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When I discovered how bamboo grows, I thought it an apt image both for how heart issues develop AND how they heal.

Knowing how heart issues are like bamboo may help you both understand the healing process and be more patient with it.

Bamboo’s growth starts underground, where the rhizome system that supports the canes are developed. For three whole years, the plant establishes itself underground and there is no apparent growth. Absolutely nothing appears to be happening. For three years!

In the fourth year, shoots appear. The bamboo canes grow in height and diameter for only 60 days every spring. After the 60 days, that particular cane will never grow again.

However, because of the rhizome system, the next spring the shoots that come up will grow much taller and faster in those 60 days. After a bamboo grove has been establishing its rhizome system for 5 years, the canes that grow in that fifth year can reach as much as 90 feet (for certain species, in certain conditions)–all in 60 days!

This picture also applies to how heart issues form, and then manifest eventually in our lives in some health, relationship, and/or success issue.

Like the rhizome system that forms underground,

memories and beliefs accumulate in the subconscious

mind.

If enough unhealthy beliefs based on negative memories and images gather (whether in the unconscious or subconscious mind, or energy patterns in the DNA or cells, nobody knows exactly yet), they will eventually manifest in some kind of problem. It may take years, even decades for the “shoot” of the negativity to manifest, but eventually it does.

That manifestation can “take off” into a major illness. If the theories of Dr. Alex Loyd in The Healing Code and Dr. Bruce Lipton in The Biology of Belief are true, such illnesses began long before any symptoms or problems showed up.
Read More→

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I always thought it was a good thing to be a nice person, and strove to be a nice person myself.

Until I read this article by Jason Henry.

Henry says that people who are are “nice” (as opposed to “good”) are people who don’t want to hurt others because they were so hurt and traumatized in the past and didn’t heal, that they make a vow (perhaps unconscious) to never make others feel the way they felt.

Perhaps those who possess the trait of high sensitivity are even more susceptible to this. I’ve often thought that HSPs were the nicest people in the world. Because we feel so deeply and take in so much, including our own suffering and that of others, we often bend over backwards to make sure we don’t cause suffering to other people.

Sounds noble, right? Even, perhaps, “Christian.” Do not do unto others as they have done unto you.

However, Henry says that when you dissect this vow for its ramifications, there are several big problems.

First of all, “nice” people aren’t honest. They say whatever will make the other person feel good, whether they mean it or believe it or not. They cannot make others feel bad because that will trigger their own negative feelings from the past.

Which means that “nice” people are actually selfish. They may give you “the shirt off their back” but their attempt to alleviate your suffering is really about preventing their being reminded of their own suffering. They’re not doing it for you, but for them.

“Nice” people actually abuse themselves. In sacrificing themselves for others to alleviate their own suffering and pain, they invite abuse from others. Sad to say, a lot of people take advantage of “nice” people. They will suck the marrow of of the nice person because the nice person doesn’t put up a fight.

Both society and many types of religion applaud “nice” people who sacrifice themselves. I remember a memorial service in which the sibling of the dead person said, “He never thought about himself.” I couldn’t help but wonder if that’s why the person died prematurely of cancer. He was highly sensitive, he was so “nice.” But what heart issues festered under that seemingly noble facade?

Nice vs. Good

The healthy contrast to “nice” is “good.”

The good person helps others, not to alleviate or prevent their own suffering, but out of a genuine desire to help.

The good person possesses the capacity to look at pain and suffering and be OK with it, whether their own or others’. They can lend a helping hand, but not at their own expense.

They do not rescue. They believe in the capacity of the other person to solve their own problems. They may point the suffering person to resources that will help. If the suffering person doesn’t follow through, they are OK with that. They don’t feel guilty about the choice the suffering person made.

Good people know that other people must be allowed the dignity of living with their own choices. They cannot easily be manipulated into overgiving.

How to Become Good

If you recognize yourself as a “nice” person, you can become “good” instead by first, facing and healing your own past.

One sign of healing is that you can allow pain and suffering to be present without feeling compelled to change things or change people. You can feel compassion without needing to fix the problem.

When you make peace with your past, you can have peace with your present. You won’t attract manipulative or abusive people, either.

