Archive for highly sensitive person
Subtraction—The Best Way to Change?
Posted by: | Comments
In a recent post I wrote about how I’ve dubbed this year, when I’m 66, “the year to fix—or nix.”
By “nix” I mean: subtract.
Most of us, when we think of changes we want to make in our lives, go directly to addition. We buy a new course that promises the result we desire. We add new routines, new rules.
How often do we even think of subtracting?
A fascinating article by Leidy Klotz, author of Subtract: The Untapped Science of Less, explores how we naturally tend to add when we’re trying to solve a problem. He even conducted experiments to prove this.
Taking things away, Klotz’s experiments show, just doesn’t occur to people naturally.
Photo by Luis Villasmil on Unsplash
Why is this? One of his experiments points to a possible answer: cognitive overload. We have too many things to deal with at once, and this cuts into our ability to think of a wide range of solutions—including subtraction.
(Sound familiar, fellow Highly Sensitive Person?)
Our minds tend to add before taking away, and this is holding us back.
We pile on “to-dos” but don’t consider “stop-doings.” We create incentives for good behavior, but don’t get rid of obstacles to it. We collect new-and-improved ideas, but don’t prune the outdated ones. Every day, across challenges big and small, we neglect a basic way to make things better: we don’t subtract.
Thus we get houses with more stuff than we can manage (and studies have shown that clutter increases cortisol levels—bad for our health). We get institutions bogged down by more and more rules and regulations. Children get more rules, grown-ups deal with federal regulations that are 20 times as long as they were in 1950. (And what about all the rules added since the pandemic? Time to subtract—yes, yes and YES!)
Whatever you’re hoping to change in 2023, consider how subtraction plays in. Apparently it’s not as natural to think of (or implement) than adding, but could that be due more to culture than nature? Leidy Klotz’s two-year-old son solved a Lego problem by taking something away; Leidy only thought of adding.
Could it be our culture of “fast, more, be productive” is what keeps our brains from considering subtraction?
(I see the inclination to add in myself a lot. For instance, in thinking about this topic, I’m tempted to get minimalist expert Joshua Becker’s Uncluttered course. But—would that be adding something that would take more time, when I could be using that time to do the actual decluttering—the subtracting? There’s proof right there that my natural tendency is to add….)
At least now I’m aware that I automatically think of adding, and it often doesn’t occur to me to subtract. Awareness leads to new options, to choice.
Perhaps we shut off the idea of subtraction because we unconsciously equate it with loss. But is it loss if we consciously choose it? It doesn’t feel like loss to me when I choose to let something go. At least, there’s a counter-balancing reason to let it go that’s greater than the urge to keep it.
Photo by Nguyen Thu Hoai on Unsplash
As I’ve pondered this in the dead of winter, I realize: subtracting should not be any big insight, nor does it have to be seen as loss. Every fall, much in nature is subtracted: the leaves on the trees, green grass, flowers. Every year, at least those of us with four seasons get a reminder that in order to replenish, we must subtract and allow things to lie fallow for a while.
If you’re a gardener, you know it’s important to prune, to deadhead, if you want fruit and blooms.
Nature renews itself through subtraction.
And so can we. We can choose nature over culture. We can prune to promote growth and renewal.
If you are longing for renewal, for a deeper sense of purpose and fulfillment in 2023, contact me (diane at healingcodescoaching.com) and we’ll set up an appointment to explore how you can heal your heart issues and Align with Your Divine DesignTM for a sense of purpose, connection, and better overall health.
Are You Neglecting This Crucial Pillar of Health?
Posted by: | CommentsOn one of my routine checkups, my doctor reminded me of four pillars of health: sleep, nutrition, stress management, exercise.
When I googled “pillars of health” I came up with anywhere from 3-12 suggestions.
Most of them mentioned, in one way or another, “connections.” It is this that has taken the biggest hit with the pandemic, yet it’s so crucial to our emotional, spiritual, and even physical health.
So today I’d like to guide you to explore what your “crucial connections” are, if and how they’ve become disconnected during the pandemic, and how you can reconnect.
What are your “crucial connections”?
By this I mean, what kinds of connections do you absolutely need to be well in spirit, mind, soul and body?
CC BY-NC-ND by true2source
It’s not the same for everyone. For instance, Extroverts get their energy from connections to the external world, while Introverts gain energy from connections to their inner world.
Extroverts need connections to the outer world in terms of travel, social gatherings, visits to museums, volunteer work. All these took a big hit of course with the pandemic and the changes it wrought.
