Update on the 12 Words that Changed Everything


Many readers and clients have told me that “The 12 Words that Changed Everything” article has made a great impact on their lives.

I want to give you an update on that situation. To me, what happened is nearly miraculous.

The situation and relationship that I was praying about when God gave me those 12 words, “You must allow other people the dignity of living with their choices,” seemed at the time pretty impossible to resolve. My friends suggested I just bail out completely, that the situation was hopeless.

But I did not feel like I should bail out completely. I prayed about it, God gave me those 12 words, and I continued to pray about how to apply them.

Peace came into my heart as I let go of all outcomes and just did what I felt I should do. I proposed a plan of action to the people involved, and . . . somehow, miraculously, they turned around! 

First, some key people accepted my plan of action. (Which, if you knew the situation, you’d also think was semi-miraculous.)

Then, one of the people involved did 180-degree turn around. Not only did the person quit the nasty, accusatory emails–they also started cooperating.

I have tried to analyze the miracle. I think it comes down to first of all, my letting go of the outcome, as mentioned. More than simply letting go, I entrusted to God the outcome. I figured if he can grant others the dignity of living with their choices, so can I. I can pray for the people, and leave the best outcome in God’s hands. I truly felt OK about “allowing them the dignity of living with their choices”–come what may. I didn’t have to play God in the situation.

I set a boundary as well. I prayed about what I would and would not accept. I prayed about what I’d do if my plan was rejected. I was ready for any outcome (and expected, frankly, the worst).

I also chose to ignore the nasty letters and emails that came my way. God gave me the grace to simply not engage, to not even be bothered by them.

Then came the email that said that “you didn’t know that X happened to me, did you?” I said no, I did not know that happened, but I could imagine how painful it must be. And I meant it. I had only love and compassion in my heart toward this hurting person.

Perhaps that’s what did it. The Bible says that Jesus, feeling compassion, healed (Mark 14:14). The person who sent me the email must have realized I truly did feel compassion, I wasn’t out to get anyone or take control or even reveal damaging information I had.

Some kind of healing ensued, as evidenced by the cooperation and entirely different tone in emails and texts. Perhaps reconciliation is even around the corner.

Another piece of the miracle: I still have peace, even if the situation turns bad again. I am still able to stick to my boundaries.

So the lesson for me, which perhaps will speak to you as well, is that when we completely let go of the outcome, entrusting it to God, miracles can happen. I suppose it’s because I’m not meddling in affairs that are not mine!

Allowing others the dignity of their choices frees us from feeling responsible for their suffering, should they make foolish choices. It is a boundary of sorts that protects our own heart from being unnecessarily bruised and battered.

Perhaps somehow, in a way I don’t understand, allowing others the dignity of their own choices affords them that dignity, and allows them to make better choices. I don’t know . . .  just a thought.

All I know is, this experience was a major turning point for me, a healing perhaps of control issues I didn’t know I had.

If you’re struggling with a relationship where you can see a train wreck coming if certain bad choices are made, remember the words that can set you free: You have permission to allow them the dignity of living with their own choices.

Feel free to comment below. And if I can be of further help with an issue you struggle with, check out for more on The Healing Codes–what it is, what it can do for you.

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There is such lovely sentiment in this expression.thanks

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