Archive for gratitude
My Gratitude Challenge
Posted by: | CommentsHave you noticed that the older you get, the bigger the challenges seem to be?
Whether it’s your own health or the health of a loved one, an estranged family member, children who are struggling (seems like so many young people are struggling these days), financial woes, societal issues—all seem to hit harder as we age. (Or is it just me?)
And sometimes everything seems to crash down at once.If you find yourself struggling to keep your head above the waters of adversity, you might try something I’ve been doing that has empowered me.
Photo by Alex Padurariu
There are two aspects to this.
The first is to realize the “50/50 of life”: that on average, life is 50% good and 50% bad or unpleasant.
Now, sometimes we’re in a place where it’s 25% good, 75% “bad,” and we need to acknowledge that. I have learned the hard way that refusing to acknowledge the “sucky” parts of life only pushes the negative feelings down, where they could end up manifesting in some kind of bodily symptom.
Even so, acknowledging that life is both “good” and “bad” or difficult, will keep you grounded.
Then, the challenge becomes to consciously look for good, the joyful, the beautiful, the noble, the hopeful. As Paul the Apostle wrote (from prison, mind you), whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things” (Philippians 4:8).
Photo by Erwan Hesry
Celebrate whatever you can.
No doubt you’ve heard all this before (but reminders don’t hurt). The thing I’m adding, my “gratitude challenge,” is to ask of the things that don’t go my way, “How can this be good?”
Since I believe the promise of Romans 8:28, that God works all things together for good to those who love him and are called to his purpose, I trust that God can bring something good out of anything.
Some people believe that God deliberately brings hard things in their lives to “teach them something.” To me, that lines up more with the feeling of a punitive parent rather than the compassionate God I have come to know.
So what I believe is this: That this world is not yet as it should be (see Genesis 3), but God is busy turning that around.
“Behold, I am making all things new” Jesus promises in the last book of the Bible. It’s one of my favorite verses. I think of this work as the current job description of the Holy Spirit.
I’ve seen it in so many instances in my life, and I’m sure you can too, if you look: times when God turned something “bad” into something good in some way.
Not just always to “teach us a lesson,” but to bring us somehow more into the kind of person who reflects his qualities of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness and self-control.
When I ask, “How can this be good?” my imagination is engaged as I think of possible ways something good can come out of a bad situation. And I remind myself that God is infinitely more creative than me; he can think up—and execute—many more positive possibilities than I can.
Imagining possible good outcomes shifts your brain and your energy from fear, anxiety, anger, etc., to curiosity, which is a higher vibration. Who knows, could this make it easier, so to speak, for God to actually bring something good out of the situation? Could it make us more receptive to what God wants to do in our life? I wonder . . .
Photo by Gabrielle Henderson
Another “higher vibration” switch is to allow yourself to feel gratitude, and actively thank God for either something else that is good in your life, or the fact that he can bring good out of this bad situation.
Keeping a gifts journal has proved a tremendous help with all this. Not only does it enable me to refocus on the positive things in my life, but it provides a written record of how God did the second thing—turn “bad” into something good—which bolsters my faith.
Perhaps this Thanksgiving, whether you celebrate it or not, you can start, restart, or gladly continue the practice of keeping a gifts journal and exercising your imagination to think of possible ultimately good outcomes to the challenges you face.
As you do, you will be practicing that “both/and” thinking that I talked about last week, that fosters resilience: “this unpleasant thing is both difficult, and I am grateful that __________.”
Fill in the blank with the pleasant aspects of your life, and/or the possibilities of good that you envision.
See if that can help you find a ray of joy even in the darkest of times. It does for me.
Photo by Clark Wilson
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Grief, Grace, Gratitude, and Grit
Posted by: | CommentsThis post was written in late November, 2020.
My mother left this earth on November 19, 2020. Marie Boos Filakovsky was 88.
There is grief. It’s showing up as lethargy, insomnia, fatigue, and sadness. I am always amazed at how strong the mother-daughter bond is.
Mom and I had a complicated relationship. The product of Childhood Emotional Neglect herself, she passed that on. She married a good man, my father, and lived out the 1950s script of a good Catholic girl, wife, and mother.