You may think Introverts fare better with the isolation of the pandemic, but that may not be true. Introverts still need people, they just need fewer and deeper connections. These too are harder to come by because of the pandemic.
Highly Sensitive People (HSP), whether Introverts or Extroverts, usually need connections with nature and a spiritual practice. Nature often soothes the Highly Sensitive soul like nothing else.
We all need connections to people we care about and who care about us. It takes time and effort to keep those relationships going. It’s all too easy to let friendships slide when you can’t get together in person. Yes, there is Zoom and Facetime, but connection through a screen is just not the same as a steady diet.
A crucial connection is a connection to God. You may have a block here—many of us do, from bad experiences with religion and/or parents who were not very godly.
This needs to be healed. A spiritual connection is crucial to a sense that our lives have meaning and purpose—proven to be a key ingredient to health and healing.
For instance, Dr. Ben Johnson credited a big part of his healing from ALS to his faith and his will to live. I believe these things are key to activating and amplifying the healing power of The Healing Codes. From working with thousands of clients, I have seen those with an active faith healing at a different pace and level than those with little or no spiritual connection.
What about connection to your body? How aware are you of what your body is telling you, in terms of its needs? If your body were to talk to you, what would it be saying? (Hint: it is talking to you.)
Then there are more personalized connections that are important. For instance, I need to feel connected to my books, to ideas. Some people need music to feel alive or fully themselves. Some need a beautiful, orderly environment.
Do a little self-assessment. What are your most important connections? Have any of them gotten neglected or torpedoed in the last year? What can you do about reconnecting?
For me, I realized some of my important relationships have been neglected. So I reached out. It was an effort, in some ways, because my life has become more complicated and there are more things to deal with now.
I’m finding myself more exhausted by “screens,” yet phone calls or Zoom get-togethers are often the only options, so I limit other exposure to screens. For instance, I don’t watch online video summits anymore. This way I can use the “screen time” to connect with the important people in my life.
When I reconnected with my body, it told me clearly that sleep has to be my #1 priority, and that I need more “breath breaks” throughout the day. (Click here for an audio “Voo breathing.”) Slowing down is not easy for me, but it’s a message my body keeps sending me.
After reassessing, what is the ONE THING you will commit to in the next week to make a change? It does not have to be a big thing. My motto: “A little is better than nothing.”
Once you decide on your One Thing, ask yourself what do you need to do differently to make your commitment happen?
For me, the commitment is to be to be IN BED before 11pm. What I need to do differently: set my alarm for when I will quit and start to wind down for the evening. And actually STOP when it goes off!
As I go through the week, if I find myself NOT doing what I need to do, I will stop to figure out why? Did I fall prey to doing “just one more thing,” did I get distracted by my phone, did I find I was just too tired and so went slower, did I not take into account the things that must be done before bedtime?
(Feel free to ask me whether I did it in a week!)
Assess your connections on a regular basis, and address any blocks with your healing practices. Keeping those crucial connections strong could be THE thing that will turn things around for you.
And if you need anyone to come alongside you in this endeavor—sometimes we can’t see it ourselves—or need someone to whom you are accountable, consider getting coaching at HealingCodesCoaching.com.
Gifts from My Mentors
Posted by: | CommentsFrom Thanksgiving to Christmas, I like to acknowledge the people who have enriched my life during the past year.
This includes, of course, my personal friends and colleagues. But you don’t know them. You can know and benefit from some of my “virtual mentors,” and those are the ones I want to tell you about.
As I reflected on those whose work has enriched either my spirit, soul, mind or body through sharing their expertise, several people came to mind.
Spirit. The most influential–and healing–approach I have ever come across is the Immanuel Approach, developed by Dr. Karl Lehman, a psychiatrist and the author of Outsmarting Yourself and The Immanuel Approach (which we Immanuel Prayer ministers, and he, refer to as “the big lion book” because it’s exhaustive at 759 pages!). From Outsmarting Yourself, I learned about “implicit memory” and how we get triggered, and how to calm body and mind. Dr. Karl Lehman’s work is all about how to let God come in and be with you in the pain, and thus heal it.
I was trained by Margaret Webb and Jessie Handy from Alive and Well in Immanuel Prayer, and continued with training from Dr. Karl Lehman through his Advanced Training seminar and monthly meetings in which local prayer ministers gather to watch and discuss a video of Dr. Lehman facilitating someone in Immanuel Approach. I also meet every other week with other prayer ministers to give and receive Immanuel Prayer. Read More→
How to Fully Process a Feeling
Posted by: | CommentsDo you know how to fully process your emotions?
