Reclaiming A Childhood Joy—And A Piece Of Myself
By“Our inner child, full of wonder, stays with us no matter how old we get.
“There’s a part of me that’s still ten and a half. There’s another part of me that’s 15. That part of you stays alive.
“Who we are changes over time—but some things stay the same.”
Did you read a lot as a child? Do you have favorite books that somehow shaped you?
I have begun to reread some of my favorite childhood books. Books that I absolutely loved as a child, though then perhaps I didn’t know quite why.
Revisiting them now is an interesting exercise in reconnecting with my younger selves, from the perspective of my old(er) self.
I’m reading fiction, though as a child I also read a lot of nonfiction. I don’t remember the nonfiction, but I do remember the novels.
Photo by Alexandra
When I began reading books as a child, I fell in love with words. That paved the way to my major in college, and my career as a writer, author, editor. Words are my play, my music, my expression and gifts to the world.
Yet, for many years more recently, I didn’t read even one novel.
I’m not sure why I gave up reading for pleasure, though I do remember when. The last novel I read, before I recently discovered the Libby app and audiobooks, was in 2016. Imagine that—me, a literature major in college, not reading even one novel for 9 years!
That was the year life got really crazy, and I put away that pleasure as duty called me to deal with the deaths of people and pets, settling two messy estates, basement floods, mold remediation, health issues in myself and others, losing health insurance, estrangement of family members, a broken foot, major surgery, and caregiving.
Now that I’ve rediscovered the library app and free audiobooks (the only way I can “read” these days), I’ve read 4 novels in as many weeks as I go about my tasks of cooking, cleaning, laundry, doing my physical therapy exercises, and simple decluttering,. (The more intense kind cannot be done multi-tasking.)
As I read these resurrected novels, it’s like giving voice to these younger selves. I’ve found myself weeping at times, as at last I understand why certain novels touched me so. How they validated my deepest feelings, which were not validated in any other way. How they showed me a larger life than the rather small, constricted life reflected in my family and neighborhood.
I believe books saved me from a sad and lonely childhood. They taught me more about life than my family ever did. I believe they also developed my natural empathy. There’s nothing like relating to characters in a novel, with the many viewpoints and perspectives, to help you develop empathy for real people. One of the most important and lasting lessons from A Peaceable Kingdom was that we almost never know the full story behind a person’s behavior, and if we did know the full story, we’d not judge them so. Story can do that for you.
Fiction helped me to feel. I grew up with Childhood Emotional Neglect, and yet as a highly sensitive person, feelings were my first language. Imagine being shamed for “speaking” this language. When I read books like Anne of Green Gables (my current novel I’m rereading), I think it must have helped me see both the range of emotions one can feel and how to express them (Anne), and what happens to a person who has repressed them all her life (Marilla). A Little Princess helped me to see that one can keep a core sense of dignity and self even in the face of others’ indifference and cruelty.
Both books also validated that having an intense imagination, which I shared, was a strength, not a weakness. I had to smile when I read in Anne of Green Gables, her question to Marilla: “Do you ever imagine things?” I had asked the same question of my mother once when I was about 7. Both woman said no. I shared Anne’s bewilderment as to how one could get through life without imagining things.
I also just reread some of the books that were meaningful to me as an adult. And I read a totally new book, a contemporary novel that made me want to start writing letters to everyone I know (The Correspondent by Virginia Evans). Amazon describes it as “an intimate novel about the transformative power of the written word and the beauty of slowing down to reconnect with the people we love.” For me, it combined the theme of my whole life–the love of words–and the current tasks before me in my “wisdom years.”
It was an added delight to text a friend, with whom I’ve recently reconnected after years of drifting away, and find out she too was revisiting her favorite books, and just finished Anne of Green Gables and plans on continuing the series, as I am.
What books did you love as a child? What did they do for you? Have you gone back to reread any of them? What was that like? I’d love to know! Post a comment on the blog to share with others as well.