Mom and me, Aug. 2017
I never knew who she really was.
Until she was 78.
That’s when I started giving her custom Healing Codes. And I watched her change.
The changes in my mother solidified for me the power of The Healing Codes.
I can still remember the day she asked me how I was doing—and meant it. Before that, our weekly calls were mostly about her. It didn’t feel like she really was interested in me. Until that day.
From then on, she opened her heart more and more. I discovered to my astonishment that she had a tender, sensitive heart. For most of her life, she had hidden it under layers of socialization. Once she said to me, “You are giving me what I should have given you,” i.e. emotional support.
Then she had a stroke. And a second one, in 2017. After that, communication was very difficult. In a way, I lost the mother I’d just found.
A few weeks ago she was put on palliative care, and it was really difficult not to go out there. But with COVID-19, I just couldn’t risk flying out, for her sake and mine. I was told that it was too taxing for her to talk on the phone.
It was so hard, being cut off from her in her last days. Read More→
“When Your Heart is Full of Gratitude, There’s No Room for . . .”
Posted by: | CommentsA friend of mine said something to me I’ve been mulling over ever since.
This friend, Clare Masters, has had incredible health challenges (read her gofundme posts here). Botched surgeries, constant pain, and the pressure of trying to live on $4000/year could easily have stolen her life.
While every day is a challenge for Clare, you would never know it if you talked to her. She is always positive, always looking for ways to give back. She’s the kind of person you want to help out as much as you can. She never complains (though if you ask and really want to know, she’ll be honest), and she’s always looking for ways to give to you.
At a recent hospital stay, a nurse asked her how she is able to stay so positive. Why wasn’t she bitter about the cards life handed her? Read More→
How “Gratitude Plus” Healed My Depression
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After my daughter was born, in 1995, I fell into a pretty severe post-partem depression.
It was probably caused by a combination of taking my thyroid medication at the wrong time, hormone imbalances, and lack of sleep.
This was way before The Healing Codes came into my life. I didn’t know what to do. I did seek medical help, but oddly, I didn’t get any. All I remember is the doctor saying, “Your color is good” (did he ever hear of makeup?), and basically doing nothing. I was too exhausted and depressed to keep seeking help.
So what I did was pray. And God gave me His prescription, which was pretty simple.
God’s Prescription for My Depression
Just three steps.
1. Write “morning pages” first thing when I wake up. Three pages of longhand in a 9×11 lined notebook. Brain dumping, whatever comes into my head.
I’ve been doing that every single day, just about, since 1995.
The effect is wonderful. I get all the junk out, first thing every day. Sometimes I write down dreams. Only occasionally do I get a few good ideas that I can use in my work. Mostly it’s stream-of-consciousness dribble I doubt anyone would find remotely interesting.
I realized later, though, how clever and efficient God is. Not only did this practice stand in for a more expensive counselor; it also made me a better, more fluent writer. I have not experienced writer’s block for decades.
2. Walk every day in the morning. This is the second thing God told me to do for my depression. Later I read that many studies say this is at least as effective as medication. God knew that already!
3. The third thing was to notice the gifts of each day, and write them down. Many people keep “gratitude journals,” but this felt a little different. I was to deliberately connect God to it: What felt like a gift from God that day?
The more I looked, the more I saw. I challenged myself to find at least 3 gifts every day.
Many people keep “gratitude journals,” and that is a very good practice. But for me, thinking of it as a “gifts journal” makes it “gratitude plus.” Noticing and writing down things that feel like gifts from God–somehow it takes gratitude to a whole new level.
For me, it takes gratitude out of the realm of “principle” (gratitude is good for you because it focuses you on the positive, which of course is true), to the personal. When you keep a gifts journal, it’s all about noticing and fully receiving what the supreme Giver has given to you. These are connection points, in time and space, when you received something from a Person that you can’t see. The gifts are footprints of God’s presence in your life.
I started keeping that “gifts journal” in 1995, and in a couple of years I had enough to fill a book. The book of my heart, Abundant Gifts, was published first by Tyndale House in 1999 and then republished in 2004 by New Hope Publishers, after famous author Jan Karon said, “God speaks to me from Diane’s pen.”