I sure didn’t, for most of my life. I grew up in a family where emotions were never talked about. (I now know it’s called Childhood Emotional Neglect.) Sometimes people were angry or sad (hardly anything else), but I never saw anyone work through any of it, not even when something really tragic happened. I got the sense that feelings were a great inconvenience to other people. So I just stuffed them.
Making things worse, for me, was that I was born with the trait of High Sensitivity Processing, shared by 15-20% of the population. One of the four main aspects of the trait is “emotional responsiveness.” As a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP), I was literally wired to be emotional. Yet it was a language that wasn’t spoken. No wonder I felt like I didn’t belong anywhere!
It wasn’t until I met April, in my twenties, that I got a clue that emotions might actually be useful. April was the first truly emotionally healthy person I had ever met up to that point.
I got to know April really well from being in a small group at my church with her and her husband Bob, among others, for many years. She would regularly ask, “How do you feel about that?” or “How are you really?” And you knew she really cared, so you opened up to her. No surprise that she went on to become a licensed social worker, and a very successful therapist.
I recently saw April, and she spoke openly about what it’s been like to grieve the loss of her wonderful husband, Bob, with whom she had been in love since they were both 13. Bob was very special to my husband and me, as well.
Talking to April again, seeing how thoroughly she was processing her grief, reminded me how important it is to know how to feel and work through emotions so that they are fully processed. I hope what follows will help you in your own healing work. Read More→
3 Lessons from Clients from All Over the World
Posted by: | Comments
Tonight I met with my first client from China to do a Coach-Guided Healing Code.
It got me to thinking about the hundreds of clients I’ve worked with over the past 9 years of being a certified Healing Codes Coach-Practitioner, and what I’ve learned and observed.
First, I have the most wonderful clients in the world. Surprisingly, the vast majority of my clients are also Highly Sensitive. It’s surprising only because Highly Sensitive People only make up around 20% of the population, yet they comprise at least 80% of my clients. Perhaps it’s because The Healing Codes are so attractive to HSPs. It is a gentle process that involves meditation–an approach well-suited to HSPs.
With only one exception (more on that below), all of my clients are remarkably motivated to heal. Many of them have had overwhelming obstacles to overcome–abuse of all kinds, tremendous health challenges, financial hardships, and difficult relationship issues.
Yet they are not giving up! They are not victims. And, because of their commitment to their own healing, they do overcome. Many have dramatic breakthroughs.
These clients bolster my faith in the human spirit. Most people do want to be healthy and happy. God put that desire into us, and I believe he works with us to bring that about. With that commitment and help from God, it’s amazing how much people can overcome.
The one exception? A client with ALS whose doctor brought him to me as a last resort. The doctor warned me that she had little hope of his recovering, and soon I learned why. The man was completely devoid of love for anyone, including himself. I think we got through two sessions. I doubt he ever did his custom codes. He died of his illness within a few weeks of when I talked to him. His doctor said she wasn’t surprised, but had hoped that something could break through to him. Without his commitment to himself, however, no help could get through. Read More→
Your Personal Trainer for the Brain
Posted by: | Comments
I recently attended Julie Bjelland’s class, “7 Steps to Embody the Gifts of Your Sensitivity” and I have to say, it has caused some major positive shifts in me.
Rarely has anything had this kind of effect on me so quickly. Putting into practice just a couple of Julie’s suggestions has also helped my husband (who is also Highly Sensitive). So I just have to tell you about this.
Julie calls herself a “personal trainer for the brain,” and it’s refreshing to see her science-based approach. In the first class, Julie explained how the HSP’s brain is different (more activity in amygdala and insula, which is why we process things so deeply, feel and perceive everything), and how to activate the calming centers in the brain.
She gave us very specific but easy things to do to “drain the container” of all we take in–which is much more than non-HSPs. She explained why we need to process our experiences, how to do that–and what will happen if we don’t. Read More→
Pivotal Memories
Posted by: | CommentsPeople often ask me what kinds of memories to start with to get the fastest, deepest healing.
I always look for the “fractal memories”–those memories in which the core beliefs/feelings will repeat themselves and branch out to affect your life in all kinds of ways afterward. Heal these, and the ripple effects of healing begin effortlessly to penetrate into all the areas of life affected by that memory.