Jason Henry’s article was timely for me as I have gone through a particularly difficult family situation that has brought up patterns that are dysfunctional and toxic. It shone a bright spotlight on issues I’d thought I’d healed, but in fact had buried.

I saw clearly how I’d fallen into the trap of being “nice,” and how I was being pressured to rescue certain people from their choices. I felt confused about what the “Christian” thing to do was.

After praying and consulting with mature spiritual advisers, I came to see that being “nice” would really be abetting these people in living in unreality. They wanted to continue being rescued, despite the fact that they are grown adults. The most loving thing was actually to allow them to be the adults they are, and experience the dignity of living with their own choices.

I had to face my own compulsion to be “nice,” and heal the wounds that were still there. Because of all the work I’ve already done and my willingness to grow, it actually didn’t take more than a few weeks to work through the pain of the past and come out (I think) on the other side.

Being a “good” person feels so much nicer than being a “nice” person. I feel a brand-new freedom I’d never felt before.

Try it, you’ll like it!

And if you would like some personalized help in moving from “nice” to “good” by healing the heart issues that underlie that pattern, check out my coaching at HealingCodesCoaching.com.

Q: “What if you don’t have any big ‘issues’ to heal anymore? Can you use The Healing Codes to infuse success and the positive?”

A: Yes! And I highly recommend it.

What you would do is to decide what it is you want to infuse. Then, you amend the prayer to say something like,

“Dear God, please infuse in my spirit, soul, mind and body everything needed to bring [name the thing you want] into my life, and remove any blocks that may get in the way. Thank you for your willingness and ability to bring blessing into my life.”

If blocks become apparent to you, as they sometimes do, then switch the focus of your Healing Code to heal/remove that block. When it seems gone, you can go back to infusing the positive with your Healing Code.

While pointing to the Healing Code positions, focus on instilling that vision in your mind’s eye and your Heart.

If you have a question about healing or The Healing Codes, feel free to send an email to: diane at HealingCodesCoaching.com.

Have you ever been under so much stress that you just couldn’t get your brain to focus on even the simplest task at hand?

I’m sure you have. Perhaps it’s even a daily occurrence, given the amount of stress many of us have endured for so long. It hasn’t really abated, has it?

Today, I needed to write my weekly article, and my brain just wasn’t working.

Normally I am full of ideas; knowing what to write about was never a problem. I texted my best friend, Louise: “Pray for me please. I can’t think of a thing to write about.”

Louise knew exactly why my brain wasn’t working. She is the only one, aside from my husband, who has been privy to all the twists and turns of this estate I need to settle as co-executor. Several lawyers have agreed our situation will go down in the annals of lawyer lore as The Most Complicated and Messy Situation EVER.

Twists and turns, delays and roadblocks, unpleasant shocks . . . Every. Step. Of. The. Way.

And now we were facing a deadline, and there was dead silence from all the people I needed to hear from.

Louise texted back, “How about writing about when you can’t think due to stress? Explore what it’s like and how it happens and why there are times when you need to give yourself an extra large dose of grace.”

So here goes. Here’s what it’s like, and what I did to get through it to a place of calm. Read More→

Heather Dominick, mentor to Highly Sensitive Leaders, is teaching “Weekly Activation calls” on A Course in Miracles, and I’d like to share something that spoke to me from a recent call.

(While I’m not sure what I think of A Course in Miracles itself, I do like the way Heather gleans very practical principles from it and applies it to being Highly Sensitive. I also like the Course’s definition of miracle: “a shift in perception.”)

The Miracle she taught on that so struck me was #30, about guilt. She talked about how so often, guilt is used as a means to control. How many times has someone tried to guilt you into doing what they wanted?

So I asked her: How do you handle it when someone does this—they try to guilt you into something that isn’t right for you? (A situation I was currently experiencing.)

Heather asked me, “What do you usually do?”

I admitted that I usually want to be gracious, so often I give in. (In my case, the person was using all kinds of things, from “we’re family after all” to “A good Christian would….” The latter especially tended to hook me.)

Heather then helped me to see that being gracious does not mean giving in. I could trust that I can handle conflict from a place of grace, which doesn’t mean saying yes out of obligation. It means that I can fully accept that other people have feelings and viewpoints of their own, and they may not like mine, but I can come from a place of “both/and”– which is grace.