Keeping track of the things that feel like gifts has been totally life-changing for me.
Just yesterday, I got another “abundant gift.” My office chair needed replacing; it was starting to affect my back. My husband also needed one.
Well, my son came home with two free chairs from his office! But here’s the real gift: someone in our neighborhood was giving away an office chair–the same day. That was the one that suited me best. God picked out my new office chair! In one day, God supplied, for free, office chairs for me, my husband and son.
Some people call these “gifts from the Universe.” If that’s your belief, fine. But to me, it’s much more personal than that. I’d rather receive from “the Father of lights”: “Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change” (James 1:17). Isn’t that beautiful?
Keeping a gifts journal pulled me out of depression, and led to a book that blessed thousands. Whenever I’m down, I get back to keeping my gifts journal.
I hope you will consider doing the same. Look for at least 3 things every day that felt like gifts. The more you look, the more you’ll find!
And oh–don’t forget to thank the Giver. That completes the blessing. The Giver loves to be acknowledged and thanked, just as we do.
If you would like to download the same “Abundant Gifts Journal” I use, for free, go here.
And if you would like some coaching to make a better connection with the Giver and become more Aligned with your divine design, check out my coaching.
From Fear to Peace
Posted by: | CommentsThere’s a lot of fear out there these days.
I have noticed with clients that their own fears have been triggered by what’s going on in the world. The Highly Sensitive among us are especially susceptible to picking up on fear from others, adding to their own fears.
Back in 1933, the U.S. was facing another fearful time: the Great Depression. In President Frnaklin Delano Roosevelt’s Inaugural speech, he uttered the famous words, “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.” While one may quibble with that sentiment, there is truth, I think, to the idea that fear is a force that itself can bring on no good thing.
As mentioned in The Healing Code, the fear or stress response dumbs us down; makes us sick; drains our energy; suppresses our immune system; increases our pain; raises our blood pressure; destroys relationships; causes anger, depression, shame, and worth and identity issues; and causes us to do everything from a negative perspective.
So how do you resist fear without sticking your head in the sand? Here are my suggestions. Read More→
Give Thanks for–Bee Stings?
Posted by: | CommentsSeveral months ago, I posted about the incredible stresses my family has experienced all at once.
That was back in December.
Things only got worse after that. Much worse. And they’ve continued until … now.
I honestly don’t know where I’d be without The Healing Codes during this time. That, and the things I mentioned in that earlier post.
It’s been a life-lab showing me exactly how The Healing Codes help you deal with stress.
The Healing Codes don’t do anything to prevent the kinds of outward stresses I’m facing (death of a loved one, financial pressures, major upheavals in schedule and living, technology hassles, betrayal by friends, legal issues, blah blah blah).
What they do for me is keep me current with reality. Because so much has already healed, I wasn’t “triggered” as much as I would otherwise have been.
When I was triggered–when something bothered me way more than the situation warranted–then I looked for the “heart issue” to heal.
When you’re healed, you have much more energy to deal with current reality, and you’re dealing ONLY with current reality.
Photo by Enrique Vidal Flores
So, for instance, if you’re rejected by someone (or you perceive you are), if you have unhealed rejection memories the recent rejection will feel like you’re being stung by a hive of bees. Each “bee sting” would be an unhealed memory of rejection.
But when those memories are healed, that recent rejection will be just like one bee sting. Unpleasant, but you can deal with it.
As these multiple stresses come at me, I can tell which ones are triggering an unhealed memory and which are not. I go to work on addressing the unhealed memories that get triggered. And before long, I am back to dealing just with the current stressor.
The one bee sting.
And either way, I thank God.
I thank God when I am able to deal with just an issue at hand. I thank Him for the healing I’ve received already in that area.
When I do get triggered, I thank God for the stressor because it is uncovering an issue that can now be healed.
Thanksgiving: Good for Your Health
Posted by: | Comments“Gratitude is a vaccine, an antitoxin, and an antiseptic.”
— John Henry Jowett
What if you could improve your marriage, find it easier to exercise, feel less depressed, sleep better, have a healthier heart, more life satisfaction, and increase your chances of living longer–just by a very simple practice?