In another post I talked about foundational memories. They are one kind of important fractal memory.
Another kind of fractal memory is what I call a pivotal memory. This would be a memory, usually conscious, that changed the course of your life. Something happened and you came to believe something about yourself that forever after influenced your life. Such memories can form your identity–for better or worse.
On the “better side,” pivotal memories can be quite positive. One important pivotal memory that shaped my entire future happened in college, when I fell in love with publishing. I was always a bibliophile and a writer, and the field fascinated me, so I decided I would major in English, but not teach. I would make a career in publishing.
Everyone told me, “It’s practically impossible to break into publishing.” Especially since I didn’t know anyone, even by the time I was a senior in college. Also, this was at a time when people with PhDs in English were driving taxi cabs. Read More→
Why Highly Sensitive People Can’t “Just Get Over It” Easily
Posted by: | Comments
Have you ever had anyone say to you, “Why can’t you just get over it?” about something that upsets you?
You try to “just get over it” but … you find yourself mulling over it and over it, working it through from all angles. Other people may get exasperated with you. Now, on top of the original issue, the old “what’s wrong with me, that I just can’t move on like other people?” kicks in.
You can quit beating yourself up right now. (Please!) The answer lies in one of the key traits of High Sensitivity: depth of processing.
Highly Sensitive People process pain deeply.
That’s how we’re wired. Hence, we also must process
the healing deeply.
I believe that everyone must process the pain as deeply as they experienced it, if they’re to truly heal.
Those people who can quickly “move on” are those for whom the pain was not that deep in the first place, or they are what Milan and Kay Yerkovich in their How We Love book term Avoiders–people who developed a style of avoiding pain and emotions as a result of how they grew up.
It could well be the Avoiders who are telling you to “just get over it.”
Of course, one can truly fall into the trap of ruminating over a hurt and never getting anywhere toward healing from it. The difference is whether you are moving through the healing process.
That means being able to name your feelings, preferably in the presence of another person who has the capacity to listen and empathize, and not try to fix you. What you want to get to is the place where you can have compassion on yourself for having suffered this, but also perspective on how you have become wiser because of this incident/relationship/problem.
Take as long as you need in this process. If you can find another HSP who is able to listen and perhaps provide perspective, that’s ideal. But often even journaling by yourself can yield that enlarged perspective that you seek.
Then you won’t have to “just get over it.” You will be over it.
And if you need a little extra help along the way, check out my coaching options.I’m always available for a check out my coaching options. For notices when more articles on High Sensitivity are published, click here.
Documentary about Being a Highly Sensitive Person
Posted by: | CommentsI have written before about being a Highly Sensitive Person, because so many people who come to The Healing Codes are HSPs. HSPs feel and process things more deeply than other people, and are usually rather tuned to spiritual things as well. Thus, a spiritual-based modality like The Healing Codes would attract–and benefit–a high percentage of HSPs.
Many people have written to thank me for making them aware of resources such as The Highly Sensitive Person book by Dr. Elaine Aron, and the self-test for figuring out if you are one. You see, HSPs often don't get a lot of validation from the larger culture for being the way we are. Resources that help us understand this trait and work with it, rather than against it, go a long way toward healing for HSPs.
That's why I want to make sure you know that a film is being produced (if they raise the needed capital) for a PBS special on Highly Sensitive People. You can view the "sizzle" here, which in itself is a good introduction to the topic. If you feel so led to contribute toward the making of this film, you will feel like you've donated to a very worthy cause, I think. I donated to the creation of the sizzle, and am thrilled to see what they did with it. You can donate as little as $1 and still be part of it.
Understanding what it means to be a Highly Sensitive Person has been one of the greatest leaps in self-understanding and healing for me. If you are an HSP, I think you will know what I mean. So many of my clients are HSP, and using The Healing Codes to heal the wounds from it has also set them on the road to experiencing all the blessings of this wonderful trait shared by 20% or so of the population.
UPDATE, 9/10/15: Sensitive: The Untold Story premiered on Sept, 10, 2015 and will be available to watch via Livestream until 9:30pm Pacific Time on Sunday, September 13. After that, you will have to wait until they get distribution for it, and there's no date for that at this point.
Are You a “Highly Sensitive Person”?
Posted by: | Comments
Although only 20 percent of people have this trait in the general population, a much larger percentage of my clients–perhaps even 80%–seem to have this trait. I think this is for three main reasons: Read More→