“Grace in not an act, but a way of acting,” she said. With grace, I can consider “you and me,” rather than “you or me.”

Coming from a place of “you or me,” someone has to lose, someone has to give in. I was thinking that giving in was somehow grace, but it would be an act. Approaching the situation with grace means I can approach the other person from a “both/and” place. I can access the words that communicate what I need, acknowledge what the other person needs, and be OK with the differing needs being at odds. If I’m in alignment with my own deepest values, I can stand firm, and trust that the other person will be able to take care of themselves.

And if they can’t—if they try to draw me into the Dreaded Drama Triangle of Persecutor-Victim-Rescuer, I can refuse to be pulled into that triangle. So often when people use guilt tactics, they try to pull you into one of more of these roles.

Read More→

Now we’re a year into the COVID-19 pandemic, and the stress hasn’t really let up, has it?

I was blessed by a friend sending me a link to a Brene Brown podcast of an interview with the authors of Burnout: The Secret of Unlocking the Stress Cycle, Emily and Amelia Nagoski.

It was so helpful to me I want to pass it along. Here’s the link to the podcast.

You will learn how stress lives in your body, and that there is a stress cycle that, if you don’t pass all the way through, will get stuck and cause problems.

The good news, as the authors stress in the interview and the book, is that you can get the stress out of your body, even when you can’t control the stressors in your life.

I found that tremendously comforting.

The first step is always to let yourself feel the emotions—all the way through.

Then, you need to get the stress out of your body. Read More→

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I have been writing about grief a lot lately, partly because we are all going through it in one way or another. If it’s not the grief of someone actually dying from COVID or other reasons, it’s the grief of a loss of a way of life that was suddenly ripped away a year ago. And many kinds of losses in between.

Plus, I’m walking through the valley of grief myself, as well as alongside many of my clients.

It strikes me that there are several distinct “flavors” of grief, at least two of which few people even talk about.

The Grief of Losing What You Had

This is the first and most obvious grief. You had something precious–a relationship, a business, a dream, a home—and it was somehow lost.

The “flavor” of this grief is bittersweet.

Sweet, because at one time you did experience something good. The lack of that now is what’s bitter.

The steps of Grief Recovery, along with The Healing Codes, heal this grief over time. Read More→

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I’ve been doing something for the past 25-30 years, and I’m just now realizing that it’s the most important thing I do, and the subsequent skill developed is the most important skill I’ve cultivated.

It’s been responsible for any success I can claim, any effectiveness and even joy I experience.

The practice is spending time every day when I tune in to my innermost self, and to God (not exactly the same, but uses the same faculty, perhaps).

Through this, I’ve learned to listen to God, so that hearing his voice comes naturally to me. Read More→

Q: I have a friend who really needs The Healing Codes but doesn’t speak English well and needs a simple explanation. Can you help me know what to say to her? Also, she wants to make sure it’s OK spiritually.

A: The way I like to explain The Healing Codes is that it’s like noise-canceling headphones. 

Noise-canceling headphones take in the frequency of the noise around you, and provide an opposite and equal signal to cancel out the noise.

Every negative image (as in memories), thought, feeling, all are a frequency, stored in the cells of our bodies. (Einstein proved 100 years ago that everything is energy–frequency–and all our electronic stuff is based on this.)

The Healing Codes provide an opposite and equal frequency to the negative frequency of what you identify needs to be healed (the “noise”), and thus neutralizes or even can change to positive the frequency of that memory, thought, feeling. Thus the stress in the body caused by the negative frequencies of those cellular memories is gone, and this allows the body to heal itself, with the wonderful healing powers God put into the body.

This means that The Healing Codes are as neutral as noise-canceling headphones, spiritually. It’s just a way of harnessing the laws of quantum physics God has set in motion.

Another analogy I like to use is that of a remote garage door opener. Read more here.

 

I thought this would be another story of grace in my ongoing cat saga. Perhaps it is. Just not in the way I expected.

If you followed my cat stories, several months ago we lost Joey, our beloved black cat (the best cat ever), and also became petless for the first time in decades.

After months of not having a cat, and a couple of negative attempts to bring another pet into our lives, a few weeks ago I was really, really missing having a cat. Yet, I didn’t know if I was ready for a full commitment to a pet at this time (vet bills, food bills, and dealing with possible destruction of furniture as we had with the last brief cat visitation). I just entrusted the longing to God.

