?

Some people believe that anger is always bad. I’ve heard one teacher say, “Anger is a sign that you have a wrong goal.”

Well, maybe. Sometimes. But I think anger is more like a light on the car dashboard, signaling that something is wrong.

When you are abused in some way–and it can be overt or covert, subtle or blatant–I believe you are wired to get angry about it.

The problem is, when you’re a child and someone abuses you, you have no frame of reference for knowing that this thing that was done to you was bad.

No frame of reference, except that part of your human spirit that makes you angry. I believe God built something into us that tells us when something is not right.

And it’s in our spirit, not our soul. It’s an internal “lie detector” which we can actually access now. (That’s what muscle testing does: helps us feel inside our bodies what our spirit senses is true or false, good or bad for us.)

Arthur Burk, who has done much study and teaching about both the human spirit and ministering to babies in the womb, tells of a horrifying yet fascinating experiment an obstetrician conducted on his pregnant patients.

While doing an ultrasound, the doctor would speak thus to the mother, in quiet, soothing tones, “I’m very sorry, but your baby’s heart is not beating. Your baby has died in your womb.”

That was a lie. The mother didn’t know it–but the baby did! It would start kicking the mother, as if to say, “He’s a liar. I’m very much alive.”

The baby’s brain and body were not developed enough to understand what the doctor was saying. But the baby’s spirit knew–and responded! I suspect that was an angry kick! The baby’s spirit picked up on the energy of the lie, because the human spirit operates on the level of energy.

Which brings me to another thing about anger: it’s an energy.

Using the Energy of Anger–Constructively

Anger carries energy. That energy often works against you. You lash out and harm a relationship, or you repress it and it goes inward and morphs into depression or addiction.

Anger is a very strong energy, and it needs to be channeled correctly.

When it’s unresolved, it can grow into bitterness. That’s the real problem–not the anger, but the bitterness and broken relationships that can come afterward.

So is anger something you should try to heal?

Go Deeper

Often I find anger is not the primary issue. I go deeper.

Is the anger really masked hurt? (This is often the case with men in particular, or when negative emotions were not allowed in one’s family.)

Has the anger turned to bitterness? Then the bitterness needs to be addressed.

Often the anger needs to be acknowledged as legitimate, and that in itself can be healing. When someone gets sad and angry on your behalf because of the abuse you experienced, that may be just the validation and comfort you need to start to heal the trauma and move on. (See my article on trauma.)

So when you’re angry, I encourage you to dig a little deeper. Is there an underlying pain of hurt and sadness to address? Has it led to bitterness, or harmful actions such as addictions that mask the pain? Address those.

Let anger be the caution light on your dashboard, alerting you that something is wrong. Heal the underlying issue.

And then use the energy of that anger to spark you to make positive changes.

And if you need help in identifying the underlying issues, I’m here to help you with some great tools that speed and deepen healing. Go to https://HealingCodesCoaching.com to find out more.

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In my last post, I wrote about how to prevent a painful event from becoming a trauma–for yourself. 

Now I’d like to share a story that beautifully illustrates how, through simple acts of kindness, we can prevent an event from becoming a trauma for others.

This comes from Cheryl Richards’s newsletter, dated July 1, 2018. Cheryl is the author of several books, her latest being Waking Up in Winter: In Search of What Really Matters at Midlife. Here is what she wrote.

It happened in an eat-in-the-rough restaurant in Bar Harbor, Maine. My friend Melissa and I had just ordered our meal when a boy walked into the room balancing a large tray on his shoulder. It was covered with several plates of food.

A family of five behind us was about to get their dinner.

As the boy stooped down to slide the tray onto the serving stand, a heaping plate of onion rings shifted and the whole tray went crashing to the floor.

Everyone in the restaurant stopped eating.

The family of five turned in their seats and gazed down at the onion rings, french fries and fried clams that were strewn all over the deck.

The boy stood in the middle of the mess, looking stunned and embarrassed.

That’s when it happened.…

A waiter came rushing into the room – a young man who looked to be in his late twenties. He stopped at the entrance when he saw the food scattered about the young man’s feet. We all took a collective breath as we anticipated his next move.

He stood quietly for a few seconds assessing the damage, then knelt down and started cleaning up the mess.

“It’s okay,” he said in a calm, loving voice as he scraped food off the floor. “It happens to all of us.”

The frightened boy slowly leaned down next to him to help pick up the plates.

“Please don’t feel bad,” the waiter continued as he playfully tousled the boy’s hair. “We all make mistakes. You’ll forget about this in no time.”

Melissa and I looked at each other, tears brimming in our eyes. A hushed silence filled the room. The waiter’s kindness was palpable. I’m sure everyone in the restaurant felt it.

Now there’s a model for how to be a good human being, I said to Melissa as we resumed eating our meal.

A beautiful lesson in choosing kindness under pressure.

I think about kindness and compassion a lot these days.  With so much divisiveness here in the U.S., I remind myself of how important it is to contribute something good and helpful and healing to others.

I also think about that young man at the restaurant and the example he set of grace under pressure, his impulse for choosing kindness over reaction and drama.

You never know when life’s going to present you with a teacher, do you?  That young waiter gives me hope for our future.

Thanks, Cheryl. You have given us a powerful picture not only of kindness in action, but of how to prevent a traumatic memory in another person. That young waiter who made the mistake will now have a memory of grace and kindness, rather than a memory of humiliation and failure, for the rest of his life. And so will the others who witnessed this scene, and who read these words….

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