Not two hours later, I was checking my Nextdoor chat group, and someone posted that they needed someone to take care of her 14-year-old cat for 6 weeks. The cat loved to sit on a lap (and wasn’t picky about whose), she was front declawed, and used her litter box religiously. Bingo!

I private messaged the owner, Zadie, and told her how we’d lost our last cat, who was an older lap cat, I wasn’t ready for a full commitment to a pet yet, we did not have any pets and would love to take care of her cat.

I didn’t hear back from her right away, and let it go, figuring that she chose one of the other volunteers. But I was wrong. Zadie had actually called right away and left a voice message (I often don’t get my vms right away), and said, “You sound just like someone sent from heaven for me and my cat. Please give me a call. I can’t tell you how perfect you are….”

It did seem perfect. Zadie provided all the food and litter. We just needed to provide the love and care. I looked forward to having a lap cat again (who wouldn’t wreck our furniture).

So in came Kaya, a gray Manx cat whose lack of a tail weirded us all out at first. But she was sweet and friendly. All went well—for a couple of weeks.

Soon, however, I began to get concerned. Kaya wasn’t eating much. When she stopped drinking and eating, scorning even her special daily treat of shrimp (I spoiled her as Zadie did), I began to worry.

When Kaya threw up, I contacted the owner. It took Zadie a day to get back to me. She was very thankful that I had contacted her about the problem, and I’m sure, very worried about her beloved cat.

Zadie had her daughter come and take Kaya to the vet. After a couple of days at the animal hospital, during which time I did Healing Codes for Kaya, I got the report that Kaya was eating and doing better and could go home.

This time “home” was not my house. Zadie was sensitive enough to pick up that I wasn’t crazy about taking care of someone else’s sick cat, and had her daughter-in-law take the cat.

What happened, in fact, was that I was triggered into grief about Joey. I remembered that in the last couple of weeks of Joey’s life, the same things happened: he didn’t eat, drink, and he messed outside his litter box (which he never did, and neither had Kaya previously). I could not deal with another sick or dying cat.

I realized I’m still not over grief concerning Joey. I’ve had a lot of grief in the past year or so: Joey, my mother, an ongoing private grief, and other past unhealed losses I didn’t realize I need to work on. They are all melting into each other it seems, and I need to create space to heal it.

With every loss, there is a subtle diminishment of identity. I am no longer a pet owner. I am no longer anyone’s daughter.

Recovering from grief is a journey, and healing grief is more complicated than I thought. Though I’ve been working on it for a while now, I find you can’t rush it.

The outcome of taking in this cat was not what I expected. Instead of the comfort of having a cat purring on my lap (which happened exactly once with Kaya, before she started acting sick), unhealed grief was stirred up.

At this point, it’s like, “three strikes you’re out” concerning cats. Kaya was my third strike. At least for now, I’m not interested in any pets. I need space to heal more of this grief and deal with the recent new challenges that crop up unbidden. I’m in a mode of subtraction, not addition.

When I saw on Nextdoor that another cat “desperately needed a forever home,” I wasn’t even tempted.

This may or may not be the last chapter of my cat saga. If it is, I’m OK with it. There is a time and season for everything. This is a season of letting go. There can still be peace in that.

If you need help in healing grief or any other heart issue, check out my coaching at HealingCodesCoaching.com.

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In a seminar for caregivers of people with dementia, I learned of a new (to me) technique that switches the nervous system to the parasympathetic (rest and digest) mode.

I’m thinking it would probably be especially helpful for those of us who are Highly Sensitive. (Take the quiz if you’re not sure you are.)

It’s called 5-4-3-2-1 and it only takes a couple of minutes.

When you feel yourself stressed or overwhelmed, stop, notice, and name (actually say the words out loud):

  • 5 things you can see.
  • 4 things you can feel.
  • 3 things you can hear.
  • 2 things you can smell.
  • 1 thing you can taste.

This will ground you in the present and send your nervous system the signal that you are safe. It will turn off stress and allow healing to happen.

You can also do this with children, or your partner, or a friend who is in distress.

And if you’d like more help in ways to alleviate stress so that you can heal, check out the free resources and coaching at HealingCodesCoaching.com.

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